“Of course I don’t mind coming with you.”
Lettie walked over and took Melissa’s face between her hands. “You’re such a sweet child to indulge an old woman you barely know.”
“You’re sweet to indulge my interest in these women’s stories. I can’t thank you enough for all this information.”
“It’s good to have a passion for something. I like that you want to give credit to others. Now, let’s get going before it gets dark. You can drive, can’t you?”
“Of course.”
“My car is in the garage around back.”
Twenty minutes later, Melissa turned Lettie’s gray Pontiac into the entrance of the cemetery on the outskirts of Davis Landing. The wrought-iron gates stood open, and as she passed under the archway, Melissa realized that she hadn’t been here since Jenny’s funeral.
It had rained that day—hard pouring rain that seemed to beat the mourners into smaller versions of themselves. Everyone had huddled under umbrellas. She remembered her father, his head uncovered, holding his umbrella over Jenny’s parents as they supported each other from the car to the striped awning set up over the grave. She remembered the flowers, their delicate petals knocked loose by the deluge as Jenny’s coffin was carried from the hearse. It had been a terrible day.
The road into the cemetery forked just beyond the entrance. Lettie pointed to the right. “Gilbert is up by the statue of Jesus and the lambs. I’ll tell you when to stop.”
Melissa nodded and started in that direction. She pulled over at a word from Lettie and turned off the engine. Lettie opened the door, but paused and looked over her shoulder. “Would you mind terribly if I asked you not to come up with me? I’d rather be alone.”
“I don’t mind waiting.”
“You should go and see your friend while you are here.”
Melissa looked down the road ahead. If she remembered correctly, Jenny’s grave was past the next group of loblolly pines. Shaking her head, she said, “No, I’ll wait here for you in case you get to feeling worse.”
“Worse than what? Oh, yes. Well, the truth is I’m feeling much, much better. It must be the fresh air.”
Melissa frowned at her companion. “Miss Lettie, did you fib to me?”
Lettie opened her mouth and closed it again, then managed a sheepish grin. “I wouldn’t call it so much a fib, as a plan.”
“A plan for what?”
“To get you to come here and see your friend, Jenny.” She got out of the car and leaned down to look in. “You have a lot to tell her. Go on.”
Lettie closed the door and began walking across the immaculately manicured lawns to a small bench beside one of the lambs clustered at Christ’s feet. She opened her purse and drew out a small white rosebud. After laying it on the brown granite tombstone in front of her, she sat down and bowed her head.
Melissa stepped out of the car and stared down the gravel road toward the pines. It looked like a short walk, but it was one that had taken her seven years to make.
The crushed white rock crunched under her shoes as she began walking. The world was so quiet. All she heard besides her own footsteps was the sound of the breeze in the pines as she passed them. Their marvelous smell scented the air with a fragrance that was pure and crisp. Around her, the grounds sloped toward the river in gentle undulating rolls marked by carved stones in all shapes and sizes.
The stand of pines separated a newer part of the cemetery from the old. This part lacked the large and ornate headstones of the older sections, but the identical low markers gave the hillside a solemn dignity. It took her a few more minutes to find Jenny’s stone.
Kneeling down, Melissa brushed a few grass clippings from the top of the marker. Quietly, she read the inscription.
“Jennifer LeAnn Wilson, Our blessed daughter sleeps not here, but lives in Heaven above.”
“Oh, Jenny, I hope that’s true. I hope you aren’t here, but someplace wonderful, someplace filled with love and happiness. Richard believes that, and so does Lettie, and my mother, and so many other people that I respect. I want to believe, too.”
Settling back on her heels, Melissa stared at the date of Jenny’s death. It was a date etched in her mind as firmly as it was etched in the stone before her.
“I’m sorry, Jenny. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on to you hard enough to keep you from dying. I’m sorry I didn’t run and get help or your parents. I know it broke your mother’s heart that she wasn’t with you. I hope you can forgive me for that.”
Melissa sniffed and wiped her nose. “Look at me, I’m crying again. That’s just about all I get done anymore. My hormones are way out of whack. Did you know that I’m pregnant? Remember how we used to play with our dolls and pretend we were off to visit each other while our husbands were working?
“I’m pregnant, but I really messed up the husband part. I wanted to love Dean. I thought I did, but I got that wrong, too. Now, I’m trying not to mess up this poor kid’s life, as well.
“Oh, Jenny, why did you have to die? Why couldn’t you have stayed here and talked me out of all the stupid things I’ve done since you’ve been gone? I depended on you.”
Melissa pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes to stem the tears that threatened. When she had gained a measure of control, she reached down and began pulling up little tufts of grass.
“Here I am, still trying to blame someone else for my mistakes. I know you didn’t want to die. I guess I even know that I couldn’t have prevented it.
“It’s funny, but all this time I didn’t realize how mad I was at you for leaving me until Lettie said that she had been mad at her husband for dying. Maybe I’m not such an oddball after all.”
For a long time, Melissa sat quietly in the grass, her legs folded beneath her as she thought about Jenny and the fun times they had shared as children and as carefree teenagers. The happy memories soon outnumbered the sad ones.
A small brown thrush flew down from the pines and landed on a marker only a few feet away. For a moment, it watched Melissa with bright eyes, turning its head left and right. It warbled a few bright notes, then it took flight and sailed toward the river.
As she watched it soar away, Melissa noticed that her heart was feeling lighter. She rose and dusted off her jeans. “Thanks for listening, Jenny, and thanks for being such a great friend. I love you, and I’ll never forget you. And I won’t stay away so long next time. I promise.”
When she turned around, Melissa saw Lettie waiting for her down at the edge of the road. Without a word, Melissa joined her. Arm in arm, they walked back to the car.
Chapter Eleven
At work the next morning, Melissa looked up to see Richard standing beside her cubicle. “What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise.
He glanced at his watch. “You have a doctor’s appointment in half an hour. I’m here to give you a ride.”
She knew about the appointment. It was simply another step toward ending her little problem.
No, don’t think of it that way. Think of it as making sure you can give someone a healthy child.
“The clinic isn’t that far. I can walk.”
“I’m sure you can, but I’m already here. I hate to think I took off work for nothing.”
Melissa gathered her purse and jacket from the back of her chair. “Will some mob boss go free because you aren’t in the courtroom?”
“Hardly.”
“In that case, I accept your offer of a ride.”
Fifteen minutes later they stood in the waiting room at Dr. Kathy Miller’s office. The room was small and cozy, with cheerful walls decorated with primary colors and oversize crayon cutouts. In one corner stood an enclosed play area for children. Only one other young woman sat on the blue plastic chairs. Melissa nodded as she took a seat across from her. Richard sat beside Melissa, looking as if he felt decidedly out of place.
She leaned toward him. “You don’t have to wait. I can walk or get a cab when I’m done.”
“I don’t mind waiting.” He picked up a copy of her family’s Nashville Living magazine from the low, rectangular coffee table in front of them.
She gave him a grateful smile. “Thanks for keeping me company. I know it isn’t rational, but medical places really do give me the creeps.”
He gave her a sympathetic smile. “I thought that might be the case.”
“When are you due?” The woman seated across the small waiting room pointed to Melissa’s stomach.
“The end of February,” Melissa replied.
“No fooling? Me, too. You sure aren’t showing much. I’m already as big as a house. I keep telling the doctor it must be twins but she says there’s only one. Have you got names picked out? The sonogram says mine is a boy. We’re thinking about calling him Colin Leroy. What do you think of that?”
“It’s a nice name.”
A middle-aged nurse in sea-green scrubs entered the room from the hallway that led back to the exam rooms. “Mrs. Marks, the doctor will see you now.”
Melissa watched in relief as the woman exited the room. Her plans were so much different than those of the happy young mother. How could she bring into a conversation about due dates and baby names the fact that she planned to give her child up for adoption?
Ten minutes later, the nurse was back for Melissa. As she rose to follow the nurse, the door opened and two more expectant women walked in. The doctor’s practice was obviously a busy one. It was with some trepidation that Melissa followed the nurse to the exam room. If only she had asked her mother or one of her sisters to come with her, she wouldn’t have to do this alone.
Inside the room, a short woman with curly black hair sat on a chrome stool beside the exam table. Dressed in a white lab coat over green scrubs, she was intently scribbling notes in a folder. When she was done, she closed the file, exchanging it for Melissa’s. Rising, she held out her hand. “Hello, I’m Dr. Miller.”
Melissa took the offered hand and forced a smile. “I’m happy to meet you.”
She wasn’t. Already she could feel her fears sprouting in a crawling sensation on the back of her neck.
“Please, have a seat.” The doctor indicated the black vinyl bed. “I understand this is your first visit to us.”
Melissa met her gaze, intent on maintaining control of her emotions. “Yes, I saw a doctor in Detroit when I first learned I was pregnant, but I haven’t seen anyone since.”
The doctor took her seat on the stool and rolled close. “Prenatal care is very important for the health of both mother and baby. I hope you’ll continue seeing me. The nurse will check your temperature and other vital signs. Undress and put on this gown and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
The exam lasted close to twenty minutes. Melissa answered all the nurse’s questions and tried to ignore the claustrophobic size of the room and the smell of antiseptics that reminded her vividly of Jenny’s last days.
Relax. Breathe. This is almost over. Richard is close by. He’s just beyond that door in the waiting room. You don’t want him to see you running out of the building like a madwoman, do you?
The snap of the doctor’s latex gloves when she pulled them off made Melissa flinch. “Everything looks good, except your blood pressure is a little high. I’ll want to keep an eye on that. All we need now is a sonogram to check out junior.”
Melissa swallowed hard. “How long will that take?”
“I’m a little backed up today. Hopefully, not more than half an hour.”
Another thirty minutes in this room? Melissa didn’t think she could do it. She pulled the sheet up to her chin. “Could Richard wait with me?”
“Certainly. I’ll have him step in.”
“Thank you.” Gripping the sheet, she closed her eyes and began to count. Anything to keep from thinking.
She was up to fifty-five before the door opened. The nurse came in followed by Richard. His eyes were filled with concern. His frown etched a crease between his brows. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
“No, the baby’s fine. I’m…I’m just—” She glanced at the nurse, unable to go on in front of a stranger.
He moved forward and took her hand. She gripped it tightly. Without letting go, he bent down and pulled the stool over, then sat close beside her. When the nurse started to leave, he said, “Can you leave the door open, please?”
She did as he asked and he turned back to Melissa with a smile. “Did I tell you what Lauren did after church yesterday? It was the cutest thing.”
She focused on his face, grateful for his presence. With the door open the room didn’t feel so close. “What did she do?”
“It was partly my fault. We stayed after church for the box social and I mentioned that if we didn’t hurry, we wouldn’t get a piece of Lettie’s pie. She’s quite famous for them. I didn’t even notice that Lauren was gone until Angela said something. We found Lauren and her friend Talia standing in front of the dessert table directing traffic around them. They had one of Lettie’s pies hidden under the table.”
“At least you got a piece.”
“The thing was, several of the boys from their class had seen the move. By the time Lauren raised the tablecloth to show me where she’d hidden the pie, there were only crumbs left in the pan and three very guilty-looking, stuffed boys sitting beside the pan.”
“You probably shouldn’t have pie, anyway. Too many calories.”
“Are you the diet police, now?”
“I am. Call me Sergeant Pepperoni of the nutrition patrol.”
He grabbed his chest and closed his eyes as if in pain. “Oh, don’t talk about pizza. I haven’t had a slice in months.”
She grinned at his performance. Little by little her fear had faded while he was talking.
By the time the doctor rolled in the sonogram machine, she was feeling well enough to let go of Richard’s hand.
He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll be right outside.”
The doctor said, “You don’t have to run off, Daddy. Stay and get a peek at your baby.”
Melissa knew she was blushing to the roots of her hair because her face felt as hot as a pizza oven. She glanced at Richard. He was blushing, too. She wished suddenly that he was her child’s father. He would make a wonderful daddy.
He said, “I’m sorry, Doctor, but there is some misunderstanding. I’m not the father.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She looked a bit flustered.
“Can he stay, anyway?” Melissa begged. “He’s a friend.”
The doctor nodded. “I don’t see why not. Take a seat. This won’t take long.” She carefully folded down the sheet and folded up the gown, preserving Melissa’s modesty until only the small mound of her tummy was exposed. After positioning the machine, she applied a clear gel to the wand she held and placed it on Melissa.
At once, Melissa heard a crackle of static, then a rapid thump, thump, thump. “What’s that?”
“It’s your baby’s heartbeat.” The doctor didn’t look up as she adjusted knobs on the keyboard.
“That’s my baby’s heartbeat? Wow.”
Melissa glanced at Richard. He had a bemused look on his face.
“It’s kind of fast, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Actually, it’s right on target. I’m just going to take a look around.”
She moved the wand over Melissa’s stomach, pausing to add more gel every once in a while. Melissa found herself holding Richard’s hand again. She wasn’t quite sure if she had reached for him or if he had reached for her. It didn’t matter. She drew comfort from his touch. How would she ever be able to thank him for staying with her?
After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Miller spoke again. “Okay, I’m done here. Would you like to know if you are having a boy or a girl?”
Melissa’s heart lurched. “I’m not sure.”
Did she want to know? Would it make it easier to choose a family or would it make it harder? She looked at Richard. He shrugged, but she could see
the interest in his face.
“I guess I’d like to know,” she said at last.
“You are having a girl.”
The doctor turned the machine so Melissa could see the screen. A gray cone of light outlined a small alien with a big head, a round tummy and impossibly long legs flexed beneath her floating in a dark world. As she watched, the baby moved one hand to her face.
Melissa looked at the doctor in astonishment. “Is she sucking her thumb?”
“She is.”
“Wow.” The word didn’t even begin to describe the awe running rampant though her. A girl. She was having a baby girl. A girl would need a pink, frilly dress and one of those cute headbands with a bow on it. This unexpected, undesired, thumping lump in her belly was a baby girl who could stretch and suck her thumb. A burst of love, painful in its intensity, poured out of Melissa’s heart. This wasn’t an unfortunate problem. This was her daughter. Suddenly one tiny foot shot upward and the screen wavered as static crackled loudly.
Dr. Miller laughed. “It looks like she prefers her privacy. She just kicked my wand.”
With a flip of a switch, the doctor turned the machine off. Melissa opened her mouth to protest, but closed it quickly. She wanted to see more of her baby girl. Somehow, seeing the fuzzy gray image of her daughter changed everything. She had a connection—something she had tried hard not to feel in the past, but was now lodged firmly in her heart.
She realized something else in that moment. She realized that giving her child up for adoption would mean giving away a part of herself—a part of her heart.
Back at the Hamilton Media office, Melissa tried to immerse herself in her work, but she found herself daydreaming about the baby. Her baby. Her daughter. What would she look like when she was born? Would she have her mother’s blond hair, or would her hair be black like Dean’s? Would her eyes be blue or hazel? Would she be a good baby, or would she be fussy?
While she hadn’t quite finished filling out the adoption plan Richard had given her, Melissa now knew she would have to make some changes in it. She wanted to see her baby. She wanted to spend time with her before she gave her up. Each of those things was likely to make it more difficult to go through with the adoption. Was she only making it harder on herself?
Prodigal Daughter Page 12