“I do,” I answer truthfully, “but I don’t know if I have it within me to do it.”
He grasps my shoulders fiercely. “I know you can do this. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
His earnest look nearly kills me. Guilt consumes me. If only he knew the things I’ve been asked to do, the terrible secrets I’m hiding. I don’t think his assessment would stand up to scrutiny then, because in this moment I’ve never felt weaker in my entire life.
I press my ear to the bathroom door and verify that Haydn is indeed taking a shower. Quick as lightning, I run to my room and dash out a quick D-pad message to Jarod asking him to pick up me up in an hour. I don’t give him any opportunity to refuse.
I change back into my skintight jeans and soft pink sweater and slip my feet into my patent black ballet pumps. Removing some juice from the refrigerator, I start mentally compiling my explanation. Which is totally ridiculous, because I’m almost eighteen, and after that little run-in with Mom earlier, I’m now completely responsible for myself. So, needing an excuse to leave the apartment for a few hours is absurd. But the last thing I want is a pissed alien bodyguard trailing me today. Or a more pissed alien boyfriend worrying about me. I drain the last of my drink, and I’m at the sink washing my glass when Haydn materializes.
“What do you want to do this afternoon?”
I spin around and my jaw slackens. Haydn has traded his standard black tactile pants and shirt combo for jeans and a gray sweater. His clumpy black boots are missing, replaced with a pair of black sneakers. Understated looks good on him. Guilt punches another hole in my gut. He’s obviously making an extra effort on my behalf, because of what went down earlier, and I’m ditching him. Awesome.
“Oh. You forgot?” I kick start the charade.
He frowns. “Forgot what?”
“Remember I told you that I was meeting Jarod for a late lunch today?” I plaster my best innocent look on my face, praying that the acting skills I gleaned during my short sojourn with the Thalassic City Drama Club are working in my favor.
His brow furrows deeper as he scrubs a hand over his jaw. “No. You never mentioned that to me.”
“I’m sure I did.” Okay, so now I’m starting to clutch at straws. “Anyway, whether you remember or not, that’s what I’m doing this afternoon. Jarod’s probably already waiting for me outside, so I better go.” I grab my black jacket off the back of the stool and stride toward the door.
“Not so fast, Sadie. Let me get my jacket, and I’ll come with you.”
Dammit. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I hate lying to him, but my sister’s life is at stake here. And nothing is more important to me than saving Ella. I manipulate my face into the required expression and turn to face him. “Haydn, I need to be alone with Jarod. No offense or anything, but he understands. He’s a star, like me, and his Mom abandoned him years ago. He gets it.”
“And I don’t?” A muscle ticks in his jaw.
Right now, I hate myself. Despise myself. But I do what’s necessary. “When it comes to this, yeah. I know you care, and I truly appreciate that you’re thinking of my needs, but I need some time away from this apartment.”
“Or from me?” The muscle in his jaw ticks furiously now. I’m definitely pushing his buttons.
I take a step toward him, unable to hurt him further. “Absolutely not. Nothing could be further from the truth. I simply need to spend some time with my friend. Jarod will look out for me. Nothing will happen. I have my comport, and if anything happens, I’ll contact you straightaway and you can teleport to get me. Okay?”
“I’m not okay with this, Sadie, but I’ll make an exception considering the circumstances. Don’t make me regret it, and be back here by five.”
“Yes, Dad.”
He grimaces. “Go, before I change my mind.”
Leaning in, I kiss his cheek before darting out of the door.
“How’d you escape?” Jarod asks the minute he spies me exiting the elevator. He’s slouched against the wall of the rear lobby.
“Don’t ask,” I mutter, still thoroughly disgusted with myself. “Did you bring it?”
He reaches into his inner jacket pocket and retrieves the black wig I wore when we gatecrashed the Gala Event in Thalassic City. I grin widely as I manipulate my hair into a low bun and tug the wig over my head. Jarod fixes it in place, smoothing some loose strands at the sides. I slip my sunglasses on. “Will I pass?” I deposit my hands on my hips.
He inspects me carefully. “Yep. I don’t think the hordes will recognize you.”
“Let’s put that to the test.” I drag him around the front of the building. We walk arm in arm out the main door, and no one so much as bats an eyelid in my direction. I mentally fist punch the air. I’m as giddy as a goat on steroids. “Oh my God, this is awesome.”
“What?” Jarod asks, peering around.
“This. Freedom!” I giggle excitedly.
“Jeez, Sadie. It’s not right what they’re doing to you. They’re as bad as the government.”
I stop abruptly. “Don’t,” I whisper. “Please, I don’t want to argue. Logan loves me and he’s trying to protect me, and if you saw the way those vultures regularly react to me, and the heap of hate mail I receive, then you’d understand. And let’s not forget Dante, he remains a real threat too.”
He takes my hand and steers me forward. “I understand all that, but he doesn’t need to keep you so restricted. There is no reason why you and I can’t go out like this more often. And you are more than capable of defending yourself. Ask Bo, he still can’t walk properly.” A huge grin lights up his face and I laugh out loud.
“Anyway, you owe me an explanation.” He nudges me in the ribs. “I sense some mischief is in the air, and I’m more than intrigued. What are we up to?”
“I’ll tell all when we get to yours.”
We chat casually as we walk the remaining six blocks to Jarod’s apartment. I’ve barely set foot inside the door when he accosts me. “You. Over there,” he demands, pointing to the couch. “Spill your guts. Right this second.”
I giggle. Kicking off my shoes, I jump on the couch, tucking my knees up under me. I fill him in on my trip to see Mom and her confirmation that my brother and sister have been taken to Sector Twenty. Then I brace myself for making an admission. I’m not sure how this is going to do down, but I’ve already come to the conclusion that I need to bring him into my confidence. I can’t ask for his help with my plan unless he fully understands what’s at stake. Drawing a large breath, I proceed to tell him everything I know about the tests going on in Sector Twenty and the Saven plans for conscience transfer.
Jarod is a great listener, and he doesn’t interrupt me once, though I’m sure he has a ton of questions. His face turns a darker shade of red with every revelation. When I’ve finally finished talking, I sit back and wait for the bomb to explode. Jarod jumps up and instantly starts pacing. Steam is practically billowing out of his ears, and if I could see into his skull, I’m sure I’d detect the churning of wheels as he struggles to grasp all I’ve shared.
“Jesus H,” he says, slinking down onto the couch. “That is the most disturbing thing I’ve ever heard. Please tell me you’re making it up. I’m praying you’re making it up.”
“You know I’m not.”
“Shit, Sadie.” He drags his hands through his hair. “You’ve known this all along?”
“Yeah. And I should’ve told you from the outset. I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?” I look at him through hooded eyes.
“God knows I should be. But I’m not. I’m scared for you.”
Hairs rise all over my body as his statement drills skin-deep. “Because, if G finds out I’m concealing things, I’ll be in deep doo-doo?”
Jarod barks out a laugh as he plops his booted feet up on the coffee table. “Trust you to downplay this. Sadie, he’ll freak his frigging head off if he discovers you knew and didn’t share that intelligence.”
“
We’ll have to make sure he never finds out then, right?” I stare into his eyes.
“He won’t hear it from me. Not that you need to ask that.” The look of derision is blatant on his face.
I lay my hand on top of his. “I know that. You and me—we have each other’s backs, yeah?”
He grips my hand firmly. “Always.”
“Then I know I’ve come to the right place.”
“So let’s hear this grand plan. I sorely need the distraction right now.” He shakes his head forlornly, a myriad of different emotions shrouding his features.
“We need to get into that facility in Sector Twenty, because I need to get my sister the hell out of there before her life is destroyed. If I get you the VP’s D-pad logins, can you hack into the system, create fake IDs for us, and add our names to the approved visitors list?”
“You sure you weren’t a spy in a previous life?” he asks, smirking.
“Maybe your mad spy skills are rubbing off on me. You up for this?”
“Hell, yeah. But we’ll have to go in disguise.”
“Naturally. How soon can you set it up?”
“I’ll probably need a few days. If you can retrieve those logins first thing Monday morning, and message me when the VP is out of the office, I can get cracking on it then. Assuming it isn’t that difficult to locate the right information, we could go Friday?”
“Not sooner?” Frustration smothers my face.
“I know you’re worried,” he says, taking my other hand in his, “but we don’t want to botch it. Let’s take a few days to plan it properly, to ensure nothing goes wrong. Will you be able to get time off?”
“I stayed late a few weeks ago helping the VP with a project, and he told me I could take a day in lieu. I’ll think of some excuse and ask for Friday off. What about you?” Releasing my hands, I rip the wig off my hot head, letting my hair breathe.
“I’ll add an approved day to the vacation schedule. My boss is a total dumbass; he won’t think anything’s strange once it’s on the log.”
“Sneaky. I like it.” I give him a cursory hug. “Thanks. I knew I could count on you.”
He raises his hand and we high five. “How will you ditch the freak?”
“Jarod.” There’s a cautionary undercurrent to my tone. “Please stop calling Haydn that. I know you don’t like any of them, but they’re going out of their way to keep me safe, and they hate this as much as we do.”
“Then why aren’t they doing anything?” he spits out, his voice laden with venom. “Logan is the goddamned crown prince. Surely, he could stop this.”
“He’s not the one in control; his father is. And the king is all gung-ho for the plan. As is our president, and the VP, though I suspect some mind manipulation is involved,” I say, recalling that one conversation I overheard the night of the Gala Event.
“I’ve said it before, Sadie, and I’ll say it again. I think you’re making a big mistake putting your trust in Logan. You don’t know any of them that well. And they aren’t human. G is wrong in making that request of you, but he isn’t wrong about that. You can only trust your own kind. And I’m gonna say something else that needs to be said. The time will come when you have to pick a side. Which side will you be on?”
I chew on the corner of my fingernail. I know I can’t keep juggling so many secrets and lies and that what Jarod has predicted will come to fruition. “I’ll be on the side championing freedom,” I reply with quiet conviction, though it does nothing to quell the distaste souring my mouth. If it comes down to it, and it is a choice between alien and human, how on earth am I expected to take a side?
Jarod runs a finger along his bottom lip, lost in a trance-like state. Then his finger falters and he pales.
“What?” I review him with wary eyes.
“That’s how Jenna died, isn’t it? That freak tried to take her conscience. It wasn’t a side effect of life underwater.”
I swallow the heavy lump in my throat. Jenna is never far from my thoughts. “Yes,” I confirm. Jarod sweeps the contents of the coffee table to the ground in one ferocious movement. Kneeling down, he fists tufts of his hair as his guttural wail fills the tense air. Whirling around, he stares at me. “You knew that too?”
I’m so ashamed but there’s no point lying. “I knew.”
“Jesus, Sadie. What else have you lied about? Do I know you at all?” he yells.
His words blast into me. And the worst part is there’s nothing I can say to defend myself. I’m indefensible. So I say nothing.
The tension mounts until I can no longer bear it. “I think I should go.”
“I agree.” He presses his knuckles into his forehead. I blink at him. Even if I had any words, I know they wouldn’t rectify this.
Without a sound, I get up and leave. I’m at the elevator when Jarod comes sprinting down the corridor. “I’ll walk you back.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I snap. I’m being deliberately rude, and I don’t know why. He has every reason to be angry with me, and I have no right to my indignation.
“I may be furious with you right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I’m walking you home.”
We don’t utter a word the entire journey and the strained silence eats away at me. Depositing me at the elevator bank in the king’s apartment building, Jarod turns on his heel and leaves without saying goodbye.
Crushing pain settles on my chest, and it takes a considerable amount of self-control not to give into the inherent need to bawl. I can’t fathom the prospect of losing Jarod’s friendship, so I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me for everything I’ve been keeping secret.
I give myself a little pep talk outside the penthouse door. Haydn can’t know I’m upset because he’ll immediately accuse Jarod of doing something to hurt me, and that won’t help the fragile alien-human relations. Mustering bravado from somewhere, I smear a smile on my lips and step into the apartment.
The frosty air hits me all at once. Haydn is standing in the middle of the room with his legs wide and his arms folded sternly around his torso. The glare radiating from his eyes is enough to generate his own laser beam. Crap. I’m in trouble again.
“What?” I direct the first barb.
“You lied to me.”
What is it with me and getting caught out on lies today? And how did I become such an accomplished liar in the first place? I’ve compromised so much of myself, and I’m not proud of that fact. I decide to feign innocence, because in all honesty, what else can I do? “About what,” I say, casually removing my jacket and tossing it on the couch.
“You didn’t go to lunch. What were you doing in Jarod’s apartment?” His look holds considerable challenge.
Wait? Surely, he’s not thinking that? “You followed me? After I asked you not to come? And what exactly are you accusing me of?”
“You tell me.” His face contorts into something nasty, and I flinch, unused to such aggression from him.
“Go to hell, Haydn.” I sprint for the corridor but he’s faster than I am.
He seizes me by the elbow. “What is going on with you and Jarod?” His fingers dig into the fleshy part of my arm.
“You’re hurting me.” The tears I’ve been fighting are about to break free. “Nothing is going on with Jarod. We had lunch in his apartment so we had privacy to talk. That’s all. You are completely overreacting, and frankly, I’m not even sure why it matters.”
He lets go of me and steps back. “You don’t think it would matter to Logan?”
“Are you saying Jarod can’t be my friend? Because I’ve got news for you on that front, buddy.” I step forward, upset subsiding to let fury take center stage. “I’m done with being caged in this apartment. I’m done with being told what I can or can’t do. I’m done with being babied.” I thrust my arms dramatically in the air. “I’m done!” I scream that last part before stomping to my room.
Haydn doesn’t venture near me for the rest of the day. Dinnertime come
s and goes, and when I don’t come out of my room to eat, he leaves a tray by my door. If this is a form of apology, he can shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Haydn has done the unthinkable: He’s hurt me so much more than he could ever realize. While I’m guilty of plenty of things, cheating is not one of them. That he could think me capable of something so despicable hurts beyond belief.
And it’s not as if I need anything else to add to the stress.
Tantalizing aromas waft from the covered plate, but my stomach is tied in a million knots, and even if I felt inclined to eat, I doubt I could manage a morsel. I shove the intact tray away.
I’m tempted to do a tarot reading, but I’m too afraid of what it might say. My emotions are bound so tight the slightest pull would snap my tenuous control into smithereens. Instead, I fasten my comm-clip to my ear and listen to music while attempting to deflect the tumultuous mess in my head.
Concern for Logan’s safety is at the forefront of my mind. No matter how this pans out, I have to protect him, at all costs. At some point, I’m going to have to tell him about my involvement with the rebels and the threat they pose, but for now, I want to shield him from that. He’s dealing with too much already. It’s up to me to manage this situation, and I’m determined not to let him down.
Eventually I fall asleep.
I wake screaming, recognizable feelings of panic assaulting all my senses. Snatches return to haunt me. Strong arms. Stabbing pain. Whispered heinous sentiments repeated over and over. Silent tears stroll down my face, and heavy breaths echo in the dark confines of my room as I struggle to calibrate my breathing. Not again. I brush damp strands of hair off my face as Haydn comes crashing into my room. Startled, I scream at the top of my lungs.
“It’s only me. Another nightmare?” He hovers nervously beside my bed.
I inhale and exhale deeply, willing myself to calm down. “Yes. But I’m fine now, and I want to go back to sleep.” I’m still smarting from his earlier accusation, and it’s obvious in the extreme.
Saven Disclosure (The Saven Series Book 2) Page 5