by Cheree Alsop
My heart caught in my throat. “I don't know how you say the things I feel so eloquently. I can't even voice my thoughts and you define my soul in a sentence.”
He turned his lips to my hair and his warm breath lightly brushed my face. I inhaled his scent of cedar and rain and committed it to memory. “I guess I've waited so long to speak to someone I care about that I have too much to say.”
I smiled and shook my head.
“What?” he asked.
“It's just the right amount.”
He breathed deeply with his face in my hair and let out the breath with a satisfied chuckle. “What a pair we make.”
I smiled at the wonder in his voice as another tear escaped down my cheek.
***
Jet, Jaze, and Mouse surprised me by joining us for the flight. “Jet had a bad feeling,” Jaze explained. “We tend to run with those. The Hunters and werewolves here will keep the house under twenty-four hour surveillance.”
“We're grateful for the company,” Kaynan replied. He tried to reach Mom and Dad by phone earlier, but neither one had a cell phone and they were away from the house. I could barely breathe at the thought of our parents in danger before I even had a chance to see them and thank them for all of the wonderful things they had done before the accident.
My thoughts drifted back to Rafe and the expression on his face when we drove away. In true Rafe fashion, he had refused to stay in bed and insisted on walking me to the car. After all he had been through, he could barely stand, let alone walk, so Kaynan had practically carried him to the Carsos’ porch so we could say goodbye. I couldn't ignore the feeling of my heart being ripped in two when I left him there, and by the look on his face, he felt the same way.
“Thinking of Rafe?” Kaynan asked quietly from the seat next to me.
“Am I that obvious?”
He gave a small smile. “Your reflection in the window could make a rock cry.” When I didn't reply, he let out a small breath. “I didn't think leaving Grace would be this hard.”
For the first time, I noticed the dark shadows under his eyes mostly hidden by his sunglasses. His smile was sad, a former shade of the happiness that had been on his face whenever he was with Grace.
“Rafe said most wolves choose one mate and stay with them for their entire lives. Werewolves are the same way. I think that's why it's so hard to be away from them.”
His brow furrowed. “You really love Rafe?”
I nodded. “With all my heart. I feel empty being this far away from him.”
He stared past me out the window, his expression troubled.
“What?” I pressed.
He pursed his lips. “I barely know the guy. All I remember was him as a wild animal. Then you leave with him and I barely hear from you until you bring him home bleeding and almost dead.”
“He saved our lives,” I pointed out, disturbed by his description.
He nodded. “That's what bothers me. What motivates someone to put his life at risk by phasing when almost dead to save a bunch of strangers?”
I fought back a smile. “As I recall, Grace said you did the same thing for her pack.”
He stared at me and a ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Huh. Well, I guess I did.” His gaze turned thoughtful. “Maybe Rafe and I have more in common than I thought.”
“I guess so.” I smiled to think of them as friends. It wouldn't hurt Rafe to have one more ally in the world.
***
Mom's voice stopped me on the porch before I could knock. She was talking to Dad about her flowers out back, the sunflowers that grew twice as tall as me when we were little; Kaynan and I would pick the seeds and eat them while we helped Dad gather the oranges from his fruit trees along the back fence. She loved her flowers. Listening to her talk about them after all we had been through felt surreal. The scent of warm bread wafted from the screen door.
“Go on,” Kaynan urged, an expectant expression on his face. “Give them their little girl back.”
Jaze, Jet, and Mouse waited on the sidewalk. I glanced back at them and Jaze grinned. Jet gave a short nod, a hint of a smile on his face, and Mouse met my gaze, smiled, then stared at the sidewalk.
I took a deep breath and pushed the small, white doorbell button, remembering a time when I had to tiptoe to reach it. Dad used to scold me for pushing it all the time, but I loved the chimes because they always reminded me of little birds.
“Just a minute,” Mom called from the kitchen.
My heart pounded in time with her footsteps. She came down the hall, turned at the small entryway, then stared at me through the screen. At first I thought she didn't recognize me with my black and purple hair and violet eyes, but then her mouth opened and she whispered my name.
“Colleen?”
“It's me, Mom.”
She put a hand to her mouth, then fell to her knees. I pulled open the screen door and threw my arms around her. We knelt on the ground laughing and crying at the same time.
“Honey? Is something the matter?” Dad hurried in from the kitchen, his reading glasses still perched on his nose. I looked up at him and he froze in the hall. He looked from me to Kaynan, then tears filled his eyes and he threw his arms around both Mom and I. Kaynan's feet shuffled uncertainly behind me. I reached back without looking, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him down with us. He joined in the hug, his face as wet as the rest of ours.
“I'm not even going to ask how,” Dad said, his voice thick with emotion. “I'm just grateful that whatever they did worked.”
I nodded into his shoulder, relishing the strength of his arms and the way I always felt safe with him. When I was younger, I had believed my dad was super strong and no one could ever hurt us if he was around. Now, that same belief filled my chest with peace.
Kaynan shattered it. “We have to get you both out of here. There are government officials looking for us, and you're not safe.”
Mom sniffed and sat back. “What do you mean?”
Kaynan gestured toward me. “Colleen's a werewolf like me. That's how they brought her back. But the government's afraid that they'll make more of us, so they want us destroyed.”
“They want to kill you?” Dad bristled. “They won't get anywhere near my kids. I've got my rifle-”
“Dad,” Kaynan tried to interrupt.
“And I've got my pistol. If we need more weapons, we can buy them at Joe's hardware store. He knows me and we can-”
“Dad,” Kaynan's voice rose.
Dad shook his head. “Now son, no one is going to come into my house and threaten my children, especially since I just got them back.”
Jaze opened the screen door behind us and stepped into the hall. “If I may, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson?” Both of my parents stared at him and the two boys waiting at the door, no doubt wondering why we brought strangers with us. When they kept silent, Jaze continued, “I'm Jaze Carso, Kaynan and Colleen have been staying at my house and the home of my friends.”
Mom immediately stood up and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Thank you so very much for taking care of my children,” she said, fresh tears in her eyes. “And please thank your mother. She's been so kind.”
Jaze smiled, a hint of red in his cheeks. “I'll tell her. She was more than happy to help.” He waited another second, then said, “But we really do need to get both of you to a safe location.”
Mom stepped back and took Dad's hand. Dad took off his glasses, put them in his shirt pocket, then rubbed his eyes. “These men are pretty bad?”
Jaze nodded without elaborating.
Dad sighed. “The safety of my family comes before bravado. Where do you want us to go?”
Kaynan asked, “How about the Rasmussens?” He looked from Jaze to Jet and Mouse. “They're old family friends from across town. I doubt they'd be found there.”
Jaze nodded. “Perfect. Can you call them immediately?”
Mom hurried to the kitchen and we listen to her dial.
“We won't be able to
stay,” Kaynan told Dad gently.
He looked at me as though he couldn't believe that I was standing in our hallway again. He lifted an arm and I ducked under it and leaned against him. “Then we'll just have to enjoy the time we have,” he said, though it was obvious he didn't like the idea of us leaving anymore than we did.
“If we could stay without bringing you danger, we would,” Kaynan said. His sincerity surprised me. I hadn't seem him interact with our parents since before the accident, and those moments had always been painful and frustrating even though he could never explain why. It was refreshing to hear that he genuinely wanted to be around them. “Besides, us showing up at the Rasmussens’ after dying might raise a few questions.”
“It might,” Dad said with his old smile.
Mom came back down the hall. “Darling said we were more than welcome. I told them we had a gas leak and we couldn't go back home until the gas company found out where it was and fixed it.”
“Good thinking,” Dad replied. He pulled his wife to his other side and hugged us both for a minute. Everyone waited in silence. I didn't want him to let go. Their scents were so familiar and comforting, Mom's baking flour, sugar, garden flowers and molasses along with the smell of Dad's sawdust, engine oil, and oranges. It brought so much of my youth back and gave peace to the unsettled parts of my mind. I had so much to tell them, but it would have to wait until later.
I sighed. “You should probably go.”
Dad nodded. “As long as you promise to come back when all of this is over with.”
“Wild horses couldn't keep me away,” I said.
He smiled at his favorite phrase. “Good.” He led Mom reluctantly upstairs to gather a few things.
I followed Kaynan into the kitchen and took a deep breath of the homemade bread on the stove that sat next to an open jar of Mom's raspberry jelly. Kaynan cut everyone a thick slice of bread, spread butter on it that melted from the warmth of the loaf, then generously heaped jelly onto each slice before handing it out to Jaze, Jet, Mouse, and me. The others ate their slices with obvious enjoyment, but I could only hold mine, reminded of eating fresh toast with Mom in the mornings before school, and the same bread on a plateful of chicken and potatoes at night.
“Good to be home, huh?” Kaynan asked quietly.
I met his gaze and sighed. “So good. I didn't realize how much I missed it.”
“I know.” He took a bite of his bread and held it in his mouth for a moment. When he swallowed, he gave a sad smile. “I missed out on the best part of being a kid.”
“We still had great times,” I reminded him.
He shook his head. “I threw them away and was selfish and mean. You know what the worst part is?” He rubbed his eyes. “I can't even tell you why.”
“You were a teenager. It's normal.”
“It shouldn't be.”
I patted his arm just as Mom and Dad came back to the kitchen with an armful of belongings. “We're ready,” Dad said, “But we aren't about to leave you defenseless.” He handed Jaze the rifle he had brought down, then gave Kaynan his pistol.
“We're not exactly defenseless,” Jaze said. The boys exchanged glances. Kaynan touched the metal band he wore around his wrist and Mouse gave one of his rare smiles. Jet opened and closed his fists as if itching for a fight.
“Well, I'd feel better knowing everyone was out of harm's way,” Dad continued.
“We'll leave right after you,” Kaynan reassured him.
We escorted them to Dad's old blue truck, their only vehicle left since the accident.
“Sorry about the car,” Kaynan said quietly.
“Don't worry about it,” Mom answered. She slid across the seat so Dad could get in. “I preferred the truck anyway because I can cuddle with Dad while he drives.”
I laughed and gave her another hug through her window. “I'll be back, I promise.”
“We'll be waiting,” she said with a warm smile, hugging me back tightly with damp eyes.
Kaynan passed her something through the window. “Promise me you'll wear it.”
Mom took the package, her eyes bright with surprise. “What's this?” She opened it and took out a necklace with a wolf paw print on it.
Kaynan grinned. “A little cheesy, I know, but I asked Mouse to make it for you.”
We all looked at Mouse and he fought back a smile while he looked at his feet, his cheeks so red his ears turned pink.
“It's beautiful,” Mom said. She put it around her neck. “I'll never take it off.” She leaned out the window and Kaynan surprised her again by kissing her on the cheek. She gave us a warm smile and leaned back in next to Dad, her eyes on us both as though she never wanted to lose sight of us again. I knew exactly how she felt; it was as though I had been given my parents back just to have them taken away again.
Mom must have noticed my look because she smiled bravely. “I'll have another loaf of bread ready as soon as we get back and Dad'll make his orange juice, then the four of us need to lock ourselves in the house for about a month to catch up.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said with a grateful laugh. “Although we might have to shoot for two months.”
“Wild horses couldn't keep me away,” Dad said. He took a deep breath as though to convince himself he really had to drive away. “Now you'll call us when it's safe to go back home?” he pressed, stalling.
Kaynan gave him Jaze's cell phone number on a piece of scratch paper. “Yes, and if anything comes up, give us a call immediately.”
“Will do.” Dad hesitated again before climbing into the truck. He held out his arms and we both stepped into them. He gave us a tight hug, then climbed inside, his eyes shining. “Take care of yourselves.”
“You do the same,” Kaynan said with a sternness that made us all smile.
We watched them drive away and it felt like I was losing them all over again. I had to keep reminding myself that they would be back when everything was over, and that I would come back and introduce them to Rafe. I couldn't quite force away the foreboding that rose in my chest, but there was nothing I could do about it.
“Are we staying?” Mouse asked quietly.
I looked at him in surprise, but Kaynan nodded. “The way I see it, we can keep running, or we can stop them where we know they'll be. We can't hide everyone forever.”
Jaze nodded. “The sooner we end this, the better.”
I followed them back inside, reluctant to be in the house without my parents. It felt empty without them, like a tree without a bird.
Chapter 11
I stayed in my room that night, but sleep never came. I played with the toys that had survived me growing up and deciding that I was too old for such things. I toyed with my make-up, but my black hair with purple highlights and my new purple irises were so stark I didn't feel make-up was necessary anymore.
It was strange to look at my new self in the mirror, as if I truly had been given a new life by the accident. Gone was the soft innocence of youth that I saw in the dozen photographs taped to my mirror, gone was the carefree smile and blue eyes, gone was the curly blond hair, caring about prom gowns, first kisses, and who talked to whom about what.
In place of the happy sophomore was a girl who looked to be in control of her future. I laughed at the thought because I had never felt more out of control sitting in the home of my youth and waiting to be attacked by government officials out to kill me, but there was a determined set to my jaw and a fearless light in my eyes that had never been there before. I looked like I was ready to face whatever came at me. I sighed, touched my black hair one last time, and hoped I was right.
The door opened a crack. My heart slowed when Jet hesitated, then pushed it open all the way. “They're here,” he said in his short, succinct way. There was a light of anticipation in his dark blue eyes.
I stared at him. “You're looking forward to this.”
A hint of a smile touched his lips, then faded. His brow creased. “You're afraid.”
I shook my head and said too quickly, “No, I'm not.”
Jet lifted an eyebrow at the lie. “We'll stop them.”
I couldn't hold back the argument that formed in my head. “Then what? We hide at Jaze's forever? My parents take up permanent residence with the Rasmussens? Wolves aren't meant to be hunted.”
“Tell me about it,” he said quietly, his tone strange. He took a small breath, then continued, “It's better than running.”
His words rang true. I sighed and gave in. “You're right. Like Kaynan said, at least we know where they'll strike.”
He nodded and pulled something from the back of his belt. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of Dad's pistol. I shook my head, but he handed it to me anyway and said, “Hide.”
It offended me to think that they expected me to let them face all the danger. “No way.”
“You've got-”
I cut him off. “I'm not hiding while you guys get yourselves killed. Kaynan and I are family. We fight together.”
I tried to give him back the gun, but he shook his head. “Look,” he said, his gaze intense. “Your brother is brave and can be a good fighter, but only if he doesn't have to worry about you. He lost you once. Worrying about losing you again will get him killed. Understand?”
His words sent daggers through my heart. I wanted to protest, but if me fighting put Kaynan in danger, I had to swallow my pride. “Fine.”
Relief showed briefly in his eyes before he turned and walked back down the hall. I followed him to the kitchen where Mouse, Jaze, and Kaynan spoke quietly together. They glanced up when I entered and Kaynan looked like he was about to argue.
I put up my hands. “It's okay. I already promised Jet that I'd hide.” I couldn't fight down the worry that filled my chest. “But I wanted to make sure you could take care of yourself.”
Kaynan put a hand on the metal wristband I hadn't seen him without since the accident. The band sprung loose and snapped out into a straight line like the slap bracelets I used to collect. Blades showed from one end and Kaynan flourished it briefly. He flipped it backward and forward. The dark blade glittered in the kitchen light as he worked it smoothly and efficiently. I could only stare at the sight of my older brother wielding a deadly instrument as though he was ready to use it.