* * *
In flagrante delicto! That woman was a maestro of disaster. Kael kicked at the hay. If it wasn’t so horribly true, he would have found it quite entertaining to know the oh, so proper Viscountess of Aberforth knew such words and what they meant. It just proved everyone had layers.
Except him. He was no better than he ought to be and everyone who saw him knew it. He had no secret layers—a poor gentleman’s son who lived on the fringes of society. He should stop reaching above himself, stop trying to change his fate. He should retreat to the country and stay there. He liked the country. He didn’t get into trouble there. He only got into trouble in London when he started to dream again.
That decided it. This was done. He couldn’t help Zara by staying and he couldn’t save her, couldn’t save them. He found Merlin’s saddle in the tack room and his bridle. He would ride out and send for his things later. Jeremy could send them to Sussex. There was nothing he needed immediately except distance. Distance would help him forget how close he’d been to perfection. His fingers worked the tack with lightning speed. He was almost done when Colonel Kennedy ducked in.
‘Going somewhere?’ Fergus stepped up to Merlin and put a hand on the horse’s long face in gentle greeting. ‘I thought you’d be deep into the treasure hunt by now.’ He stroked the grey’s long face, his own face thoughtful.
‘I’m leaving.’ Kael grunted as he tightened the cinch.
‘Hmm. Early and without your luggage? I hope it’s not an emergency?’ the colonel asked in kindly concern.
‘No.’ Kael picked up his grooming kit and slid the brushes into the saddlebags.
‘Then I can only deduce it’s from a broken heart.’ Kennedy took a seat on a hay bale.
‘Something like that. What are you doing out here? Why aren’t you off with Miss Fairholme finding diamonds?’ Kael turned the tables on Kennedy with questions of his own.
‘I might as well tell you.’ Kennedy leaned forward. ‘It won’t be a secret much longer. Verity and I have decided we don’t suit.’
In spite of his anger and frustration, Kael laughed. ‘The duke is having a hell of a house party. Zara won’t toe the line, his own niece won’t toe the line. It makes me wonder how many other little rebellions are brewing beneath the surface.’
‘Oh, so it is a broken heart? Or isn’t it? I’m confused. Aren’t you thrilled Miss Titus isn’t “toeing the line”?’ Kennedy grinned at successfully having drawn him out.
‘I think you missed your calling, Kennedy. You should have been an interrogator.’ Kael took a seat next to Fergus, Merlin’s reins loose in his hand. ‘Miss Titus has recently become aware of the duke’s offer to me should I wed her.’
‘And she is offended?’
‘Yes. Although I tried to tell her the deal was irrelevant. I would have married her without it.’
‘Certainly, she is wealthy. Aside from Verity, she’s the richest girl here.’
‘No, dammit!’ Kael interrupted vehemently. ‘She could be a pauper for all I care.’ He wanted to grab the colonel by the lapels and do him violence for the insinuation that he was nothing more than a fortune hunter.
Kennedy grinned again and Kael relented with a grimace, more for himself than the colonel. Kennedy had tricked him once more, getting him to reveal the intensity of his feelings. ‘I see,’ the young officer said. ‘Miss Titus does not want to be appreciated for her dowry. Does she know how you feel?’
‘It doesn’t matter. I’m not good enough for her.’ Except in bed, but he wasn’t going to tell the colonel that, no matter how many tricks the man tried. ‘I never was. I was merely swept away by her and I foolishly thought I could touch the stars, that I could reach her. She made me feel invincible, alive.’
Kennedy stared down at his hands. ‘I know the feeling,’ he said quietly. Sincerely. It gave much away.
‘Spoken like a man who has walked that path?’ Kael asked.
‘Who is walking it,’ Fergus said solemnly.
‘But not with Verity?’ Kael probed cautiously. This was becoming a deuced odd conversation—two gentlemen talking about their love lives.
‘No, not with her.’ That was all Kennedy would say. Kael nodded, respecting the other man’s privacy.
Kael stood up. ‘Well, I guess I should be off.’ The less attention he drew to himself now, the better.
‘Are you just going to give up?’ Kennedy stood up too, looking disgusted. ‘If you leave now, you will prove to everyone you’re no better than some say. Look, man, you have to stay and you have to fight for her. Make her believe you. To hell with the rest of them! If you love her, she’s the only one that matters.’ Kennedy waved a hand in a general gesture to an invisible crowd. ‘Who cares what the duke, the mother, what everyone else may or may not be thinking? It’s your life, your heart and hers.’
Kael gave Kennedy a strong look. ‘Is that what you’re doing with your secret miss, whoever she might be? Are you fighting? Is that why you’re hiding out in the stable?’
Kennedy wasn’t offended. ‘I am biding my time, waiting for my moment to come. When it does, I will take it. I am not riding away.’ Kennedy paused, his brow furrowed. ‘Look, the truth is, I don’t know how it will turn out when I seize that moment. I might fall flat on my face. I hope not, but the possibility does exist. Still, I would rather know than always be wondering the rest of my life if things could have been different.’
Kael’s hand stilled on Merlin’s cinch. Kennedy thought him a coward, had all but called him one. ‘I’m not running away. I am leaving to protect her, to make it easier on her.’
‘She makes you feel invincible? Then she is worth fighting for, not leaving for. Go back in there and be her warrior. Fight for her where she can see it, where everyone can see it. Go back and slay the doubts others have overwhelmed her with.’
It was somewhat ironic advice considering it was much like the advice he had given Zara about rebellion. Rebellion had to be public to mean much. Fighting did too. He was starting to see Kennedy was right. In his anger, he’d not realised that his act of protection would not be understood as such by others, maybe not even by Zara herself. It would be seen as the careless act of a rogue.
He would do it. He had never run from a fight, he’d not start now when there was so much on the line.
He unfastened Merlin’s saddle and winked at Kennedy in encouragement. ‘I think I will stay, after all. Who knows, there might be some other surprises tonight that are worth staying for too.’
But it didn’t matter if there were other surprises or not. He’d only meant to leave as a favour to her, to spare her the sight of him, the object of her hatred, for surely, she must despise him. But he would do it. Zara was worth it. He hoped he could make her feel the same about him again.
Chapter Twelve
Zara was furious and the list of those she was furious with was long and distinguished. She was furious with her mother, with the duke, with the whole ridiculous party, and with her poor maid, Annie, who had only tried to help her dress for a dinner Zara didn’t want to attend. The girl had got a bed full of discarded gowns that would all have to be hung up again for her troubles.
That was just the start of her list. There was more. Zara stood impatiently, letting Annie slide the blue gown over her head. She was furious with Kael, although that was complicated. She’d spent the afternoon in her room, pacing and trying to figure out why, replaying the whole terrible scene. He said he’d wanted her without the duke’s deal. Surely, that was no cause for her anger. He’d tried to reassure her. But he’d said nothing to her mother’s charges of fortune hunting. He’d simply walked away. That was where her anger boiled and her thoughts reached a dead end. Why had he just left? Why hadn’t he said that wasn’t true? Why hadn’t he said he loved her and wanted to marry her where everyone could hear?
> That was the part that didn’t make sense and it fuelled the anger she held for herself, that she had somehow failed him. What had she missed? What had she done that caused him to walk away? After an afternoon of searching for answers, it came to her with a shock. If he was a fortune hunter, he’d had the perfect opportunity to expose them and ensure their marriage and he’d not taken it. ‘Annie, I need to sit down for a moment,’ she murmured, sinking to the little stool set before her vanity.
‘Are you all right, miss?’ Annie looked concerned and rightly so. The woman who met Zara’s stare in the mirror was pale.
‘Some cold water, perhaps,’ Zara suggested, wanting time alone, a few precious minutes to gather her thoughts. Her mother was wrong. Kael wasn’t after her fortune. All he had to do was tell her mother and the duke that he’d compromised her and it would have been done. They would have had to accept him then. Instead, he’d walked away. To protect her and at great expense to himself. He’d lost the duke’s deal for his blind sister and no one would think kindly of his behaviour. Leaving her would prove he was all the rogue everyone believed him to be, especially coming so soon on the heels of the débâcle in London.
What had she done? She had shunned him, questioned him. She’d been horrified at the revelation of the duke’s deal. Zara remembered stepping away from him, of seeing the moment of hurt on his face before his mask of insouciance had slid into place while her mother railed at him: a knowing debaucher of innocents, a fortune hunter. Horrible things to call a man.
Annie returned with the water. Zara’s hands shook as she took the glass. She had to make amends. She was the villain in all of this, not Kael. She was the one that called up his insecurities with her doubt. She had treated him like the ghost in his past. ‘Annie, I’ve decided against the blue dress after all.’ It was too demure, too quiet. Tonight she needed something stunning. ‘I think I’ll wear the green.’ The deep-emerald silk that brought out her eyes and hopefully her heart. Dinner was starting to take on a new importance.
* * *
‘Darling, you look splendid,’ her mother whispered as they walked across the lawn to dinner. Her mother was benevolent in her victory, believing the issue of Kael Gage had been put behind them. There would be no formal parade into the dining room tonight. The midsummer feast would be held outdoors at the centre of the maze and the guests were all to find their way out to the table by seven. ‘I’m proud of you for not skulking in your room this evening. It would be easy to do, given the circumstances. But you are a Titus and you are made of sterner stuff. Keep your head high and show everyone it will take more than the likes of Kael Gage to bring you low.’ Her mother shook her head. ‘Good riddance, I say.’
‘Good riddance?’ She almost choked over the words, fearing the worst.
‘Gage should not bother you tonight, my dear. He was headed towards the stable, by last report. He’ll be long gone by now. His sort always are. He was out of his depth here.’
He certainly was, Zara thought, her hopes sinking, as they turned right and then right again. There was no finer man present. The company, with few exceptions, was far too shallow for him. She could only hope she was not included in that grouping. Had he really left the party altogether? If so, she’d have no chance to make amends. They took the final turn, Zara’s heart pounding, and stepped into the centre of the maze. It had been transformed for the Russian-themed evening. Atlas had been moved aside to accommodate the large table and long tables laden with foods lined the perimeter, emanating delicious smells.
Even the footmen were dressed in Russian-styled livery, but Zara spared little time for the details. She was too busy searching for Kael. Kael would want to protect her, but he would not leave her, not if she was right about his motives. The man who had raced for her, who had swam with her, who had touched her, loved her so exquisitely would not leave her. He would find a way to fight for her and she would have to be ready.
Some guests were already there, but not everyone. She took comfort in that. Just because he wasn’t here yet didn’t mean he was gone. The butler appeared at the entrance, a gaggle of guests at his heel, laughing and in good spirits even though they’d apparently been lost in the maze, something the duke hadn’t counted on. Kael would not have got lost. He knew the way.
Then she saw him emerge from behind the parade of lost guests, alone and self-assured, his dark evening attire immaculate, his hair pulled back and sleek. ‘He’s coming over here,’ the viscountess murmured. ‘He has balls, I’ll give him that.’
‘Mother!’ Zara said in shocked tones over her mother’s language. She’d certainly seen a different side of her mother during this party. Then again, she’d seen a different side of herself as well. It just proved people were not always what they seemed, even the people you loved. Right now, all that love was centred on Kael, striding towards her as if he had every right to be there, to claim her. Which he did. Assuming he still wanted her.
‘You have nerve, Mr Gage, to show your face.’ Her mother bit out the words, appalled he’d approached them, appalled that others were starting to stare.
Kael ignored the stares and the whispers starting behind fans. He gave her mother a short bow, as if she had received him cordially. ‘Enchanté, Lady Aberforth.’ He held out a small roll of paper tied with a ribbon. ‘It occurred to me this afternoon that while I don’t care a donkey’s ass what anyone thinks of me, not you, not the duke, I do care what Zara thinks.’
‘What a lovely expression, Mr Gage,’ her mother said coolly, eyes narrowing as she took the scroll. ‘What is this?’
‘My written testimony. Read it. I have decried any claims to Zara’s dowry.’ Zara felt his eyes fall on her. ‘You, Zara, can decide what is right for you. But you should do so knowing that I’m not after your money. I want you, just as I told you today in the drawing room.’
Her mother appeared irritated. ‘This is starting to sound like a Drury Lane play.’
‘Read it,’ Kael urged when she made no move to unwrap it. The duke and his wife seemed to materialise at Kael’s shoulder, both looking regal dressed in traditional Russian folk attire for the evening.
‘Read it, Helene,’ the duke prompted. ‘I witnessed it, it’s a legitimate declaration and I think the man is in earnest. Zara can do no better than a husband who loves her.’
Her mother scowled and unrolled the paper. ‘You and Alicia always were romantics at heart.’
‘Is there any other way to be?’ The duke gave his wife a warm glance and she returned it with a warm smile of her own.
‘Kael, I know you aren’t after my money,’ Zara put in. She had meant to seek him out to apologise, but so far, he’d been the one who had sought her out. They’d both made some missteps in the drawing room that morning. Perhaps he should not have left. Perhaps she should not have recoiled in doubt. He should not be the only one making amends.
Kael nodded, his eyes on her. Waiting for her, she realised. To do something. But what? Her mother finished scanning the short document. ‘How could you possibly believe he’s not after your money, Zara? Don’t be naïve. He can write down anything he wants. It doesn’t mean it’s true, or that you have to believe it.’
‘But I do believe it.’ Zara reached out for Kael’s hand. She should have never let it go that morning. If she had her way, she would never let it go again. Her eyes held his as she spoke the words. ‘When Kael had the chance to expose me this morning and ensure that he would have to marry me, he didn’t.’
‘What? How could he do that?’ The words were barely out of Lady Aberforth’s mouth before she answered her own question. A gloved hand went to her lips, her voice trailing off. ‘Oh—oh, my dear.’
The duchess was beside her, a hand at her elbow. Clearly the duchess had anticipated some quiet fireworks. ‘It’s not the end of the world, Helene. They’re in love. They have found their happiness. We should be c
elebrating. They anticipated their wedding night. Is that so bad? These are modern times, even so, we were not all so chaste in our day either.’ She murmured her logic to Lady Aberforth, leading her aside away from any staring eyes.
‘I can’t believe you told them that.’ Kael grinned as the duke slipped away, leaving them alone in the crowd of dinner guests.
‘I can.’ Zara looked at him warmly. ‘I didn’t understand why you left today, why you didn’t argue with my mother’s claims. But then I realised why. It was a way of protecting me.’ She rested a hand on his sleeve. ‘And it was at a great cost to you. You were willing to sacrifice your reputation for me and in return I gave you so little. I am sorry, Kael. I misjudged at the first opportunity.’
Kael covered her hand with his. ‘I did too. When a crisis hit, I let myself believe that I wasn’t good enough for you, even when you had all but declared for me in a room full of your peers. You refused to go with Markham. You gave him away to Ariana Falk. You showed me how much I mattered to you and I refused to believe it.’
‘We’ll do better next time,’ Zara assured him. ‘We have the rest of our lives to work on it.’ It would need work too, nothing was ever perfect, and even when it was, it was hard to accept.
‘I like the sound of that.’ Kael laughed.
‘Which part? The next time or the rest of our lives?’
‘All of it.’ Kael’s stomach suddenly growled, loud and insistent, and they laughed at the intrusion. ‘Do you know what else I like?’
‘What?’
‘The duchess’s advice: we should be celebrating. Are you hungry, Mrs soon-to-be-Gage?’ His hand was at her back, leading her towards the table where the other guests were nearly all assembled. They found two seats together and the feast began, opening with thin crepes stuffed with imported herring caviar, borscht for soup, followed by Russian salmon and pelmeni. There was Russian dancing after dinner while dessert was laid out buffet style and the drinks flowed: vodka and kvass and berry juices for those who were less adventurous.
Scandal at the Midsummer Ball Page 21