“I know.”
When we reached my house, I leaned over and kissed him. First on the cheek, then I pulled his face toward me and planted a big long kiss on his mouth. My best shot.
It seemed to be working too, because when I pulled away and opened my eyes to look at him, it was plain to see he was slightly stunned. I actually thought I saw stars in those dark brown eyes.
“See you,” I said lightly as I opened the door and let myself out.
eleven
“WAS THAT WHO I THOUGHT IT WAS?” ASKED MY DAD WHEN I CAME IN the house. He set his newspaper aside and seemed to be studying me with father-like curiosity.
I nodded. “I guess you were right, Dad. My life isn’t as bad as I thought after all.”
He got this strange expression just then, kind of a combination of relief mixed with serious concern.
“By the way, I got a flat tire and the spare was flat too.”
He narrowed his eyes. “The spare tire was flat?”
“Yeah, pretty weird, huh?”
“I’ll say.” He frowned. “I remember checking it when we got your car.”
I shrugged. “These things happen.”
It was almost seven o’clock by the time we got a new spare onto my car. He and the tire guy were both curious as to how both of my tires had suffered similar puncture wounds.
“I think someone’s out to get me,” I told them with an absolutely serious expression. “My keys got stolen and who knows what’s going on?” Okay, it did bother me that I have suddenly turned into this big fat liar. But desperate times call for desperate measures. And as Amber has told me a number of times, all is fair . . .
Anyway, after the repaired tire was securely on my car, I told my dad to go ahead and take off.
“I can put this stuff away,” I told him after he gave the last bolt a final crank and stood up.
“Well, at least you know how to change a tire now,” he told me as he wiped his hands on his handkerchief.
“Thanks, Dad. I guess it’s like you said last night.”
He looked slightly hopeful. “What’s that?”
“You know, that whole spiel about tough times making you stronger.”
He smiled. “See?”
“But, really, go ahead and go. I’ll be fine.” I took the wrench from him. “Besides, I need to stick around and talk to Ashley for a minute.”
“What’s Ashley doing here still?” He glanced at his watch. “It’s almost seven.”
I still hadn’t told my parents about my probation problem. I know I’ll have to explain it eventually. But it’s like I’ve got enough crud to deal with right now without having them on my case about using foul language too.
“The cheerleaders were supposed to watch these videotapes,” I told him, “but when I realized my tire was flat I thought I’d better come get you so we could get it fixed before it got too late.” I wasn’t sure if he was buying this or not. “I didn’t want to have to interrupt your evening again tonight.”
“Well, thanks for that.” He shook his head. “Don’t be out late, Jordan. Leah’s home alone tonight since Tommy is spending the night at Slater’s house.”
“I won’t be late,” I assured him. “Tell Leah she can call me on my cell if she needs to. And you guys have a good time tonight.”
He frowned. “We will. You’re going to be okay, aren’t you?”
I smiled my most assuring smile. “I’ve never been better, Dad. Really, don’t worry about me.”
Then I pulled my cell phone out of the glove box, where I’d conveniently stowed it during my damsel-in-distress routine, and held it up. “I’m only a phone call away.”
The rain had stopped now, and the pavement in the parking lot glistened beneath the bright streetlights like a sheet of silver as my dad pulled away. I didn’t bother putting anything away just yet. I wanted to be sure that the flat tire and jack were still lying next to my car.
“Jordan,” called Ashley as the cheerleaders poured into the parking lot. “What are you doing here?” Then she looked down at the tire and stuff. “What’s wrong?”
Soon the cheerleaders were all gathered around me. Funny how people get so curious when something appears to be wrong.
“Oh, no big deal,” I assured them. “I just had a flat tire this afternoon.”
“But why are you here so late?” asked Amber.
“Well, it’s a long story. Basically, my spare tire was flat too, so Timothy was sweet enough to give me a ride and then we got sort of sidetracked.” I laughed as if I had some secret little joke. “And anyway, all’s well that ends well. Right?” I looked directly at Shawna now and grinned victoriously.
“Oh, I’m sure,” she said, as if I’d made up the whole story.
I turned and smiled at the other girls. “So, how were the cheerleading espionage movies?”
“Totally lame,” said Ashley. “Waste of time.”
“If that little story is true,” said Shawna, grabbing me by the arm with a grip that actually pinched a little, “then where is he now?”
“Huh?” I looked at her like I didn’t know what she meant. “Who?”
“Timothy, stupid. Where is he now?”
“Well, after he dropped me off, he told me he was supposed to see you tonight.” I shrugged. “I’m guessing he went home to brace himself for the little hissy fit you’ll be throwing before the night is over.”
Naturally, she looked enraged. Without saying another word, she stomped over to her Toyota.
“Shut up!” said Ashley as she slapped me on the back. “Is this for real? Are you and Timothy really back together again?”
“We were this afternoon,” I said lightly. “I guess we’ll have to see what happens next.”
“Shawna looks pretty ticked,” said Jenny as we all watched her tear out of the parking lot. I was surprised she didn’t try to smack the big mud puddle next to me and drench me, but then she would’ve gotten the other girls wet too. Bad style.
“Duh,” said Betsy. “Wouldn’t you be?”
“Well, here we go again,” said Amber, not a bit amused.
Yeah, here we go again. And what a ride it’s gonna be this time, now that I know the “real rules,” as in “All is fair in love and war.”
twelve
I WASN’T SURE WHAT TO DO AFTER I LEFT THE SCHOOL THAT NIGHT. I didn’t really want to go home and hang with my little sister on a Friday night. I mean, how lame is that? And Ashley was going out with Brett, so I couldn’t exactly hang with her. Even so, I was feeling totally jazzed for her. Way to go, Ash!
So that’s when I knew I had to go cruising. I’ve decided not to call it stalking anymore. That is way too demeaning. No, I was going cruising. Big deal if I happened to cruise by Timothy’s house. And I wasn’t all that surprised that his car wasn’t there. Then I happened to go cruising by Shawna’s house and, bingo, the red Mustang was parked right in front. Hopefully, it would only be parked there briefly. I imagined Timothy, having learned from the mess he made of things last time, politely telling Shawna that it was over. That’s a scene I would pay big money to witness. Just the same, I didn’t want to take any chances at being spotted, so I kept my phone turned on and continued cruising.
It’s hard to find much to do in our town when it’s not a game night and there’s not a party going on. And after what happened to Ashley, I don’t know if anyone’s real excited about throwing a party these days. Besides, with Thanksgiving next week, I suppose most parents are staying close to home right now.
But after cruising for about thirty minutes, I decided to swing by Shawna’s again, just to check and see. And to my pleasant surprise, the red Mustang was gone. But when I went by Timothy’s, it wasn’t there either. So naturally, I decided to check at what has rapidly become the most popular hangout, a new coffee shop called Jitters Java. And, bingo again, there was the red Mustang. Fortunately, Jitters is almost all windows, and it was easy to peer inside as I slowly cruised by. But I didn’t
like what I saw: There, at a corner table, sat Timothy and Shawna. I couldn’t tell by their expressions whether they were having a good time, or if Timothy possibly had brought her to a public place to make his little announcement. (Less chance of an enraged hissy fit with witnesses around.)
I knew I couldn’t just lay low. I wanted to go in. Problem was, I didn’t want to go in alone. And, being Friday, I figured my chances of scaring up a friend were fairly minimal—unless Kara happened to be home.
I dialed her number as I drove toward her apartment complex. Although she’s never seen it this way, I think she’s totally lucky to live so close to school and town. She can get anywhere within a couple of minutes. Of course, she thinks I’m the lucky one because I live in a full-sized house out in the suburbs. I guess the grass really is always greener on the other side.
Fortunately for me, she answered the phone.
“Hi, Kara,” I said in a slightly dismal voice, hoping I could reel her in with no resistance.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing much. I guess I just wanted to talk. I was thinking about what you said today, you know, about how I’ve changed and all, and I just wanted to hear what you’re thinking. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?”
To my relief, she was game. But to my dismay, when I picked her up, she was not alone. Edgar the Dweeb was with her. Now, I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice guy. Kara certainly seems to think so. But despite his recent makeover, which actually helped some, everyone at school (well, my friends anyway) thinks Edgar Peebles is a total nerd.
Still, I bit my tongue as they climbed in my car. What could I say? Besides, I was on a mission. Within minutes we had parked across the street and were walking past a certain red car and going into Jitters Java.
“Have you guys been here yet?” I asked them, glancing over my shoulder to see if my entrance was being noticed by anyone in particular. Fortunately, the place was fairly crowded and Tim wasn’t looking. A relief since I was now risking being seen with not only Kara but her nerdy friend as well.
“We’ve been here a couple of times,” Kara told me.
“Really?” Now, I don’t know why this surprised me, but I guess I tend to think that people like Kara and Edgar have no life.
“Yeah, Edgar is teaching me to appreciate coffee,” she said. “Well, as long as it has something sweet in it, like chocolate.”
“Yeah,” added Edgar. “We’ll work you up to the really good stuff like espresso later.”
After we ordered, the three of us went and sat down on the other side of the room. I made sure that I took the chair with a perfect view of a certain couple, with Kara and Edgar on the other side. Timothy’s back was to me now, but I figured Shawna would see me if she ever looked my direction.
“Hello?” said Kara impatiently. “Earth to Jordan. Can you read me?”
“Huh?” I kind of blinked. “Sorry.”
“So, you’re still carrying a torch for old Timothy Lawrence?” said Edgar as if he knew everything.
“Carrying a torch?” I frowned at him. “Where do you get this stuff?”
Kara rolled her eyes at me as she took a sip of her café mocha. “So is that why we’re here then, Jordan?”
“No.” I shook my head for added emphasis. “I just wanted to talk to you.” I glanced uncomfortably at Edgar. I hadn’t really wanted to include him in this. “What you said today really bugged me, Kara.” Actually, that was true.
“Well, I do think you’ve changed, Jordan. And I don’t want to offend you, but it’s not an improvement.”
“Thanks.”
Edgar gently nudged Kara with his elbow.
“Sorry,” she said, although I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or to him. “Sometimes the truth hurts.”
“And I suppose you think it’s only fair that you should be the one to do the hurting this time?” I asked.
“This time?”
“Oh, I know that I hurt you, Kara. I’ve told you I’m sorry dozens of—”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with this, Jordan.”
“Yeah, sure.” I was feeling slightly uncomfortable that Edgar was witnessing this little scene, but then I wondered why I should care.
“It doesn’t,” she insisted. “The only reason I even said anything is because I really care about you.”
“And you can honestly tell me you wouldn’t get a little bit of pleasure out of hurting me, Kara?”
“No, Jordan. I just wish I could say something tonight to help you see that you’re worth more than this.”
“More than what?”
“Oh, you know. Playing your stupid games, chasing after some guy who just wants to use you and then lose you.”
“Kara,” said Edgar in a soft voice. “You don’t really know that.”
I nodded, thinking maybe this Edgar guy wasn’t such a loser after all. “Yeah,” I said. “You don’t really know that.”
She shook her head. “No, he’s just trying not to be judgmental. But I’m not as highly evolved a Christian as Edgar. And I think Timothy Lawrence is only after one thing when it comes to you.”
“You don’t know a thing about it.” I heard my voice increase in volume, but fortunately the room was crowded and the music was loud. No one except Kara and Edgar even noticed. I tried not to stare at the couple in the far corner whose heads were now tilted toward each other in an intimate way, as if they were enjoying some special secret. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach.
“Jordan?” Kara patted me on the arm to get my attention. “What is wrong with you anyway? It’s like you’ve totally checked out.”
“Sorry.” I turned my attention back to them.
“Are you okay?” asked Edgar with what seemed genuine concern.
“I don’t know.”
“Really, Jordan,” said Kara. “What’s going on with you? Are you seriously pining away for that stupid jock?”
“Kara,” said Edgar in a warning voice. “You’re doing it again.”
“Sorry.” She shook her head. “I just feel protective of Jordan.”
This was somewhat touching, but I still felt sick.
“Okay, let me rephrase that. Jordan,” she said again, “do you still think you love Timothy Lawrence?”
At first I didn’t answer, and then finally I mumbled a barely audible, “Maybe.” I looked down at my untouched espresso, feeling seriously embarrassed by the fact that (1) I was the short end of a love triangle, and (2) I had just confessed this to a couple of losers.
“Well, he’s not worth it, Jordan.”
“Kara,” said Edgar with a slightly exasperated sigh, as if he were getting weary of playing Christian cop with her.
“Well, he’s not, Edgar. He’s just using Jordan.”
“How would you even know?” I demanded.
She just shrugged at my jab, but I could tell by her eyes she was hurt.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“It’s okay. I can see that you’re hurting right now and maybe you think it’ll make you feel better to hurt someone else too.”
I nodded. “Yeah, maybe it would make me feel better to hurt someone. Like, I’d give anything to be able to tear Shawna’s freaking bleached hair out by the roots.”
Kara’s eyes widened, but Edgar actually laughed. Then Kara nodded in triumph, as if I’d just totally made her point for her. “See,” she said to Edgar. “That’s just what I mean. She really has changed.” Then she turned back to me. “Jordan, listen to yourself. You’ve gotten hard, you’re becoming increasingly shallow, and now you’re plotting violent revenge.”
“Give me a break,” I said, although I knew she wasn’t too far off the mark.
“This isn’t the Jordan I used to know,” she said to Edgar as if I were totally invisible. “And if you ask me, it’s pretty sad.”
“I can’t believe I wanted to talk to you about this.” I looked at both of them now, really looked at them. I was sizing them up in the same way that m
y cheerleading friends would size up anyone who crossed their path in the wrong way. “Speaking of changing, Kara, you’ve changed too. And in my opinion, it’s not for the better either. Like how about the way you dress, for instance? You used to be semi-cool. But what’s this new look you’re going for these days? ‘Art freak’ maybe, so you’ll fit in better? Really, what’s with the baggy overalls and stained T-shirt? Or are you just basically fashion-challenged now that I’m not telling you what to wear anymore? And have you noticed that you hang with a bunch of geeks?” I nodded toward Edgar now as if to include him in my insults since I was on such a roll. It did catch my attention that he seemed to be taking my crud pretty well, but I could see that I’d really hurt Kara, and I must admit that it bothered me some. But then, misery loves company and it seemed that Kara Hendricks and Edgar Peebles were the only company I was going to get tonight, because I looked up just in time to see Timothy and Shawna leaving. He had his hand on her back as he opened the door for her, and she was smiling as if everything in her world was perfectly fine. And that’s when I wanted to run into the bathroom and hurl.
By the time I turned back to look at Kara, she was halfway across the room, with Edgar just a step behind her. It seemed everyone was leaving me behind.
Seriously, that’s when I knew I was a loser times two.
thirteen
I SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEKEND IN MY ROOM. CALL IT A PITY PARTY, A REALITY check, or just plain hopelessness, but I did not want to see or talk to anyone.
“What’s wrong?” my mom asked me for like the millionth time on Sunday night.
“I just want to be alone,” I told her in a calm voice. Same thing I’d said over and over every time whichever designated family member knocked on my door. It’s like they assumed it was their responsibility to keep checking on me. What, did they think I might, like, do myself in? Actually, I’d already considered it, but being a chicken, basically, I didn’t think I would attempt anything crazy. At least not right then.
The upside of all this isolation was that my room was completely tidy. I’m sure a shrink would say that my obsessive-compulsive side was taking over, trying to bring order to at least one area of my life since the rest of it was totally nuts. And I suppose that might be true. It did feel good to have just a teeny bit of control. Unfortunately, that’s where it ended. Tomorrow I’d be going back to school and subjected to utter social chaos. And I didn’t even have a plan this time.
Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content Page 7