by Karr, Kim
There was more to it.
The knock on the door was expected, and the person who strode in was also expected.
Ethan was . . . as usual, serious. Although today he looked even more serious, and that made my gut twist.
I’d asked him for a favor. One he wasn’t keen on. I wanted him to hire someone to do a background check on Hannah. Ethan was reluctant, but I knew as one of the top attorneys in Chicago, he had the connections to find out what I could not. To uncover the stones that weren’t easily turned, if there were any. It took a bit to get him to agree, but he finally did. I wasn’t saying it was right.
I didn’t do it for work.
I did it for me.
For her.
Wearing a frown, he sat in the chair across from me. “You’re not going to like this,” he said in a quiet, serious tone.
Alarm made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “What did you find out?”
Ethan flopped a fairly good-sized folder down on my desk. “Nothing good.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Just fucking tell me.” The gesture he made with his chin toward the folder told me I needed to start there. I opened it to find a blown up black and white photo of a very pregnant Hannah all beaten and bruised. She was sporting a black eye. Split lip. And there were bruises up and down her arms. Her body was covered, so I couldn’t see the rest, but they must have been there. “Jesus,” I muttered.
Ethan rubbed a hand wearily over his face, his eyes sick. “The investigation into Hannah’s past is thorough, you can read it all right there,” he pointed. “But I’ll give you the highlights and spare you the pain of reading the details.”
My jaw ticked as I stared down at the photo. Then I lifted my gaze back to Ethan. “Yeah, I’d appreciate that.”
So unlike Ethan, he seemed really disturbed by what was in the folder. Emotions were not something he easily showed. He was pretty even keel most of the time. Not this time. His nostrils flared and his eyes blazed as he spoke. “That picture was taken the day before she gave birth prematurely to her son, Jonah. The police report, which had been buried, cited domestic violence. Adam Crestfall, her then husband, was accused of beating her. The internal injuries were so severe, the doctors were forced to induce Hannah at seven months to save both her and the baby.”
My blood went cold, freezing in my veins as that so familiar white-hot haze clouded my vision. “I want to fucking kill him,” I somehow managed to say against the bile in my throat.
“Yeah, me too,” he said. “After doing some digging, the investigator discovered that she decided not to press charges after all, the reason wasn’t documented. But he did discover that upon Adam Crestfall’s release from lockup, he immediately got on a plane headed for California. He remained there until this past June, when his father suffered a stroke, and he returned to Grand Haven to run the family business.”
I pushed back in my chair, agitation gripping me. “This past summer?”
Ethan nodded. “Upon his return, Hannah promptly quit, and filed harassment charges against him. An order of protection was granted for both her and Jonah. I can ask the investigator to find out why if you want?”
I shook my head. I would find that out from Hannah when the time was right.
“Until she moved to Chicago, she continued free-lancing, which she had been doing for quite some time. Despite the fact that her bank accounts are solid, it doesn’t appear she has ever received child support or taken a dime from the Crestfalls. She sold her house in Grand Haven and paid considerably more for the home she bought in Lakeview, then again, the neighborhood is up and coming. She made a down payment on it and mortgaged the rest. Her car is paid for. She doesn’t have any debt. She doesn’t live an extravagant lifestyle. And she has a little more than ten thousand in her savings.”
Sitting back in my chair, I felt like I wanted to punch someone. “So the douchbag returns and she moves heaven and earth to get her son away from him.”
Ethan’s face crinkled in sympathy. “Yeah, it would appear that way.”
Where she ended up was my fault. She might never admit it, but I knew it. I stared over his shoulder at the door, a sick feeling I couldn’t shake taking hold of me.
“This isn’t your fault,” Ethan said in a soft tone.
The look I sent him said otherwise. “Are you sure about that?”
Concern flashed in his eyes. “I am. And I know you aren’t used to hearing me talk like this, but just maybe everyone ended up where they were supposed to. You with Scarlett, and Hannah with Jonah.”
Of course he wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t stop the weight I was feeling. Had I been the catalyst behind the hardships Hannah had faced?
The fact that I met Tricia in the aftermath of Hannah and we had Scarlett was what Ethan was referring to.
I always knew the day I met Tricia had changed my destiny.
But had it changed Hannah’s too?
Believing in destiny seemed absurd, but the idea that it had been in play was harder to ignore.
“Jace,” Ethan said. “You can’t go back in time, and you can’t change anything. All you can do is live with it.”
“Or I could try to make amends,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.
Amends, though, what would they be and were they even possible?
In the end I’d loved them both, but I’d chosen Tricia over the hardship of trying to win Hannah back. Looking back I couldn’t tell you why.
Maybe because Hannah had left me like everyone else in my life, and I wanted to punish her.
Maybe because I wanted to mask the love I had for Hannah with Tricia.
Or maybe because I loved Tricia more.
I honestly just didn’t know. And without the ability to go back in time and consider this . . . I never would.
I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.
Closer to Nine Years Earlier
Jace Bennett
GOING TO SUMMER school pretty much sucked.
I was alone.
Ethan and Nick had graduated. Hannah hadn’t talked to me since the day she walked away from me, and besides she was in Grand Haven any way.
I went to class, did homework, and spent my nights at the local bars with a different girl every night. I was broken again and wondered if there would ever be a time I wasn’t. That dark cloud seemed to follow me wherever I went. I did my best to outrun it.
Heavy rain and record flooding that summer had caused the Red Cedar River to experience higher water levels than usual.
The students were stoked even if no one else was because it gave the water sport enthusiasts the ability to surf it. I was stoked because it gave me that adrenaline high I craved. A way to run.
Surfing on the river was way more challenging than surfing on the ocean. There was no moving forward, you moved side to side, and it could get pretty dangerous with the rocks.
I was sitting on the shore with my feet propped up on some rocks having just finished my ride and thinking about the upcoming weekend.
The first summer session was ending in three days, and I had a week before the second one started.
I was thinking about reaching out to Hannah, and explaining myself to her. The best way to do that was in person. I knew I could hitch a ride to Grand Haven, but what I didn’t know was if she would be there.
As I was weighing my options, trying to decide if she’d even talk to me, a bunch of girls went floating by on yellow rafts eating Popsicles. I shook my head. There were way too many sharp rocks for those flimsy plastic things.
They were kicking their feet and screaming as the cold water splashed all over them. The last girl in the cluster of rafts was not doing any of what the others were doing. Her free hand clutched the side handle and her face was crushed in concentration as she held her cherry Popsicle up high to the sky.
In profile, her features were soft and her hair hung halfway down her back in a mess of red curls a guy could get lost in.
She screamed when the current grabbed hold of her float and plunged her ahead, right into the pile of rocks my feet were propped on.
I stared at her wide, startled eyes and her mouth, half-open, as the yellow raft began to deflate.
“Need a hand?” I asked casually over the rim of my sunglasses.
She pursed her lips. “If you don’t mind.” Her tone sounded sarcastic, but I couldn’t be sure over the flow of the river.
I stood from the perch I had gotten comfortable on, and extended my arm. She took my hand and I pulled her onto the safety of the rocks. Her face sprung into huge relief, and I swore every freckle on it seemed to glimmer in the sunshine.
She was short in a petite kind a way, with a sweet, curvy body that I got a pretty good look at in the bikini she was wearing.
I gave her a smile, as charming as I could make it. “You okay?”
“I am now thanks to you,” she said, licking her Popsicle. “For a moment I thought I might drown.” Again, I didn’t know her well enough to know if she was being serious or sarcastic, but I wanted to find out.
Her hair was like that of a lion, and her personality was as well. I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to tame her, or at least try.
“You’re staring,” she said with a smile.
It was my first real smile, and it was worth getting caught. “I’m Jace,” I said.
“I’m Tricia. Here, want some?” She handed the Popsicle to me, as if that had been what I was staring at, and not her.
Taking it, I found myself licking the sweet juice. When I looked back at her, I noticed the same juice dripping down her mouth. “You have some . . . there.” My thumb traced the corner of her mouth, which opened to my touch.
Fuck, her lips were soft. The tip of her tongue hovered and I thought about sliding my thumb into her mouth’s heat.
We stared at each other for the longest time, until the Popsicle melted all down my fingers.
She laughed as I tried to lick the stickiness away, and then she got serious. “I have a problem,” she said.
“Oh, yeah, what’s that? Are you worried you won’t be able to go out with me tonight?”
Never one for lines, I couldn’t believe I’d said that.
“No, I can do that no problem.”
I gave her a smirk. “As long as that’s settled, there shouldn’t be any problems.”
She pointed to the ground behind us that was littered with sticks and leaves and rocks. “I don’t have any shoes.”
That wasn’t really a problem. I bent down and took hold of her by the knees and slung her over my shoulder.
Her responding laughter was contagious, and I started to laugh too. I couldn’t remember when I’d felt so light.
“I think I might just have to keep you around,” she said, wrapping her arms around my waist and holding on tight. “You’re pretty handy.”
“And we haven’t even gotten to the good stuff,” I joked.
And when the good stuff came . . . it made me whole.
Present Day
Hannah Michaels Crestfall
SCARLETT WAS A lot like her father.
Confident.
Adorable.
And to the point.
The four of us had just gotten back from an early dinner, tacos again, but this time we went to a new restaurant on the river. Scarlett had insisted on the tacos. I think they were her new favorite.
We had just gotten in the house when her and Jonah started walking up the stairs to go play. They were whispering about something. When they reached the landing, she turned around.
“Daddy?” she called.
Jace glanced up from the paint can he was prying open. “Yeah, princess?”
In her jeans, Bulls t-shirt, and ballerina skirt pulled up around her waist and over her pants, her presence was like a welcome breath of fresh air. She always made you smile.
“I was thinking,” she said, tapping her finger to the side of her head, making those curls of hers bounce even as she stood still.
Setting the lid on the drop cloth, Jace kept his gaze focused on her. “About whaatttt?” he asked, drawing the word out.
Clearly he knew something was up.
Sitting on the step, she patted the place next to her for Jonah to join her. He did. “You know how I’m always asking you for a brother or sister?”
“Yeah,” Jace replied, apprehension clear in his tone.
Putting her arm around Jonah, she said, “Why don’t you apopt Jonah, and make him my brother?”
Jace’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. “Scarlett, it’s adopt. And it doesn’t work that way.”
She pursed her lips. “Adopt, that’s what I said. And why can’t it? He doesn’t have a daddy, and you could be his.”
“Yeah,” Jonah piped in. “And since Scarlett doesn’t have a mommy, my mommy could be hers.”
Her head jerked in his direction. “I do so have a mommy. She’s in heaven and she loves me very much.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. And I do have a daddy, but mine doesn’t love me.”
“Jonah,” I said from the bottom of the stairs, my voice as strangled as his words made me feel. “That is not true.”
“Yes, it is,” Jonah said, getting to his feet and storming down the hall.
There was no doubt the conversation had taken me by surprise, and just as I placed a foot on the first step, Jace put his hand on my shoulder. “Let me talk to him.”
“No, I should.”
“Please,” he said, “I spent most of my life without a father in it. I know what to say.”
Near the brink of tears, I nodded. “Thank you.”
As he headed up the stairs, Scarlett headed down. They passed in the middle, and he bent to whisper something into her ear.
She got a little teary, but then shook her head.
Holding the banister, she came the rest of the way down the stairs. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking at me with those big green eyes that made my heart swell. “I didn’t mean to make Jonah sad. Please don’t be mad.”
I bent down so I was at her height. “I know you didn’t.” I tapped her nose. “And I’m not mad. How could I ever be mad at you?”
She was truly upset. I could see it in the small set of her face. She might look like her mother, but she had her father’s personality. “That’s what my daddy says, too, but I know sometimes I make him mad.”
The overalls I was in the process of putting on pulled too tightly, and I had to rise to my feet. “Here’s the thing, Scarlett,” I said, “there are times that we are going to make each other mad, but as long as we learn from our mistakes and forgive, it’s okay. That’s what love is.”
Scarlett had to tip her face to look up to me. “Hannah, I love you,” she told me matter-of-factly.
Those tears that had been welling in my eyes fell, and I quickly wiped them away.
For a little girl, Scarlett had a tight hold as she wrapped her arms around my legs and held onto me. I didn’t care about the overalls any longer and crouched back down. “I love you, too,” I whispered.
“You won’t ever leave me, will you?”
That I didn’t know how to answer. “Not if I can help it,” I smiled at her.
“My mommy left me because she couldn’t help it.” Her eyes were sad.
I held her tighter to me. “And I know she must have loved you very much.”
“She did, my daddy tells me that all the time.”
“What do I tell you?” Jace asked as he started down the stairs with Jonah on his shoulders.
Scarlett beamed when she looked up at him and Jonah. “Girl talk, Daddy. Are you all better, Jonah?”
Jonah nodded his head.
I blew him a kiss. “Do you want to talk to me about anything?”
He pretended to catch my kiss. “I’m good, Mommy,” he said, and then he looked down at Scarlett. “I’m ready to play trucks.”
“Trucks!” she said in disgust. “I’m a girl. I do
n’t play trucks.”
Jace lifted him off his shoulders and set him on the ground. “But you play football.”
“Yes, that’s different. That’s a sport. We can play Chutes and Ladders.”
Jonah twisted his mouth to the side. “I don’t really like that game.”
She started up the stairs. “But you’ll play it, right?”
Jonah started back up too. “I guess so.”
And just like that all was well in their world.
Jace stepped toward me, and I took in his handsome face. My heart started to pound. His mission was to grab hold of the strap of my overalls and bring it to my shoulder. “She’s a little outspoken,” he said. “I have to work on that.”
For some reason a flutter of butterflies awoke in my belly. “I don’t think so. I think she’s a girl who knows what she wants, and when she grows up, it will make her a strong and confident woman.”
Jace quirked a brow and paused what he was doing to look into my eyes. “You sold me.”
I raised a brow back. “It’s the truth,” I said, and then after a few seconds, I asked, “What did you say to Jonah?”
He stepped closer still, and I knew he could see the pulse beating erratically at the base of my throat as he battled with the clasp I had been unable to secure. “That he had a mother who loved him more than anything, and sometimes that was enough.”
The panic I had felt drained out of me.
“And some other things.”
“Like what?”
“Boy stuff.”
At that I smiled.
Successfully fastening the strap, he took a step back. “Whoa. Hot mamma.”
Twirling around, I pirouetted and then said, “You think?”
His grin was wicked. “I do.”
I giggled and pulled an elastic from my overalls pocket to fasten my hair up. “Great, I’ll buy one in every color and wear them to work.”
“That might be pushing it,” he said, as he started to pour the can of paint into the roller pan.
I watched him as he soaked the roller in the paint before deciding I should probably do what he was doing.
He glanced up. “Nice color, what do you call it?”