"You're not telling me something," I said, my voice low so only Mom could hear.
"Cassie, please," Mom smiled, her mouth unsteady. "Just help Mariah, all right?"
Moms don't lie, at least they aren't supposed to. Mom walked to the entryway with Addie and buttoned up her lemon-lime coat. Rain pelted the windows, tapping with invisible fingertips. RD had taken his seat in the booth underneath the humming, neon Open sign. He looked intently at his menu like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. He was being polite and trying not to listen.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked, my voice sounding louder than I expected, my emotions bubbling close to the surface. Addie's head snapped up from her pink backpack. "What are these?" I said, holding out the pills. I could read her name in the light. Naomi Safire, take twice a day for nausea. "Why are you nauseous?"
"Where did you get those?" Mom said, grabbing the pills from me.
"Naomi, the girls need to know." Mariah's voice sounded soft and nervous, both qualities I wasn't used to hearing from her.
"God damn it, Mariah!" Mom shouted. "I am not talking to my girls in the Hideaway. This is not the time. This is not the place."
RD got up from his table and picked up his sweatshirt.
"Sit down," Mom barked, which I thought was rude considering he'd just helped her. Addie whimpered softly in her little-lost-puppy voice. "Cassandra Marie Safire, I am taking your sister home and we are not having this conversation. I will come back and pick you up later."
I looked at Mom. She was sick. She was taking pills and she wasn't talking. I looked at the front door and thought of sailing away with RD on his boat. And then, for some reason, I thought of that girl who drowned in the Sound the summer before and I imagined how she must have felt gasping for air. My mind raced. I didn't want to talk to Mom, but I couldn't think of a way out of it. Then, suddenly, I thought of the perfect lie. "I don't need a ride," I said. "I agreed to talk to Priya later. She'll drop me off."
Mom stopped to consider what I'd said. I think she was a bit surprised that we'd reconciled so quickly. "That's good to hear."
"I figure she's told me the truth, so I owe it to her to listen." I stared Mom down with every word. She didn’t flinch.
"Be home by nine."
"Fine." I sat on a stool by the counter, my back to the front door. I didn't even turn around and look when I heard her leave. I was painfully aware of my breath and the knowledge RD was sitting in the window behind me. I didn't want to turn and look at him; I thought seeing him would make me cry.
"Cassie." Mariah walked toward me.
I held my hand out so she wouldn't come any closer. I didn't want her to touch me. I felt like an animal trapped in a cage. "I have to go," I said, jumping down from my stool. Before Mariah could say anything, I grabbed my pink sweater and bolted out the front door. The clouds had opened up and unleashed another storm onto a perfectly beautiful, summer day. I ran down the front steps out into the rain.
The thing about running away in the middle of a big storm is it feels really good, like you're escaping something, but the truth is, it's not that smart. After running for about five minutes up the road and onto Island Drive, my chest hurt from crying, my head throbbed something awful and I couldn't believe how cold my face was. I was such an idiot. Where did I think I was going anyway? I had no one to call, nowhere to go. Even if I decided to return one of Priya's million phone calls, I'd left my cell phone, my backpack, everything, at the Hideaway. In twenty-four hours, my horrible summer had gone from humiliating to terrifying. I walked in the rain, relieved that if anyone saw me, they wouldn't be able to tell where the rain ended and my tears began.
I walked along the asphalt path that mirrored the winding road toward home. I jumped to the side to avoid getting soaked as a car drove by. Then, a dark brown van slowed as it passed, spraying water into the air. My shoes were soaked and I had the chills. This was some June. The van pulled over. Someone sat in the driver's seat, waiting. Oh, great. Now I would probably get abducted. Vans were bad news. Even I knew that. Mom said nothing good ever happened in the back of a van. The passenger window rolled down and I saw someone lean toward me.
"You really are going for the worst summer of the year, aren't you?" Sitting in the driver's side was RD. "Get in," he said. Just seeing him made me smile.
Chapter 10
"Mariah sent me," RD said. The air in the car felt warm on my face and smelled like lemons. An air freshener hung from his rearview mirror. "She wants you to call," he said, pointing to my backpack on the seat beside him.
"I don't want to," I said, standing in the rain.
"At least take your phone. Let me drive you back to the restaurant."
"I don't want to go there."
"Should have known you were stubborn," he laughed. "Seriously, will you just get inside so you aren't freezing? Come on, don't make me a failure." He reached over and unlocked the door. I looked at the rain coming down on Island Drive. Where was I even going?
"I'm not going back there and I'm not calling anyone."
"You don't really have plans with your friend, do you?" he said.
I didn't answer.
"I won't take you back," he said.
“Okay then.” I climbed in the car.
"So, where do you want to go?" RD pulled away from the curb after waiting for a gap in the traffic.
"Somewhere nobody knows me."
"You know this island. I don't." The car idled at a stop sign. "Just point me some place where I can park this thing. We can talk for a few minutes and you'll feel better. You know, talk it out, turn that frown upside down."
I doubted I'd feel better. I felt friendless and betrayed by everyone, including my mother. My stomach clenched and I felt sick wondering what was wrong with her. "Why would my mom pretend to be okay, when she isn't?" I suddenly asked. It occurred to me that I had no one to talk to anymore.
RD looked a little shocked at my question. He nodded through the rain at a road that went up a small hill. "Does that lead to the park with those views of the mainland?"
"Yes," I said. I felt small. Small and scared.
"Let’s go there," he said, his voice soft. "Why don't we just chill and look at the lights. You need to clear your head, I think. I get that."
"Sure," I said. I kept my face turned toward the passenger window. I could see my reflection in the glass. It was dark outside and the instrument panel lit up the inside of the car with purple and red lights. I didn't want to cry, but the tears in my eyes kept welling up and then retreating like water threatening to spill over the top of a dam.
"You need to turn up here," I said as he reached another four-way stop. "Go right. It's at the end of the block, past the houses." We drove down a woodsy street where the houses had rolling lawns and circular driveways. Most of these houses had been small once, then torn down and replaced with mega houses big enough for three families.
I'd asked RD about Mom. I'd asked him what he thought and he'd ignored my question. I wanted to ask him again; somehow it seemed like he would be able to tell me what was going on, even though he'd just arrived. He barely knew her, he barely knew me, but I wanted someone to step in and help me through this mess of feelings. I wanted RD to tell me that the world wasn't ending, but his silence made me fear that he knew a truth I wasn't allowing myself to see. I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay. I wanted him to lie to me.
RD turned into the empty parking lot on the top of the island and parked in a space that faced a volleyball field. Beyond the court, the hillside sloped downward, exposing a one-hundred-eighty degree view of the water and the sparkling lights from the mainland. On a normal summer evening, the park would have been full, but tonight the mini-monsoon kept even the dog walkers away. RD switched off his headlights.
"You want to just hang here?" he said, leaning back in his seat.
"Sure." Suddenly I felt embarrassed and self-conscious, for reaching out to him, a guy I barely knew.
"I'm sorry for freaking out on you. You probably have a hundred places you'd rather be."
"Actually, I don't and you're all right." He shrugged his shoulders. "I have had my share of freak-outs and, honestly, you only stormed out of the restaurant. You didn't break anything. You didn't threaten anyone."
"Have you?"
He hesitated. "I've been known to ‘manufacture’ drama, or so I've been told. I'm not proud of it. I've made mistakes. Everyone has."
"What kind of mistakes?"
"The kind I don't like thinking about."
"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to pry."
"No, it's okay," he said. "The truth is, sometimes I've been known to drink too much." He held his hands to his cheeks in mock surprise. "I know… a shocker. Guy goes to college and spends more time drinking beer than studying."
"But you still drink."
"Give the girl a prize," he said. "I do, sometimes. I've got it under control. I just have to not drink too much."
"Oh," I said. My heart raced. I felt like I'd pried, but I wanted to know RD's secrets. Somehow, knowing he didn't feel good about everything in his life made him seem even more compelling. He had this aura of control, but he had chinks in his armor just like everyone else and, RD trusted me with the truth. That was more than I could say about anyone else in my life.
"We can't stay long, you know.” He scooted away from me, leaning his back against the door. "I know you don't want to go home right now, but eventually I'm going to have to take you there."
"I know," I sighed and leaned back in my seat. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this."
"Yeah, I had this Sudoku puzzle I was going to work tonight all by myself and now it's just going to have to wait another day."
I laughed.
"You are making me believe my jokes are actually funny. You better be careful, my ego might get out of control here."
"They seem funny to me."
"Yeah, but you've had a seriously bad day, am I right?"
"True."
"The whole situation kind of freaked you out. The fight with your mom?"
"Well, yeah," I said. I unbuckled my seatbelt and turned around so I could see him better. He hadn't shaved; soft stubble covered his chin and cheeks.
"I don't know what's going on. Something's wrong with her and she's keeping secrets and it doesn't make sense. Mom doesn't yell at us, she doesn't take medicine and she never has headaches and she's been so weird lately, buying Coco Puffs and Addie's never ever in trouble and that is so not fair."
"Breathe," he said. I saw his hand move as if he was going to reach for me, but he didn't. He stayed locked in place, leaning against the car door.
"And what if there is something horrible going on and what if it can't be fixed?" A wave of tears surprised me and I clamped my hand over my mouth as if I could hold them back. "I didn't know I was going to cry," I said, trying to steady my breathing.
"It's okay. You're all right," RD said. Suddenly, rain hit the window even harder than before, water covering the glass in sheets. I felt like we were in a car wash or sinking slowly below the sea. "We may drown, of course."
I laughed and cried at the same time, wiping my eyes. "You're right, we could just die here in a flood."
"I would haunt this park," he said. "I'd haunt every volleyball game or maybe the swing set over there."
"Drowning would not be my preferred way to go," I said.
“I don’t know, I’ve heard it’s kind of peaceful.” RD looked out into the rain. He scrunched up his face as if he was thinking of something unpleasant. "I don't know what is going to happen with your mom, Cassie, or what’s coming. Whatever your mom is dealing with, she'll tell you. She'll tell you when she's ready and you are going to be able to handle it.” He leaned toward me a little bit.
"I can't handle my lying best friend and my ex-boyfriend had me running from the restaurant sobbing. I'm not exactly the poster child for coping."
"Um, yesterday I watched you ritualistically throw a ring into the waves with the strength of a warrior."
"That was embarrassing," I said, cringing.
"No, it was smart. You knew you had to rid yourself of the past. Sometimes you just need a fresh start. Then today, you went sailing with me. You barely know me… I could have been a lunatic, a crazy guy."
"Maybe you should drive me home," I giggled.
"Now you're thinking straight. Stay away from the idiot condemned to sleep on his boat for the summer."
"Condemned?"
"But today you sailed with that idiot and you owned that jib sheet. If the wind hadn't died, you probably could have taken us around Jekyll a few times single-handed."
I laughed. "With these blisters? No way."
He inhaled. "Man, I seriously screwed up. That is my fault, you know." His tone changed and he reached out and grabbed my hands, holding my palms for a moment. Then he looked up at me and dropped my hands like they were burning hot. "Okay, that is my cue. Time to get you home. I have wounded you enough."
I liked the way RD touched me, but I felt unsure of what his touch meant. He was older than me, a nice guy condemned to live on a sailboat for the summer. I wanted to know more, but he hadn't shared and, even if he did have problems, the way he smiled made me feel like I was standing in sunlight. He had this laugh that washed over me and left me warm. "But I'd rather stay here and talk to you," I said, hoping for a few more minutes.
"You have a curfew and no way am I going to soil my already blackened reputation by keeping you out too late."
"But Mariah sent you for me."
"With instructions to bring you back," he said, glancing at his dashboard. "So, unless you want me to feel Mariah's wrath, and I have seen a flash of it and it scares me to the bone, I am going to drive you home."
"You're right," I said. But RD didn't start the car right away and we just sat there for a minute, watching raindrops fall on the windshield. The air inside the car felt hot and moist. We’d fogged up the windows talking. "You really think it's going to be okay, RD?" I asked.
"This stuff with your ex? It's white noise. You and your friend will work things out. And when it comes to your mom? You are stronger than you know, beautiful."
There it was again. Beautiful. It took the air out of my lungs. I felt my cheeks burn and the warmth in his voice didn't make me smile this time, it crushed me. I lost a grip on the swirling emotions inside and cried, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Hey, hey,” he said, scooting closer to me in a panic. “Man, I thought I was cheering you up.”
"You did. I'm sorry." My voice was high and choked with tears. Even now, I don't know if the tears were for Mom and what I knew was coming, or for Nick and my broken heart, or my splintered friendship with Priya.
"Hey, hey. Easy." RD scooted forward and put his arm around me. "You are going to be okay." He laughed a little. "I thought we were at the part where you start to feel better? I don't know anything, I guess."
"You did make me feel better," I sobbed. Why couldn't I stop?
RD reached out and stroked my hair. I felt his fingers brush against my cheek, lingering. When I looked up at him, our eyes met for a moment and I felt something between us. A heat that made my tears stop and my breath feel too big for my lungs.
RD looked at me for a beat before moving away. "Okay, so seriously, that really is my cue to get you home. Show me the way."
I didn’t argue this time.
He turned up the radio while we drove along the island. I took that as a sign that he didn't want to talk. I didn't mind. My tears had stopped and suddenly I had this feeling that I wasn't totally alone. RD was here for the summer and he believed I could face whatever was coming. I showed him where to turn when we reached the stop sign near the stables. RD parked the car at the top of our steep driveway. I could see the glimmer of lights on upstairs in my mother’s room, but another house and a row of thick trees kept us out of sight.
"So, I'll just drop you here," he said.
He nodded. "No problem."
"'Night," I said, opening the car door and standing on the gravel. "Tell Mariah..."
"I'll tell her I took you straight home."
I nodded.
RD looked at me as if he was considering something. "I'm working on that boat at the marina. Would you want to help me a few hours a week?" he said. "I could use an extra set of hands working on the varnish. I have the summer to get that girl fixed up and..."
"Yes," I said, resisting the urge to jump up and down. "I'd love to."
"All right," he smiled. "It's thankless work. Just a few hours and I'll pay you and teach you how to sail."
"I'll do it. I love boats."
"Okay, then," he smiled. "Looks like you got yourself another job. You are officially a moonlighting psychic. Why don't you give me your cell?” I gave him my number, my heart racing. Suddenly, my world didn't seem so small. "Make sure your mom is cool with you working with me."
"She will be," I said.
He tipped his hand at me as if saluting. "Later."
I closed the car door and walked down the steep driveway that led to the house. I tiptoed upstairs, avoiding the creaky third step from the top and inched past my mom’s bedroom door. I couldn’t face her and I didn’t want to stop thinking about RD. The way he'd talked to me, how he'd wrapped his arms around me when I'd cried. I'd never felt anyone hold me like that. I cried watching a movie with Nick once, but he'd sat on the couch and kind of pretended I wasn't. I had felt so uncomfortable. RD knew how to deal with emotions and he seemed to know exactly what to say. And now he wanted me to work on his boat with him. I didn't feel as overwhelmed with worry any longer; there was this flicker of possibility in my world. Maybe my doomed summer would turn around.
My phone beeped at three in the morning with a text. I assumed it was Priya and reached for the phone to hit delete. She was probably up, feeling guilty. Maybe she'd had a nightmare that she'd destroyed our friendship and realized it was true. But it wasn't Priya. It was a number I didn't recognize.
Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) Page 6