Bye-Bye Baby

by Morgana Phoenix

  “I think someone was waiting for Santa,” Beth whispered.

  Something tightened in Cole’s chest, a happiness he didn’t realize he needed. “I guess we better not disappoint him.”

  Moving around Damon quietly, they put out the presents, stuffed the stockings, ate a couple of the cookies and drank the milk. Only when everything was perfect did they wake Damon up.

  He bolted upright immediately. His sleep crusted eyes went straight to the tree.

  “He came!”

  “I told you he would,” Cole said.

  “Why don’t you go see what he brought you?” Beth suggested.

  Throwing off the blanket, Damon scrambled around the coffee table to the tree and threw himself down on his knees. His head moved rapidly from side to side as he eyed the small mound of wrapped boxes.

  “Which one’s mine?” he panted.

  “I think all of them,” Cole mused. “We’re too old for presents.”

  Damon’s huge eyes went even wider if possible. “All of them?”

  Beth slipped her arm through Cole’s and lay her head against his shoulder. “Looks that way.”

  “Are you going to open them, or am I?” Cole teased.

  Visibly trembling with excitement, Damon reached for the first box. Beth gave Cole’s arm a squeeze and hurried away to get coffee ready. Cole dropped down on the sofa and watched as Damon opened his very first present.

  He knew what was in the boxes. He’d helped Beth wrap them. Some he even picked out. But seeing Damon’s face each time was a thrill even for him. He felt the familiar bubble of excitement one was supposed to get at Christmas and all he was doing was watching Damon’s reactions.

  They’d gotten him a small flat screen TV for his room, his own game station, a couple of games, several books, clothes, a few toys, but it was the last present tucked away in his room that Cole was most excited about. It was one he was not letting some make believe man take credit for.

  Beth returned with a mug of black coffee. She sat next to him as Damon tore the wrappings off his final gift. He was adorable surrounded by a mountain of wrapping paper, his face still holding marks from his stint on the sofa. Part of his hair was flat on one side and stood straight up like he’d been licked by a cow.

  “I got a TV,” he told Beth, breathlessly. “And Alien Universe II!”

  Beth chuckled. “He certainly did good, eh?”

  Damon peered at her, then at Cole. His eyes were still twinkling, but they held something else, too.

  Suspicion.

  “I never wrote him a letter,” he said.

  Cole shrugged. “He’s Santa. He knows everything.”

  Damon continued to study them, looking back and forth like he could read their thoughts, but he didn’t argue. He went back to looking over his gifts.

  “There’s one more present,” Cole said after a minute. “It’s not from Santa, but Beth and I hope you’ll like it.” He looked at Beth. “Give me a hand?”

  Nodding, she rose with him. They set their coffees down and hurried into the bedroom. He gave Beth all the small boxes.

  “Close your eyes!” Beth called out into the other room. She waited a heartbeat before asking, “Are they closed?”

  “Yes!” Damon called back.

  “I’ll go first,” Beth whispered to Cole before hurrying out.

  Cole followed with one hand on the handlebars of the new bike they’d gotten Damon. He concealed it with the back of the sofa and waited as Beth handed him one box after the other, each one containing kneepads, elbow pads, helmet and gloves. Damon stared at each one with confusion.

  “Those go with this,” Cole said after the last item had been unwrapped.

  Damon looked up just as Cole pushed the bike out for him to see. His jaw dropped. He practically killed himself bolting over discarded wrapping paper to get to his gift.

  “A bike?” he screamed, the most excited Cole had ever seen him. “You got me a bike?”

  “Every boy needs one,” Cole said. “It won’t do you much good right now that it’s winter, but spring’s just around the corner.”

  “I’ve never ridden a bike,” Damon panted. “I don’t know how to…”

  “Well, that’s just something we’re going to have to fix.”

  They spent the rest of the morning pushing all the furniture to one side of the apartment and showing Damon how to keep the bike upright. The boy was a natural. It took five tries, but he was peddling the thing completely on his own in no time. His turns were shaky, but Cole knew it was only a matter of time before he was riding that thing like a pro.

  “I knew you could do it,” he told a flush faced and beaming Damon.

  The bike hit the ground with a bang and in an instant Cole had his arms full of a small boy that was choking the hell out of him. Cole held him back equally tight.

  “Thank you,” Damon whispered into his shoulder.

  Cole closed his eyes and squeezed him tighter. “You’re welcome, buddy.”

  They spent Christmas dinner at Sloan’s with Lily and the girls. They took along the presents they’d gotten Calla and Willa and watched as Sloan gave Damon his present, a set of metal bits, screws, and a mini screwdriver that, assembled, made a car. Damon took his present with a thank you and moved off to one corner to try and put it together. Willa joined him and did what women did best when a man was trying to do something, told him how it was done properly. Damon, being a smart man, gave her the instruction sheet and asked her to tell him what piece came next.

  “They are so cute together,” Lily said. “Willa’s going to be heartbroken when…” She didn’t say it, but they were all thinking it now; when Damon left to live with his aunt.

  Since Cole’s talk with her nearly a month before, Ms. Barns hadn’t said a word about Damon’s mysterious aunt who lived in Newfoundland and Cole had been too scared to ask her. When she did phone to check on things, they mainly talked about Damon’s school, his newfound friendship with Jared Parker, and how he was adjusting. Cole always assured her everything was fine. Several times, Ms. Barns had made noise about driving down from the city and visiting, but that hadn’t happened either, and since they hadn’t told Damon about his aunt, Cole was relieved for her workload and the distance between them. Part of him hoped she would forget about Damon altogether and he would have to stay forever. But he knew that wouldn’t happen. Eventually, their time would run out.

  He pushed the thought away, refusing to dwell on the inevitable.

  After dinner, he asked Sloan if they could keep an eye on Damon for an hour so Cole could give Beth her Christmas present; his final surprises for the night burned in his pocket and he kept fingering it nervously.

  Sloan eyed him the way big brothers do when they know their younger brother was about to do something questionable. While Sloan had no idea what Cole was doing, he knew his brother well enough to suspect.

  “You sure about this?”

  Cole took a deep breath, forced out a laugh and shook his head. “No, I’m fucking scared as hell.”

  Sloan nodded in understanding. He reached out and patted him lightly on the shoulder.

  “Take as long as you need.”

  Cole knew what that meant, in case Beth said no.

  “Either way,” Sloan added reassuringly.

  Cole nodded and thanked the other man.

  Beth and Lily were in the living room with the kids. Calla was in Lily’s lap, showing Beth the new doll she’d gotten from Santa. Willa and Damon were kneeling next to the coffee table, still struggling to put the car together.

  “We’re going to be right back,” Cole told Lily while settling a hand on Beth’s shoulder.

  Beth looked up at him. “Where are we going?”

  Lily’s gaze flicked past Cole to where Sloan stood in the kitchen doorway, arms folded. His face was tactfully blank, but Cole saw the flicker in Lily’s eyes. Something shifted across her face, concern maybe. But she smiled at him in reassurance.

 
“Okay,” she said.

  While Beth grabbed her coat, Cole bent down and kissed the top of Damon’s head. “Wish me luck.”

  Damon’s blue eyes lifted and met his. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Cole eyed the bronze little coin curiously when it was held out to him.

  “I found it the day we met,” Damon said. “I think it’s lucky.”

  He remembered seeing the boy pick something up the day Cole had confronted Eddy Comb. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal, but now it made sense.

  Something lodged in Cole’s throat and he had a hard time speaking for a moment. He knelt down next to the boy and took the penny.

  “I’ll guard it with my life,” he promised.

  Damon offered him a half smile, then went back to fiddling with the car.

  Straightening, he tucked the penny into his pocket.

  He’d take any luck he could get.

  He bundled Beth into the car and left Lily and Sloan’s.

  “Where are we going?” Beth asked.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  She didn’t push him as he drove into the night. They didn’t go far before he pulled over.

  “I need you to close your eyes,” he told her. “And no peeking.”

  Eyeing him warily, Beth pressed her hands over her faces.

  He turned down the road a mere ten minutes away from Sloan’s and cut the engine. Snow crunched under his boots as he hopped out.

  “Keep them covered!” he said, and slammed his door shut.

  He hurried around to Beth’s door and helped her out. Guiding her forward, he positioned her just perfectly before telling her to look.

  He watched her faces as she blinked and focused.

  “It’s a house,” Beth said slowly. She looked at him. “Whose is it?”

  Smiling with more than a little apprehension, Cole fished into his pocket and yanked out the ring tucked inside. The metal keys jingled noisily in the near silence.

  “Ours.”

  Beth’s mouth dropped open. It shut and opened a few more times before words finally came out.

  “What? How?”

  “I bought it,” he said, motioning her to follow. “Practically got it for free. It needs some repairing, but nothing too extensive. The wiring and appliances are up to date. The roof was redone five years ago. Everything is in working order and…” He paused to unlock the door and threw it open. “There is enough room for everyone.”

  “Cole, what are you talking about?” Beth turned to him. “Where did you get the money?”

  “Well.” He snapped the foyer lights on, flooding the front of the house with a dim, yellow light. It spilled over the two wide doorways on either side, plus the stairway leading to the second floor and the hallway that led towards the back and the kitchen. “I used some of the money I had saved up, plus the loan from the bank—”

  “That was for your business!” she said sharply. “It wasn’t for you to buy a house.”

  He put up a finger, stopping her. “Why can’t I do both?” When she didn’t interrupt him, he plunged on. “It has four bedrooms,” he told her. “And a basement big enough that can double as my workspace. There’s a door that leads out the side so people can come see me without disturbing you. There are two spare rooms upstairs for … for whatever, but I was thinking we could turn one into a room for Calla and Willa and we can turn the other one into a guestroom. There’s a huge backyard for the kids, big enough that we can get a play structure.” He paused to take a breath. “And it’s close enough so that Calla and Willa are just down the road, a road that barely gets used so Damon can ride his bike all the way to see Willa without us having to worry. The girls can come here anytime they want. You and Lily can spend more time together—”

  “What about my job?” she protested. “It’s closer to Lily and Sloan, but it’s still a twenty minute drive to town.”

  Cole shrugged. “Take the car. I don’t need it anymore since I’ll be working from here, or hell, we’ll get another car. It doesn’t matter. We have a home! This will be our place, a place we can raise our family.”

  He saw it in her eyes before she took a step away from him and he knew he’d lost her. Again.

  She turned away from him and moved into what he’d hoped would the living room, dragging his heart behind her.

  Had he pushed her too fast again? Was she about to tell him she was leaving? Again! He tried to mentally brace himself. Again. He tried to shield his heart from getting crushed. Again.

  Fuck!

  “I did it for us,” he heard himself murmur. “If you don’t like this house, we’ll find another one. I don’t care where it is, I just want it to be with you. I want to have babies with you. I want to watch them grow up with you. I want to grow old and sit on the porch with you. I love you, Beth. I love you so much it fucking hurts.”

  “Stop.” She stood draped in shadows.

  “Damn it, don’t do this again.” He could hear the pathetic plea in his own voice and hated himself for it.

  “I can’t.”

  He felt the ground shift and realized with surprise that he’d staggered back a step.

  Beth turned. The light from the foyer sparked off the tears on her cheeks. She looked back at him and it took him a long time to properly decipher her expression.

  “I can’t,” she whispered again. “Not unless you marry me.”

  Cole stared at her. Her words rang through his ears while his mind tried to remember the English language.

  She walked towards him slowly. “I had this planned out a little better,” she said with a humorless little smile. “I was going to ask you after we’d put Damon to bed, but you’re rushing my plans.” She stopped when there was five feet between them and took a deep breath. “I’ve waited my whole life for you,” she whispered. “And when I finally found you, I was so scared that I would somehow screw it up that I did. I pushed you away. I took something I wanted every day for eighteen years and threw it away, because I was terrified that one day you would wake up and see what everyone else my whole life saw when they looked at me—worthless, someone undeserving of love. It was something I lived with every day we were together. I woke up in the morning and wondered if today would be the day. If today you would find someone else, someone better. It was why I always hated seeing you with other girls. I tried so hard to accept Lily, all the while I secretly hated her because she held a piece of your heart that would never belong to me and I hated myself for it.” She broke off with a wet chuckle. “I must sound like a crazy, obsessive girlfriend.”

  All Cole could do was shake his head. She didn’t seem to notice.

  “That afternoon when I was sitting on that bus, waiting for the rain to stop, I realized something; I was letting them win. My parents,” she clarified. “And James, and all the people at the foster homes. None of them thought I was good enough. None of them ever cared enough about me to stay. But you did. You not only stayed, but you loved me in a way that I don’t even deserve. I know I was stupid then. I was reckless and scared and I made the biggest mistake of my life, but if … if you’ll have me, I swear I will work the rest of my life to prove—”

  Cole closed the space between them in two long strides and hauled her into his arms. He crushed her words with his kiss. His fingers tangled in her hair, gripping her to him as he ravaged the shit out of her mouth until she couldn’t speak.

  “You are never getting rid of me,” he growled against her swollen lips. “And don’t you ever call yourself worthless again, do you hear me? I will spank your ass red, I swear it.”

  Crying quietly, Beth nodded. “I promise.”

  He softened his kisses and tucked her gently into his chest. “Now tell me you’ll stay and have my babies.”

  Her chuckle wobbled. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?”

  She sniffled and pulled back to peer into his eyes. “I’ll stay and have your babies.”

  The noose that had fixed itself around his chest loo
sened and Cole drew in his first breath in what felt like forever.

  “Now, say yes, you’ll marry me.”

  Her smile was dazzling. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  He kissed her.

  “Good girl.”

  Chapter Twenty ~ Beth

  “Your turn.” Laura Dixon never looked up from the chart she was filling out when the little red light flicked to life on the call board. “That woman drives me nuts.”

  Chuckling, Beth snatched up her stethoscope and slung the ends around her neck. “She’s not so bad. She just had a baby. Isn’t she allowed to be a little … paranoid?”

  Laura peered up over her clipboard, her brown eyes narrowed. “It’s her third one. At this point, I expect her not to freak out over every little hiccup.”

  Rolling her eyes, Beth set off down the hall. Her sneakers squeaked with her hurried clips. At Mrs. Turner’s door, Beth paused. She poked her head inside and knocked lightly.

  “Hey!” she said cheerfully. “Everything okay?”

  Melinda Turner sat in bed, her mousy brown hair a riot of crazy around her square face. A tiny pink bundle lay sleeping in her arms.

  “Lulu’s been sleeping for two hours,” she said in a frantic little breath. “I know it’s normal for a baby to sleep, but she normally only sleeps for about twenty minutes, or so. I think something might be wrong.”

  Smiling indulgently, Beth moved over to the bed. She took Lulu from her mother’s arms and gently placed her in her baby basket. The baby whined, annoyed at being taken away from her mother’s warmth. She opened watery eyes and scowled up at Beth.

  “Hey there, sleepyhead,” Beth cooed. “Are you scaring your poor mama again?”

  Lulu gave a single shriek that was followed up by the wobble of her tiny chin. Beth bundled her back up and took her to Mrs. Turner.

  “She is just fine.”

  The older woman smiled and cuddled her baby closer. Beth watched her, feeling a familiar pang in her own chest. She wanted a baby. It wasn’t necessarily a recent self-discovery. She had always wanted a big family to make up for the one she never got. But she knew it wasn’t the time. It had only been a few months since Cole proposed to her in their new home. Their time since had been spent moving, first his things into the house, then her things from the city. Lily had surprised them by bringing over the picture of blue bird she’d somehow managed to salvage when Cole was going through his purge. Beth had almost cried at the sight of it.