by Karr, Kim
The thought of reaching across the table and grabbing her hand in reassurance caught me off guard. So much so that I pushed my chair back and stretched my legs to get some distance. Then I found her gaze. “Tell me what you did after Michigan State.”
She blew out a deep breath and her own gaze bounced around my kitchen, from the floor to the ceiling, and finally back to me.
It was a very personal question and we weren’t even friends anymore, but I never did care about boundaries. I wanted to know. “Hannah,” I urged. “Tell me. What did you do? Where did you go?”
Finding my gaze narrowed on her, she kept eye contact, and finally spoke. “Well, I graduated as planned.”
I nodded. “Good. I’m glad.”
The smile she gave me was sad. “But that was about all that went as planned.”
“That’s life, isn’t it?”
She laughed a little. “Yes, I suppose so. In my case, instead of heading to Seattle or Redmond or any of the cities with major computer hubs as I had planned, I took the easier path and went back to Grand Haven.”
Shock rocked me. I really thought she’d end up working for Google or Apple or Microsoft. That was her dream, and she was so determined. If anyone would have accomplished their dream, I thought it would be her. “Why?”
“Why does anyone do anything? During my senior year, I had isolated myself. I felt so alone, that after I graduated, I just wanted to be near my mother. There weren’t many job opportunities there though, and going to work for the Crestfalls only made sense. I don’t know if you remember, but my mother had worked for them her entire life.”
Like a light bulb switching on, it came back to me. Crestfall. Hannah Michaels, now Hannah Crestfall. How had I not made the connection days ago? “The couple who owned the paper mill with the douchebag son who screwed you over in high school?”
Sadness gleamed in her eyes as she nodded. “That douchebag son became my husband.”
“You married that asshole? Why?”
She nodded. “I had gotten pregnant. I didn’t really love him, and he definitely didn’t love me.”
“Hannah.” It was all I could say.
That sadness only seemed to magnify. “I wanted my child to have a father, unlike I’d had. And Adam’s parents wanted a legitimate grandson. He only married me to avoid being hassled by them, and to avoid being cutoff, if I’m being honest. He left town as soon as Jonah was born.”
Flinching, I couldn’t stop the anger coursing through my body from surfacing. “Why the hell would you have ever gotten together with him in the first place after everything he put you through?”
Twisting her fingers together on the tabletop, she spoke just above a whisper. “To be honest, I don’t know why. I was lonely, and he was there. It’s nothing more profound than that. I didn’t love him. He didn’t love me. Anyway, after our divorce, his parents still wanted to be a part of Jonah’s life. And I let them. Unfortunately, what I didn’t know was that they were making promises to Jonah about his father that I could not possibly allow them to keep.”
Kids didn’t deserve the shit adults put them through. I knew that first-hand. Struck with some unidentifiable emotion for both her and her son, I moved my hand across the table. As if that wasn’t bad enough, before I knew what I was doing, I then wrapped my fingers around hers. “I’m sorry, Hannah, I’m so fucking sorry . . . about everything.”
I had no idea what I was saying, or even what the hell I meant by that. For some reason I felt to blame for the path she had taken.
She shivered from the contact and stared down at our joined hands for a long while before standing up and forcing us apart. “I should go. I have a babysitter watching Jonah. I just came by because I really wanted you to be aware of Jonah’s situation.”
Rising to my feet, I stepped closer to her. I couldn’t stop myself. “Let Jonah come home with Scarlett after school tomorrow. Mrs. Sherman can feed them dinner and when I get home, I’ll take them both to the park to throw the football around.”
The look on her face was one I’d never seen before. “Why would you do that for me after everything?” she asked, her voice cracking.
Tiredness.
Defeat.
Sorrow.
I wasn’t sure what I was looking at, but I didn’t like it.
Out of instinct, I pulled her into my arms. “Because a long time ago, you helped me,” I whispered into her ear.
Curving her head into the slope of my shoulder, I could have sworn she was crying. “But then everything fell apart.”
Hating that she was sad, I cradled her head in my hands and held her to me. The feel of her silky, smooth hair caused a jolt of lust to race through me. Next thing I knew I was kissing her temple and leaving my mouth in that spot for a long moment. Heat flooded my body as soon as my lips made contact with her skin. Nothing I was doing was smart. Then again I never considered myself to be an Einstein. “Shh . . . what do you say we agree to leave the past in the past?”
She looked up at me, and slowly her eyes shifted from sadness to something else entirely. “Is that really ever possible?”
Describing what I felt as I stared down at her was nearly impossible.
Eagerness.
Anticipation.
Adrenaline.
They were all racing through my veins at various speeds. I kissed her again, this time on her forehead. When I did, she shifted a little, and somehow I slid my mouth down just enough to hover over hers, and whispered, “Anything is possible.”
Words said in the heat of the moment without thought or consequence. At that point in time, though, I wasn’t thinking with the head on my shoulders. If I had been, I would have realized that line of thinking was nothing but bullshit . . .
Anything was not possible, and the past can never stay in the past.
Less Than Ten Years Earlier
Hannah Michaels
THE GAME WAS the perfect way to start the night.
Sports weren’t my thing. And I definitely knew nothing about the rules of basketball. With no father figure in my life, no one had ever taught me anything other the difference between a homerun and a touchdown, and I never cared enough to teach myself.
Not really interested, I went to the basketball game anyway. Ethan and Jace’s excitement was contagious enough to make me curious.
And what a game it was. Michigan State ended their three-game losing streak, giving its NCAA Tournament hopes a boost. Jace told me that.
Every single Spartan in the arena nearly lost their mind at the end of the game, including both Jace and Ethan.
All of our hearts were pumping and our adrenaline was certainly rushing. Somehow I had become invested.
The guys were still high-fiving each other as we walked through the door. Not me. I wasn’t sure I could feel my fingers. The cold had settled in my bones as we had waited for the bus, and my teeth had yet to stop chattering. Each of us had bundled up to battle the weather, and it took a while to remove our outerwear.
Watching the two men, I took notice of the things that made them alike and different.
Both of them loved sports, but they went about their enjoyment of the events entirely differently. Jace always got riled up. Ethan wasn’t as vocal. He didn’t yell as loud, or cheer as hearty. He didn’t curse, or shout at the ref. He took the game in stride, whereas Jace took it almost personally if his team lost.
It was all about personality. And both guys always stayed true to who they were.
Jace was still so worked up that he practically tore his coat off his shoulders. When he flung it over the sofa, I couldn’t help but stare at him.
The soft black knit of his sweater clung to his broad shoulders and his worn jeans hung low on his hips. He was incredibly sexy. After removing his beanie, his hair looked like he’d just rolled out of bed, and God, that was so sexy. The hat and gloves he’d worn joined the coat, and after toeing off his boots, he headed toward the refrigerator.
As I hung my
coat over a barstool, I watched as he jammed the cap off of a beer by hitting it against the side of the counter.
When he looked up and caught me staring, I quickly swung my gaze toward Ethan, who was still at the front door tucking his hat and gloves in the pockets of his coat. When he was finished, he hung everything in the closet, and then bent down to untie his sneakers.
He was wearing a turtleneck with his Michigan State sweatshirt over it and his standard khakis. The preppy style he carried always remaining true. So much so that even his blonde hair didn’t seem to be bothered at all by the removal of his hat. His cheeks, though, they were red from the cold, and it was adorable.
The things that attracted me to Ethan, his dependability, his kindness, his easygoing temperament, were the exact opposite of the things that attracted me to Jace.
The good to the bad.
The boring to the exciting.
The reliable to the uncertain.
Everything had a balance.
I just hoped after tonight, I would be able to keep mine.
“Beer.” Jace’s hot breath blew across the back of my neck as he reached around me and handed me a bottle. When I took it, he let his fingers linger near mine for about a half a second before he kept walking and offered a bottle to Ethan. “You?” he said.
I shivered in his wake, and it wasn’t because I was cold.
Ethan took the beer. “Just one. My parents are coming up tomorrow morning to drop the old station wagon off, and my mother hates it when I’m hung over.”
Jace flopped on the couch and yanked his legs up to rest on the coffee table. “A set of wheels. Sweet.”
That was news to me, but that didn’t bother me. What did really bother me was that Ethan’s parents were coming tomorrow, and he hadn’t even told me. I’d never met them, and I guess he hadn’t planned on me meeting them then. I referred to him as my boyfriend, but I realized right in that moment that he never referred to me as his girlfriend.
I shook it off.
It didn’t matter.
Maybe it was better.
We were still newly seeing each other, and besides after what we were about to do, I wasn’t sure what you would call us.
Then there were my feelings for Jace.
Never spoken out loud, but still felt none-the-less.
With his shoes lined up neatly near the door, Ethan looked around the family room. For the remote, I was certain. “Yeah, I have that clerkship starting next week, and my folks wanted to make sure I had a way of getting there.”
“Janice and Bill are smart parents,” Jace commented, taking a pull from his bottle. “They must know how much you hate to spend money on public transportation, and that chances are good you wouldn’t show up when you were scheduled half the time with as slow as you walk.”
Clicking on the television, Ethan balked. “First of all, fuck you. And secondly, that’s bullshit. I take the bus all the time.”
Jace chuckled. “Yeah, like when?”
Finding a pro basketball game on one of the sports channels, Ethan sat in the chair closest to it. “Like five minutes ago, you dickhead.”
“That was only because Hannah and I insisted on it. Otherwise you would have saved the two bucks and walked, and froze your nuts off, I might add.”
Ethan ignored him. There wasn’t much for him to say to that. It was true; he didn’t like to spend money. His family was by no means rich. They were middle class all the way, but that still made him the wealthiest of the three of us.
Doc Martins were always a major pain in the ass to wear, and since mine were second hand, they weren’t in the best shape. I was still trying to unlace one of them when Jace glanced over at me. “Need some help there, Hannah?”
“I’m good,” I said in frustration, about ready to grab a pair of scissors and cut the laces right down the middle. I really should have gone for function over fashion and worn my fur-lined snow boots because in addition to the malfunction, my toes were about as numb as my fingers.
The tip of my boot was resting on the end table on the other side of the couch, and my fingers were yanking at the knot when Jace stood to his full height and came around. Patting his thigh, he said, “Put it here. I’ll do it.”
I did as he said.
Jace ran his fingertips down the back of my calf, and when he reached my laces, he took a moment to figure out where they were knotted. Once he had, he got to work, and before I knew it, he was unlacing them. “There,” he said, and put his hands on his hips.
“You must have magic fingers,” I commented, and then immediately blushed.
He raised a brow and whispered, “You’re about to find out just how magic they are.”
Ethan had his back to us, his attention on the game, and I found myself flirting back. “I’m looking forward to it,” I said in a hushed tone.
Jace was biting his lip, and I almost lunged for his mouth. I’d wanted to kiss him from the second I first laid eyes on him, and the moment was so close—if only Ethan would focus on something besides the television.
In my socks, jeans, and sweater, I hadn’t dressed for seduction, but the way Jace was staring at me, I felt sexier than I ever had.
“I can’t believe the Bulls just lost,” Ethan said quietly. “There goes the season.”
Wrapping my arms around myself to try to get warm, I flicked my gaze toward the television and waited for the rampage from Jace. The Bulls were his favorite team, and he would never accept defeat. When the banter never came, I glanced back at Jace. I wasn’t even certain he was listening to Ethan because his gray eyes were still fixed on me.
After a beat, Jace glared over toward Ethan, who was watching the highlights. “Hannah’s cold,” he said, his voice loud but not hostile.
Ethan turned the television off and got to his feet. Setting his bottle down, he walked over to where I was standing behind the couch. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled my back close to his chest. “Are you cold?” he whispered in my ear in a seductive tone.
I was facing Jace, Ethan’s head was down, his mouth still at my ear, and Jace’s entire body went taut. I thought about reaching my hand out and pulling him toward us, but I had no idea how this threesome thing was going to work. The last thing I wanted to do was put an end to it before it even started.
It was in that very moment, with Ethan’s arms around me, and Jace looking at me like I was the end all, be all, that I knew for certain I was with the wrong guy. The problem was, breaking up with Ethan wouldn’t get me Jace.
They were best friends, and I already knew they wouldn’t let a girl get between them. And I would never want that anyway. Jace would have to walk away from me if I walked away from Ethan. That would be the only way their friendship wouldn’t be impacted.
If I wanted Jace, I had to go through with the plan.
“Yes, I’m cold,” I whispered back to Ethan.
Ethan lifted his head. “Hey, Jace, you still have that small space heater in your room?”
Jace nodded, but said nothing. I started to worry he was going to do something stupid, like punch Ethan in the nose, or walk out the door.
“What do you say we take Hannah upstairs then and warm her up?” Ethan said, initiating what we had all previously agreed upon.
My eyes pleaded with Jace to say yes, and as soon as he noticed my wide eyes, he responded to Ethan. “Yeah, man, sounds like a plan. I’ll run up and turn it on if you want to lock up.”
Again, he wanted to make sure Ethan thought the whole thing was his idea, and in a way, it was.
Or that was what I told myself.
Present Day
Jace Bennett
THERE WAS NO denying how hungry I was.
Just as there was no denying how edible she looked, especially when she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. It took a few seconds, but then she brought her mouth even closer to mine, which by the way, was still hovering inches from hers.
On neutral ground was how I chose t
o look at it. It was both of us making a move at the same time, but then she licked her lips. That’s when my animalistic nature was triggered.
The first thing I did was rest my hands on her hips. And then I leaned down and pushed her back on the tabletop until both of our bodies were pressing firmly against each other.
Friction.
I felt it immediately.
It felt so fucking good.
Just like that, our mouths crashed together. Seconds later our tongues tangled and clashed, twisting and rolling over a span of countless minutes until we were both breathless and panting.
I hadn’t felt this turned on in years, and I couldn’t sort out right from wrong. It was as though I was completely incapable of doing so.
Trying to drive away the muddled confusion swirling around in my mind, I tore my mouth from hers and glanced around the room. While I knew I wasn’t sure I should be doing what I was about to do, or if I should be doing it with the person I was about to do it with, I also knew I was completely incapable of stopping myself.
Chaos flickered all around me as my gaze bounced and skated over everything in the kitchen, but then my eyes landed on my wallet sitting on the counter. All of a sudden it became a beacon, and the condom sitting inside it was calling to me. Normally, there wouldn’t have been one in there, but the day after I had lunch with Amanda, I stopped by the drug store and picked up a box.
Fuck, it seemed like a decade since I’d done anything like that.
Hannah slid her hands up my neck and her fingers sunk into my hair. The groan I released was something I couldn’t prevent. I shifted my gaze back to her, and our eyes locked. Like that, with our bodies touching and the heat around us blazing off the charts, I forgot where I was. I forgot who I was.
This time when I found her mouth, I kissed her even harder. A carnal need ripping through me so fiercely that I gripped the back of her neck with one hand to hold her in place, and held her close with the other. That wasn’t enough though and I slid my hand down her stomach, over her hip, until I had her thigh in my hand. Once I tugged it up, I moved closer between her legs. Close enough she could feel the evidence of my arousal.