by Edeet Ravel
Our First Year
17 February 1949. Rain-sleet-hail-snow today with breaks of sun and low-hanging, carelessly spun clouds suspended against the hills like artificial cotton clouds.
The team of thirty or so Arabs who were here packing up the abandoned tobacco in the various buildings of the village, under government supervision, have finally left. A very interesting business having them here, especially for those of us who worked with them as half-guard, half-chaperon. Many of them were Christians, good workers, alert, and shrewd, and others were definitely Levantine types concerning whom we have a lot to learn.
One can see at a glance the infernal complicatedness of the Arab question, and here it is, right on our doorstep.
Dori
Here is something I don’t think Mummy and Daddy know. My brother David saved my life in Camp Bilu’im. Mummy took me to play on the beach and told me to hold on to the wall of stones if I go into the water. She told David to keep an eye on me.
There wasn’t much to do near the wall. I ducked all the way under the water and held my breath and then I came up. Then I ducked again but this time the shirt I was wearing got caught in the wall. I had a shirt on top of my bathing suit because my shoulders were sunburned.
I began to die. The shirt was stuck and I didn’t have any air left. I tried to pull the shirt but I couldn’t. I can’t even say how scared I was.
But David grabbed me and saved my life. He saw that I was stuck and he ran over and saved me. He said why did you go underwater? Don’t go underwater again.
I told Mummy I drowned but I don’t think she heard me. I don’t even think David knows he saved my life. No one knows except me.
Odds of a Shirt Getting Caught in a Groyne
He was nearly ten, flailing pale awkward limbs.
Dori
Daddy has Dr Seuss! We had those three books in Canada and now here they are in Eldar.
I know all three books by heart. The one with the Cat in the Hat and the snow and the one with the Cat in the Hat and his tricks and One Fish Two Fish.
I love everything about those books. From beginning to end. Mummy and Daddy love them too. They laugh when we read them. They read them and I say the words at the same time and then they kiss me.
Dr Seuss has a funny name because he’s not a doctor and he’s not a horse.40 His name matches his books.
Our First Year
19 February 1949. The sun has finally come; no rain, a little wind, and huge, high clouds. The waves and layers of hills stretch away in tones of pink, orange and grey. Much washing, reading, taking of walks, bundled-up against the wind, but everyone basking and blinking in the sun. Quiet communion with earth and weather.
Dori
It’s my birthday today. I’m six years old. But first there’s breakfast and lunch and naptime. I’m so excited I can’t sleep.
Finally it’s Wake-Up. Mummy does the Wake-Up. She has a garland for my hair but it turns out I don’t have a dress. Shoshana was supposed to bring me a dress from the laundry but she forgot so Mummy goes to find me one. Daddy brings a cake and candles. Mummy comes back with a pretty dress with tiny pink dots that stick out. It’s a little small on me but I don’t mind.
I light the candles with the good-luck candle. Everyone sings happy birthday. I blow out the candles and Mummy and Daddy lift my chair up six times. Mummy gives all the children a slice of cake and then they run to visit their parents.
We leave too. Mummy carries the rest of the cake to the Room so my brother David can have some too.
My birthday last year was in Camp Bilu’im. I don’t remember a thing about it.
Celebration
Dori
Shoshana says she’s going to read us a bedtime story if we’re good. We brush our teeth and pee and get into our pyjamas. Shoshana sits on a chair between the bedrooms so everyone can hear. We can’t see her but we hear her voice. I wonder why her voice is always hoarse. Most people only have a hoarse voice when they have a cold.
The story is about a girl who finds out that her Group is moving into a new Children’s House. She likes the old Children’s House so she gets some paint and paints it and then it looks like new and the children don’t have to move. I don’t know how anyone can write such a boring story.
The only good thing about the story is the girl’s name—Rakefet.41 That’s my favourite flower and my favourite thing in the world. When I see one in a field I get full of happiness. Come to think of it, we haven’t had a Hike in a while. Just to the chicken coop and back. No one even likes the chicken coop. It’s very crowded and noisy and if you go inside with blood from a cut the chickens attack you and try to kill you.
After Shoshana leaves I feel like talking in English. Skye knows English from when she was in Boston. I say Skye do you want to talk in English? Skye says yes. I say how are you? She says fine how are you? I say I am not happy. Skye says why you are not happy? I say because the story was not good. Skye says yes it was not good. I’m getting tired of English. My brain isn’t used to it any more. I say good-night Skye and Skye says goodnight Dori.
The other children are jealous that we talked in English. I know it isn’t nice. I want to be nice all the time but I can’t.
Our First Year
8 March 1949. Our library is now open for business in its temporary quarters in a vaulted room in the two-storey building of Eldar’s former mukhtar, or village chief. It’s already one of the most popular spots in the kibbutz.
Dori
It’s really quiet tonight. Really really quiet. I don’t feel good. There’s a song about this feeling—
In the dark a lone cat howls
Midnight trees softly shake
A fog drifts in from the sea
Only Anokhi is still awake
It’s a lonely song with a lonely tune. In the black art book there’s a man who reminds me of Anokhi.42 He’s walking in a swamp with a walking stick and holding his coat shut and there’s a mysterious light behind him. When when when is Mummy or Daddy coming to kiss me goodnight?
Here she is here she is! I feel bad for the other children. They probably feel sick too but in their case they have to go on feeling sick until they fall asleep.
Mummy says I’m so tired sweetie I’m falling asleep on my feet so just a quick kiss tonight. She kisses me and says Dori are you sure you still need these goodnight visits now that you’re such a big girl? I get very scared when she says that. I shout yes yes I still need them and she says don’t worry—no one is going to tell me what to do. I knew she wouldn’t stop. Not until I say.
I don’t ask for a rhyme but she tells me one anyhow. She chooses the shortest rhyme she knows—
Up and down
Left and right
I like to fly my kite
It’s a baby rhyme but who cares. At least she came. I feel better now.
Our First Year
13 March 1949. The bus made its first run to Haifa today! Historic local passengers were Isaac, Naftali, Amos and Dafna. It was the driver’s first day on the line (Luigi is still in Haifa arranging for his busman’s test) so naturally he spent most of the time watching the passing scenery rather than the road.
Today is Trumpeldor Day. There was a dramatization in the Dining Hall and then we marched to the top of Al-Tawil, the hill that lies to the west and from which one can see the lights both of Safed and Haifa. Full moon with a crisp wind a-blowing, so we could hardly wait to light our bonfire at the prescribed time, when fires were to blaze up in all the settlements of the countryside. Then a few selections from our pocket-sized choir, valiantly rendered, and a few words on the significance of the occasion by Martin.
When we got home we discovered that our tender—which is the name for any small pick-up truck in this country—had arrived from Galron, where it had been in repair for two months. Painted a brilliant green, and hunched up on its hind wheels and ready to roll. So our motor fleet has been doubled.
Dori
I’m on m
y way to Lulu’s birthday party. Suddenly a boy from an older Group comes over and asks me if I want to see a shelter.
I say yes. I’m always interested in seeing new things. He goes down a metal ladder. I go down after him but
I stay on the ladder because I don’t like it down here.
He says do you want to do sex?
I’m free but I don’t like this boy. I run up the ladder
and all the way to the Room. Now I’m crying. Daddy asks what is it? but I don’t know why I’m crying.
Daddy says I have a new book for you doda. He shows me the book. It’s called Alice in Wonderland and it’s big and white like Pinnochio. I love the picture on the cover—a blonde girl in a red dress sitting in a field of flowers and looking at a rabbit. The rabbit is holding a clock and running.
I sit on Daddy’s lap and he reads to me. This is the best book I’ve ever read in my entire life.
Thy Neck with Chains of Gold
MARINA
My poor feet … Thank God I’m not working tomorrow.
MICHAEL
Thank Eli, our lord and saviour.
ELI
(smiling) If you don’t watch out, I’ll put you in the
kitchen for a year.
MARINA
Don’t pay attention to him—he’s mad because he can’t
drive his truck tomorrow. You know what? I don’t care.
Let him drive. Let him go back to his truck, his fun in
the city, his Arab friends, his soldiers and girlfriends, I
don’t want him any more. I’m looking for a new hus-
band. Put it on the agenda for this week’s meeting: to
be discussed, a replacement spouse for Marina.
RITA
You can have me, darling Marina. Any time. (Raises
volume of radio.) May I have this dance? (RITA and
MARINA dance)
MICHAEL
If you need me, I’ll be praying. (Exits)
Dori
I really really don’t want to go back tonight. I lie down on the sofa and pretend I’m asleep. That way Daddy will have to carry me. He lifts me on his back and I lean my head on his shoulder.
We walk to the Children’s House. I keep my eyes closed and my arms around Daddy’s neck.
I pretend to wake up when he says we’re here, doda. I slide down from his back and he kisses me goodbye for now.
Lulu says you didn’t come to my birthday party—I’m five now.
I completely forgot! I begin to cry. Lulu pats me on the back and says never mind sweetie. She says there’s cake left over and you’ll come tomorrow and have a piece—hush now.
Shoshana says hurry up hurry hurry hurry. Go to hell Shoshana. Go to hell and stay there.
I made a promise to myself in Canada about forgetting things. Mummy bought me a beautiful white sweater in a department store. It was so beautiful! With little pearls on the collar and shiny buttons. Mummy wasn’t going to buy it because it cost a lot but when she saw how much I loved it she bought it. Then on the bus home we sat on a side seat and I put the sweater next to me and I told myself don’t forget the sweater!
But then Mummy almost missed our stop and she was in a big rush and I forgot the sweater. She noticed as soon as we were out of the bus but it was too late. She started to be angry at me but then she decided it was her fault. I was sad and she was sadder.
I made a promise to myself never ever to forget anything again. But I still forget things. Not things that happen but things that don’t happen. Like Lulu’s party.
Our First Year
16 March 1949. Last night when the bus was returning from Nahariya it was stopped a few kilometres down the road. The driver claims that a large group of armed Arabs demanded that he take them to Lebanon. He refused, warning them that in the event of abduction a party would be sent out immediately and there would be the devil to pay.
For the next few days an armed guard will accompany him on his trip from Nahariya.
Dori
A woman with a camera comes to take photographs of us in the shower.43 She talks with Shoshana and they both smile. Shoshana hides who she is with adults.
Everyone laughs and runs back and forth so the woman won’t be able to take the photograph. As a matter of fact I want to be in the photograph. But I don’t want anyone to know because no one else wants to be in it. I stand still and pretend to play with my fingers. It’s fun to be in a photograph.
Another new thing today is a lesson on brushing our teeth. Shoshana says a dentist came to Eldar to give a lecture and he told everyone to brush up and down not across.
One of my teeth is loose as a matter of fact. I like moving it with my tongue. Jonathan says his father eats blood on bread. Disgusting!
Cropped by the Subject c. 1967
Dori
I had a dream that I was a baby lying in my crib. My Minder Doreet was looking down at me and smiling. Doreet has a big face and glasses and blonde hair that flies everywhere. She has a very nice smile and Mummy loves her. Mummy thinks I called my doll Doreet because I like Doreet but really it was because my doll had red hair which is close to blonde. People say I have red hair but I don’t know why. It’s blonde like Doreet’s.
In the dream I looked up at Doreet from my crib and I was sure that my face looked like her face.
Now I’m awake but I still feel I have Doreet’s face. Doreet isn’t ugly but a little girl with a big loose face and big glasses is ugly. If I look in the mirror I can see that I don’t look like Doreet but the minute I look away I see myself from the ceiling and what I see is Doreet.
I wonder what happened to that doll. I don’t usually like dolls but in Canada I liked having something that was from Eldar. I gave us both a haircut and Mummy said Dori what have you done! She was a little angry but she also laughed though she tried not to.
Mummy said now your doll won’t have any hair. I said it’ll grow back and Mummy thought I really believed hair grows on dolls and she laughed very hard and told everyone. And now whenever she says it’ll grow back everyone laughs.
I tried to explain but she didn’t understand. Many things are hard to explain.
Me and My Doll
Dori
We’re still reading Alice in Wonderland. Daddy asks if I want to play cards but all I want to do is read Alice in Wonderland. This is the best book anyone ever wrote. A hundred times better than Pinocchio.
I like the pictures too. The only one I don’t like is when Alice only has a head and feet. That picture makes me feel a little sick. I try not to look at it.
When I grow up I want to write a book like Alice in Wonderland. I tell Daddy I’m going to be a writer. He laughs and says that’s wonderful dollie.
Our First Year
17 March 1949. A quiet day in which a few of us with our mentor, Dov, took an inspection trip through our orchards. One of those unique tone poems of Eldar weather, a day to conjure with: flurries of rain and then sunshine, and sunshine through the rain with all those ancient and hackneyed but magnificent images of nature’s spring beauty, huge drops of rain on broad green leaves, delicately coloured hyacinths, anemones, cyclamens appearing like flute obligatos from within the full orchestral rumble of rocks and weeds and trees, a straight and slimly formed apricot tree in glistening pinkish-orange blossom surrounded by gnarled olive trees, the terraces falling away like carpeted steps of deep green, diamond-sprinkled green, and swirls and patches of chartreuse, the deep, good, chocolate-brown earth in the valleys, so soft, so magnificently textured that one dreamily thinks of biting into a chunk …
Dori
It’s really hot today. Instead of staying in the Room we go out to the lawn and fill basins with water. In between sitting in the basin I stand on Daddy’s shoulders and count. I can keep my balance to 100.
There are other adults on the lawn and everyone is talking and laughing. Daddy is explaining all sorts of things. He’s very smart.
On the ship to Ca
nada there was a pool. I was afraid to go inside it though. I didn’t want to fall into the ocean.
I liked that ship. I didn’t like the food but Daddy always tried to find something for me on the menu like bread or mashed potatoes.
A horrible thing happened on the ship. Right in the middle of supper two waiters dragged another waiter to the door and threw him out of the room and he fell on the floor. His body was all skinny and crooked and nervous and he was scared and trying to explain and stuttering but they wouldn’t listen and didn’t care.
I asked Daddy why they threw him out and Daddy didn’t know what to say. Finally he said because he spilled soup on someone but he said it the way he says things he doesn’t want to explain. How can you be angry with someone for spilling soup on a ship? The waves keep moving everything around.