No, he hadn’t known. But it did explain why a man would expect a welcome.
“Months?” he asked feebly.
“Yah. I wrote when I heard of her husband’s death. And she wrote back. She’s been the one bright spot in my days. I looked forward to her letters like food for the starving.”
It was a poetic turn of phrase, and that uneasy feeling in his gut stretched into something deeper—something closer to heartbreak.
She’d been writing to him for months....
“Go home,” Levi said at last. “Go back to your wife. Hold your kinner. If you push this too far, you’ll lose not only your family, but you’ll get yourself shunned, too.”
The very thought of a shunning was enough to send shivers down Levi’s spine. To be shunned was to lose everything a man held dear, everything familiar.
“I can’t,” Jonathan said quietly. “It would be easier for me to lie to you, so please accept my honesty with the respect that is intended. I won’t get on a bus tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day. I’m staying here until I’ve had my chance to talk to her properly.”
And the words were said so meekly, but Levi could hear the threat underneath them. Jonathan wasn’t leaving, and he wouldn’t be pushed out of town. He wanted something from Rosmanda, whether she was willing to give it or not.
“She doesn’t want to see you,” Levi warned.
“I know.”
“And I’m not letting you near her unless she wants to see you,” Levi added.
“Understood.” Jonathan smiled weakly. “I’m not leaving. Drop me off at the hotel, if you could be so kind.”
Right. Levi wasn’t feeling particularly kind tonight. And while Jonathan knew how to talk, how to defend himself, how to find some empathy in the breast of complete strangers, he couldn’t undo the look on Rosmanda’s face while she begged for Levi to get rid of him. She wasn’t the woman Levi had always thought she was, but he wouldn’t leave her to the wolves, either.
“I’m dropping you off at the bus station,” Levi said curtly. “What you do from there is your business.”
Jonathan didn’t answer, and Levi drove on.
* * *
“What happened?” Miriam asked. “Where did he go?”
Rosmanda’s mother-in-law stood at the bottom of the stairs holding a baby on each hip. They’d woken up again, not quite so easy to put to bed tonight as they had seemed.
“I’ll put my girls to bed,” Rosmanda said, coming forward to collect her babies. Hannah reached for Rosmanda with a plaintive cry, and even Susanna seemed rather eager to get back into her mother’s arms.
“Wait.” Stephen’s voice was quiet, but it held authority.
Rosmanda adjusted the babies in her grasp and turned back.
“Yah, Daet?” she said weakly.
“Your father’s friend came from your town to see you for a reason—”
“Not my father’s friend,” she interjected.
“Then who is he?” Stephen demanded.
“Like he said, he knew me when I was young. That’s all.”
“And why did Levi take his bag and drive him out of here?” Stephen demanded. “He was set to stay the night under this roof, and after a talk with you, Levi is herding him out of here like a rat.”
A good image—Jonathan was just that. Rosmanda licked her lips. “He knew I was widowed . . . and single.”
“He’s a married man, Rosmanda,” Miriam said with a shake of her head. “He’s not here courting you.”
“No, of course not,” Rosmanda said bitterly. “All the same, I felt it was best he go back to his wife. I have my own reputation to worry about.”
“At this time of night?” Miriam asked. “He wasn’t even dry yet from the rain, and you thought it best he return to his wife? I’m sure his wife would like to get him back without pneumonia!”
Rosmanda couldn’t tell them what Jonathan was really after, and as much as she could say made her look like a selfish idiot.
“You should go after him, Stephen,” Miriam said. “Rosmanda has been under a lot of pressure. She should rest, and we need to fix this.”
Rosmanda’s heart sped up in her chest, and when her gaze flickered toward her father-in-law, she saw him scrutinizing her, her brows furrowed.
“No,” he said slowly. “Levi took him back to town. We’ll let that be.”
She didn’t dare thank her father-in-law for that, but she had to wonder what he’d read in her face that changed his mind. He pushed himself to his feet.
“I’m going to spend some time in prayer in the sitting room,” Stephen said. “Don’t disturb me.”
Rosmanda looked over at her mother-in-law, wondering if Miriam would let this go, or demand more of an explanation. Miriam looked at the table filled with dishes and heaved a sigh.
“Go put the babies to bed,” Miriam said. “I’ll get the bottles for you.”
Rosmanda carried her babies upstairs, her mind in turmoil. She might have escaped tonight—she could only pray that she’d managed it—but Levi was in a buggy with Jonathan right now, and she had no idea what Jonathan was telling him.
Rosmanda got her daughters to sleep that night without too much trouble, and once they were both sleeping, she gathered up the empty baby bottles and carried them downstairs.
“I can finish cleaning, Miriam,” Rosmanda said.
Miriam stood at the sink, and she glanced over her shoulder in Rosmanda’s direction.
“What happened, Rosmanda?” her mother-in-law asked softly. “Between us. As women. What did he want from you?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “But he wanted more familiarity than his wife would have liked, I can assure you. He and I are no longer friends. This will be a scandal if he stays. I know it.”
Miriam pulled her hands from the water and dried them on a towel.
“All right,” she said. “I’ll let it go, then.”
“Thank you, Mamm.” Rosmanda smiled gratefully. “Go on up to bed. I’m going to be awake anyway, so I might as well keep my hands busy.”
“Thank you, Rosmanda. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Yah. I’m all right.” And she realized in a rush that she really was, and she managed a more natural smile.
“Good night,” Miriam said, and she passed Rosmanda and headed for the stairs.
* * *
After the kitchen was clean, Rosmanda pulled out her quilt and tried to settle into work, but it was hard to focus. Stephen went up to bed shortly after his wife, and Rosmanda was left in the chilly quiet of a spring evening. Had she done it—had she escaped unscathed with her reputation intact?
Her in-laws seemed willing to accept this based on what they knew of her. And if this could go no further, she might be safe. If Jonathan went home now, perhaps he could tell Mary some story that wouldn’t include her in it, and this could all pass by like a rock under a buggy wheel.
She lined up her next patch of color and pushed the needle into the fabric. Life was safer when she was married to Wayne, but it hadn’t been easy, either. She’d done her best to please her husband, but she could sense that she’d been a disappointment to him, too. He might not have awakened any passion inside of her, but it went both ways. She couldn’t give him what he craved, either.
Years ago, Rosmanda’s sister Sadie had married an older man named Mervin Hochstetler. And Rosmanda had wondered why her beautiful sister would throw herself away on a man like that. He’d been nice enough, but quite old and gruff. While Rosmanda had only been a girl at the time, she’d noticed her sister’s marital unhappiness. Mervin didn’t make Sadie’s heart sing. And seeing her sister’s sparkle dwindle down to nothing had been part of what had driven Rosmanda toward that feeling of passion and excitement with Jonathan. She didn’t want to lose herself in a humdrum marriage.
Wayne wasn’t old and gruff like Mervin, but there hadn’t been that spark of desire between them, either. At least not at the same time, it seemed. And she
’d told herself that the mutual simmer between her and Jonathan had been because they were young. And then when she felt it again, except stronger, with Levi, it had frightened her. That kind of passion could be dangerous, too, and she didn’t dare risk her future on it, especially after Aunt Dina had warned her about Levi.
And Jonathan’s arrival had only solidified that point. Whatever allure Jonathan used to have as an older, more worldly-wise man had evaporated and now all she saw was a man willing to be unfaithful to his wife, and she wasn’t willing to be partner to it. Would anyone care what she wanted? Or would Jonathan’s desires sully her reputation regardless?
Rosmanda tied off her last stitch and eyed the next line of stitching. This quilt had moved her through her grief, but as she worked tonight, she realized that it was moving her beyond Wayne and into the older griefs, too. Like leaving her family behind in Morinville, and losing her faith in a man’s desire to protect her against the evils of the world.
She smoothed the fabric and tied a knot in the end of her thread once more. If there was anything she’d learned in her experience with men, it was to be incredibly careful with the kinds of feelings that could scramble up a woman’s logical thought. Levi was just as dangerous as Jonathan, if not more so. The fumbled kisses she’d shared with Jonathan were nothing compared to the passion Levi sparked within her.
But Levi wasn’t safe, either. He’d spent the last four years drinking, getting into bar fights and neglecting his spiritual life. And when his lips came down onto hers, she still melted....
The door opened, and Rosmanda looked up, startled. She hadn’t heard the buggy approach, or perhaps she’d just been too deep in her own thoughts. Levi came inside, and he kicked the door shut behind him. His movements were slow and heavy, and she sat in the light of the kerosene lamp, her needle poised above her work.
“What happened?” Rosmanda asked softly.
Levi pulled off his hat and rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I dropped him off at the bus depot.”
“Oh, good . . .” Rosmanda lowered her quilt to her lap, relief flooding through her. “I’m so glad—”
“He said he isn’t leaving, though,” Levi added. “He wanted me to drop him off at the hotel, and I didn’t feel like complying.”
Rosmanda looked up at him, her breath bated. “He won’t leave?”
“No.”
She licked her lips and dropped her gaze, her thoughts spinning ahead.
“He said you’ve been writing to him for months,” Levi said. He pulled out a kitchen chair opposite her and sank into it. “Is that true?”
This wasn’t the same Levi from the chicken house . . . or the same Levi sparring with her in the barn. This was a different man in front of her—wiser, warier, and tired. His dark gaze met hers. He saw her differently now—his eyes didn’t soften—and tears misted her vision as that fact sank in.
Levi had just learned too much.
“He wrote me when Wayne died,” she said, her voice tight. “And I wrote back. It felt good to be able to talk to someone about it. It was stupid on my part. I had thought he was just being kind. We wrote back and forth a few times, and then I didn’t answer his letter because it seemed a bit too familiar. I felt something . . . wrong . . . in it. Then he wrote me another letter, saying he was coming out to see me, and he had feelings for me . . . and all that.”
She met Levi’s gaze. “I admit that I wrote to him. I admit I was probably too open with him. But I had no intention of starting up anything romantic!”
“But you did have a romantic history with him,” Levi said.
“I was sixteen.” She sighed. “And he treated me like I was much older. He opened up to me. He treated me like an actual friend. And I . . . fell in love with him. In a stupid moment, I asked him to kiss me, and he did. Yes, he was dating Mary at the time. And when I realized that they were engaged, I got competitive. I thought I could make him marry me, instead.”
“So that was true?” Levi’s tone was hesitant.
It seemed like Jonathan had told Levi everything, as she feared he would. But would he stop with Levi, or would he tell other people, too?
“I’m not proud of it,” she whispered. “And I’m only telling you because after what you’ve done for me, you deserve some honesty. It ruined me in Morinville. I was young enough to be quite stupid, but old enough to play the game. It’s not a great mix. I was branded the wrong kind of girl. That’s why I came to stay with my aunt here in Abundance.”
“Sixteen isn’t very old,” Levi said quietly.
“No, it isn’t.” A lump rose in her throat. “But it’s old enough.”
It had been old enough for the community to see her potential and to steer clear. Other girls got more distanced and stopped telling her about their boyfriends. Wives looked at her with pointed judgment. She’d crossed a line, and the women had turned on her.
Levi sighed. “You should get some sleep, Rosmanda.”
He was dismissing her now. He was tired, and he’d have to get up before dawn to work. He’d just driven her ex-lover into town . . . He’d gone out of his way for her, but the old Levi she’d started to rely on had hardened and distanced himself.
“I’m not the same woman,” she said softly.
“I hope not,” he said with a nod.
“I was a good and true wife to Wayne,” she went on. “I learned from my mistake.”
Levi nodded, and for a moment that controlled mask of his cracked and the old, warm, tender Levi shone through. But mixed with the old familiarity was pain. She’d hurt him. “I’m not judging you, Rosie.”
But he was judging her. There was no getting around it, and she wanted to shake him by his suspenders and make him react like his old self again. She couldn’t do that, though.
“Will you keep my secret?” she asked earnestly, leaning forward. “I know it might get out anyway, but there’s still some hope right now that it won’t. For my daughters—will you keep my secret for them? If their mother has a stained reputation, you know it will make their lives that much more difficult.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” Levi said. “It’s your business.”
Then he rose to his feet and headed toward the stairs.
“Levi?”
He turned back.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Yah. I know,” he said. “But you don’t have to apologize to me. Best get some rest.”
Then he turned again and headed up the stairs, leaving her in quiet. She sucked in a wavering breath as the reality of the situation sank onto her shoulders. Her secret was out. Her secret had arrived on a bus from Morinville . . . and her life was never going to be the same again. As she began to sew the next row of stitches, tears blurred her vision, and she let her work drop back down to her lap.
She never thought she’d care too much of Levi’s opinion of her, but it turned out that she did. Whatever he used to think of her was soiled now, and he’d changed in the span of that one buggy ride. He’d closed off, and that realization stabbed deeper than she’d thought it could.
The stain from Morinville had finally reached her.
Chapter Ten
Rosmanda sat at the table, a bowl of applesauce in front of her and a small spoon held aloft. Hannah and Susanna both had applesauce on their chins, and Hannah opened her mouth for more. Rosmanda was tired, and while she’d cried last night, it hadn’t emptied her out of tears, either, and she’d been struggling all morning to keep her emotions in check. She’d agreed to work with Ketura today, but she wasn’t sure she had it in her to keep up appearances.
“Maybe I should just stay home today,” Rosmanda said.
“Of course, you need to go,” Miriam said. “You told Ketura you would, and if you’re going to be helping her in her business, you should take this seriously. Ketura doesn’t exaggerate things, and if she thinks you could make a good amount off your sewing, then you can. And Ketura won’t work with just anyone. Bethany Yoder wanted to work
with Ketura last year, and Ketura wouldn’t do it. So this is . . . special.”
Rosmanda had agreed to do this, and she would need the income from working with Ketura, too. And yet, she wasn’t ready to face it all today.
“Why?” Miriam softened her tone. “What are you afraid of?”
“It’s nothing.” Rosmanda shook her head quickly.
“You’re a good mother,” Miriam said with a smile. “If you’re worried about being away from your daughters, don’t be. Doing something for you and letting me help out is normal. I promise you that.”
Such warmth and support. Rosmanda had gotten used to this, but maybe she shouldn’t. If news got out about her past in Morinville, this warm view of her as a mother and a widow would be well in the past, and she’d quickly find her experience with the women of Morinville repeating itself here in Abundance. Rosmanda had been married, yes, but her husband was gone. And not only did she need another husband, but she’d be seen as single and on the prowl. Even if finding a new man was the last thing on her mind.
Rosmanda scraped the bowl and gave a bite of applesauce to Hannah. Susanna didn’t seem interested in it anymore, and Rosmanda leaned forward and wiped their mouths with a cloth.
“Was that yummy?” she asked, smiling into their faces. “Did you like that?”
It was amazing how quickly babies grew. It felt like only yesterday she’d been holding two downy-headed newborns in her arms, Wayne crouching next to her, looking at the infants with such awe on his face....
But that was another lifetime ago.
Miriam glanced out the window. “Levi has the buggy ready. You’d best get moving. I’ll clean the girls up. Don’t worry about that.”
Rosmanda and Levi were supposed to be moving on as if nothing had changed, but everything had changed between her and Levi. There was a distance there between them that hadn’t been there before. Granted, they’d been fighting those feelings that kept tugging them together like magnets, but that didn’t seem to be an issue anymore.
Levi now knew the worst.
After some kisses for her daughters and wrapping her shawl around her shoulders, Rosmanda gathered up the quilt she’d been working on, now carefully wrapped in a length of plastic and tied with twine. She headed out the side door and shut it firmly behind her. Levi had the buggy pulled up by the house, and he gave her a nod.
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