by Wendy Chen
Miss you.
She smiled and wrote back:
Should have thought of that before you kicked me out this morning.
Maybe you’ll wear one of your sexy outfits later. (I do your laundry, remember.)
All my outfits are sexy.
Kate closed the door to her office and leaned against it. She opened a few buttons on her blouse and took a photo, showing just the right amount of black lace. She buttoned back up and opened her door, making sure anyone who saw her right then would see a stern, serious expression on her face as she typed a message on her phone.
Including the one I’m wearing.
You’re killing me.
Satisfied, Kate turned back to her computer. She ought to get some work done today.
By the end of the day, Kate couldn’t wait to get back home to Adam. But then a text came in from him, just as she was about to shut down her computer and call it a night.
Something came up. Will stop by tonight.
Kate was disappointed as she headed to her favorite deli to pick up a salad for dinner on the way home. Dinner for one. Of course she knew how to be on her own, but she’d gotten used to making plans with Adam and had especially looked forward to this evening, when they were finally going to have some time to themselves after this morning. Again Kate felt that tingle up her spine when she thought about it, his lips against hers.
She was still thinking about that kiss when she entered her apartment to find a note from Adam on her dining table. A note and an origami paper crane. Kate smiled at the memory that she didn’t realize she still had. When they were sophomores in high school, there had been a Japanese exchange student at their school who had been on the math team with them. She had told them about a legend that promised that anyone who folded a thousand cranes would be granted a wish. And so during study halls, lunch hours, any free time she had, she could be seen folding paper cranes with beautifully colored origami paper. When Kate had finally asked her what she wished for, the student told her, on the condition that Kate would keep it a secret—she wished that she would find “love” while she was in the States, with a real American boyfriend. And of course, Kate had told Adam. They had kept the other girl’s secret, but for the next few years they would tease each other about finding a “crane love” whenever one of them was harboring a crush on another classmate.
Holding the paper crane in one hand, Kate read Adam’s note, enjoying the familiarity of his crisp, tiny handwriting.
I’m not sure how late I will be. But I promise to make it up to you this weekend. We’ll leave tomorrow after the run.
I’ve already packed for you.
—A
It wasn’t that long ago that the thought of going away for a weekend with a man would put the feel of dread into Kate. She had always thought it was a slippery slope—a few dates, a weekend away, vacationing together. Soon one could be led to have expectations of the other. Expectations that were bound to be dashed sooner or later. This was different, Kate told herself. This was Adam, first and foremost, her friend. All the same, she read the note over and over again. Going away for a weekend might not be that big of a deal to him since he was probably used to going on all sorts of trips and vacations with Claudia. But to Kate this was a very big deal, and she suddenly felt like this thing might be moving too fast for her. It was one thing to seal the deal physically, but being together for an entire weekend—away? Sure, they spent tons of time together as it was, but she always had the option to get away, to do something else, to see her friends, to avoid more emotional investment than she felt comfortable with. Where was he even planning to take them?
Kate began pacing, still trying to figure out how she felt about his note, trying to tamp down the rising feeling of anxiety. She finally decided to get herself something to drink. She opened the refrigerator and found another note taped to a bottle of water.
Relax. It’s just a date. —A
Chapter 20
Adam looked forward to this morning’s run more than usual. By the time he had taken care of everything last night, Kate had already gone to bed. Much as he had wanted to crawl into bed with her, he knew that wouldn’t be the best way to start off this relationship. They needed to take some things slow, for Kate to get used to the idea of being with him, and not just physically. She needed time to figure out how she felt.
He still couldn’t believe that she tracked him down in Palo Alto, that she had shown up on Claudia’s doorstep just yesterday, after their stupid, stupid argument. He still felt bad about that, but couldn’t keep from grinning when he saw her this morning, knowing that everything they had fought about was out of misplaced emotion. The fact that she felt something for him now, even if she wasn’t sure what it was she was feeling, assured Adam that they could get past any harsh words that were said out of misplaced passion.
The glare Kate greeted him with was harsher than usual, and it was hard to suppress his grin. He could tell she wanted to say something to him, but was holding herself back. She was clearly used to calling all the shots in a relationship and clearly used to not caring if the relationship didn’t go anywhere. Or rather, she was used to not wanting a relationship. “You were asleep when I got back,” he said, understanding that he still needed to treat whatever was going on with them carefully. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Now you decide to give me space?” She plugged in her earbuds and turned to the door.
Adam chuckled. He might have expected that. Good things were worth waiting for, he reminded himself. Kate apparently needed to learn that.
The routine of her morning run relaxed Kate. Especially today, she craved the comfort of the familiar rhythm of her feet hitting the pavement, the streets that she passed every day. She needed the stability of home because her feelings and certainly her actions the last couple of days had been anything but familiar. She thought she knew herself well, what she wanted, what she expected in her life. Finding Adam in her apartment yesterday filled her with a joy she couldn’t (wouldn’t) find the words for. And then he was gone again, and she had waited for him, flipping cable channels mindlessly, refreshing her Facebook newsfeed to see if he’d updated his status. She’d finally gone to bed when she realized she was listening to sounds in the hallway for the familiar click of his key in her door—it was just like when her father would light dinner candles as soon as he heard her mother’s car pull in the driveway.
Adam could have told her not to wait for him, and then she wouldn’t have. She would have gone out with the girls, or even by herself. She would have had a fine time out without him, just as she had before he’d come to visit. She would not have spent the evening waiting for him to kiss her again, wondering what he was going to tell her about Claudia, Googling “great date ideas” to find out what he was planning for them. She’d convinced herself that they were going to some local hotel, possibly with cheesy rose petals strewn across the bed. She mentally scolded herself—when was the last time she was asleep by 10 p.m. on a Friday night?
She was startled out of her reverie when she felt Adam beside her. She looked over at him, wondering if he was trying to say something to her, but he just looked straight ahead, apparently lost in his own thoughts. In another moment he had passed her, and she was startled once more at having to stare at his back, having him set the pace for the remainder of the run.
Where did he get those shoulders? She got a chill at the memory of feeling them under her hands, at the anticipation of feeling them again, only without a shirt between them this time. His sandy blond hair was cropped short in the back, and she ached to trail her fingers along his nape. She wanted him, without a doubt. She thought he wanted her too, but his behavior confounded her. It was usually so easy—find a spark, then act on it until the spark fizzles. Done. Why wasn’t this easy?
By the time they got back to their lobby, they were both more out of breath than normal. “How did you get so fast?” Kate asked
after a few moments, when she’d caught her breath.
“I have a lot of pent-up energy right now,” Adam said, looking at her with an unmistakable hunger. He pulled her to him and kissed her. “Trust me, Kate. Space is the last thing I want between us,” he murmured against her ear. He kissed her again, hard and fast, teasing her with his tongue, then pulled away before she could find firm footing. His kisses made her dizzy, made her world turn upside down. “Meet me down here in half an hour.” She just stared at him, watching him go toward the elevator, their elevator that she should probably get on as well. But her feet were planted where they were, her legs were like jelly, and not just from the hard run. She didn’t trust herself to move them. “And Kate,” he called over his shoulder. “Wear pants. And no heels.”
Forty-five minutes later, Kate was dressed. “To hell with him if he can’t wait for me,” she said to her reflection. The truth was, she’d spent way too long in front of the mirror, wondering if what she was wearing was right before discarding a top or pants for something else. It wasn’t her fault she didn’t know how to dress for some mysterious date. An overnight date, she reminded herself. She decided on a pair of dark skinny jeans, one of the only ones she had that were the right length to go with the ballet flats that had only been worn once. She chose a simple white V-neck T-shirt and threw on her favorite leather jacket over it. Something told her she needed to be comfortable, and there was nothing softer than Balenciaga leather.
She walked into the lobby and didn’t see Adam. Incredible. All of sudden he was keeping her waiting now? The doorman caught her eye and nodded his head toward outside. Oh, well, I suppose it makes sense he might be waiting outside. But when she stepped out, she didn’t see him, at least not right away. Because why would she think that the guy on the motorcycle out front would be Adam? Harleys never did anything for Kate like they turned on some women. But this bike was different—sleek and modern, all clean angles in a bright cherry red. And when Adam lifted his helmet off his head and that mop of hair fell into his eyes like it always did, her pulse started to rev. She would never have pegged him as a Ducati man. A Prius maybe, something practical and efficient, though not exactly sexy. Was he just trying to impress her?
She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction, though. She stayed rooted to her spot on the sidewalk until he held out a helmet for her. “New toy?” she said coolly, taking the helmet from him.
“Decided to bring it back with me this trip,” he responded simply.
“How many surprises do you have in store for me?”
He smiled warmly then. “You’ll see.”
Kate slung the strap of her purse across her chest and got on behind him. “Well, let’s go then.”
Adam pulled her arms around him, and when she nodded OK, she tucked her body against his and they took off uptown. She could really get used to this, slipping her hands underneath his jacket, feeling the angles of his body. Minus the helmets and the clothes.
They zipped along the West Side Highway, but by the time they got to the Fifties, Kate was impatient. When they stopped for a light, she shouted, “Where are we going?!”
“I hear the leaves are nice this time of year,” he called back to her.
She rolled her eyes. What was that supposed to mean? Was he taking her out of Manhattan? As if she hadn’t traveled enough within the past few days. “The Plaza Hotel is right across town.”
“Not my style,” he said. The light turned green and any conversation was over.
Not my style, she muttered to herself. Waldorf Astoria, Essex House, the Mandarin Oriental, the Palace, the St. Regis, the Pierre. There were any number of five-star hotels just a stone’s throw away, all with comfortable king size beds that gave them plenty of room to, you know, maneuver.
Kate couldn’t tell how long it had been since they’d left the city, only that she’d been watching trees go by for a while now. She admitted they did look rather nice, the way their leaves were just starting to turn golden yellow. She could enjoy them a bit now that her heart wasn’t lurching with every single curve on the parkway. She had had to remind herself that she was with Adam, the person she felt safest with, even on the back of a motorcycle careening further and further north from the security of her apartment.
Just as she started thinking about how sore she would be from this ride, Adam pulled off onto some smaller roads, winding his way through trees and more trees until they finally stopped. Kate had heard about all the state parks up this way, the Hudson River Valley wineries and lakes that made for romantic weekend getaways for the city people. She frowned a little as she took off her helmet and Adam took off his. “We aren’t going hiking are we? I’m not that kind of girl.”
“We just need to stretch our legs a little,” he said. “Enjoy the drive?”
“I did,” Kate answered honestly. At first, she most enjoyed just being near him, but then she really did like the scenery that didn’t include tall buildings. She stretched out her arms and took in a deep breath of the fresh air that didn’t offer the slightest whiff of New York City. Adam looked at something on his phone—checking to see where they were, Kate guessed.
He took her hand and walked on confidently, as if this had been the neighborhood playground he’d grown up with. She loved the warmth of his hand, the firmness of his grip around hers. She found herself giggling. I’m holding hands with Adam! “Where are we going?” she finally said.
He just shrugged and kept walking. “Not sure. I heard there was a nice trail this way.” He squeezed her hand and turned to her warmly. “Don’t worry, it’s not a hike.”
They didn’t walk for too long before Adam stopped to sit on a big rock, pulling her down next to him. They were alone as far as she could tell, with no others coming or going on the same trail. He still hadn’t said much, but Kate sensed how he felt because she felt it, too.
“If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago if I could picture myself staring out onto a lake with you, I would have thought they were crazy.” Yet something about it felt so right that Kate was almost afraid that speaking too much about it, about anything might break the spell. She tilted her head up to the warmth of the sun and closed her eyes. “How did you know this would be such a perfect spot?”
“I didn’t,” he said. “I read something about this area and thought we’d wing it.”
“How very spontaneous of you,” she murmured. She was really thinking how very un-Adam-like to not have planned every detail.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me.”
“Good things, I’m finding.” She kissed him lightly along his jawline. Had he always had that tiny freckle on his chin? She couldn’t wait to discover everything about him.
“Mostly.”
He’d kept telling himself that he was waiting for the right time, waiting for when she’d be ready. He’d planned this trip at the last minute, intentionally to get away from the city and all its distractions. He needed them to be able to start fresh in some ways, despite knowing each other better than anyone else did. “I need,” he started, wondering how he’d be able to get any words out with her kissing him like that. “I need,” he forced himself to say, “to tell you about Claudia.”
Her body tensed a little, and he instinctively tightened his arms around her. He couldn’t help but think she was on the verge of leaving him as it was, and now he was going to tell her all about his ex? Wasn’t this conversation supposed to be taboo this early in a relationship? No, he told himself. He couldn’t feel free to be with Kate, to let her know how serious he was about her, about them, until she’d gotten to know him. And his relationship with Claudia was a huge part of who he was over the last several years; she couldn’t know him until she knew about his old life.
“When we first started dating, it was great. It was like everything just fell into place so easily. My friends loved her—hell, she was my best friend’s sister. She’s from the Bay Area and had lots of her own friends and
family nearby, so I never felt guilty about the hours I worked, and she never gave me a hard time about it. We spent all our free time together, and before I knew it, three years had gone by. Getting married was the next logical step, so we got engaged. That was two years ago, but I kept saying I was too busy working to get married, and Claudia didn’t seem to mind. But then her mom said something in passing. She’d said it as a joke, that I was quicker to decide what companies to invest in than I was to pick a wedding venue. But I knew she was getting nervous that Claudia was wasting her time on me.” He took a deep breath. The words still didn’t come easily to him. “So we set a date and they got to planning the wedding.
“I broke up with her two weeks before our wedding. It was supposed to have been this past May.” He paused and looked at Kate. For once, she didn’t have her emotions written all over her face. He was grateful that she was trying hard to just listen. “I just … moved out. I gave her no explanation, not a real one anyway. I left her to deal with telling everyone we’d already invited, her family, cancelling all the vendors we had lined up, returning the gifts, everything.” He was choked by the guilt again. He’d gone over it all in his head so many times, but had avoided talking about it, saying it all out loud, until now.
“It happens, Ad. You can’t keep beating yourself up about it. Cass tells me she sees it all the time—”
He cut her off. “She thought I just had cold feet, and I let her think that. I let her family think that.” He swallowed and shook his head. “I’d known for months, maybe even longer than that.”
“You didn’t love her?”
“Not enough. At some point, I realized I loved her for her family most of all.” Kate sighed, and Adam immediately relaxed. She’d seen his family—he knew she’d understand.