by Khan, Jen
Holly brings me a glass of wine filled to the rim.
We never skimp on wine.
“So what’s on the agenda tonight, chica?” I ask.
She lifts up the DVD case and wiggles her eyebrows. “Magic Mike always lifts the spirits.”
I smile and take a gulp of my wine. “Half-naked hotties dancing around on a stage will definitely do that.”
“All right, let’s start the movie.”
When Holly goes to put the movie into the DVD player, there is a knock at the door.
We shrug at one another.
She puts the DVD on the coffee table, places her finger to her lips saying, “shhhh,” and tiptoes in the wackiest, most animated way before putting her palms flat to the door, peering through the peephole. Her body grows tense.
Holly pushes back from the door and unlocks the deadbolt, opening it. When I peer around her, my mouth drops to the floor.
It's Braden.
I haven’t seen him since the day at my apartment.
Sure, he’s called and texted me every day—sometimes two and three times a day—but I have been successful at keeping him at bay. Meaning I’ve been here and he’s been anywhere but here. He always wanted to know how I was doing. Did I need anything? It was actually kind of sweet.
He is wearing a light-washed pair of jeans, his black ass-kicker boots, and a long-sleeved blue shirt that stretched heavenly across his chest and hugged his muscular arms. Topping it off was his trademark black Under Armour hat.
My God, he always looks so good.
“Braden.” Holly nods and steps aside to let him in.
He flashes her one of his sweet boyish smiles. “Holly. How are you?” he asks as he leans in, and giving her a quick hug.
“I’m good. Just getting ready to catch a movie. Would you like a beer?”
Now why the hell is she offering him a beer? He isn’t staying, is he?
Braden has a grin on his face when he sees the shock on mine.
What do I do? Do I say something? Sit, have a drink. Oh and by the way, thanks again for saving my life. Sorry I’ve been avoiding you like the plague, but really, you could do so much better. Probably not.
I put my glass of wine on the coffee table in front of me and stand up, wiping my hands down the front of my pajama bottoms, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles.
After I got settled in at Holly’s, I did a lot of reflecting over what happened. I still don’t know what my intent was for showing up at the bar that night except that I knew Braden would be able to protect me. I can’t help but think that it was so much more than that, but I can’t think about that right now. My mind is a mess as it is. I don’t need to add this to it.
“Sure, thanks.”
Braden moves again, coming right toward me. He slips his arms around my waist and pulls me close to his sexy, warm body.
“Em,” he says against my head as he plants a tender kiss to my forehead.
I tilt my head back to look at him.
He stares down at me. I back up at him. Holly clears her throat.
I do a slow blink, turning to her.
She twists off the cap and hands Braden a beer. “Well, I think I am going to go and…ummm…wash my hair. Yep, just going to go and wash my hair.“
“What is it with you girls and washing your hair?” Braden mumbles.
Oh God!
“Emma, if you need me, just holler.”
Holly twirls on her heels and bounces out of the room.
Traitor.
Braden still has one arm around my waist, and I swear I want to crawl into a hole and die.
“Em,” Braden says, breaking me out of my stupor. “How are you feeling?” he asks softly. Oh my, his eyes are soft and kind and downright gorgeous.
“I’m good” I answer immediately.
He brings his hand up to my jaw and his thumb trails along my cheek.
I hold my breath or stop breathing altogether—not sure which one—while he watches his thumb circle the spot on my cheek that once was bruised.
“Talk to me, baby.”
“I promise, I am doing much better than I was the last time we had this conversation,” I whisper, my heart kicking up a few beats.
Damn, he still has that effect on me.
His eyes were are so warm and full of something I have seen before.
I shake my head, trying to clear it. No, it's definitely NOT that.
Braden removes his hand from my waist and grips my hand. “Come on. Sit.”
I sit.
He hands me my wine and I drain half of it in one gulp.
We sit on the couch while some show about a guy who was filming a documentary on internet dating where these poor people would meet and nine times out of ten they weren’t who they claimed to be is on.
It started with a guy who met the love of his life online only to find out a year later that she was indeed a he. Poor bastard.
I am sure it’s a good show, but my mind keeps wandering elsewhere.
Like to trying to figure out why Braden is sitting here with me on a Friday night when he could be out picking up women. He could make a girl’s panties drop with one twitch of his eyebrow or a flash of his dimple.
This is a man who gets what he wants and when he wants it.
Braden’s arm circles my shoulders.
I tip my head back to him. “What are you doing?”
Braden smiles down at me, flashes his killer dimple, and says, “Shhhh.”
“Shhh?? I don’t want your arm around me.”
“Yeah, well I’m comfortable,” he answers with a shrug.
He smirks at me, and I narrow my eyes at him.
What is Holly doing? It does not take that long to wash your hair.
I glare daggers at her door. When Braden leaves, I am going to give that little traitor a piece of my mind.
“I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so just relax, baby.” His fingers start to circle my shoulder as he moves it up to my neck to give me a little massage.
Crap. He is being sweet and it feels so good.
I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and slump into his side getting comfortable. I watch the TV, trying to focus on what is showing.
My body is getting very relaxed as the heaviness of exhaustion starts to take over. When I yawn, Braden takes the glass of wine I am holding and puts it on the table next to him. I am so relaxed, as a matter of fact, that I lie down and put my head on his lap. The last thing I remember is his touch, him combing his fingers through my hair.
******
I wake when I am lifted off the couch. I look around, still half asleep, and realize that I am in Braden’s arms. He is carrying me to my room. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck, inhaling his manly sexy smell. Soap and something spicy. Damn him for smelling so good.
He takes me to my bed and gently places me down, pulls the covers up to my chin, and kisses me softly on the lips.
I close my eyes just before the bed dips behind me.
I jackknife into a sitting position. “What are you doing?” I shriek.
“Shhhh, I’m tired, Em.”He pulls me down, drapes his arm over me, and fitting my back to his front. “Get some sleep, baby.”
“You can sleep on the floor!”
“Quiet,” he replies sternly. “Do you want to wake up Holly?”
As a matter of fact, I do.
Braden tightens his arm around me and nuzzles his chin into my hair. “Go to sleep. We have some things to discuss in the morning.”
I roll my eyes and huff. We have things to discuss? This man is infuriating, but I know arguing with him right now isn’t going to get me anywhere.
So instead, I melt into him and close my eyes.
******
I wake to my face in Braden’s chest. My arm is draped across his stomach, legs entwined with his. I lift my head up to see him.
He looks peaceful and relaxed and so much younger when he is asleep. His mo
uth is slightly open and I listen to his faint breaths.
He has me wrapped up tight in his arms as if he was afraid I was going to disappear in the middle of the night. I've missed how he used to hold me like this every night.
I try to scoot away without waking him with little success. He seems so comfortable.
I try to scoot away again and his arms tighten.
I scan his face and see him staring at me with that grin on his face—the one that flashes the killer dimple. Stupid dimple.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I have to go to the bathroom.”
His face is sleepy and warm.
Once again, we are staring at each other. Instinctively, my gaze moves to his mouth. He really does have a fantastic mouth.
I realize what I am doing and quickly shift back into his eyes.
He chuckles. “Do you need help to the bathroom?”
What am I, indolent?
“No, I’m fairly certain that I can handle it on my own.”
“You go freshen up and I will go get us some coffee.”
“Okay.” I nod and climb out of bed.
I close the bathroom door and rest against it. I peer at my reflection in the mirror. Great! My hair is a hot mess, half in the ponytail holder and half out. The strands of hair that are out are taking on a life of their own. I fell asleep before washing my makeup off last night, so there is a hint of black smeared under each eye from my mascara.
I roll my eyes. A real prize.
All right, I need to get it together.
I kick off the door, placing my hands on the sink and leaning in to wash my face and brush my teeth. I can’t believe Braden slept in my bed last night and I allowed it. What the hell am I doing?
I broke up with him because I was becoming a burden on him. He didn’t need me in his life complicating everything. I had enough issues with a leech of a father always trying to get money out of us. The man was always digging himself into a hole and we were always pulling him out.
That’s what got me into the mess I’m in now. That bastard took the six thousand dollars Braden had given him to pay off his last debt and left town. He never looked back. I haven’t spoken to Joseph Chase in six months.
The man is a coward.
All I got was a note:
Emma,
I had to leave town for a little while. I have some things to take care of. Not sure when I will be able to come back. Thanks for the money, kid.
Joe
That was it. He took off with the money Braden had given him to pay off his debt and hightailed it out of town.
The next day, I was walking out to my car in The Hare and the Hound parking lot when I was approached by a man. We now know this man as the man who ended up in my apartment months later.
“Emma Chase?”
“Who wants to know?” I asked him, taking in his appearance. He was taller than I was—which wasn’t hard with my five-foot-three frame –about five foot seven, scruffy, bearded face, black hair, olive skin, and black soulless eyes.
“You could say that I’m a friend of Joe’s. He owes me a little bit of money, darlin’.” His gaze wandered down my body and he licked his lips.
Shit.
“I’m sorry about that. Join the club.” I quickly headed to my car.
The man snatched me by the back of my neck, which brought me to a screeching halt.
“Now, Emma. I don’t like to be dismissed,” he spoke in a low growl into my ear. “I was told that you would make sure that I got what was owed to me. I intend to collect what is owed. To. Me.” His grip on my neck got tighter. “If you or your piece-of-shit father don’t pay up soon, I may just have to go and take it out of your boyfriend—or maybe that sweet little sister of his.”
I spun around and fixed my gaze right to his beady eyes. He had a pointed nose with a scar that spread across the left side of his forehead.
“You stay the hell away from them,” I gritted through my teeth.
Beady Eyes threw his head back and laughed. “So tough and sassy. I like a girl with attitude. I find it sexy as hell, but"—he pulled back a few inches and trailed his eyes along my body—"I want my money, Ms. Chase.”
“I told you, I don’t have that kind of money. You will have to wait until Joe comes back into town.”
Beady Eyes lowered his chin to make sure he had my full attention. “I expect my money by the end of the month, Ms. Chase. You’ll hear from me soon.”
And just like that, he walked away.
That night, I went home and invited Braden over.
I replayed the conversation in my head several times before he showed up, and each time, it made my stomach roll. I loved this man. If I loved him, I had to let him go. I would do nothing but cause him pain, and I couldn’t invite any more pain into this wonderful man’s life. He could do so much better, and I couldn’t expect him to stick around and deal with my family drama. He deserved more than this.
The knock at the door made me jump. I walked to it, took in a deep breath, and opened it, and there stood Braden. All six foot four of him.
He smiled that heartwarming smile of his and I almost lost my resolve.
I let him follow me in.
I stopped in the middle of the living room. I was such a coward that I couldn’t even look at him.
He put his hands on my shoulders and kissed the skin just below my ear. “Baby, what’s wrong?” There was clearly concern in his voice.
I took another deep breath, dropping my head. “I can’t do this to you anymore.”
He spun me around to him. I inspect his feet.
“What are you talking about?”
“This.” I pointed my finger and waved it between the two of us. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You can’t do this anymore?” he whispered.
I shook my head, still not lifting it up.
“Look at me, Em.”
I kept my head down.
He put a finger under my chin and lifted it forcing my attention on him. “What is this all about?”
Oh God. His eyes were so tormented as he scanned mine.
I pulled in a breath and decided right in that moment that I was doing this for him, so I pushed forward.
“I am ending this now,” I replied matter-of-factly.
“You’re ending this now? I don’t understand.”
Tears were pooling in my eyes. I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I couldn’t. He would want to stand by me, fix it like he had everything else in my life. I could feel my resolve faltering again. I had to do this.
“There is so much that you don’t understand, Braden. So much that will inevitably tear us apart anyway. We might as well end it now. I’m poison.”
His hands on my shoulders tightened.
“Look. You’re a great guy. You will find someone who deserves all that you are willing to give her.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Braden boomed at me, his warm face morphing to stone, his jaw twitching. “I come over here expecting to see my girl and you are acting as if I don’t mean shit to you.”
“Braden, we aren’t working. I have put a lot of thought into this and I think that, before this gets even more serious, we need to end it.”
“Goddamn it, Em! How can you stand before me spewing this shit and acting as if we haven’t been together for the past year and a half? Jesus! Don’t you know what you mean to me?”
“I know what I mean to you! That is why I have to walk away,” I spat. “I am a broken, twisted person. You deserve so much better!” I was yelling at him now, trying to get him to listen to me, trying to get him to see that I wasn’t the woman he thought I was.
“Everything I do is for you, woman. I am planning a life for us. Shit! I have paid your father off countless times to keep him off your back. Does that not mean anything to you?”
And there it was. If he didn’t walk away now, he would resent me more for it later.
“Exactly. Don�
��t you see?” I whispered.
“See what?”
I threw my arms up and out. “That I am no good for you! This is too much! You don’t need this in your life, Braden!”
“I knew what I was getting myself into with you, Em. I’d do it all over again—for you!”
Damn him. Clean break. It had to be this way. This was the only way to keep him, his sister, and his family safe.
I shook my head, looked up at the ceiling, and took in a breath.
“I’m done having this conversation with you. It’s over. I’m going to need you to leave. Now.”
I willed my feet to move to the kitchen before he saw me crying. There was a loud thud behind me. When I spun around, he was on his knees.
His eyes were full of anguish.
“Please don’t do this. I love you more than anything. Whatever is going on, we can work it out. I will do whatever you need me to, be whoever you want me to be. Have I not done a good enough job proving this to you? I'll try harder. Just please…please don’t leave me.”
The tears began to roll down my face. “I can’t,” I said through a shuddering breath. “I can’t”
I walked towards the front door when he takes me by the waist, pulling my abdomen to his face.
“Please. I need you,” he whispered, and I felt his large body shake.
I couldn’t stop the tears. They kept pouring down my face.
“Leave, Braden. I will always love you, which is why I need you to leave.”
He stood up and crushed my body to him. “I can’t leave. You have my heart, baby.”
I put my hands on his waist and pushed him back. “I’m giving it back.”
I reach over grabbing the door knob. Braden nodded with tears in his eyes. He walked out of the door and didn’t look back.
I thought about Braden every day over the months we were apart. He was the first thing on my mind when I woke up in the morning and he was the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep at night. I spent many sleepless nights crying. It was pure hell.
A week before the rape, I went to see him at his family’s bar. I knew he would be there because he helped his father manage Holt's and he worked as a bartender. The man sure knew his way around a bar.