Chapter 81: Some Apologies
When I was awake from about two to about three am last night, which is par for the course because of the noise from the drunk students as they leave the bars which close at two am, I thought that it was mean of me to have used Jim Baaker and Jimmy Swygert in the context that I did way before, implying that they are bad people.
I really didn't mean it that way. I meant that they had most likely not correctly dealt with natural lust in a creative way and it, the lust, came back and bit them in the ass, as it is prone to do, and at least in Jim Baaker's case, he seems to have hooked up with a pretty hot looking woman who I believe was a drug addict come clean, and if so, that's a pretty happy ending to a bad situation, for both of them.
And even though Tammy Faye Baaker is not my type as I prefer a more natural look with less makeup, I hope she is having a good life and I also hope Jimmy Swygert is doing well too. Also the pro he was with in those black and white pictures that brought him down from his pious mountain. He needed bringing down, and I would bet you he would agree with me about that. I hope the pro is having a good life, too.
I hope I've made all the necessary apologies. And they are sincere. Truly. I hate to be uncharitable to, or about, anyone. Except people who deserve it.
Chapter 82: Wrapping This All in a Nice Neat Bundle
Don't you just love kids who love fairy tales with the 'happy ever after' endings? They are so trusting and so pure that they truly believe that life is wonderful and everything turns out well in the end, no matter what the odds. And the good news is that it does, for them, at that stage of life. They gradually get older and more jaded and life throws them some curve balls, but they learn to duck and move and eventually create a reality that suits them, and if they are lucky enough to retain some of their childlike qualities of trust and unquestioned love, they become truly spectacular human beings.
My theory is that everything is good and the only problem is seeing that good. I know that leaves a whole lot of apparent bad shit out of the equation, but isn't the bad shit necessary to see the good? I mean we have to weave our way through life, but as we do, isn't it better to focus on people who are happy and kind and thoughtful, rather than the really bad motherfuckers who would cut our throats for a few dollars?
When I look back on the past few months, I see only good.
Lara was good. She was a magnificent lady who took me to the top of a really beautiful mountain and showed me sights that I could never have imagined without her. She must have had a good reason to disappear and maybe someday I'll know. But if not, it's ok.
Edith is a good lady with a few issues that I see but I'm seeing the speck in her eye and not the log in mine. And our interactions were sexy and creative and I hope they can continue. And I truly hope she softens her position about men and finds a good man and that they will dance into the sunset together happily and lovingly.
Dewayne was not guilty as charged and he's a man's man and Abby likes him and that's all I need to know.
Kim is an amazingly sexy lady with a spontaneity that makes her even more so. If Dewayne and Abby ever take it to the next level, she's mine, for sure.
Abby is Abby. A total enigma to me even after twenty four years. A beautiful, lusty, funny, independent mystery. I will never possess her and that's the best part. She is free to do as she pleases in life, as every person should be, and she chooses to be with me, which is almost unbelievable.
She felt absolutely no obligation to try and explain Kim's wild allegations because she knows that she is free to see who she wants whenever she wants, even though it sent me on a four month saga into the unknown.
Even if I only get her partial attention, even if I only get to spoon with her in winter, even if she prefers to talk to Dewayne at the bar, that is enough for me.
I told Abby in that love letter I wrote to her on Valentines that choosing to spend a lifetime with a person was an incredible gift to that person. Think about it for a minute. Telling someone that you love them enough to give them the gift of you for a lifetime is about as awesome a gift as there is. Thanks for that gift Abby.
Chapter 83: The End, for Now
I think I'll end this here. I hadn't really thought about an ending because things just don't really have an ending in my way of thinking, even though they might appear to. The super brain actually gave me the ending a few days ago. I carried it around a few days before jotting it down. It was clear and complete, but all in one big lump and when I tapped into it, it just kind of unwound, in a linear format, and also in time. Weird, but nice, how that happens.
My life has been, up to this point, an interesting voyage and I have no reason to think that it will be any other way from this point forward. I'm going to just keep observing, analyzing, wondering, enjoying, learning, and lusting because those things are built into my DNA.
I will continue to rail against things that I consider wrong and inhumane, knowing full well that what I do and say will make absolutely no difference in the great scheme of things and nothing will change because of my thoughts or actions. That may sound depressing and futile, but somehow it isn't. To me at least.
I've still got a lot of work to do regarding relationships, specifically mine with Abby, and I don't think I'll ever totally understand her, or any other woman for that matter. But that's the fun of it. And I do consider it fun, in case you haven't picked up on that by now.
I hate giving advice because most people don't want it and probably don't need it, and who am I to give it anyway?
But I just can't help with a little suggestion and that is to treat your spouse or life partner or even your partial life partner with respect and dignity, and try, very hard, to cherish and enjoy the differences between the two of you instead of trying to mold that person into a clone of you, which if you could, which I assure you, you can't, it would make for a very boring and unproductive relationship.
Thanks for staying with me throughout all of this, and I hope it wasn't too boring or confusing. I'm not really sure why I wrote all of this. I stopped asking why about a lot of things over the years. The why just kind of gets in the way.
That's my story up to this point. If anything terribly interesting or profound occurs from this point forward, I'll let you know.
I thought about doing one of those dedication things in the beginning of the book, i.e. 'Dedicated to Abby, blah blah blah blah blah' but that would be totally redundant. The dedication is the story, and the story is the dedication.
I'm George, mwm, 52 Page 22