by Rudy Rucker
The crowd around them surged this way and that. There were many more women than men here; tough, pushy German women. What to do?
“If we can’t get a plane today, then let’s go visit Gran’ma,” suggested Sorrel. “Daddy can meet us there.”
“Your Daddy is perfectly happy in Heidelberg. And if I ever see him again, I’ll…” A sudden inspiration struck Sybil. There was a way. There was still a way. She gathered up her possessions and reclosed her suitcase. Her father would have weapons.
“I think you’re right, Sorrel. We’ll go stay with Grandma and Grandpa.”
It took hours to get downtown, but finally they made it. Lotte and Cortland Burton lived on a walled estate, fully equipped with the latest antiterrorism devices. In America, Cortland had just been a good engineer; in Germany he was a military industrialist. His company produced a sort of particle-beam ray-gun which was supposed to provide Germany with a defense against missiles.
Cortland and Lotte were ecstatic to see their daughter and grandchildren safe. The maid fixed them a big dinner of Wienerschnitzel, the children’s favorite food. Cortland and Lotte sat at either end of the long table, with Sybil and Sorrel at Cortland’s end, Ida and Tom at Lotte’s. Lotte was cutting up Ida’s meat.
“But how do you know Alwin is safe?” she asked, fixing Sybil with a worried look. “Won’t he starve in that jail?”
“Alwin is safe because he is a man,” answered Cortland. “This whole invasion is in some sense a female problem. Perhaps it’s related to sexual hysteria.”
“Aliens are turning women into grotesque spheres, and that’s our fault?” snapped Sybil. “Really, Father, you go too far. Alwin is safe because this invasion is his doing. It’s the final acting-out of heartless male chauvinism. You should go to Heidelberg. You’d love it there with the sex spheres.”
Cortland refrained from answering, but Lotte sprang to his defense. “How can you speak to your father that way, Sybil? And in front of the children.”
“What if the sex spheres come here?” asked Tom. “Will they eat Mommy?”
“Don’t worry,” said Cortland. “They’re just in Heidelberg. And the army has them surrounded.”
“Ha!” spat Sybil. “What good is an army against the sex spheres? Men lay down their arms and women get eaten. What weapons could stop the spheres anyway?” This wasn’t a rhetorical question. She had a feeling Cortland would know the answer, if anyone did.
Cortland raised his eyebrows. “Sorrel, my sweetest grandchild, would you please close the kitchen door?”
Sorrel obliged, and Cortland continued, his voice lowered. “As you know, Sybil, my engineering firm develops new weapons. Today I was telephoned by Colonel Noschwet in Mannheim. Apparently the antimissile particle-beam laser which we have developed is capable of causing these…sex spheres to dematerialize. Several field tests have been successfully conducted. So I would not be unduly concerned. Whatever its cause, the invasion can indeed be contained.”
“You only say contained. Why can’t they take the lasers into Heidelberg and exterminate the sex spheres?”
“This will be attempted,” Cortland sighed. “But, as you yourself have pointed out, the men who go to Heidelberg are won over and the women are eaten. In no case is a soldier likely to return, no matter how well-armed he or she may be. And we have only one portable PB laser.”
“Ice crweam, please!” shouted Ida gaily. Ellie, the maid, came bustling back in.
“Wait,” said Lotte. “Ida, you haven’t eaten the nice spaghetti that Ellie made for you.”
“I hate buscadey!”
Tom, not liking to see his little sister act spoiled and get attention, slid down in his chair and kicked her under the table. Ida’s face did squeezed grapefruit. Sorrel punished Tom with a sharp poke under the ribs. Doubling up from pain and excitement, Tom knocked his water glass over. It hit and broke Sorrel’s Meissen china plate, then rolled onto the floor and smashed. Ida, thinking a food fight had broken out, grabbed a leftover schnitzel and threw it at Sorrel for being bossy. It missed her and hit Cortland on the shoulder of his Lanvin suit. “Pig!” screamed Sorrel as loud as she could. Seeing the expensive plate broken, Tom crawled under the table and began roaring in terror.
Cortland looked accusingly at Lotte. Lotte passed the look to Sybil. “Really, Sybil, Do all American children behave this way?”
“It’s Alwin’s fault. He acts like a child himself.”
Ellie was already clearing up the mess. Sybil pulled Tom out from under the table. “There’ll be no dessert for you children. Go upstairs and put your pyjamas on.”
“Can’t we watch TV?” wailed Sorrel.
“Of course you can,” put in Cortland. “And be sure to give me a good-night kiss me when you’re all clean.”
“OK, Gran’pa.”
The three little pigs surged upstairs. Sybil and her parents moved into the enormous living room, and Cortland served out a round of cognac.
“What do you know about these alien spheres?” asked Cortland. “And what exactly is their connection with Alwin?”
“I didn’t tell you before, because it sounded so crazy. The original sphere was involved in the bombing in Rome. She calls herself Babs. I think all these spheres in Heidelberg are copies of Babs.”
“What a vulgar name,” put in Lotte. “Where does Babs come from? Underground? The planet Venus?”
“Not even from our space. From another dimension.”
“Just like in your husband’s book,” said Cortland. “Geometry and Reality.” He was referring to a little text on higher dimensions which Alwin had written. Thanks to this one publication, he’d been able to get his grant in Heidelberg.
“Yes,” said Sybil. “But the main thing about Babs is her sexuality. She’s all breasts and buttocks and lips and…you know.”
“That sounds like Cortland’s secretary,” commented Lotte.
“This is no laughing matter,” said Cortland sternly. “Apparently these sex spheres have destroyed and replaced all the women in Heidelberg. But why?”
Sybil shuddered, realizing how narrow her escape had been. “Alwin said something about destroying reality. The spheres connect to some higher realm that Alwin thinks is better. He wants the spheres to take us all up there. It’s fine for the men. They just…you know. But Babs has nothing to offer most women. I saw her myself—I threw her out of the apartment! She must have decided then that it was all or nothing. I think she’s killing anyone who won’t go along…which is almost all the women.”
There was a long, thoughtful silence. Finally Cortland spoke up.
“It must be then—if I can believe all this—that Alwin is in some way enabling the sex spheres to enter our space. For if he were not in some way instrumental, then the spheres could simply be appearing all over Earth at once. Yet we find them only in his vicinity, in Heidelberg.”
“I have to kill him,” said Sybil flatly. At first she thought she was only saying this for effect, but as the words hung there, she realized they were true. Killing Alwin was the only way to save her children—and the rest of the world. Oh, Alwin—how had it come to this?
“What are you saying?” burst out Lotte. “Leave the killing for the soldiers, darling. Leave it for the men!”
Cortland lit a cigar with slow, deliberate motions. Blue smoke obscured his features. Sybil’s mind was racing. Kill Alwin, yes, that was the only answer, and put your damned emotions away. Nobody could approach Alwin better than her. But what if the sex spheres got to her first? Her father had mentioned a weapon….
“I do have that one portable version of the particle-beam laser,” said Cortland, fully in synch with his daughter’s thoughts. “It’s like a bazooka wired to a backpack. An infiltrator would need this, and some conventional weapon as well. The Uzi machine gun is an excellent choice. Also I would recommend our night-glasses.”
“So you’ll help me?” said Sybil, feeling a sense of doom.
“Let me make some pho
ne calls,” said Cortland, rising to his feet. “You are prepared to go in thirty minutes, Sybil?”
This was all happening so rapidly! Was Courtland that eager to have his son-in-law killed? Sybil was, after all, his only child, his only daughter—maybe Cortland secretly hated Alwin for taking her away. But look how Alwin was behaving! Who wouldn’t hate him!
“It’s not about Alwin at all,” said Courtland, once again divining Sybil’s thoughts. “It’s about saving the world. We have to think of it like that.”
Sybil went upstairs to bathe and put on fighting clothes. Black jeans and a black turtleneck. Mountain boots. She tied her hair back in a bun. She took off her earrings and her bracelets. All from Alwin. Her wedding ring…she put her wedding ring in the dresser drawer. The kids didn’t bother her, they were busy watching a Charlie Chaplin movie, Modern Times.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Sybil burnt a bit of cork and blackened her face. She drank two cups of coffee. High above the house a racketing noise drew closer. Cortland switched on the outside floodlights, and the helicopter landed.
The noise broke the children’s concentration. Squealing with excitement, they tumbled down the stairs.
“Why’s Mommy all black?”
“Where’s Gran’pa’s helicopter taking her?”
“Is Gran’pa going too?”
“Who’s going to take care of us?”
“Your mother and I are going to a costume party,” Cortland told the children. “Grandma will take care of you.”
“Cortland,” said Lotte in a strained voice. “Are you sure this is for the best?”
His answer was lost in the syncopated beat of the chopper blades. Sybil kissed the children and followed her father through the deaf wash of damp air. The helicopter rose up over Frankfurt, then followed the autobahn south.
“We’ll go past Heidelberg,” said Cortland, “then cut over to the Neckar and set you down there. You can come unobtrusively into town on this raft.” He gestured at a bundle of black rubber. “But be sure to stop before the locks!”
“I’ll get off by the castle,” said Sybil. “Now show me how to use the particle-beam and the machine gun.”
Half an hour later they were passing Heidelberg. There is a mountain—Konigstuhl—between Heidelberg and the autobahn, so there was no way to really see what was up. A pass directly over the city would have been too risky. The helicopter went on past Konigstuhl, then turned left to land by the Neckar near the village of Neckargemund, which lies ten kilometers upstream from Heidelberg.
Cortland’s pilot, a taciturn German named Wolf, helped them inflate the raft. Sybil fired test-shots from the PB and the Uzi. Zweeeeef! Brdrdrdrdrt! The particle-beam was a pale-purple ray; the Uzi had tracer-bullets that shot like a Fourth of July fountain.
“Sybil,” said her father, just as she pushed off shore. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“There’s no one else, Daddy. I have to.”
“I know.”
The helicopter got back aloft as fast as possible. The river was misty and very dark. But Sybil had a pair of Cortland’s heavy night-glasses, his company’s latest invention. The glasses were a pair of tiny infrared TV cameras coupled to two little screens, one in front of each eye. Looking through them, Sybil could see the riverbanks as pink shoulders sloping down to the yellow-green river. Her hands were hot red, the sky dark blue. The raft was streamlined and equipped with a silent water-jet engine, so she made good time.
Before long, Sybil was sliding under the Schlierbach-Ziegelhausen bridge, just one big bend away from Heidelberg. She hugged the left bank and stared anxiously at the sky. She held her PB at the ready. High on the left, the Gästehaus slid by.
Sudden sweet memories sandbagged Sybil: Alwin and the children catching a hedgehog, Alwin reading E. M. Forster to her on the long winter evenings, the two of them dancing to reggae tapes on Friday nights, the wine, the talk, the good sex….
Just then a sphere rushed past, right in front of the raft. Sybil leveled her PB and pressed the button. Zweeeef! Nothing left. Had this piece of Babs had time to tell the others? And where had it been going?
Sybil strained to push all her awareness out into the night. Just downstream glittered the lights of Heidelberg. She took off the night-glasses. Almost time to land.
She could see the castle up on the left, hovering like a thought. It was bathed in floodlights and lit by flares, as if for a holiday. A rocket shot up from the castle’s octagonal belfry, then another and another. The hoarse roar of many men’s voices drifted down. Something was going on up there, something big.
Sybil glided up to the locks and found a ladder. She slung the Uzi under her left arm and the PB tube under her right. Praying that Babs wouldn’t pick this moment to pounce, she climbed to the concrete riverbank. So far, so good.
There were stairs to the street, deserted. Trying to look every which way at once, Sybil skittered across a bright intersection and darted into the shadows of some modern apartment buildings.
Another roar rose from the castle. The whole sky up there was red. A block away, two drunks hurried past. American soldiers. A bottle smashed on the cobblestones. Sybil stayed in the shadows.
Not far from here was a little-used trail up to the castle’s L-shaped grounds. If she used this trail she would come out at the opposite end of the L from the castle, far from the crowd, and with a good view of what they were up to.
The drunks’ clumsy footsteps and hoarse voices faded away. Senses strained to the limit, Sybil moved forward. I’m ready to kill, she repeated to herself. I’m going to kill Babs and...and Alwin. She held a weapon ready in each hand.
In some of the buildings children were crying. But the streets were totally deserted. Everyone was up at the castle: all the men and all the sex spheres. Sybil found the path and hurried up.
As she climbed higher she could see more and more of the bizarre celebration. A lurid red glow illuminated the castle park; most of the trees were on fire. In the background were the jagged castle ruins, hollow and dead.
Set in the midst of the crowded park was a single huge sex sphere…a giant ass with gaping hell-mouth cunt. A few late-arriving sex spheres shot past and merged into the mass of the one great Babs. The air tingled with pheromones. The crackling trees bathed the scene in jump-jump eldritch light.
Men with horrible twisted faces pressed up to the giant sex sphere like sperms seething around an egg. One by one, they were worming their way into the gaping vaginal rent: damned souls entering the gate of hell, children following the Pied Piper under the mountain. Naked and distant, they looked rudimentary, like forked parsnips. In their sexual frenzy, some coupled together. Others hunched twitchingly against the sex sphere’s sagging breasts, or rubbed their faces against the sphere’s broad, glistening anus.
The livid mob surrounded the sphere’s crack like a puddle. Body by body, the pool grew smaller, as one man after another reached his heart’s desire, the stink wet hot dark embrace.
An odd little figure darted around the edges of the manpool, herding them forward. The figure was short and yellow, and seemed to have a wheel instead of feet. Occasionally he would pause in his feverish activity to stare attentively towards the top of the sphere. A single man squatted there near the sex sphere’s summit, just beneath her huge, pleased mouth. Sweating and grinning, he shouted down instructions. He was the procurer, the Devil, the Pied Piper: Sybil’s husband, Alwin Bitter, me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A Happy Ending
I could feel the bullets coming, sense them with my field. The first burst would have hit me in the head if I hadn’t jumped clear.
I landed on a fat man wedged in between Babs’s labia. Sybil was still firing her Uzi. I could see the tracer-bullets thipping past.
“Pass doch auf, Sie doofe Narr,” hollered Fatman: “Look yes out, sir goofy fool.” Skull-faced Thinman, just ahead, pulled Fatman fully in.
Men seethed around me. Ugly men with warts and w
ens, limps and humps, scars and age-spots, blind white eyes. I was lost in the crowd, and crazy Sybil was firing at random. Sudden blood-flowers bloomed th-th-th-th-there on Babs’s hide. Men screamed like women. I stayed low and worked my way around to the shelter of the sphere’s other side.
Wheelie Willie, I called with my mind, come help me!
Tilted over at a high-speed angle, the little rascal came buzzing round the great curve of flesh. After my Schnookeloch knob-job we’d scored him some hash, and he was in high spirits.
“Everything’s right on, Alwin! Babs’ll haul this whole bunch off to Hilbert Space in a few minutes. Is it really trippy there? Are we going too?”
“Not yet. I still have much to do. When I return to Hilbert Space it will be in glory. The reason I called you is…”
Suddenly the smooth wall of the sphere above us split open. A tightly collimated beam of pale-purple light punched through. I recognized it as a particle-beam. Sybil was shooting a particle-beam laser at Babs!
The beam had eaten a hole right through the sphere, but no important centers had been cut. Babs rose hugely off the ground, looking this way and that for her attacker. All but a few dozen of the men were lodged in her womb, and she moved heavily. Thirty meters away stood Sybil, a tiny courageous figure with a weapon in each hand.
“That’s my wife,” I told Wheelie Willie. “We have to save her.”
The sphere’s great mouth opened to show cruel teeth. “Vhell, vhell,” she boomed. “Little Sybil Burton Bitter.” A plump, struggling figure slid out of Babs’s stuffed cunt and dropped maggotlike to earth.
Black-painted and tense, Sybil stood her ground. Another beam of purple light flicked forth. Babs dodged it and zoomed fifty meters straight up. Her bulk seemed to cover half the sky. For a moment, the angry firelit monster hovered, and then she dove.
With our minds tuned together, Wheelie Willie and I had formed a plan: a desperate suicidal rescue. As Babs dropped, he and I surged forward. I flew like Superman, my arms stretched out. He followed right behind, his wheel a screaming blur. Directly above us, the sex sphere’s mouth was swooping down.