Something Beautiful

by Jenna Jones

  Micah nodded. "I know."

  "Okay," Dune said and kissed Micah again, his hand in Micah's hair. "I do want you, Micah," he said, lying back again and drawing Micah with him. "I want you so much."

  "I know," Micah whispered, settling against his body. The proof of that, at least, was pulsing under his fingertips and pressing urgently against his thigh. He kissed Dune's chest and the moon tattoo as Dune massaged his scalp and played with his hair. "I know you do."

  For now wanting -- and being wanted -- would have to be enough.

  Chapter Ten

  The Gallaghers' bakery was nearly empty, but it was early on a Saturday morning and Micah expected it would fill up with people on their way back from their errands later on. He looked around the bakery for familiar faces: he didn't know the girl behind the counter, but judging from her height and dark hair she had to be yet another Gallagher cousin.

  "She's pretty," Shiloh remarked and sipped her coffee.

  "I suppose."

  "You could ask her out," Shiloh said and nudged his foot under the table.

  "No," Micah said, turning back to face Shiloh. "I really couldn't."

  "Micah," she said patiently, "you're cute, you're employed and now you have your own place. You can ask out a girl. She'll probably say yes." She grinned at him.

  "No." Micah shook his head and started picking at his muffin. "I can't talk to girls."

  "You talk to me."

  "You're not a girl," Micah muttered. "You're my sister."

  Shiloh giggled, covering her mouth. "You're so hopeless. I'm beginning to think Mom and Dad should give up on getting grandchildren from you."

  Micah shrugged and drank some coffee. How easy would it be to say "Shiloh, I'm gay" right now? And how hard would it be to deal with what would follow it? "There's Rebecca," he said with relief and held up his hand so she would see them -- which would, he realized, make more sense if they were in a crowded room rather than a nearly-empty bakery.

  Rebecca came toward them, pushing Kitty in a stroller and smiling as they both got up to greet her. "Hi!"

  "Did you have any trouble finding the place?" asked Shiloh and knelt down to greet Kitty.

  "Oh, no, no trouble at all." Rebecca hugged Micah quickly and kissed his temple. "How are you doing?"

  "Just fine. I'll tell you later." He sat down again, shifting over a chair so Rebecca could put the baby carrier next to him.

  "So what's good here?" Rebecca asked when the baby was settled and Micah started playing with her.

  "Everything's good, but the muffins especially."

  Shiloh handed Rebecca her coffee cup. "This is the house blend. I like it a lot."

  Rebecca took a sip and nodded. "Mm. I like it. Okay -- I'm getting myself some coffee, and if she fusses just pick her up. She'll be fine."

  "I can get it for you," Shiloh said, jumping up. "What do you want?"

  "Oh -- thank you," Rebecca said. "Okay. A large house blend with cream and a blueberry muffin."

  "I'll be right back." She went to the counter, and Rebecca leaned closer to Micah.

  "Okay. Tell me what's up."

  "I'm worried about Dune," Micah said, letting Kitty gum his finger. "His ex is still calling him all the time and he's showing up at the apartment, and Dune doesn't even like meeting me at the offices for lunch anymore."

  "He's not doing anything threatening, is he?" Rebecca said.

  "No, I don't think so," said Micah. "But Dune doesn't let me listen to all the phone messages he leaves, either."

  "Well," Rebecca said, "if he says he's okay, I'd take his word for it until you can see otherwise. Dune's a big boy."

  Micah smirked and said seriously, "I know."

  "Oh, stop that," Rebecca said.

  Micah leaned closer to her. "Can I gloat? Please? Just a little? There's hardly anybody I can gloat to."

  "Okay," she said with exaggerated patience. "You can gloat."

  "He's so hot!" Micah whispered, and Rebecca laughed. "Oh, Becca, I have the best time with him."

  "I'm glad, sweetie," she said. "You should when you're in love."

  Micah looked at her, puzzled, but couldn't explain because Shiloh had come back to their table with Rebecca's coffee and muffin. In love with Dune? That was silly, though he supposed it would be easy to see how sleeping with somebody for a month and hanging out with them all the time and talking about them a lot could be mistaken for being in love with them.

  But it's different, he thought, drinking his coffee and half-listening as his sisters talked. He didn't feel the same all-consuming hunger for Dune that he had for his previous boyfriends. If Dune was sleeping with other people -- and Micah assumed he was, because Dune always had before -- Micah thought he was pretty much okay with that.

  Unless it's Gavin, he thought with a scowl.

  The baby was frowning right back at him, so Micah covered his eyes and said, "Where's Kitty? Where's Kitty?" He removed his hands, and the baby squealed and kicked her feet. "There's Kitty!"

  "Look at how cute you are," Rebecca said. She reached around the baby carrier to tickle Kitty's chin. "And how much my girl loves her uncle," she cooed and laughed when Kitty made happy noises at her.

  "I hope my babies are as cute as she is," Shiloh said.

  "But you're not having babies anytime soon, right?" said Micah, and Shiloh gave him a pointed look.

  "Will you relax? You're worse than Dad."

  "That's because I know Aidan. And he's a very nice guy," he added, holding up a hand to stop Shiloh's protests, "but he usually dates party girls."

  Rebecca, resting her chin on her hand, rotated her head to look from Micah to Shiloh.

  "I know he does, but tastes change. He met me and realized the error of his ways," Shiloh said airily.

  Rebecca rotated back to look at Micah. "Feminine wiles can be very persuasive."

  "Don't tell me you used feminine wiles," Micah said.

  Shiloh said, "Do you even know what feminine wiles are?"

  Micah swung Kitty's hand back and forth and said, "It involves perfume?" and smiled as both girls started giggling.

  "Your turn, Micah," Rebecca said as she neatly folded her napkin on the table top. "Tell us what's going on with your life."

  "I got the apartment," Micah said. "The one in Leo's building. You're going to love Leo, Becca."

  "I'm excited to meet him," Rebecca said, smiling.

  "Cool. I finished moving in last night. It's not living with Dune like I wanted, but it's a really great apartment, at least." He pulled his finger from Kitty's hand so he could drink his coffee. Rebecca met his gaze and made a tiny nod in Shiloh's direction, and Micah shook his head. He couldn't tell Shiloh, not yet.

  Rebecca sighed and said, "You hang out with Dune a lot," and Micah glared at her.

  "Yeah. I do. He's my best friend."

  "Oh, is that what you call it," Rebecca began, and Micah was considering spilling coffee on himself to distract her when someone gripped the back of his chair.

  "Hi, there, Micah, who're these lovely ladies?" Ben said behind him, still in his baker's whites. There was cocoa on his tunic and flour on his cheek, and Micah refrained from smirking when Rebecca's eyes got a little wider.

  "Hey, Ben," Micah said. "You know my sister, Shiloh. This is my other sister Rebecca and my niece Kitty," he said, pointing to them.

  "Hey, Shiloh," Ben said, and Shiloh waved, her mouth full of muffin. "And aren't you the prettiest thing," he said to Kitty and gently beeped her nose. Kitty blew on her lips at him and he laughed.

  "Hi," Rebecca said, holding out her hand, and Ben grinned, his charm on full-blast, and shook her hand. "I love meeting Micah's friends."

  "And I love meeting Micah's family." He let go of her hand. "Are you folks being taken care of okay here?"

  "We're doing just fine, thanks," Micah said, a little puzzled at the sight of Ben flirting with his sisters, if this could be called flirting. He was pretty sure it was.

  "Okay," B
en said and squeezed Micah's shoulder. "Jamie wanted me to ask if there was anything you wanted us to bring to your first movie night."

  "Nope," Micah said proudly, "I've got everything covered. It won't be fancy, but it'll be good. How did Jamie know I was here?"

  "You're always here on Saturday mornings." He clucked his tongue. "You're too young for routine. See you guys around." He left them to go back to the kitchen.

  "Damn," Rebecca said when Ben was out of sight. "Are all your friends that cute?"

  "Yeah, pretty much," said Micah.

  "He's gay," Shiloh said, and Micah swallowed his coffee so fast it burned his throat. "Most of Micah's friends are. They're the nicest guys in the world, though -- I love them."

  "Oh," Rebecca said innocently. "Micah, I had no idea you were so bohemian."

  "Did I mention I went to the Moulin Rogue when I was in Paris?" said Micah desperately, hoping it would be enough of a distraction.

  Shiloh wasn't done yet, though. "Mom and Dad are right, as much as I hate to say it: you're never going to find a girlfriend if you hang around with gay men all the time."

  "I meet plenty of girls," Micah said, leaving out the part about most of the girls he knew being married or not into guys.

  After they'd finished eating Shiloh had to get to her shift at the bookstore. Micah walked Rebecca and Kitty to the parking garage where she'd left her car. "You could have told her," Rebecca said. The wind tossed her hair around and she pulled her stray curls out of her mouth with annoyance. "It was a perfect opportunity."

  "I can't tell her. I'm not ready."

  "She may have already figured it out. All your friends are gay, Micah. That's a big hint. And she loves your friends -- she's not going to be weird about it."

  "She might get upset when she realizes I'm actually having sex with other guys," Micah said.

  Rebecca walked in silence for a few feet. "Yeah, I get a little upset when I think about that, too." She pulled him close a moment. "My little brother, getting all sorts of things done to him by strange men."

  "They're not that strange," Micah muttered. "Most of them aren't, anyway."

  She let him go. "I've been there. I know how it can be. I mean, not the gay scene, but I know it's not a safe world and I worry."

  "I don't do anything to endanger myself," Micah said. "I got schooled early on. Dune sat me down and explained all the ground rules of how to be a safe gay man." He stopped and put his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to worry about me."

  "I'll try not to." She hugged him. Her sweatshirt smelled like baby powder, and he buried his nose in it for a moment. "I can get there from here."

  "Okay. I'll have you over soon -- maybe I should do a housewarming party or something, as soon as it's presentable."

  "You'd better," Rebecca said. She tweaked Micah's nose, took the handles of the stroller, and continued up the street.

  ***

  The weather grew colder and the rain more frequent, and Dune tried not to let Micah know there was anything to worry about. He had started screening his phone calls: Gavin called Dune's cell a few times a week, leaving messages that bordered on obscene. Dune avoided the newspaper office, knowing he would probably run into Gavin there, and met Micah at whichever restaurants they'd agreed on for lunch instead. Sometimes Laird convinced Gavin to join the rest of them on movie night or going out to dinner, but Laird was often out of town and Tristan admitted she didn't try very hard to include Gavin in their group. That was fine with Dune: he had a better time if he didn't have to watch Gavin all evening.

  Tristan told him that as far as she knew Gavin wasn't dating anyone, but he didn't really share his exploits with his family. "We only see him as much as we do because Laird insists -- and that will probably end once the baby comes. Gavin's made it pretty clear he doesn't want to be around children."

  So he had to figure out Gavin's intentions on his own and he had to assume that it was just about the sex. Gavin had always wanted the newest toy, the most expensive car, the most fashionable clothes -- he was the same with his lovers, wanting the shiniest plaything he could find.

  Dune had no intention of being his prize again. No more settling.

  He took refuge in Micah. Micah was safely moved into the new apartment, and Dune split his time between there and his loft. Micah had a bed and a couch -- a gift from his friends so they didn't have to sit on the floor when it was his turn for movie night -- and a lot of electronics and video game boxes. It was very much a first apartment, but Dune loved it: it was like Micah, still taking shape.

  Dune was surprised, really, that neither Micah nor Gavin had lost interest in him yet. Of course, Micah was getting regular no-strings sex, and it seemed to Dune that he was enjoying not having a boyfriend for the first time in years. He wasn't sleeping with anyone else, as far as Dune could tell, though he wondered sometimes whether there was more than raids and treasure-hunting going on in Micah's computer games.

  Meantime there were other things to occupy him: his column, a novel that seemed to get shorter instead of longer each time he worked on it, and his fathers, who were not doing well though they said nothing about it to anyone.

  "Has Leo mentioned any problems to you?" Frances asked him. "Any fights, even any little disagreements?"

  "Not a thing. He hasn't told you what's going on?"

  "He hasn't." She frowned. "I don't like it. It's not like him to keep secrets."

  When Dune tried to hint about the problem, Leo changed the subject. When he came right out and said, "Dad, something's wrong, tell me what it is," Leo just smiled wearily.

  "It's not a perfect world, son."

  Dune tried confronting Adam about it: "What's going on between you and Dad?" but Adam was no more forthcoming with him than Leo had been.

  "When you're together most of your lives, things come up. It's nothing to worry about."

  But Dune worried about the hang-ups on the answering machine, Adam's increasing scarcity, and his mothers' clucking over Leo. "If you need us to stay in California, we will," he overheard Frances tell Leo, who said, "No, no, don't put your plans on hold on my account."

  "I'm still the kid in this family," Dune had complained to Jamie when he related this conversation. "They still shelter me."

  "People who remember you in diapers tend to be that way," Jamie said.

  Chapter Eleven

  A Saturday night in October and Dune was out with his friends, dancing with his beautiful Micah, losing himself in music. Micah had put in a lot of effort into his appearance tonight: he'd tamed most of the curl out of his hair and spread glitter over his cheeks and chest. His jeans were low on his waist, showing a sharp hip bone on either side of his belly, and his shirt hung onto his body by one button.

  Dune looked into Micah's wide, blue eyes as they danced hip to hip, pleased with the happiness he saw there. Micah looked a bit pale tonight, though -- he always looked pale, but this was more than his usual "I never go outside if I can help it" paleness.

  He put his hands on Micah's hips and the boy inhaled sharply. "What's wrong?" Dune said, moving his hands up Micah's sides.

  "Nothing," Micah said, forcing a smile. "My stomach's been hurting a little."

  "Do you need to sit down?"

  "No -- I want to dance with you. Just, um, slowly."

  Dune cooed and coaxed Micah's head to his shoulder. "We can dance slowly. No problem."

  "Jamie and Ben are having fun," Micah remarked, his head on Dune's shoulder. "I don't think they've sat down once since we got here."

  Dune looked at the two of them and smiled. "Jamie likes dancing. He just doesn't do it often. He needs to get Ben out of the house more."

  "I'm glad you like going out. I mean, I like it when we sit at home and watch TV, too, but going out is...nice," he finished in a faint tone. "You know what I mean."

  "Yeah, I do."

  They swayed in a slow circle, completely disregarding the beat of the music, and Micah said, "Dune?

&nbs
p; I think I do need to sit down." He sounded defeated.

  "Come on," Dune said gently and led him to the nearest empty booth. He slid across the seat and Micah tucked himself against Dune's side, sighing.

  "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to have fun tonight."

  "I have more fun with you than I do with most people I know combined. It's not a big deal if you're not feeling well. Do you want to go home?"