‘Ummm, nope. I was thinking about maybe popping in later, if she was going to be around.’ I say evasively, non-committedly. I am not sure if I am ready to face this one particular person just yet. Emma and I have history, a special relationship and I am truly terrified about how exactly she is going to react at finally seeing me again. I have dodged her calls and emails for weeks, maybe months, and I know I have been putting this off. My stomach churns with nerves at the thought of her beautiful soft blue eyes and pretty face in my mind’s eye. Emma is one of the few people who can reduce me to tears with just a look of disappointment, well one of two, but that asshole can go drown himself in the nearest tub for all I care.
‘Come now. I’m heading home with her craving requests; this baby has her devouring gherkins like they’re going out of fashion and I am seriously thinking she may need an intervention. Would cheer her up to see you back here; this pregnancy has been tougher than the last two and I daresay will be our last. Can’t stand seeing her go through this anymore.’ Jake shrugs his shoulder in a very masculine, yet boyish, way and I find myself nodding before I have even made a decision about seeing her; he has this knack for coercing you without even bloody well knowing he’s doing it.
God damn Jake!
‘Great. Hop in.’ Jake thumbs over his shoulder at the car and turns to slide into his own seat confidently, obviously end of conversation and a hint to do as I am told.
Typical Jake!
I obediently follow and move to get in the other side apprehensively, we’re only minutes away from home, maybe even seconds with this car, so it’s not a hardship getting a lift in it. It’s a sexy black beast of a machine after all. Emma still calls this bad boy ‘The Batmobile’.
‘Still love this thing.’ I pat the dash affectionately after I buckle my belt and relax back into the moulded bucket seats and expensive leather upholstery. This car is still his pride and joy, even though he has newer and fancier models. Emma once told me he has sentimental attachment to this car because of her, and I really don’t ever want to know what that is; knowing Jake… He probably seduced Emma in or on top of this car multiple times.
‘Are you home for good?’ Jake pushes as he starts the beast and slowly gets us onto the road with the roar of that grumbling, purring engine. The thrill of this car is not lost on me; I have tried so many times to get Arrick to borrow it in the past, to take me driving. It’s a beast and when he was teaching me to drive I just wanted to try this out. In the end, I passed my Driver’s Ed in something boringly slow that Arrick chose from his dad’s garage, and since then I have never had need for a car of my own in the city. I prefer to walk or use the subway.
‘I don’t know… Just trying to find my head I guess.’ I shrug and watch the scenery slowly moving by, the expensive manicured houses and lawns and the immaculate streets in our millionaire’s neighbourhood. It still never loses its sparkle and grandeur to me, and I know I should thank my lucky stars every day that this is how my life ended up. I got the fairy-tale ending that Cinderella hoped for, and it only makes it so much more confusing to be feeling like I do.
I guess the saying ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ is true.
‘Think we have all been there. It’s only after you do find your feet you realise you made a mess of getting there.’ Jake winks at me cheekily, that knowing look and smug manner and I find myself eyerolling hard.
‘Let me guess… Your adorable brother has already had the heart to heart about the problem Sophie has become.’ I sigh heavily and push myself down in the seat to lift my feet onto his dash. Jake slaps my legs down with a warning frown that I am hurting his precious car, and gets one right back on the arm. Running a flattened palm down my face annoyingly, forcing me to shut my eyes and squishing my nose in the process, just because he is always annoying as shit, and makes me slap out at him like a five-year-old in sheer impulsive rage.
‘I hate when you do that!’ I snap and wipe my face in agitation, knowing he’s probably made my mascara give me panda eyes, scolding him with a haughty look and sticking my tongue out immaturely. Jake just grins, hitting me with that ‘I’m hot and I do these things because I can’ that always drives me and Emma crazy. Jake can be so god damn infuriating at times and see’s nothing wrong in tormenting me endlessly. Sounds familiar!
‘You should know by now Miele, that my brother tells me everything, well mostly everything. And that I knew he was hauling your ass home at like stupid o’clock when he interrupted my sexy morning Emma time with a text.’ He winks naughtily, always trying to get a reaction and I just screw up my face in revolt.
‘Ughhhh, too much information. You need to get neutered or something, after being married this long you should be going off one another by now, and maybe collecting stamps.’ I fire back with that cringe running through, trying to not visualise him and Emma doing anything X-rated, and shoving his arm away as he goes to ruffle my hair irritatingly.
‘Two kids, and another on the way…. Not the end of my sexual advances towards my crazily beautiful wife. Hate to tell you shorty, I doubt it’s in the Carrero blood to give up on that!’ Jake smirks, secure in his obvious sexual prowess and loves to just keep chucking his own crown back on, despite no longer living the life of man whore. It seems Emma must have equal stamina to keep up with a guy who used to date multiple women a week and had a reputation for being a wild Italian stallion. I just feel a complete shudder of repulsion at any sort of thought about those two doing any form of energetic acrobatics, pregnant or not.
‘Please…My ears are burning!’ I implore him with heated red blushes, completely uncomfortable with this topic. They are like a second Mom and Dad to me and this has the same effect as my actual Mom and Dad talking sex in front of me. Parents just shouldn’t do that shit anymore, especially not once they get past thirty!‘
‘The innocent little ears of ‘Sophiepooo’.’ He grins my way again, turning the car into his street and slows right down as we approach some kids playing on bikes on the road, he crawls by them with a smile and a wave and points at the kids to get on the sidewalk. The father in him showing through and losing that immature ass quality, for all of like five minutes.
It’s kind of cute to see that sometimes he is actually serious and responsible, even if it does disappear almost as quickly. I don’t get how two brothers can be so alike, yet not. Arrick is always the picture of maturity and sense, that cool, calm demeanour, is always the overriding personality and his fun childish side peeks out from time to time. Jake on the other hand is all fun and games and fast smiles, hot temper and heart on his sleeve, with the odd hint of ‘guy capable of running things’. It’s plain weird.
‘So really, Emma knows I’m here, and is waiting to lecture me, right? What, were you waiting to run into me and just manoeuvre me home all along?’ I cross my arms over my chest huffily as Jake pulls up the long expanse of drive to his gorgeous two-story home, that practically faces my own.
‘Emma doesn’t lecture. Emma likes to help; and nope, really was just bulk buying my Bambino three hundred cases of gherkins so I don’t have to make another two am jog across town to find a twenty-four eleven who sells them.’ Jake lifts knowing eyebrows and a cheeky smile my way. Dazzling me with his pearly whites and trademark Carrero dimples.
‘Let’s get this over with, then maybe I can back to moping around in the street and turn down the next random lift offered to me.’ I slide myself out when we stop and make my way ahead of him; I know this home only too well and don’t need any invites to go in. It has always been my second home, I plod to the door and go to walk in without hesitation. Jake, close on my heels, tugs me back by my ponytail, so he can jump in front of me with a chuckle, and meets another reign of light slaps on his arm as I try to muscle him out of the way. We have carried on this way ever since I got used to the force that is Jacob Carrero, and months away have changed nothing. He is still a massive annoying douchebag that reminds me of every one of my four adopted big brothers, only mo
re annoying, and less mature than anyone of them at times.
‘Bambino’s, I’m home.’ Jake yells out, muscling me under his arm to squeeze my face into his armpit and rib cage, so that I am almost suffocating on whatever body spray he uses and fighting him with little effect. He drags me through the marble hallway as the small squeals of young children flood this way; small feet and excited faces race out from a nearby room and he relinquishes his hold on me, thankfully. I straighten up to right my clothes and tighten my ponytail, that he mas messed up, in irritation. Face burning from my near-death experience of Carrero aftershave, shoving his large shoulder hard and meeting another uncaring grin.
Mia is first, faster than her baby brother at six years old, all blonde curls and soft blue eyes as she runs full speed with arms open, straight to her daddy’s legs amid excited squeals. Jake catches her and swings her up for a full-on hug and kiss, smiles all around and delighted squeals of a child who idolises her daddy. Little Lucas, slower but trying his hardest at just three, comes bouncing through on adorable chubby little legs, all dark haired and green eyed like his father and has those irresistible Carrero dimples on show, from that shy smile. Jake walks forward to bridge the gap and scoops him up with his free hand, nestling a child in each arm, on either side of his face, to be smothered in kisses and adorations, he looks like the cat who got the cream and completely at home with his two babies held close.
‘Dadda, dadda, dadda.’ Is the repetitive gurgling of over excited kids trying to fight for his attention. I watch them with so much love, waiting for my turn to shower my gorgeous babies with cuddles of my own, completely torn at how much they have grown in such a short time and how much I must have missed. It hits me in the stomach like a hard blow, that while I have been out there drowning my sorrows, I have been missing two of my babies growing up, and I can never get that back.
‘Look who’s here Mimmo’s.’ Jake turns my way and shoogles his children to get their attention. Mia seems to see me for the first time and squeals in giddy delight that only breaks all my defences down and I instantly grin, warmth flowing through every nerve ending and every mood I have been harbouring, just fizzles away.
‘So feeeeee.’ She leans out at an alarming angle, throwing trusting arms towards me that could have ended in disaster if both Jake and I hadn’t reacted quickly. He deposits her in my waiting arms with a look of sheer relief at a near miss of his kid face planking a marble floor from a five foot height, as Mia treats me to the same hugs and slobbering kisses Jake has just endured. Lucas however, curled up against his dad’s throat shyly, regards me suspiciously. I guess in the eyes of a three-year-old, a few months is a long time, and he is no longer willing to just throw himself at me like his sister has. I feel that inner pang of guilt eat away more, watching the wary looks and serious expression of Jake’s mini me with a pang of sadness.
The funny thing about these two kids is, despite the obvious looks, each child has the opposite parent’s personality. Mia is Emma to look at, but Jake in a nutshell, all bold and flamboyant and fearless and loves people like crazy. She is always the belle of the ball and centre of the limelight, so effortlessly, and has his cheeky confident attitude that she can wrap anyone around her little finger.
Lucas however is more refined, shy and withdrawn, until he works you out from a distance and even then, he is a much calmer child than Mia has ever been. He takes time to warm to you and has never been overly touchy feely, even as a little baby. He likes his space and sometimes has Arrick’s cool and distant mannerisms. Not that it’s surprising, he idolises his Uncle and Arrick has spent as much time with these two kids as he has his brother for years; he probably rubs off on him a little too much. Lucas regards me at a distance, while Jake leads the way to the room they had come scrambling from.
‘Emma, il mio amore?’ Jake calls out. Frowning as he sees only the nanny in the playroom, opening messily out in front of us. This used to be his pristine front lounge, with white couches and expensive furniture when they bought this house and soon after Mia learned to crawl, Jake had to relinquish it to a massive playpen for his bundle of wild.
‘Where is she Nadine?’ He asks gently but doesn’t need the response as the soft voice comes from behind us.
‘Right here. Admiring your rear, Mr Carrero.’ Emma laughs as Jake turns to her with a happy smile, scooping down to plant a kiss on her mouth that is more than just a chaste peck. Eyes only for her, like always, and a second to rub his nose against hers in that affectionate gesture I have seen him do a million times, almost like breathing with him. I look away shyly, used to the ‘lovey dovey’ displays of affection between these two, but it doesn’t mean I am any more comfortable with it. Jake has never been shy about openly canoodling with her, something I am glad to say I have never seen Arrick do with any girl. I don’t even think he is the type to perform any sort of love related PDA.
‘Don’t I get a hug?’ Emma’s voice brings me back around and I instantly move to hand off Mia to her, the little bundle is still wrapped around my neck possessively. Emma takes her daughter and hands her back to Jake instantly, with a funny smile.
‘I meant from you.’ She says more pointedly, raising eyebrows at me and opening her arms towards me. I feel stupid for a second, then relief washes over me at the lack of awkwardness, or real nerves, now I am face to face with her.
I don’t hesitate, stepping forward into the embrace, made a little awkward by the huge bump on the front of that tiny body, and manage a sort of snuggle. It feels better than good, the soft vanilla smells of Emma and the familiar hug of someone I love to death, someone who has always understood me without trying; because deep down we are so alike in so many ways. Emma rose from a childhood of abuse at men’s hands, and her own mother had failed her, just like mine had. She is the reason I found my way to this family.
‘You’re huge.’ I blurt out through strained emotion, heart bursting a little bit at being back here. Tears stinging my eyes and a sense of real coming home, now I have seen her.
‘Gee thanks Soph, way to make a grumpy pregnant woman feel good,’ Emma giggles non- seriously at me and bops me on the head with a gentle fist. Jake leans in, separating his kids so he can manoeuvre down and kiss his wife on the temple.
‘She’s beautiful no matter how big the baby bump is. I’d still do her.’ He grins cheekily as Emma elbows him in the ribs.
‘Jacob! Young ears…Not appropriate.’ She chastises him, but he only winks and smiles harder, never one to be fully tamed, even with Emma’s chastising.
‘I didn’t say the F word baby, besides…. That created these young ears, and pretty sure Sophie is old enough to not be traumatised anymore, by what I’m like.’ He smirks and turns towards the playroom once more as Emma sighs at him indulgently.
‘I’m going to take my two little devils outside to play for a while, leave you two to get reacquainted. Send Nadine out if you hear screaming, these kids of mine are wild.’ He smirks once more, planting a parting kiss on his wife’s lips, lingeringly, before heading off through the playroom to the patio doors which leads into a fenced off play area.
We watch him saunter off casually, so effortlessly at ease with being a dad and I just shake my head in sheer awe.
‘It still weirds me out you know?’ I turn back to Emma as she gestures towards the kitchen, guiding me to our favourite place to sit and catch up. It’s like no time has passed and I was only here yesterday.
‘What does?’ Emma smiles back at me, catching my arm in hers as she pulls me along.
‘You two being like a proper mom and dad, and popping out kids galore. Jake, even with his still lingering reputation, being that doting dad you see rolling about the dirt with his kids and having princess tea parties with Mia.’ I shake my head at that particular memory, Mia had gone through a phase of sit down tea parties, with her stuffed animals, where only Jake was allowed to be a guest; he had endured many while wearing various dressing up hats and pink capes, and all the while sti
ll acting like it was totally his thing.
‘He’s a born father, he loves his kids, and he’s the one who keeps pushing for more. This is all a good fit for him, I guess he was just born to be a family man, despite his crazy lifestyle when I met him.’ Emma runs a hand over her larger than life bump with a sigh, I can see it move a little as Carrero junior three moves around in its mother’s belly and wonder what that feels like. I shake it off quickly and push it down with the fact I will never know what it’s like, as I will never have sex.
‘A football squad in your future then, huh?’ I giggle, clearly picturing Jake with a million kids and being happy about it.
He is clearly unstable.
‘Most likely.’ She beams back at me.
‘Although he said this one will probably be the last. That you’re having a hard time with it and he hates seeing you suffer.’ I interject innocently, knowing Jake will already have said this to Emma more than once. They are one of those rare couples who communicate well and tell each other everything, about everything.
She looks down over her bump with a non-descriptive expression, almost as though she isn’t sure how to feel about that. I watch her for a second, before moving past her in the kitchen and reach for the mugs by the coffee machine, a task as familiar as breathing, as Emma takes a seat at the long low breakfast table by the window. Waving out to her family as they catch sight of her. She smiles out at them and I can’t help watching the sheer blissful adoration and contentment running across her face, the love for both her husband and children, and feel a little envious.
‘He says that every time.’ Emma laughs, bringing her gaze back to mine steadily.
‘Jake loves babies, but he does not love seeing me pregnant and suffering. He swears every time that he will never do it to me again, and then he forgets what it’s like when that little bundle starts walking around. I swear the man is broodier than most women, and if he hasn’t got a baby on the way, or in a pram, then he wants another one.’ Emma giggles, the glowing flush on her cheeks makes her look soft and girly, as though still caught in the first throws of love and I feel again the deep welt of envy. I want to know what it’s like to feel that level of joy and completion and be happy with your lot in life. To just be happy would be nice.
The Carrero Heart_Beginning_Arrick and Sophie Page 14