by Mia Kayla
When he finally picked someone, I’d deal with it. Until then, all I knew was I needed him, and I didn’t want to do this thing called life without him—not now, not ever.
He stirred a little as I shifted his shoulder, so I could climb into the hospital bed and fit myself next to him.
“I’m sorry,” I cried softly, lightly touching his temple with my pointer finger. “I’m sorry if you thought I wasn’t there today, that I broke our promise. I was there, Jimmy. I was watching you from the stands and cheering you on. I couldn’t break our promise. Because when we promise”—I sniffled—“we promise until infinity.”
I cuddled close, resting my chin on his shoulder, inhaling everything that I had missed—the scent of green grass, sunlight, the outdoors…my Jimmy. I watched the rise and fall of his chest and finally fell asleep with my head resting against his heart, the only place I had ever known as home.
“Excuse me, Miss?”
I squinted and groaned, feeling someone shaking me. Slowly, I opened my eyes. The only glow in the room was a small light shining from the slightly ajar bathroom door. It was still night.
I peered up at the middle-aged woman.
“I’m sorry, but it’s past visiting hours. You’ll have to leave,” she said. Her eyes turned sympathetic as she held a clipboard closer to her chest.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to find my bearings, and shifted to a sitting position. “I’m sorry. What time is it?” My voice was hoarse, and the back of my throat felt dry and scratchy.
“Eleven in the evening. I didn’t want to wake you and disturb your boyfriend.”
I should have told her that he wasn’t my boyfriend, but it would have been a long story to tell. “Thanks,” I replied.
When the door shut behind her, I swung my knees over the side of the hospital bed. I was about to hop off when strong arms encompassed my waist. I turned around to barely open warm chocolate eyes.
“Don’t leave,” he said softly.
“Jimmy,” I choked out. I wanted to squeeze him, but I still didn’t know exactly where he was injured.
He was awake and here, and I didn’t know what to do, what was allowed.
I didn’t have enough time to think before he pulled me toward him, setting his chin above my head and releasing a heavy sigh.
“Boo,” he started, “I’m…I just want to—”
His arms around me filled me with warmth, flooding my insides with such emotion at being this close, at hearing his voice.
“Not now,” I interrupted. I was on the verge of tears again. “We can talk in the morning.” I didn’t want to ruin the moment by bringing in all the complications of our supposed platonic relationship.
I felt his lips in my hair. He pulled me closer, and when I shifted, he gripped me tighter to his chest.
“Please…I just want to hold you. Don’t go.”
His words brought me back to when he had been devastated about his dad leaving, and he had begged me to stay with him.
I didn’t know if I was allowed to stay. I didn’t know if I should.
But I gave him the exact same answer as I had that night, “Never.”
Never was I going to leave him ever again.
I nestled in close in the comfort of his arms, and we both fell asleep like we had years and years ago on a twin-sized bed.
I felt light fingertips running through my hair, and I squinted up at the morning light coming in from the window, realizing Jimmy was still holding me.
“Hey,” he said, giving me a small smile.
“Hey.”
I started to sit up, but he trapped me with his arms.
His hand moved to the side of my face, caressing it with his fingertips. We stared at each other, so many unspoken words between us. I knew he couldn’t give me what I wanted, what I needed from him. Nevertheless, I still wanted to be here.
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. “You don’t understand,” he said, inhaling deeply through his nose and exhaling a long sigh, “how much…how much I’ve missed you.”
“Me, too.” I bit back tears as the magnitude of my emotions hit me. I’d missed my best friend and the person I was in love with.
There was so much to say, so many things had been left unsaid, but I didn’t want to talk about it—how I was in love with him or how he was in love with me and the complications he thought that would bring.
Our heads flipped up when a doctor and two nurses came in.
“Oh, sorry,” the doctor muttered as though he’d caught us doing something inappropriate.
“It’s okay, Doc. Come in.” Jimmy pushed us both into sitting positions and pressed me to his side.
“Hello I’m Dr. Tate,” the middle-aged doctor greeted. He strolled further into the room, wearing a crisp white suit jacket, with a chart in his hand.
Two nurses trailed in behind him.
“Jim Brason,” Jimmy said.
The doctor let out a carefree laugh. “I know who you are. I’m a big fan.”
The three nurses giggled like schoolgirls, and I wanted to roll my eyes. Surely, they knew who Jimmy was as well.
Why were there so many?
When their eyes zoned in on the beefy male at my side, I knew exactly why, and a pang of jealousy shot through me.
“I know Dr. Braxton, your team doctor, went over the reconstructive surgery that’s going to take place today on your knee, but I’m the doctor who will be discharging you.”
My eyes flew to Jimmy’s as the word surgery rang loudly in my ears.
He pulled me closer and whispered, “Torn ACL.” Then, he directed his focus back to the doctor.
“After surgery, you will be taken to the recovery room, and once your blood pressure, pulse, and breathing has stabilized, you’ll be discharged. So, how are you feeling? How’s that knee?”
“Torn up,” Jimmy stated matter-of-factly.
The nurses giggled, and I clenched my teeth, wondering if they could be any more obvious.
The doctor laughed and peered down at his chart. “You suffered a mild concussion as well. Your records indicate that this is your first. You’ll need to take it easy and let Dr. Braxton know if you experience any headaches. Now, let’s take a look at that knee.”
He pulled up the blanket, gently pressing around Jimmy’s already swollen knee.
“Instead of Big Foot, call me Big Knee,” Jimmy joked.
I smiled. I would have laughed, but The Three Stooges over there beat me to it. I rolled my eyes again at their ridiculous reactions.
The doctor went on to explain, “I’ve signed out some crutches for you. Once you’re home, you’ll need to keep the surgical area clean. When we discharge you, there will be specific bathing directions. The surgical staples will be removed during your follow-up office visit. Do you have someone who can take care of you?”
I answered without hesitation, “Me. I’m staying with him.”
I was the obvious choice. His mother was in rehab. He could stay with Hilda, but I wanted to take care of him. I would do anything for him.
Jimmy glanced at me, searching my eyes. My breath caught in my throat.
Thanks, he mouthed before locking our hands and kissing the back of mine.
“Alrighty then.” The doctor nodded. “We’ll go over more in detail post-surgery. One last thing…” He paused, a sheepish look on his face. “Is there any way you can sign this?” He took out a Sports Illustrated underneath his clipboard with my Jimmy on the cover.
One nurse fanned herself with her clipboard as she peered over the doctor’s shoulder. I just muttered under my breath.
“Sure, Doc,” Jimmy replied easily. He took the magazine and pen from the doctor’s hands and scrawled his name across the front.
Jimmy kindly obliged the doctor then nurses each with pictures. I felt uncomfortable, being right next to him, so I shifted to get off the bed, but he pulled me back.
“Where do you think you’re going? I’m the sick one, rememb
er? You need to stay right here,” he teased.
Both dimples popped on his cheeks, making my heart melt.
I knew exactly how he felt. It was as if our time here, together in this room, was temporary, and all I wanted was to be near him. I could tell from the softness in his eyes that he felt the same.
When they left, he tucked me under his shoulder.
I’d been here before many times. It was the place where I felt safest, whole, and cared for.
It was silent for several long seconds even though we had to talk. Some things needed to be hashed out, like me being here for his recovery. There was no way I would let the redhead or any of his teammates do this. This was my job.
I had to set expectations now. I wasn’t expecting anything in return. He needed to know that. I was here to stay.
I peered up at him and held my breath. I didn’t even know how to begin. “I—”
He stopped me and cradled my face. It was so intimate, the way he looked at me, how tenderly he held me, that I felt my traitorous eyes tearing up again. The longing in his eyes mirrored mine, and my breath caught.
“I’m sorry,” I finished. “I can do this.” I placed my hand over his hand that held my face. “Friends…I can do it.” My voice quivered.
I couldn’t help myself from being emotional, but he needed to know that I was taking everything back.
“I can’t live without you, Jimmy. It’s not possible.”
His eyes glossed over, and I knew the distance between us had been hard for him, too.
The lump in my throat grew, and I wanted to apologize for pushing him away. “I’m…I’m so sor—”
Before I could even get the words out, he leaned toward me to meet my lips, kissing me gently, sweetly, like a feather brushing against skin. He kept our connection, his mouth on mine, not moving much, as if he were committing this time to memory.
The first tear fell down my face as I wondered if this was his way of saying good-bye, if he wasn’t able to be just friends. Maybe he had changed his mind. If he couldn’t just be friends, bringing us back to normal, I didn’t know if I could survive it. I tried to choke back tears and keep all my emotions at bay, but it was impossible.
He pulled back slightly, framing my face with his hands. “Stop,” he said softly. “I need…I need you to know…” With his thumbs, he wiped away the tears under my eyes. “As much as that hit hurt like hell, it didn’t hurt as much as this painful stab that I’ve been feeling in the center of my chest. This empty dull pang that I’ve had for three weeks is only gone now because you’re here by my side.”
He closed the distance again. I could feel his breath on my face.
“Maybe this is the game changer for me. Maybe this is where my future doesn’t turn out like his. If it is—if I never hold a football again, if I never step foot on a field—I won’t care. I’d give it all up to hold you instead.”
I took everything in, listening to the intensity of his words, while tears streamed down my face for a different reason now. I hoped I understood him correctly, and I wasn’t reading into things just because I wanted to.
I peered up at him and touched his face. “I need to know that this is for real. I want to know that you’re in this…because my heart can’t take this back-and-forth,” I said, motioning with my hand between us. “And that your insecurities, your fear—”
He leaned down to kiss me softly, silencing me with his lips. When he pulled back, such hope filled his eyes.
“I gave it a real shot. I tried to stay away from you, but it isn’t worth it. I was living in hell on earth without you. Nothing will ever keep me from you—not my dad issues, not football. Nothing. And this”—he motioned his hand between us just as I had seconds ago—“is the realest thing in my life. I’m going to live my life, making you happy. I promise.” He tucked an escaping strand of hair behind my ear. “And you know when I promise, I mean it.”
He pulled me in at the nape of my neck, and I trembled.
“I’m falling to pieces, Boo,” he whispered, sounding broken.
I blinked a few times, and then I realized I was pressing right on his injured leg. “Sorry.” I adjusted myself, pulling away a little.
“No,” he said, tugging me back. “Here.” He placed my hand on top of his heart, the muscular organ that pumped blood and life throughout his whole body. “I’m falling to pieces, and no doctor can fix it. Only you can. Please make me whole,” he whispered.
A host of emotions swam through me. He loved me. He wanted to be with me. He wanted me to make him whole. Everything he’d just said were all things that I felt. And I finally knew we were going to be okay.
“To infinity.” I smiled.
I looked into the eyes of the only man I had ever loved and lifted my lips to meet his, making the hurt go away and finally making us both whole.
Present Day
AFTER JIMMY HAD BEEN DISCHARGED, I spent one week in New York, missing classes because of Jimmy’s injuries. Kelly had sent me all my assignments via email, so I wouldn’t fall behind.
Aside from a few minor headaches, the concussion symptoms were gone, and all that lingered was his recovery from his torn ACL.
Three weeks later, after a few specialists in Chicago had been assigned to Jimmy’s rehabilitation, he moved into my apartment. I had been nursing him back to health—and doing it well, I might add.
For our first Friday night together, we had planned an old-fashioned movie night. We had just watched the movie, but we hadn’t made it through the previews without making out like teenagers on my bed.
Even as the credits rolled, we were still making out. His hands explored my body—touching, caressing, and desperately grabbing at every inch of me. He held my thighs with his rough hands, squeezing my butt before moving to my waist.
His phone rang on my nightstand. He lifted his head, glanced at the number, and ignored the call. His lips met mine again, but I pulled back slightly.
“Do you want to get that?”
“No.” His lips moved to my neck as his hands gripped my outer thighs, his phone ringing in the background.
I ran my fingertips through his soft brown locks, loving how it had grown out quite a bit during his recovery. “That might be your mom,” I said breathlessly.
Lifting his head again, he chucked his phone across the room. “Not Mom. Clarisse.”
His mouth hovered over mine, but I stiffened beneath him, feeling as though I’d been doused with cold water at the sound of her name.
“Boo?” he asked.
I averted my eyes and focused on the clock on my nightstand
He let out a heavy sigh, pushing himself off of me. “She means nothing to me, Boo. I tried but only because I thought I couldn’t have you,” he said, ducking to get into my line of sight. “I went on a date with her once, a couple of months back, before we ever got together. My PR person had set us up for a charity function.
That was my mistake because that was when the slew of paparazzi were on me. She didn’t help the situation as she overplayed a relationship that wasn’t there. Nothing happened between us, but it wasn’t from her lack of effort.”
He lifted my chin with his finger, locking his warm brown eyes with my soft blue. “My bigger mistakes were thinking that she could take my mind off of you, that I could move on and stop obsessing over what I thought I couldn’t have.”
He inched closer, flushing himself against me. “I’m in love with you, baby. It’s only ever been you for me.”
I saw the truth in his eyes, the magnitude of emotions as he’d professed his feelings. I had been stupid to ever doubt him, to ever believe anything other than what he’d told me.
I closed the gap between us and kissed him with such force, responding with action to show how much I truly loved this man.
I opened to let him in, and our tongues slid against each other. Our kisses sped up, skyrocketing my pulse and burning my insides.
My breathing accelerated to match his. My
heart rate stammered against my chest. Whatever he was doing, whatever we were doing, I couldn’t think. My mind turned to mush as I ran my hand down his bare back.
He nipped at my neck, and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer. He moved against me, causing friction between my thighs that increased my pulse rate to an irregular rhythm.
Over these last few nights, he’d stopped us many times, wanting to take it slow. But tonight, my hormones were running rampant, and I was ready to cross that finish line. I now knew how things could escalate and get out of control, how one kiss could turn into an intimate touch.
Right here, in this moment, I wanted more. I wanted all of him, and I wanted to give him myself, my whole being. Still, I loved him deeply, and without a doubt, I knew that I wanted to only give myself to Jimmy. He was it for me—forever.
“I want you so bad,” he breathed, pushing his hardness against me. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
His tongue entered my mouth, making me moan against him.
I ran my hands through his hair, pulling him closer. I rubbed my breasts against his chest. The fabric of my T-shirt, the barrier between us, itched against my skin.
“You’re driving me crazy, you know,” he groaned softly between his kisses. “I’m starving for you, babe.”
I loved how he said these things to me. Knowing only I could make him feel this way gave me a thrill and only fed this hormone-crazed girl, making me want to step it up a notch, wanting to excite him even more.
He trailed kisses from my lips to my chin before resting in the crook of my neck. When he shifted, I stilled.
“Jimmy,” I panted, “your leg.” Through all the haze, I had forgotten about his injury.
He thrust his length against me, and a tingling sensation spread throughout my body.