by Steve Cole
“We must warn Queen Soapi about what’s really happening,” puffed Teggs.
“Too late,” said Arx, skidding to a halt as he rounded a sand dune. “Look!”
An army of bactrosaurs in gleaming white uniforms were trooping down the beach, led by four terror birds. They all carried catapults and coconuts. Queen Soapi marched at the back with Gastro and Janice the hoof-maiden.
“We must guard every cave!” Soapi cried. “If you catch any megs swimming out – bop them on the nose!”
“Your Majesty!” Teggs bellowed. He scattered the troops as he charged over to her, Arx and Iggy close behind. “You’re being tricked! The megs are not sinking the island. Gastro and his dodgy plumbing are to blame!”
“How dare you?” Gastro bawled back. But his fellow terror birds looked at each other shiftily.
“It’s true!” said Teggs, waving the shark-shaped swimsuit in her face. “They’ve been using disguises like these to make you think the megs were attacking you!”
“Er, Captain?” said Arx. He had turned, and was pointing out to sea. “It seems they really are attacking us!”
The waters lapping the island shore began to churn and bubble. Then twenty weird machines started emerging from the ocean. Each was like a large fish tank on wheels – and each contained a mean-looking meg. Wicked weapons gleamed on either side of the thick glass casings. Behind the first twenty came another twenty. And then another . . .
“They’ve built mobile fish tanks!” shouted Gastro. “They can go anywhere on the whole island!”
Queen Soapi bravely raised her coconut catapult. “Then let’s get nutting!”
“No!” called Teggs. “You’re being tricked into fighting. Stop!”
But the first coconuts had already been launched – by the terror birds standing at the front. The hairy weapons bounced harmlessly off the mobile aquariums. The bactrosaurs hooted with dismay as the super-sharks trundled onwards, aiming their guns . . .
“What can we do?” groaned Iggy.
“I don’t know,” said Teggs, gritting his beak. “The megs may not have started this fight – but it looks like they mean to finish it!”
Chapter Nine
THE BIG BREAKDOWN
Without warning, the megs opened fire. Big splats of dung shot out of their weapons.
“Don’t be afraid!” called Queen Soapi. “Our Spotless Survival Suits will protect us!”
But they didn’t. As Teggs watched in horror, the dung splattered all over the brave bactrosaurs. It left huge, messy stains on their suits. Soon there was nothing spotless about them!
“Your Survival Suits don’t work, Gastro!” cried Queen Soapi. “You said they would keep us clean!”
“So that’s why your feathery friends pulled me down the toilet,” snarled Iggy. “You knew that if I studied those suits I’d learn the truth – that they’re useless!”
“Ooooh! The mess!” gasped one bactrosaur.
“The smell!” wailed another, fainting.
“I can’t stand it!” cried two more, running into each other.
Soon the bactrosaurs were either fainting in shock or running around the beach in a giant tizzy. The megs chased after them in their terrible tank-tanks, dispensing dung with no mercy.
“Inflate your suits!” shouted the queen, pulling a special cord on her snazzy waistband. “Run into the sea and float away as fast as you can!”
The bactrosaurs did as they were told. But the suits inflated too much, too quickly. In the blink of an eye the bactrosaurs were rolling around the beach like giant beach balls, completely helpless.
Only Janice the hoof-maiden stayed uninflated, and Queen Soapi clung onto her for support. “You have tricked me, Gastro!” she cried, staring at the terror bird in disbelief.
“No!” Gastro looked like he was about to cry. “I know the suits work! I designed them myself!”
Teggs grabbed hold of him. “You terror birds started this,” he said. “Now finish it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” cried Gastro. Before he could pull free, Iggy grabbed hold of his wings and Arx trod on his claws, stopping him in his tracks. “Let me go! All prehistoric beasts should try to live in harmony!”
“Captain, look!” Iggy pointed to a huge tank-tank with solid-gold guns, slowly rumbling towards them. It was scattering inflated bactrosaurs in all directions. “That must be King Fin himself.”
Gastro was struggling furiously. “Let go of me, Teggs!” he shouted. “We must protect Queen Soapi!”
“That’s rich,” Iggy snorted. “You put her in danger in the first place!”
Teggs raised his tail warningly over Gastro’s head. “Terror birds, I order you to help us stop this battle. I’ve got your leader here!”
The terror birds sniggered. “That’s what you think,” said the one called Godfrey.
King Fin smiled wickedly as he wheeled closer and closer, his army right behind him. He aimed his dung-shooters straight at Queen Soapi. The queen bounced bravely in front of Janice to protect her. In turn, Teggs stood in front of them both.
But suddenly, the tank-tank ground to a halt. It started to shake. King Fin frowned and bubbled something very rude.
“Why has he stopped?” Queen Soapi wondered.
Teggs frowned. “It looks like the megs have all stopped!”
He was right. All over the beach, the tank-tanks had come to a halt. But it didn’t look as though the megs had meant to stop. Each one seemed stuck, thrashing about inside, helpless.
“The tank-tanks have broken down!” cried Queen Soapi, bouncing up and down. “We’re saved!”
“Don’t bet on it,” sneered Godfrey.
Teggs turned to Gastro. “What have you done?”
But before Gastro could answer, a sinister shape slithered out from the sea. It was a massive megalodon, looking so fat and stuffed that it might burst! Two terror birds went at once to help it up – and Teggs caught sight of the zipper running down its side.
“A shark costume,” breathed Arx. “Just like that one we found before. Only this one still has a terror bird inside it!”
“Welcome back, Gordon.” Godfrey grinned. “Did you take care of everyone in King Fin’s under-sea palace?”
“Er – yeah. Everyone’s locked up. We can deal with them later.” Gordon waddled over in his lumpy disguise to where Gastro and the astrosaurs were standing. “Looks like the big battle is all over, eh, boss?” Gastro only stared in angry silence. “What’s wrong, ‘boss’?” sneered Teggs. “Raptor got your tongue?”
“No.” Gastro shook his head. “Gordon isn’t talking to me.”
“Correct,” came a voice none of them had heard before. “He is talking to me!”
Iggy, Arx and Gastro jumped in the air in surprise. Queen Soapi bounced backwards in shock.
“You?” Teggs gasped. “You are the terror birds’ boss?”
“Correct!” Janice the hoof-maiden was grinning in triumph. “My plan has worked perfectly. Nobody can stop me now!”
Chapter Ten
BOILING POINT!
“Janice!” said Queen Soapi sternly. “Stop being so naughty at once!”
“Shan’t!” said Janice, sticking out her tongue. “I’m sick of acting like a faint little fairy!”
“Get that hoof-maiden!” Teggs ordered.
But Janice quickly grabbed Queen Soapi in a painful armlock. “Stay back!” she snapped. “I’m not taking any more orders from you or anyone else! You’re finished, Soapi! This world now belongs to the terror birds.”
“But why would you help them?” Arx demanded.
“I haven’t. They have helped me!” She chuckled. “I could tell that Gastro’s bird-brained band was getting fed up with life on the run. So I persuaded them to act like true terror birds. Thanks to me, the terror birds will soon inherit this planet. In return they will give me my own moon to rule over, and I shall fill it with noise and smells and machines and dirt!”
�
�Disgusting!” trilled Queen Soapi, helpless in her hoof-maiden’s grip. “Wash your mouth out, Janice!”
“No!” She stamped her foot, making King Fin jump in his broken tank-tank. “I’m sick of acting so clean. I love muck! I love being rude! I love smelly things!”
Iggy’s eyes narrowed. “So it was you who pulled me down the toilet.”
“Correct,” she sneered. “I pretended to be weak and feeble so you would never suspect me. But really I want to boss people about and make everything dirty – and that’s just what I’ll do!”
“So Gastro really was trying to help Queen Soapi,” Arx realized. “He had no idea that his friends had turned against him!”
“We’re fed up of eating grass and fixing toilets,” said Godfrey. “Once Atlantos is ours, we shall let our rulers use it as a new nest-planet. From here they can easily raid the nearby pliosaur planets for food – YUM!”
Teggs nodded. “Then, in return, they will stop hunting you and you’ll be free birds. What a nasty plan!”
“And it was all my idea,” said Janice proudly. “Gastro, you are a dismal dummy. Your plumber chums have been breaking your precious toilet pipes, not fixing them! They have even repaired your ship in secret.”
“Aha!” said Arx. “So that’s where you got the power to block our communicators!”
“Yes,” hissed Godfrey. “We weren’t expecting the DSS to send you here so fast. We had to stop you getting reinforcements somehow!”
King Fin burbled and bubbled, bashing his tail helplessly against the thick plastic of his broken tank-tank.
“That’s right, fish-face,” sneered Janice. “We sabotaged all your tank-tanks, just like we sabotaged Gastro’s Spotless Survival Suits.”
“Wicked child!” gasped Queen Soapi.
Godfrey laughed. “Since no one on this island knows the first thing about technology, it was easy-peasy to trick both sides!”
Janice nodded. “But now it is time that this battle was brought to an end . . .”
Suddenly Teggs saw that the water in the tank-tanks was starting to bubble.
The megs trapped inside were tumbling about in alarm. “What’s happening to them?” he asked. “That water looks like it’s boiling.”
“We told you we were sick of eating grass,” rasped one of the terror birds. “It’s time we had a nice meaty dinner. Boiled shark followed by raw bactrosaurs-in-dung with astrosaurs for dessert . . .” He licked his beak. “Delicious!”
Queen Soapi finally fainted.
“You savages!” shouted Teggs. “You could at least eat us with some nice wild sea-grass!”
“Only I shall be spared,” chuckled Janice. “And, of course, when the DSS come to investigate I shall confirm the terror birds’ story: everyone on both sides was lost – and you astrosaurs got caught in the crossfire!”
“Come on, Gordon. Get out of that silly disguise,” said Godfrey, pecking at the zipper on the shark suit. “Gosh, you’ve put on some weight, haven’t you . . . ?”
“Whoaaaaaa!” Suddenly Gordon burst out of the meg outfit, like a big feathery banana squeezed from its skin. Everyone stared in surprise. The terror bird had been thrown from his costume by a bedraggled figure in a bright orange swimsuit . . .
“Gipsy!” Teggs yelled in delight. “She was hiding in that disguise with Gordon, all the time!”
“Hi, Captain!” She jabbed Godfrey in the beak and swiped another terror bird with her tail. “It was a tight fit in there, but I thought we might need to launch a surprise attack!”
“It surprised me all right!” said Iggy, beaming as he let go of Gastro and charged at the startled terror birds.
Teggs bounded after him, whirling his tail at top speed. “But, Gipsy, how did you stop Gordon from warning his friends?”
“First I beat him in battle and forced my way into his costume,” she explained. “Then I told him I would yank out some very sensitive feathers if he didn’t play along with my plan!”
Teggs struck one of the terror birds with his titanic tail. Flapping in alarm, the big bird crashed into Iggy, who socked him with his stun claws.
But by now Godfrey and Gordon had recovered. They launched into a kung-fu attack on Teggs, lashing out with their legs. Their wings whooshed through the air, ready to deliver deadly blows.
“Two against one?” sneered Teggs, blocking their ferocious kicks with his tail.
“Make that three against one,” said a terror bird behind him, cruel talons ready to tear into Teggs’s scaly skin . . .
But, suddenly, the bird was smashed senseless to the sand – by Gastro! “Make that two against two,” said Gastro fiercely, standing side-by-side with Teggs. With a flurry of high-kicks and wing-chops he sent Godfrey flying. Teggs did a furious forward roll, steamrolling Gordon into the beach, leaving him in a squashed daze.
Back on his feet, Teggs saw that Iggy and Gipsy had dealt with the other two terror birds. “Good work, crew,” he said. “Thanks to you too, Gastro. I’m sorry we misjudged you.”
“Never mind that,” said Gastro. “Where’s that horrid hoof-maiden gone?”
“Look! She’s getting away!” yelled Iggy.
Teggs saw that Janice was making a fast exit, climbing up a sand dune.
“Don’t worry, she won’t get far,” called Arx. He had snapped off two dung-shooters from a tank-tank and carried one under each arm. Taking careful aim he fired both at once. With a slop, a plop and a very rude noise, Janice was engulfed in a giant ball of dung. Shrieking, she rolled helplessly back down the sand dune towards the beach.
“Got you!” cried Arx.
Iggy beamed. “Brilliant shooting!”
“Hang on, though,” said Gastro. “We forgot about the tank-tanks!”
Teggs stared around. While the bactrosaurs were slowly waking from their fainting fits and floating about the beach like big balloons, the masses of megs were still trapped in their boiling, bubbling tanks. Some of them were turning red.
“The poor things,” said Gipsy. “They’ve been tricked, they’ve been used – and now they’re being boiled like eggs. We must get them out!”
“But there’s not enough time to save them all!” said Iggy helplessly. “What can we possibly do?”
Chapter Eleven
A CLEAN GETAWAY
“The bactrosaurs,” said Arx suddenly. “There are lots of them, and they’re starting to wake up. They could help us get the megs out!”
“But will they want to help us?” Iggy wondered.
“Start the rescue operation, guys,” said Teggs. “I’ll see what I can do!”
With rocks, hooves and claws, Gipsy, Arx, Iggy and Gastro started cracking open the tank-tanks. Teggs rushed over to where Queen Soapi lay and quickly popped her inflated Survival Suit.
“Oh, my poor sweet-smelling head!” groaned Queen Soapi. “What happened?”
“Never mind that,” he said. “You and your people must help us save the megs from being boiled up like shark soup!”
“Help those slimy sea-monsters, after they splattered us with that dreadful dung?” Queen Soapi shook her head. “No!”
“They were tricked into attacking you,” Teggs reminded her. “They thought you were poisoning their sea. Now they will die without your help!”
“You’re wasting your time with that feeble lot, Teggs!” sneered Janice, still stuck in her giant dungball. “All they care about is keeping clean!”
“Prove her wrong,” Teggs urged Queen Soapi. “Show mercy to the megs. Please.”
Queen Soapi gulped. Cries and wails and shrieks were starting up along the beach. Not from the helpless megs, but from the bactrosaurs – they had just realized how dirty their Survival Suits were!
“Stop moaning, you lot!” the queen cried. “We bactrosaurs are made from sterner stuff! Now, burst your silly suits – they are not tooth- or claw-proof at all. Hurry! We must help the astrosaurs rescue the megs!”
“Thanks, Your Majesty.” Teggs hugged Queen Soapi, smear
ing her with sand as he did so. For a moment, her bottom lip wobbled.
Then she smiled and brushed the sand away. “Let’s get on with it!”
The beach filled with noisy pops as the bewildered bactrosaurs bustled about the beach in deflating suits. They all mucked in to free the megs from the bubbling tank-tanks. With Gastro, Teggs and his crew they heaved the enormous super-sharks back into the sea.
With all her strength, Gipsy dragged King Fin to the water’s edge. He wriggled into the gentle waves, and sighed with relief. “Thank you, my dear. Can you forgive an old fool for believing those terror birds and locking you up?” Gipsy smiled. “Everything’s OK now. You and the bactrosaurs can live in peace again.”
Soon, the waters were brimming with grey fins and happy sighs. To say thank you, the megs used their sharp teeth to remove what was left of the bactrosaurs’ filthy Survival Suits. The dinosaurs danced together in the water, grateful and glad to be clean again.
“There’s going to be a terrible mess to clean up,” said Queen Soapi.
“That’s true,” Teggs agreed. “Kleen Island is still sinking under the weight of all that poo and wee!”
“I think I can make a special mixture that will dissolve it,” said Gastro.
“We will make it together,” said Arx firmly. “And then, once the dung has disappeared, the island will rise up from the waves once again!”
“Our home will be just as it was before!” cried Queen Soapi. “Hooray!”
The bactrosaurs cheered.
“But what about all that dung in the ocean?” asked Teggs.
Gastro nodded at the pile of conked-out terror birds. “Don’t worry. I will make sure these traitors clean up every polluted plop from King Fin’s under-sea kingdom.”
Now it was the megs’ turn to cheer!
“I can help Gastro fix the plumbing for the toilets,” said Iggy. “We’ll make sure this can never happen again!”
“But first we must go to the terror-bird ship and switch off their jamming device,” said Teggs. “I must contact the Sauropod. The dimorphodon will be very worried about us by now!”
“And I’m sure Admiral Rosso will be dying to know what’s been going on,” Gipsy agreed.