‘Nicholas Green you’re a bigger tyrant than Joseph Stalin!’ he asserted dramatically; Nick tutted as he rearranged the sandwiches on the paper plate.
‘Why not paint over the genitalia with correction fluid or something white?’ Lucy suggested.
Nick tossed a sandwich quarter at her, ‘Oi! Don’t put ideas in his head!’
‘Do you mind if we get started? Only I have my own, more-pressing cases to prepare.’ Amanda interjected sternly.
‘Yes, of course, and we really appreciate your advice don’t we Kon?’
‘Actually I don’t think it’s needed but it’s what my client requested.’ he replied with an air of arrogance.
‘And you’re his paralegal?’ Amanda asked.
‘I prefer legal representative, but yes.’
‘With what experience?’
‘I’ve studied law and have experience in legal matters, albeit more in the environmental area. Given this background, and personal standing with the client in question, I’m perfectly equipped to act on his behalf and get an appropriately lenient sentence.’
‘Is that so?’
‘Absolutely. I know everything there is to know about the case.’
‘Then you know that unlicensed paralegals cannot represent anyone in court?’ she asked, anticipating Konrad’s response.
He blinked at her, his expression unwavering, ‘That I did not know.’
On a nearby bench, his back to the group, Samoan Sam sat sweltering in his black suit lapping an ice cream. Occasionally he turned to take photos of group members and try to make out snatches of conversation, albeit unsuccessfully due to the distraction of overzealous pigeons and screaming children.
‘Look, it doesn’t matter. I’ll represent myself on the day; you can advise me and help me prepare everything. Please, everyone sit down and tuck-in.’ Nick said impatiently, gesturing to his meticulously-prepared feast. The group took a seat on the rug.
‘So based on what Lucy has told me you did the right thing pleading guilty at the hearing.’ Amanda said.
Konrad smiled smugly, ‘Told yer!’
‘I understand they have footage and statements, although Lucy declined as technically she didn’t see anything.’ Nick and Lucy gave each other a warm smile. ‘I was curious why the prosecutor was so outspoken in her request to have your charge upgraded to with intent – certainly guaranteeing prison time – and although she failed she was successful getting the sentencing passed from magistrates’ to Crown Court. It was particularly unusual, and most out-of-character; I’ve known Harriet some time.’
‘So what does that mean?’ Nick asked.
‘Well, it’s your first offence and that will be taken into consideration, but it’s still a serious charge and the victim’s injuries were bad. The magistrates’ court can hand down custodial sentences up to six months but it’s not common for a guilty plea. However, she convinced them that your case is serious enough to warrant a stronger punishment than they can impose, and as a result the Crown Court can sentence up to five years for this offence. I’m afraid now it’s gone to them anything can happen.’
‘So why does the prosecutor have such a hard-on for my client?’ Konrad asked.
‘That I do not know.’ she replied, slightly repulsed by the forced mental image; Konrad scoffed and shook his head. ‘Oh, and Nick…’ Amanda said, turning to the worried-looking defendant, ‘I’d strongly recommend better representation.’
With the group chatting on the picnic rug Samoan Sam was able to get a photo of them together and turned to take a few snaps. He recognised Konrad and the redhead with Nick outside the pub but Amanda made him curious; not because she was new but because she looked familiar and he couldn’t remember why. He enlarged a photo of her on his smartphone and pondered but his recollection remained foggy. He looked up Josh’s name and tried calling but the number was engaged.
‘Thanks for the update, Harriet.’ Josh said smiling broadly; he was sat on the bed in an Armani suit loosening his royal blue tie, ‘I guess I owe you one!’ he joked, forcing a power-laugh down the line. ‘Oops, I’d forgotten about that. Okay I owe you two! But you were warned that would happen if you went out with an Arnaud!’ Harriet returned the power-laugh with vigour. ‘Excellent! I have full confidence you’ll be assigned a sympathetic judge for the sentencing next month.’ A leggy brunette breezed past the bed in an elegant red gown and entered the luxurious ensuite. ‘Yes, yes, absolutely. Keep me informed.’ Josh said as Sofia removed her earrings in front of the mirror. ‘Great work getting the case moved up. Give my love to Fifi.’ Josh hung up and kicked off his shoes.
‘Who was that, dear?’ Sofia asked, pulling at her eyes in the mirror.
‘Someone helping with the case against the scumbag who mugged me.’
‘That’s good. Any luck retrieving your rings and Rolex yet?’
‘Not yet but don’t worry, I’ve got a nice little claim in for that.’ he said smirking to himself.
‘Ooh, guess what else happened?’ her reflection asked the back of his head. ‘An old friend of mine was also mugged in Camden this week. Came home and found a burglar in his flat. Got pushed down the stairs and broke every bone in his body apparently.’
‘Really? That’s appalling.’
‘Camden’s getting worse, maybe I should think about selling my place and move in here, what do you think?’ her parallel image suggested none-too-subtly.
‘Er… do you mind if we talk about that later? Only I have to call an artist about an important expo next month – time difference to the States and all that.’ he said, covering the distress rising through his veins. His phone rang and Samoan Sam’s number came up. ‘Oh, this must be him now. I’m going to take it in the study.’ and he hastily left the room.
‘Impeccable timing, Sam! How can I help?’
‘Something interesting, boss. Nick’s with the redhead again.’
‘Lucy? Where?’
‘Having a picnic at St. James’s Park.’
‘Curious…’
‘They’re not on their own, his mate’s with them.’
‘The one you nearly killed?’
‘Yeh.’ he answered solemnly.
‘Well make sure they don’t recognise you!’
‘They won’t, don’t worry.’
‘Why am I not filled with confidence?’
‘They’re with someone else.’ he said ignoring the slight, ‘A woman. I know her from somewhere and it’s driving me nuts. I reckon they’re talking about the case.’
‘What are they saying?’
‘I dunno, I’m not on the rug with ‘em, boss, but it looks pretty obvious.’
‘Listen, find out who she is. I can’t have them learning the prosecutor’s a friend.’
‘No problem, anything else?’
‘Yes, I’m a bit worried about this thing with Nick and Lucy – she could make things messy for me. Very messy.’
‘What you want me to do?’
‘Have a strong word in her ear. Make sure she stays away from Nick.’
‘You’re going to Tenerife next weekend? But it’s my birthday.’ Nick complained, munching on the last fairy cake from the depleted picnic.
‘And it could be his last before prison!’ Konrad added unhelpfully, draining the remaining drops of gassy wine from his plastic cup. Nick cast him a dirty look.
‘I told you; it’s work. There’s nothing I can do.’ Lucy protested.
Nick tossed the stale half-eaten cake, eagerly devoured by a large assertive pigeon, ‘Oh, come on, it can’t be that big a deal. Tenerife’s hardly known for its festivals and live music culture. Elvis impersonators and tacky discos maybe!’
‘It’s not like that anymore, and of course it’s a big deal – I’m a promoter and this is one of the biggest summer festivals around. Corsica Coleman’s headlining this year, that’s great exposure for two indie bands I got on the bill.’
‘Corsica Coleman?’ Konrad dismissed, ‘The talentless celeb
rity? Performing live? Don’t make me laugh!’
‘I doubt anyone could!’ she fired back.
Nick looked disappointed, ‘And no one else can do it, Luce?’
‘Yes, if I want to lose my job!’ she said sharply.
‘Hey Nick, why don’t we go?’ Konrad suggested, ‘Go visit your dad?’
‘Your father lives in Tenerife?’ Lucy asked.
‘Yeh…’
‘You never told me that.’
Nick saw an escape route off topic, ‘Look, it doesn’t matter, I can’t leave the country. My sentencing is in a few weeks.’
‘You’re not Al Capone, Nick! Your can travel as long as you’re back for it.’
‘That’s right.’ Amanda confirmed.
‘So it be paaarty time!’ Konrad said in a Caribbean accent, drawing odd looks from the group. Lucy waved her hands at him.
‘Oh, no, no, no! Look guys, I don’t know what you think this is but I’m going over there for work not paaarty time – whatever the hell that is!’
‘We know! We’d just nip over for the weekend, say hello to Nick’s pappy, sink a few birthday bevvies then be back for work on Monday!’
‘As long as you understand that I’m travelling with the bands you two can do what you want!’ Lucy said firmly.
‘Yeh, I’ve heard that about you!’ Konrad joked.
Amanda’s face stiffened, ‘That’s my sister!’ she said, stabbing Konrad with eye-daggers; the group fell silent. After an uncomfortable delay Lucy placed her hand on Amanda’s knee.
‘Sorry, my older sibling can be a little overprotective.’ she said softly.
‘Yes, I apologise.’ Amanda replied with her head bowed; she took Lucy’s hand, ‘And I’m afraid we really have to be going.’
‘I know.’ Lucy said and the pair got to their feet. ‘Nick, let me know if you book something. I’m sure I could find time to have a birthday drink with you.’ He raised his plastic cup to her. ‘And thank you for the lovely picnic.’ she added with an impressed smile and Nick and Konrad watched them stroll through the busy park towards Buckingham Palace.
Konrad turned to Nick, ‘So?’
‘What?’ he replied, disinterested in Konrad’s leading question.
‘Tenerife! We going?’
‘I dunno.’
‘Well don’t sound too excited!’
‘It was somewhat dropped on me.’
‘But we’re going, yeh?’
Nick thought a moment, ‘If flights aren’t too expensive.’
‘Cool!’ Konrad said leaning back, ‘Just as long as that bloody sister doesn’t come, eh!’ Nick failed to laugh; he stared out to the far reaches of the park focussing on nothing in particular.
‘Kon, why did you have to mention my dad?’
‘Because he lives there!’
‘I know but that doesn’t mean I want to see him.’
‘Don’t you?’
Nick sighed, ‘You know things are weird.’
‘You haven’t spoken to him since your mum died. You can’t go over there and not visit him!’
‘Yes, I can.’
Konrad turned and flicked an offended hand in his friend’s direction, ‘Well I think that’s horribly snobby of you but do what you want – you always do!’ He noticed a large man in a black suit get up from a nearby bench and walk off in the same direction as Lucy and Amanda. ‘It can’t be…’ he said to himself, sizing the man.
‘What?’ Nick asked but Konrad was too distracted; he struggled to his feet, fixed on the man walking across the lawn towards the path. The large figure looked over his shoulder as he quickened step and Konrad caught a glimpse of his profile.
‘It’s him!’ Konrad screamed and without thought rushed after the man, his cumbersome cast hindering his stride.
‘Kon? What you doing?’
‘It’s the burglar! It’s the bloody burglar!’ he shouted over his shoulder, struggling to run in a straight line. ‘Hey! Hey you!’ he called to Samoan Sam, who turned to see Konrad hurtling towards him.
‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’ he said and decided it best to make a break; he turned and sprinted off.
‘Come here! Come back here you coward!’
As Konrad gave chase and the pair became small, distant figures zigzagging through the park, Nick sighed and gathered the picnic debris.
Slightly red-eyed, Nick was sitting with his back against his mother’s headstone drawing in a pad with his favourite Copic pen, ‘So after that night at hers it’s all gone a bit cold and weird.’ he said scribbling furiously, ‘She’s not interested in going out anymore and I don’t know what the next step is.’ He stopped and put the pen to his mouth, ‘Or whether we can even help each other; maybe we’ll end up doing more harm than good?’ he said absently scanning the cemetery perimeter; he lowered his head and continued drawing, ‘I do know I like being with her. We have a great laugh and I can tell her things that I can’t anyone else.’ He whispered to the stone, ‘Apart from you, of course!’ and gave the surface a soft kiss. ‘At least since I met her I’ve started to paint again so I suppose I should be grateful, right?’ He stopped sketching, ‘Anyway, enough about that. I actually came here to talk about Dad.’ he said with a spine-cracking neck roll, ‘I’ve decided I’m going to see him. Konrad’s coming with me to Tenerife and we’re going to look him up.’ He placed the drawing pad by the side of the grave and returned the pen to its set, sitting cross-legged to face the headstone. ‘I’m actually a bit worried though; you know we’ve never got on and it’s been a long time since we last spoke. I’m really not sure it’s a good idea to see him like that, I’m worried I’ll lose what little love I have for him.’
The thick layer of dark cloud, which had been preventing the chilly August afternoon from fulfilling its obligation to be summery, suddenly opened and sent down an unappreciated shower on the townsfolk below. In the cemetery, visitors fastened their jackets and made haste for exits and awaiting cover of somewhere roofed or hooded. As they ran like constipated chickens, trying to protect shoes and clothing from rain splatter, Nick noticed Lucy hurrying down the path, fumbling with a bright yellow umbrella.
‘Luce!’ he called out. She saw him and ventured over, raising the parasol as she sidled up.
‘Hey!’
‘Just finished work?’
‘I wish! I’m only going home to change; the bands are playing a warm-up gig in Shepherd’s Bush tonight so I have to go.’
‘Wow, long day!’
‘Yeh.’ she said, looking into his eyes as they illumed under the brightly-coloured umbrella.
‘You want me to come? Maybe after we could go out and…’
‘It’s work, Nick, sorry I can’t.’ she interrupted bluntly. ‘I see you’re visiting again.’ she said gesturing to the grave and changing the subject.
‘We’ve just been talking about you actually, and whether we’re ever gonna go out again.’
Lucy squirmed, searching for a new change of topic, ‘Ooh, so I hear you and Konrad have booked for Tenerife! Excited?’ she asked, falsely enthused.
‘Yeh, should be a good weekend.’
‘Celebrate your birthday in style!’ she gushed.
‘Something like that.’
‘And visit your dad?’
‘Maybe.’
‘You’ve never mentioned him.’ she said, aware of his hesitancy.
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Well… it’s raining, wanna go somewhere for a coffee and chat?’
Nick looked across at his mother’s gravestone, ‘Yes, I think that’d be nice.’
Chapter 6
Coffee & Complications
HAIR: Long, dark and straight – Likeness Match: 7/10
FACE: Nice eyes, long-nosed – Likeness Match: 7/10
HEIGHT: About right – Likeness Match: 9/10
BOOBS: Flat! – Likeness Match: 6/10
ARSE: Sweeeeet! – Likeness Match: 10/10
LEGS: Knees slightly bruised,
like the implication! – Likeness Match: 9/10
SCENT: Cheap! – Likeness Match: 6/10
OVERALL: Decent option. Try a few more drinks…
Nick grinned wildly at the brunette preparing cappuccinos behind the counter of the small Camden coffeehouse; mustering as much pheromone as possible and sending a hefty dose her way. She sensed his intensity and sized him up, smiling sweetly as she handed him his change.
‘Not bad… not bad at all.’ he boasted to Lucy, stood at his side watching him with contempt. ‘Seat?’ he suggested and took the coffees from the counter, giving the barista his best wink-smile combo. He chose a nearby table and sat on the opposite side, facing the half-decent replica currently eyeing him as she needlessly unravelled coins and filled the already full till.
‘Focus, Nick!’ Lucy barked at her distracted companion.
‘Sorry, what?’ he said sarcastically, over-emphasising eye contact.
‘We came here to talk, didn’t we?’
‘Yes, and we are!’
‘Not if your attention’s on that girl’s arse!’
‘Fair enough.’ he acquiesced, ‘It’s just been a while since I got a fix…’
‘Does she even look like Sofia?’
Nick took out his wallet and handed Lucy a small passport photo, ‘You’ve never seen a picture of her have you?’
Lucy regarded the image, ‘This isn’t a photo… have you drawn this?’
‘I used to keep a passport pic in my wallet but it didn’t capture her right so I illustrated one – it has a much better energy, don’t you think?’
‘Suppose so; of course she looks very beautiful.’
‘I know.’ he said taking the picture and looking at it longingly.
‘The girl serving doesn’t really look like her.’ she stated smugly.
‘She’s halfway there; the rest is down to squinting!’
‘Yew!’
Nick laughed and settled into his chair. He glowed as he watched Lucy sip her cappuccino and meticulously blot leftover froth from her lip with a handkerchief she’d plucked from her handbag. He scanned her chest and neckline, ‘I feel like a rhino at a strip club.’ he sighed.
Lucy lowered her handkerchief, ‘Pardon?’
‘Horny!’ he said with raised eyebrows. Lucy’s expression barely broke as she involuntarily released frisky pheromones of her own while pretending to disapprove. He leaned forwards and placed his hand on top of hers, ‘So, weekend in Tenerife eh?’ he said believing his genuine excitement was because of the indulgent trip, failing to realise it was actually inspired by the here and now and person he was with.
Double Ex: A Romantic Comedy about Lost Love & Lookalikes Page 5