Instantly I regret asking. My stomach is using my heart as a punching bag. But that doesn’t stop me from digging deeper. A voice way inside my soul tells me to shut up, but I can’t. I just can’t. “No? So, you were too tied up with that girl then. That must have been nice.” I slide the key in the lock.
His eyes darken. “Nicole.”
I throw a casual glance over my shoulder. “Hmm?” I drop my keys back in my jacket pocket before I pull it off and throw it onto the floor. It hits the ground a little too hard.
“I see what you’re doing.”
“What am I doing?”
He closes the door, his eyelashes lowered as he thinks of what to say. I stand still, heartbeat thudding in my chest, stomach wailing on it. His head comes up slowly. He walks to me. When he gets a foot away, he slowly says, “My eyes. Looking at you. See?”
I nod, silent.
“Good. You want the truth of what happened?”
I hesitate, and slowly bring my head up and down, just once. My heart twists and I hold my breath. Why am I asking? How can this help anything? But I need to know the answer. I have to know, so I can protect myself, so I’m safe. I didn’t know Michael was married, and look where that got me: months of begging him to have sex with me and not understanding why he wouldn’t, feeling rejected and unloved and unworthy. This might hurt – but…
“I have to know,” I whisper.
His jaw sets and his eyes hold mine prisoner. He wants me to see that he’s telling me the truth. He takes a deep breath. “I extended my trip another night because I wanted to see if anything was possible with her, yes. But she shot me down early on. I was pretty hung up about it, couldn’t understand it and thought she was just scared. But I think it’s more than that. I think I know why, now.”
Staring up at him, I ask plainly – no walls, no bullshit, “Why?”
He brings his hands up to cup my face. His eyes sadden, hoping I’ll believe him. They’re so earnest and heartfelt that I can’t look away. I’ve stopped breathing.
“Because if she hadn’t rejected me, I’d be here in New York with her right now. I wouldn’t have met you! And while I did feel something for her, it pales in comparison with what this feels like.” He motions back and forth between our chests, our hearts. He walks away and paces like he’s trying to get the strength to continue, wondering if he should. There’s something greater than this that’s been on his mind. I can see it from the troubled look, the way he’s biting his lips again. “Here’s the thing, Nicole. I have been looking for something like this for a long time.”
“You just met me yesterday,” I breathe, entranced by the trustworthy gleam in his eyes that says believe me.
“So?” His eyes travel to my parted lips, then back up. He looks pained as a terrifying thought occurs to him. “Don’t you feel it? Am I alone in this?”
I walk, reach out and lay my hands on his chest. His heart vibrates against my hands, beating fast. “You’re not alone. And it’s more than a little terrifying to me.”
A relieved smile washes over him. “I didn’t think it was scary until just now. It’s crazy, I know. But being with you, the way you look at me, the way you feel in my arms. These eyes of yours, Nicole. They kill me. I look into them and I think of…”
“Possibilities,” I finish in little more than a whisper. I nod and add, “I was thinking the same thing about you.”
He’s thoughtful, like he’s figuring these things out as he says them aloud. “It’s like I understand you. And when you were telling me these details about your life, it’s like you were connecting the dots to a puzzle I’ve already finished.”
My eyes fall closed and I turn my chin up, asking for a kiss. He bends down gladly and kisses me like it’s our first kiss, searching and new. I can handle this. He’ll live far away and we’ll see each other when we can. It will give me enough time and space to ease into being with a good man, to open up to that. To let my guard down… over time. To trust him… over time. To…
Mark interrupts my thoughts. “I live far away. But people can move.”
My lashes fly open.
He shakes his head in amazement. “When I was looking around the city today, I was wondering if I could live here. What if this was my home?”
I squeak, “Oh!”
I step away. “Mark, I’m not… I just… Look.” I hold my hand up and look around the room for something to focus on, to stop the spinning in my head. I know I made the decision not to lose him… but first I can’t lose myself. Not again. Not this soon. I’m still healing from Michael! I can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry.” He steps back, his eyes clouding. His chin sets.
I look away from him. “It’s my fault. I quizzed you about your other trip. About that fucking girl. So you felt you had to explain. Hell, I asked you to! Then feelings got amplified. Things got said. And now – well, as you can probably tell, I’m freaking out right now. I just met you!”
He stammers over me, “No. You’re right. I shouldn’t have said…”
“…I’m so not good at relationships!”
“I was just caught up in the moment…”
“…And, trust me, I’m a slower mover than this.”
“So am I!” He looks at me intently. He runs his hands through his hair and down the back of his neck as he walks toward the kitchen to distance himself. “Usually.” He shoots a troubled look my way and stands in the doorway.
I wish I knew what to say. I hate that he’s standing over there, looking at me like that. Struggling and feeling very insecure, I mumble, “The best I can do is be honest with you. That’s the best I can do.” I move my hand back and forth like he did, motioning in the air from my heart to his. “This? I haven’t done this in a long time.” He nods, but I feel like I’m losing him. This is torture.
I take a step closer to him, but stop as he looks at me. He’s discouraged. “Shit. Look at that face you’re giving me.”
He shakes his head, looks up at the ceiling and back at me, unable to lose the expression.
I take another step. “Okay. Me. Looking at you? See?”
He stares at me. Nods slowly.
“I am feeling exactly what you’re feeling. And it’s been years since that feeling didn’t land me in heartbreak. I want to leap into this with you. I really do. Today, in the park, I made the decision – God help me for saying this out loud – I made a decision that I wasn’t going to make the same mistake as that girl. You know the one.”
Hope glimmers in his eyes. “Keep going.”
A small relieved laugh drifts out of me. “Okay. I want to keep seeing you. I want to try long distance. I just need to move slowly. If I don’t – I will run. I know that because I know me. Can you do that?”
“Slowly,” he repeats, soaking it in.
“Slowly.”
I wiggle my fingers, anxious for what to do or say next. He walks over to my paintings. Is he debating on whether or not to just be business partners? The idea of doing that deflates me, but I say nothing. Finally he turns his head, takes me in. As I watch, his mood transforms. He pulls it together, walks and leans against a wall.
“I’m sorry.”
I smile, gratified by the warmth that’s returned to his eyes. “For what?”
“We were having such a good time and I got all forever on it.”
Hearing that word makes me sweat. I give a little shrug of one shoulder. ““It’s fine. Is it hot in here? This sweater feels hot all of a sudden.”
A mischievous smirk pulls at the corners of his lips. “Then why don’t you take it off?”
He’s making a joke but I see it clearly as the answer. This is the door out of the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. I know how to do sex.
Fear gets replaced by mojo. I reach up and slowly slide my fingers into my hair, twisting it in a tight bun, tucking in the ends so they stay. I let my mouth fall lax as I hold his look. A tiny corner of my mouth tugs up in a sexy smile. He licks his lips, alert
. I wiggle my hips in one slow circular motion, bring my chin down. “You know what?”
He runs his eyes over my breasts, my hips, down my legs, takes his time raking them back up my curves. He cocks his head to the side. “No. What?”
“How’d you like to see me all wet?”
“Again?”
My jaw drops with surprised laughter. “Okay, wise guy. How’d you like to see all of me wet? Suds sliding down over my bare, slippery skin…”
A grin spreads fast across his face. But he shakes his head. “I wouldn’t like that at all.”
I turn and arch my back so that my ass rises up. I peek over my shoulder at him. “No?”
He stays leaned against the wall, his muscular frame gorgeous as he shifts his weight. “Nah.”
“Hmmm…” I saunter back to him, stopping just out of his reach. He eyes me suspiciously, wondering what I’m going to do.
“You don’t want to see these moistened…” I pull my sweater off. I reach back, holding his eyes, and pop my bra off, bringing my arms in as I remove it, pushing my breasts together, forming a delightfully enhanced cleavage. “…under a heavy stream of hot, steaming water?” His eyes lock on my dark nipples as they tighten and twist, becoming hard under the cool air of the room. I step to him and very slowly reach for his hand, pulling it up to my mouth to suck on one of his fingers as we stare at each other, our eyes smoldering. My tongue lingers over the tip, and then I run his wet finger around and around one of my nipples. His mouth is open, and his eyes are filled with fire. His breathing changes. I can hear it. I release his hand with a flourish and saunter away toward the bathroom as I tuck my fingers under the hips of my jeans.
“Okay. I’ll see you later.”
From behind me I hear him leap, using the wall as a springboard. I narrowly escape his outstretched hand. I run fast around the corner into the bathroom, straining to close the door on him, wrestling against him and laughing as he growls at me. He pushes it open – overpowers me in seconds. “You are now my prisoner,” he says, in a deep, cartoon-voice, with a look that says I am no match for his superhuman strength.
I throw my hands up. “Oh no!”
Eyes lit up by laughter and desire for me, he rips off his jacket as I back away from him. I watch him peel off his clothes. He reaches back with both chiseled arms, biceps tightening as he pulls off his shirt, stripping it over his head, hair falling in a sexy mess. He throws the shirt on the floor. My body is on fire watching him, my pussy tingling sharply, so much so that I almost reach down and touch myself. He pulls me to him with his hands on my ass. The feeling of our bare skin against each other quickens both our hearts. His lips hungrily take possession of mine. Every cell in my body moans. He grabs me tightly so that my breasts crush against him. I move my thigh so his leg fits into the crevice between my legs. I rub on it as we kiss. He moves down and gnaws on my neck, licking it and biting my skin. My head goes back and I moan, throwing my breasts up high into him. He bends to kiss their tender skin, to spread heat on my nipples with hot, hungry kisses. I hold onto his biceps, loving the strength of them. His fingers, pressed into my back, pull my body up to meet his mouth. His breath is coming in short beats of pleasure and little moans.
He releases me, turns to the shower, shaking his head under this thought: our chemistry is insane. With one yank, he pulls back the shower curtain, reaches down and gets the water to the right temperature, fast. He turns and yanks off my clothes quicker than they’ve ever come off.
Then he stops… steps back to drink me in.
Standing in front of him, I’m naked and fearless. Living in my sexuality is something I’m used to. I no longer feel insecure. Fear seems ridiculous. My head is held high, my body held out to him like a carrot that’s actually within his reach. He cocks his head to the side, bites his bottom lip through a smile of disbelief and appreciation as he rakes over me with stormy eyes.
He yanks off the rest of his own clothes, holds out his hand and says, “Shall we?”
I smile suggestively. “We shall.”
All of the niceties disappear as the water rushes wet heat onto our skin. Mark turns our bodies so that both of us can feel it. He pulls me to him, slippery flesh against flesh. We kiss hard and fast, tasting everything and loving it all. I claw into his back with my nails, wrap one leg around his ass and rub against his upper thigh as he grabs my ass and helps me, pushing me against it. I gasp against his mouth as he groans into mine. His full cock presses against my stomach, demanding our attention. He flips me around fast, standing behind me. I’m facing the mirror, the shower curtain still pulled aside. He planned for me to watch him fuck me in the mirror’s reflection. I know that now. I reach up, grab onto the shower curtain pole. Everything’s done in the reflection. I never take my eyes off us. His hands come around me slowly, sliding down my breasts, my ribcage, his cock pressing against my ass, waiting. He grips my right hip and slips his free hand down my pussy and into my lips. I stretch and moan under his touch, staring at him, our eyes locked together, hooded. My breasts lift high as I hold on tight to the steel pole, bending under his fingers as he strokes me. He’s slow and so sensual in his touch. I’m slippery more from excitement than from the water. In the mirror, I see him pull back and check out my ass, so I lift it up, give it a little shake and smile at him in the reflection. He gives it a slap and eats me alive with his look. His leg rises up and his foot finds security on the rim next to me, the lines beautiful. I bring my leg up, too, opening to him, our thighs pressed together. I gasp from the pleasure of his fingers. He reaches around and presses his cock, so full and hard, against the small of my back, sliding around just a bit to tease me. My eyes tell him I want you. I’m begging for more. I push my knee into his, both our legs open. He bends and pushes the tip of his gorgeous cock deeply into me. His eyes close. He grabs onto both of my hips and I moan as he digs his fingers into my soft flesh. His head falls back as he buries himself in. I yell out as he pushes up and undulates his hips round and round. He pulls his cock out in a long sweeping motion and thrusts in again, hard and fast. I shiver. As I look at our skin shining with water, the image of us in the mirror begins to disappear behind steam. Instantly I imagine us vanishing and have to shove away the horribleness of my dark imagination. I close my eyes hard. He bites my neck and it hurts just enough to grab my focus, bring it back to this delirious moment.
I release the pole and grab onto his arm. He holds tightly onto my chest, holding me up. I want this. I need his support. I move my ass against his cock as it thrusts into me and fills me up so deeply. My pussy yields to him again and again as I scream out, a willing victim to the torturous build of sexual pleasure. I reach down with my left hand and grab onto the strength of his left thigh, pressed hard against my own and moving back and forth with every penetrating push. I arch and shove myself harder onto him. I use all of my force to make him push deeper and deeper as the sensations quake through me. I yell out and scream as the first sharp satisfying burst rips me apart. He yells out loud and long, his grip tightening around my breasts, my fingernails pressing into his skin. He yells out and growls from the surge of his own quaking frame. He rams me harder, his body jerking out of control, his mouth latching onto my shoulder as he pounds me. He gasps and loosens the python-tight stranglehold he has on my ribs. I collapse my head onto his chest and he brings his leg in, hugging mine against my body. Our chests heave in time together. Neither of us speaks.
He stays inside of me as long as he can. My mind is clear now. Blissfully relaxed. Happily blank. He pulls out and turns me toward the water, cupping it in his hands and rubbing it around with his thick fingers to rinse me off. He tenderly kisses my shoulders and smiles at me. I smile back and let him slowly clean me all over. Even on my feet and in between my toes. He guides me to turn around and I watch his handsome face as he concentrates on cleaning my breasts. He’s very thorough. My breasts have never been this clean. I bring my hands to rest on his taut shoulders as he massages them as long as
he wants to, the feeling soothingly divine to me.
He looks up and meets my eyes, a shyness in him that I haven’t seen yet.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Is it wrong for me to say out loud that you’re the first…” He hesitates, blinking, thinking if it’s okay to go on.
I take a stab at what he’s thinking. “Black girl?”
A small, grateful smile tugs at his sexy lips. “Yeah. You’re the first.” He looks down at his hands cupping my breasts, massaging soap bubbles around my dark nipples. “Your skin…it’s so beautiful,” he whispers, entranced. A sensation of well being and confidence washes over me, as he moves to clean my arms next, caressing them like he cherishes me. With slow circles, he washes my stomach, poking a finger in my belly button and making me laugh and swat him away as he grins. Finally, he reaches down and cleans the place I now want no one else to touch, ever again.
When he’s done, he gives himself a fraction of the attention, just a splash around with a little soap on his cock as he smirks at me. As he bends to turn off the water I run my hand over his ass, the tense little lines of muscle flexing and oh so hot.
We dry each other off and he picks me up, takes me to the bedroom. “You want to get dressed?”
“I’d like to take a nap,” I say, gazing longingly at the bed.
“There’s no rush, right? We can do whatever we want to tonight. No one waiting for us. No plans.” He sets me down. Then he climbs onto the bed like he did earlier, on all fours… a 6’4” beast of amazing.
I repeat what he said, tasting the sound of relaxation on my tongue. “No one waiting for us. No plans.”
He pulls the covers up over our naked bodies as we wrap ourselves into a cozy pretzel for two. I lean up to receive a kiss on my nose as if I’ve done it a million times. With my hand on his chest, my head resting in the nook of his arm, I fall happily asleep. When I dream, I dream of a translucent blue ocean with white sand beneath an orange sunlit sky, with no one around… but Mark and me.
I Love My Chance (Nicole's Erotic Romance 3) Page 3