by Noir, Stella
I don’t feel guilty for the way I feel about Jo now. I did for a long time, especially when Jo and I were in the early days of our relationship but now, even on the anniversary of Alice’s death, I’m able to realize and accept that the way I feel about Feeling the way I do about Jo does not change the way I feel about Alice. Just because Alice is no longer with us, doesn’t mean I should forget about my life. It took me a long time to be comfortable with that, but I know for a fact that if it was reversed, and Alice found someone she connected with in the way I connect with Jo, I would want her to take every chance possible at her happiness.
Jo is that girl for me. She makes me want to be on this planet, by her side, with her until the day I die. I love her and the strength of that emotion takes me to places I never knew existed within me.
I place a single white rose amongst the vast amount of other flowers on Alice’s grave, crouch down on the grass dampened by last night’s rain and take as long as I need to be with her.
Jo
27 September 2016. One year after.
The day is almost over before I realise it. When I do, my heart leaps for a moment, as though suddenly remembering someone’s birthday I happen to be in the presence of and haven’t yet offered congratulations, before it passes again as quickly as it has arrived and my brain moves onto something else entirely. I don’t think Ethan realizes, and I don’t tell him. It’s a normal night. We’re cuddled up on the sofa. The TV’s on but neither of us are really watching it. Ethan has a book open, and I’m looking at winter holiday destinations on the internet. Soon we’ll go to bed and maybe we’ll make love.
What happened a year ago is no longer important. It’s left me. I’ve moved on. I’m no longer trapped by it.
It’s amazing how quickly we adapt. I knew this would happen eventually, as time washes all things away, I just didn’t realise it would be so quick.
I’m happy for it to no longer be an active part of my life. It is still there in the odd unexpected memory and deep emotional scar, and I still talk about it from time to time in my now occasional therapy sessions, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s all completely over. Relegated to the past and attached to someone I no longer need to be.
Jason Fleitman changed his plea in an attempt to bargain down his sentence. It worked, for us both. I didn’t have to go to court, and Jason Fleitman was given a sentence that reflected his decision to cooperate in full. He was charged with five counts of rape and sentenced to eight years in prison. My father went to every single day of the trial, the last day of which, when his anger got the better of him, he was held in contempt of court.
I wanted nothing to do with it. I wouldn’t have known the outcome if Dad hadn’t told me. After that, I knew I could truly move on.
It took me a long time to adjust to being in a relationship with Ethan. Physical contact was something I always desperately wanted with him, but something I was terrified to allow myself. He gave me all the time and all the space I needed, and eventually the right moment came to us both, naturally.
He is my whole world. I love him and I feel a happiness with him I never imagined was possible, especially after what happened to me.
We are there for each other, we support each other through the good and bad times and I feel confident that we always will.
What Ethan and I have is a love for each other that’s completely pure, and it just gets stronger and stronger by the day. That might have terrified me at one point in my life, you know, the possibility of it being taken away at any moment, but if there is anything I’ve learnt from my experience and Ethan’s, it’s that you have to seize the moment when it presents itself. You never know what twists and turns life’s going to take so it’s important not to take it too seriously either. What we’ve been through show me that any problem we have to face together we’ll be ready for, and I can’t wait for the rest of my life with Ethan by my side.
The End.
About Stella Noir:
Stella Noir is a new voice of dark romance. She loves everything forbidden, and enjoys pushing the limits of what readers enjoy. Her hope is to show readers the good in the bad.
If you have comments, suggestions, or just want to get in touch, e-mail Stella at [email protected].
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Also By Stella Noir:
Bub
Shadow
Silent Daughter: Taken
Silent Daughter: Bound
Silent Daughter: Owned
The Dark Doctor
Coming Soon from Stella Noir & Aria Frost:
Exhibit
Everyone has a secret…
New York’s top earning city trader, Bain Power, receives a special present in his annual bonus this year - access to exclusive members only bar ‘Kings’, where color coded rooms provide each of their exclusive guests with tailor made fantasies.
Violet, a struggling au pair for a rich family, finds herself unexpectedly taken along for the ride, when their paths cross on Christmas Eve, and Bain can’t resist her.
When they enter the red room together, what secrets will they find inside?
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