by Zoey Kinsman
Gently, as we rested with his arms around me, he alternated between stroking my arms and then my chest. When he passed my breasts, he always gave them a gentle squeeze to assure them they were very much loved.
“Details like our return to L.A., but that is best done over brunch. This staying in bed with you only makes me want you more and all the time.”
“I know…again, I feel the same as you.”
He leaned in for a tender, sweet, wet kiss.
We both got up together to get ready. I made my way to the bathroom and he made the arrangements.
“Hey,” he called to me in the shower, “someone cancelled out of their reservation, and I got a table at the hotel. How amazing is that?”
He just knew I would love that place.
“You’re the best.”
“Okay, now hurry up, because the car is coming in an hour.”
Wanting to look extra special for him and because it was Christmas, I did my make-up, put on the control top panties, then tights, and shimmied my way into a tartan wool-knit blend wrap dress that tied securely at the side of my lower waist. It hugged me in all the right places. Throwing on some half inch heels and letting my hair flow naturally and wavy, I hoped he would like the look.
“Okay, it’s your turn. I’m all ready to go, just have to get my purse.”
Once more I was admiring my ring when he saw me. He was heading to the bathroom but stopped on the way.
“You look amazing! You never cease to amaze me, my beauty. You better not be wearing that tight elastic shit!”
I just winked at him. There were certain things I was not giving up for him. Ha…that made me chuckle to myself.
“Sway those hips for me. No, wait…don’t do that now. Later, when we get back. I don’t want the boner problem right now when we have to get going.” He looked at me and flashed that special smile that made me weak and gooey on the insides.
“I will do more than just sway for you later, Mr. Wickham.”
“Totally counting on that!” He laughed and ran naked to shower.
When we were both ready, we took the cab to the restaurant and made our way to a lovely round table for two. We sat close.
“My beauty, I have so much to share with you. I really don’t know where to start.”
The first course and coffee came, and I nibbled on the bread and thought about his dilemma.
“Just start and it’ll all flow from there. I’ve got lots of time…I’m not going anywhere. Unless you have to be somewhere?”
“No, of course not, this is our cherished time together. So, I think I want to start by reassuring you that I can and will always provide for us. Remember, my father was a huge failure, so for me I need to learn and grow from that. To me, it means I need to watch over and take care of my family properly. Not just money-wise, but emotionally, too. I want to be the kind of man you can depend on.”
I interrupted him. “Paul, you are that man already. I trust you with my life. Honestly, I always have and always will. I don’t know where this is coming from, but again I say that I left Belfast not because of you, but because of me. I hope to be the woman you will always need and want.”
“You are my darling, you are that woman. But we should know everything about the other.”
“Go on.”
“Marty can be an asshole at times, and through this horrible experience he proved himself to be just that. Perhaps on some level I imagined him a friend. But it turned out that it was always about the money with him. It was frankly disappointing. However, I made him work for his cut. He got me millions from the show and for my release. And he’s got me some modeling and promotion work to keep me going and in front of a camera. What I’ve done is continue to invest the money so that when we need anything, we have a nest egg always. I want you to know that we will always be okay. I’m not frivolous, and I’m not just a pretty face.”
“No, that is true. You are the warmth from light that emanates in my direction and blesses my soul. Whether rich or poor, I would love you regardless.”
Kissing my hands, he said, “I believe you.” Then he continued. “I would like it very much if we could be in our home a few days before New Year’s. Do you think that’s possible?”
How could I refuse him? Yet logic dictated the opposite.
“How is it even possible? There are so many things that need to be tied up here.”
“Well, we would go in on the twenty-seventh and arrange your release. Can you set that up?”
“Yes, I can set up a meeting with the managing partner. But what about my place?”
“Well, I actually used the time you were in the shower to speak to my realtor. He thinks he can get it rented out, furnished as a sub-let by February. It’s in a great location. You can ship back whatever pieces you want to keep. Just list them and he’ll see to it. He’ll handle it all for us.”
“Wow, you’ve really thought it all out. I’m so amazed.” First L.A., then New York, and now going back to L.A. Everything was happening so fast. I took some time to digest it all, but in the end, my mind was made up. I would follow him anywhere he would lead.
“As I said yesterday, I was prepared to do whatever it would take to get you back.”
Already sitting side-by-side, I snuggled into him for a big, all-encompassing warm embrace.
“I do love you more than I could ever find words to express.” My mouth sought his, and my hands sought to make contact with his freshly shaven face that I adored.
“Me, too, my beauty. But I’ll always try to find ways to let you know.”
“Yes, we have promises to keep and miles to go before we sleep.”
We hadn’t quite finished the first course when the second came.
“So, what do you think we should do back in L.A. for New Year’s?” My mind was curious about what he might have planned for that.
“Yes. New Year’s Eve night, we’ll be getting married…that’s what I’ve been trying to get to.”
“Huh, what did you just say?” My astonishment was written all over my face.
“You know that Trish woman that you love so much? Well, she’s been very instrumental in making it all happen. She’s booked everything and taken care of the guest list, catering, flowers, and everything else you need for a superb night of love and happiness with friends.”
He went on to explain that he had booked the rooftop of the boutique hotel in West Hollywood where we’d first made love. It was the one with the gardens and butterflies with the chic boho feel that I loved so much. He knew it would mean a lot to me, and it did.
“Now, all we have to do is go home. I have you booked on the afternoon of the twenty-eighth with a stylist at a fancy couture bridal place, so you can get whatever you want for that night. She’ll take care of whatever you need. Now, let’s eat, because I can’t wait to have you for dessert when we get back.”
* * * *
On the twenty-seventh of December, we made the deal with the agency. They were very fair and understanding of the circumstances. Paul wrote a check and then helped me collect my office things to take with me.
We spent the afternoon listing my personal belongings that would come later, and that night we caught a flight back out west.
When we got to his place, before going in, he had a few words all prepared.
“Hold on now, I have a few ideas to share before we enter this home together.” In a flash, he swept me up into his arms and spoke out loud. “My beauty, welcome home. I’m so looking forward to forging a new path together. You and I, my love, are only good with each other.”
Kissing me quickly and soundly on the lips, he carried me over the threshold forward to our new beginning.
The house was exactly as I remembered it, warm and inviting. I’d always felt a natural affinity for it, as if I really belonged there. Moving into the kitchen, out of the corner of my eye I could see Grumpy Cat sitting and waiting on the window ledge, as if to welcome me as well. But this time she had
a wide accepting grin. I smiled back.
“What are you smiling about?”
“Just so happy to be home with you. It really does feel like home here. Thank you, my love.”
“What are you thanking me for?”
“I’m thanking you for finding me again and bringing me back home, here, where I really, truly belong, next to you. Now remember…,” I joked, “you promised I could do a bit of remodeling and decorating. Just a little bit, and of course I would run everything by you first. It would be a collaborative effort.”
“Yes, of course, but one thing at a time. We have a wedding to get ready for. I want you to have the absolute best time. So tomorrow night, after your meeting at the shop, Trish has arranged for you to go out with the girls and I am having a small poker party here. Are you good with that?”
“Yes, as long I can sleep in tomorrow morning and do absolutely nothing but feast on you.”
“That’s sounds too good.”
“Well then, let’s go to bed to sleep now, and then we’ll see what happens.” Playing with him was great fun.
“Okay, just let me bring the bags in and I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”
I walked through the house owning every moment, every room, every space that would be home now for a long time. It was as if he had this house already picked out for us years prior. It was the dream home I had always wanted with someone like him.
Making my way into his bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice that on his nightstand he had a picture of him and me taken at Big Sur. We were both beaming from happiness. It spilled out from our eyes and onto the canvas.
“Oh, that picture kept me from despair many a night. When I missed you so badly, I hugged it hard to my body and imagined you in my arms next to me.” Those words pained him, and he looked away. I ran into his arms and he held me tight, as if to never let me go.
“Paul, I will always be by your side for as long as you’ll have me. We’ve both suffered enough to know that all that matters is us.”
“I agree. Maybe it’s time for us to let go of our pains so we can move forward healed and whole again for the rest of our lives.”
“What do you mean? Like some kind of ceremony of sorts?”
“Yeah, like speaking the pain out loud and releasing it into the universe. I’m not usually spiritual and all, but L.A. has taught me a few lessons.” We both had to laugh at that observation. In all that was fake and phony in this city, we had found a grain of sense.
“Let’s do it tomorrow night after our get-togethers.”
He continued to hold on to me. I listened to his heart beating in his chest. It was so comforting and always reassuring.
That night, as we slept entwined, peace reassured us that we were finally home for good.
* * * *
I invited Trish to meet me at the bridal salon so she could be the objective ears and eyes while the stylist did her thing. Truthfully, we had very little time to order anything, so I had to find something off the racks. When I got there, the stylist had already picked out three choices for me from a picture Paul had sent. Somehow, he knew my correct size. I didn’t imagine that most men knew those things. But then again, he wasn’t most men.
Her choices were exquisite, all free-flowing and natural to blend well with the surroundings. I didn’t think full-length was appropriate and went for a mid-calf one. The dress was just me. Snug on top, plunging top and back, and then flowing freely with a skirt that twirled. I chose a veil that came down off a diamond encrusted comb that would be placed in my hair. Shoes and all accessories were available in that one place. Trish and I went through everything, giggling and having a ball planning it all out. They served us lunch as we waited on the alterations to be completed. Trish teased about our wedding night, and I secretly hoped that Paul would like everything I had picked out to please him. While we were waiting she got more serious on me.
“Are you okay, Anne? Everything is happening so fast, so just checking in.”
“It’s really fast, but it’s the most wonderful time in my life.”
“Are you sure about him? I think you are, but I just need to hear you say it.”
“Yes, he’s everything. It’s actually quite simple.”
“He loves you so much. I am confident in that. He’s proven himself over and over again to me. When he first came to look for you in the office, he was forceful and determined. Then when he saw you weren’t there, he almost passed out from panic and fear. I’ve never seen anyone react that way. I took his arm to settle him and move him toward the chair to sit. I told him to take his time to explain why he had come looking for you. Slowly he unraveled and confided in me how much you meant to him, and how very much he missed you, convincing me that nothing would stop him from finding you. Even if he had to hire a detective, he would find you. That’s when I knew he was sincere. We conspired together, and now you’re here and about to become partners forever.” Tears were rolling down both our cheeks.
Standing, we were now hugging each other. “You’re such an amazing friend.”
“And tonight we party!”
“Tonight we party.”
When we had both finished lunch, I paid for all the purchases, even though the stylist insisted that Paul had it covered. A girl had to get her own dress for her own wedding. The stylist asked if there was anything else I needed, and I asked her where the closest place was to buy lingerie. With directions in hand, we left her literally holding the bags and made our way to another store for intimate apparel.
They had just what I wanted for our first night married. They wrapped it up and we made it back to the original store to meet one last time with the stylist.
“Hey, how about a dress for Trish? She is going to be my maid of honor, after all.” We both looked at each other and burst out laughing. The stylist just groaned and said,” Come on, I’m sure we can find her something.”
“Purple, it has to be purple,” I insisted, and Trish and I laughed some more, knowing that was her favorite color.
In the end she found this totally outlandishly beautiful, dark purple dress that just suited her so well. She would be able to wear it anywhere after, too, so that was an added bonus. I was sure her new boyfriend would love it, too, and told her so.
By the time we finished everything, and the stylist had given us instructions for the afternoon of the thirty-first, we were exhausted. She would be coming with a hair and make-up team to get us ready for the seven o’clock ceremony, hanging back for touch-ups and pictures after. Even though she was getting paid handsomely for her services, I did feel inclined to really thank her for giving up her time on New Year’s Eve.
“Not to worry, I’ll be heading over to my own party once you guys are all good. Paul just wants me there to assist as needed. He’s been a pleasure to work with, and I know him from the business. So happy for you both.” She seemed to really mean it.
“Trish, would you like to come back to our place and rest up before tonight?”
“No, I know how much your time together means now. And besides, I’m sure I’ll see your new home plenty of times in the future. So you know the car will come for you at eight?”
We kissed goodbye for now and I went to have a nap. When I got back there was a casino crew setting up tables in the family room for poker, and the caterer was prepping the food. It all looked so healthy, fresh, and delicious. Most of his friends were in the business, too, and had to keep fit, so it all made sense, except for the little cheats like cigars and beef. I passed a few trays and nibbled as I went. He caught me doing it and grabbed me tightly from behind and swirled me around.
“So how did it go?”
“Perfectly…it was perfect, just like you.” I updated him on all my purchases and activities, and he told he what was happening for him.
“So who’s your best man? You never shared those details with me.”
“My best friend from back home got in last night and will be here tonight. I thought maybe we cou
ld go out with them one night before the wedding.”
“That would be so nice. I am so happy for you, Paul. You’ve never mentioned him. It’ll be great to meet him and his wife and spend time together.”
“They’re only here till the first and then they go back, but I’m so happy to have him by my side. He’s like family to me.”
Reaching up, I kissed him and cupped his face, making eye contact to let him know how happy I was for him. Words weren’t necessary.
“Hey, why not ask his wife if she would like to join us tonight? I know all the women, and they are real nice people who would welcome her. We could stop by their hotel and pick her up.”
“You are the best! I’ll call him now and ask.”
When he left to call, I made my way back to the bedroom and fell fast asleep.
* * * *
Girls night out was great fun and showed me exactly what was missing from my life in New York. As much as the east coast helped me regain perspective, it didn’t help me get over missing all my loved ones. We were all glad to be reunited again. Paul apparently had a blast with his buddies, cigars, fine single malt whiskey, and the stripper they surprised him with. He said in the old days he would have found a stripper exciting, but now it was just boring. He was happy to reconnect with friends as well but couldn’t wait to get back with me. I had to agree with him on that one.
When everyone was gone, we took that fine scotch whiskey out to the pool deck with us. It took a few minutes, but he lit the wood burning fire pit and we sat under the stars next to each other, watching the flames and warmed by the heat.
“I think I’m going to go first.” He was a touch inebriated and wickedly adorable. God, he was so handsome. Sometimes it was in a flash, in the simple way he looked at something or at me, and he just took my breath away.
“Go on, love.”
He had little squares of paper ready. Each one represented a hurt. He passed a few to me. Then he stood and announced to the heavens, “No more pain or hurt, my love is with me now.” He reached down and put that piece of paper in the fire to burn. As it crackled and sparked in the dark night air, he went on. “For whatever it takes, body, mind and soul, I will never let her leave my side again.” Once more he bent and let the flames engulf that note. “Let my nightmares go, and all the physical pain endured be history.” Another piece of paper went up in flames. “Go now into the dark night, spirits that hurt and twisted in my guts. Let remorse and fear be gone, replaced only by wellness, joy, and love.” When that last note burned to ashes, he sat down beside me quietly, in reflection. “I think I am good now.”