by Carrie Lomax
As usual, when it came to her ideas about how the world should work, Janelle was disappointed. Another normal fatherly response—one she hadn’t counted on—was to take exception to their daughter’s boyfriend. If she’d been upfront about the relationship, her dad might not have felt blindsided on meeting Trent, who in turn, might not have run away at the first sign of disapproval.
Janelle no longer had the heart to tell her parents she’d be sleeping across the hall at Trent’s.
Suck it up, buttercup. You’re sleeping on the couch this weekend—alone, unless you count Mom and Dad snoring two feet away.
“Trent is…introverted, but he’s smart, talented and ambitious. I know you’ll like him once you have a chance to talk.” Janelle fumbled in her closet for fresh clothes while awkwardly trying to conceal the masculine clothing on Trent’s side.
“I’m sure we will, honey. Mind if I take a short nap before dinner?” Catherine yawned.
“Go ahead, Mom. I’ll go see if Trent’s ready.” Janelle left her parents to rest and took her bundle of clean clothes across the hall.
All I want is to love you out in the open. The thought burned like a sparkler in her chest, blistering and painful. Yet introducing Trent as her boyfriend had made his brow furrow in a scowl of disapproval. Even that word was too much of a label, apparently. Never mind they’d been living together for weeks.
Red flag.
Janelle let herself into Trent’s apartment without knocking. “Hello?”
“Here.” Trent’s voice echoed down the hall from the windowless room he’d converted to an office for three. He was nowhere near ready, staring at a jumble of incomprehensible code on a black screen, wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs.
Janelle zeroed in on the outline of his package for a long moment. Her eyes followed the treasure trail up to the divot of his navel, a delightful waypoint nestled between the rippled muscles of his abdomen. By the time she’d lingered over his pectoral muscles and reminded herself how much she enjoyed clinging to his broad shoulders while naked and climaxing, a long minute had passed. Her attention snagged on the sharp line of his jaw. Trent’s mouth curved in a smirk as he leaned back from the keyboard.
It never got old, seeing him like this. Relaxed, in his element, a little arrogant. It only happened when they were alone. For one unsettling moment, Janelle wondered if her unquenchable lust was clouding her judgment.
Maybe it only happened when he was alone, and she was an intruder.
“Like what you see?” he asked, pushing back from the desk.
“You know I do.” Janelle trailed her gaze back down to where his cock had grown. She shoved aside self-doubt and tugged her shirt over her head. In her bra, she knelt between Trent’s knees and pulled him free. The wood floor bit into her knees as she slid his cock between her lips and sucked. Trent’s fingers wound into her hair.
Too soon, he pulled her up and slid his hands into the waistband of her pants. Janelle straddled him as he curved his palm over her ass, bringing her sex into contact with his hardness. He nipped her lower lip. Janelle gasped, ready, breathless. His tongue teased hers, and she sank her fingers into his hair to pull him closer.
I need you so badly it scares me.
She poured the thought into their kiss, taking it deeper. Trent flicked open the button on her jeans, and Janelle shifted enough to let him shove them down over her ankles. Naked but for the bra, she freed his cock and sank down over him. They exhaled as one.
He filled her and retreated again and again, driving her higher, their faces a breath apart as the arms of the desk chair bit into her thighs. Trent picked her up and shoved her against the door, his body dragging wave after wave of pleasure from hers. Helpless, Janelle explored the bunch and release of his shoulders with her nails and her mouth as he took her against the door. She came hard.
“Set me down,” Janelle demanded, gasping for oxygen. She laid her forehead against the smooth surface of the door and held her hands above her head. Trent covered them with one big palm and entered her from behind.
“Janie,” he gasped, raw.
Say you need me. As if he’d ever voice such a sentiment. Trent’s body bucked. Janelle arched into him, taking everything he could give her as he came inside her.
It wasn’t enough. He always left her empty, aching for more, when he withdrew. They’d stopped using condoms regularly. She’d taken that as a sign he trusted her, but now doubt crept into the aftermath.
“We should get ready to meet my parents.” Janelle picked up the bundle of clothes she’d set on the desk, leaving the jeans she’d been wearing in a heap on the floor next to it.
Trent rubbed his hand over his stubbled chin. “I need to shave. If I’m going with you.”
Dread cut through the afterglow of sex. “You said you would. It’ll be fun. My mom likes you.”
“Your dad doesn’t,” Trent replied in a flat tone. “Can’t say I blame him.”
“Trent. My dad’s opinion doesn’t matter.” But it did. Janelle knew her dad hadn’t quite adapted to seeing his baby girl all grown up. It rattled her to discover that the people she loved best didn’t automatically care about one another.
“It does to me.” Trent kissed the tip of her nose, and went to clean up.
The past several weeks had been more than anything she’d hoped for. She loved having Trent up in her business all the time, whether it meant phenomenal sex on tap, or tripping over him as they were about their lives. The tiny studio was constantly messy, but they tried to keep their work lives contained.
Saturdays they spent long mornings in bed, then tried to get out and do something interesting. Last weekend they’d gone to a winery. The weekend before, it had been flying drones. Sometimes they went to movies or out to dinner. It was never not fun.
Until her parents decided to visit. Janelle had held off from telling Trent about it for as long as possible. He’d reacted the way she’d feared, and it had stung worse than she’d wanted to let it. But she wasn’t backing down now. This was an interim step toward something bigger. Maybe it wouldn’t lead to kids and a minivan in the suburbs, but she was more and more confident in their relationship.
Except in the uneasy moments when Trent went distant, like now. Janelle kissed his shoulder, right above Icarus’ wing.
“He doesn’t know you. Once he does, Dad will be fine. You’ll see.” Still, Trent hesitated. Janelle tried a new tactic. “If you act as if you’re hiding something, Dad will get suspicious. Are you going to make me explain your life story without you? I’ll do it for you, if it makes this easier for you.”
“No,” Trent replied hastily. “I’ll go clean up.”
Janelle kissed him again, and Trent pressed close to nuzzle her.
“Thank you for coming with me,” she whispered. “My family is really important to me. I don’t feel right hiding you from them.”
“I said I’d go.” He pulled away, leaving Janelle with the vague sense that she was pushing again. Was it so much to ask that he share one casual meal with her parents?
He said he wanted to live a normal life, but Trent avoided doing anything about it. He hadn’t rented an apartment other than the one he used as an office, he didn’t cultivate friends, he hadn’t tried to date. If she hadn’t blundered into his life, Trent would still be living as a workaholic monk.
Dinner started awkwardly. Her father wasn’t outright hostile, but he asked pointed questions all through the appetizers.
“How long have you and Janelle known one another?” Janelle’s father speared an avocado from his salad.
“A couple of months. Since she moved in.” Trent picked at his shrimp skewer. They’d agreed to leave out any mention of Las Vegas, which Janelle now regretted. It was exhausting to cover up the truth.
“He was attending an IT security conference, Dad.” Janelle patted Trent’s knee under the table. He kept his hands studiously within view.
“Whoosh, over my head.” Her mo
m laughed, the only one at the table having a good time. “I can check email, pay bills and look things up online, and that’s about it.”
“You went to college for computer science?” Mr. Carlisle’s tone dripped with skepticism.
“I got my degree online while I was in the army,” Trent replied tightly.
“Impressive,” Catherine held up her wine glass. “That takes determination.”
Mr. Carlisle snorted dismissively and set down his silverware. “Online degrees aren’t worth much.”
“Dad.” Janelle kicked her dad under the table. “Quit being rude.”
“Where’d you get your degree?” Trent demanded, a challenge.
“Carnegie.”
“Good school. My uncle went there for physics.” Trent glanced at her, his jaw tight. “Aunt Suzie’s husband.”
“Tell us about your aunt.” Catherine took over the interrogation, and dinner proceeded along a friendlier path. Janelle sighed. It was too much to ask the men in her life to get along.
But by the time dessert menus were placed on the table, Trent and her dad had found a common language in sports.
“I like your boyfriend, sweetie. Don’t mind your father. You moved too fast for him to feel comfortable. It’ll be all right.” Her mom squeezed Janelle’s shoulder reassuringly.
Until he finds out about the poker and the porn. Oh, and the drugs.
Maybe Trent was right to be wary of the world. Janelle had let him into her life and her heart, but to everyone else, Trent was still the guy from that video.
* * *
A few days later, a thick envelope arrived in the mail. There was no more avoiding the subject, so Janelle brought it up as they walked back from the park where they ran together in the mornings before work.
“My lease is up for renweal.” There were three weeks left on the sublet. Janelle licked her lips, anxiety seeping in. “If I make appointments to check out apartments, will you come with me?”
There was so much loaded into the question. What was their future together? Trent had long outgrown the work-live space. He’d been in technical violation of the lease terms before she’d arrived. His employees spent as much time offsite as they did in his apartment, but it was a matter of time before someone noticed. He needed to rent actual office space, and soon.
Which meant living in a studio apartment together made less and less sense. They were tripping over one another, especially on days when Janelle worked from home. Her fledgling consultancy was picking up steam, and when she needed to work late she used Trent’s apartment so he could sleep. It was okay for a few more weeks, but they should be searching for a new apartment now—a topic she’d been avoiding because every time she edged close to the subject, he shut her down.
“When?”
“Next Saturday? I can look for apartments while you scope out office space.”
Trent was quiet for a minute. “I have plans.”
Janelle peered at him questioningly. “Can you tell me what they are?”
He said nothing. Trent had closed down, gone wherever he went when she pressed him on something he didn’t want to talk about. “Not really.”
Janelle was unsurprised by his response, but she swallowed past her disappointment. “Is it an all-day plan? Or could I schedule appointments in the morning?”
“Janie…” Trent stretched his broad shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck. “They’re all-day plans.”
She waited. “Is it a big secret? Engagement ring shopping, for example?”
One could hope. Foolish as it was. There was a long pause as he punched the elevator button with more force than necessary. “I’m going to see Penny.”
“Penny.” Janelle absorbed the word like a blow. How stupid and assumptive could she be, flippantly suggesting they get engaged? “Where does she live?”
“About an hour and a half from here.” Trent’s back was stiff as he stripped off his sweaty clothes.
A flutter of panic beat inside Janelle’s chest. “Is that why you moved here, after you got out of the army? To be close to her?”
Trent nodded tightly. “She’s the closest thing I have to family, Janie. Penny and my Aunt Susie in New Jersey. A couple of cousins. I hardly know them.”
You still love Penny. Janie sucked in a tight, hot breath. A firecracker of jealousy exploded inside her. It made no sense. Penny was no longer able-bodied, from what Trent had said. Yet there was more to their relationship than looking over financial documents to keep people from cheating her out of her money.
How else to explain the intangible distance between them?
What if he’s only putting up with you because you barged into his life and wouldn’t take no for an answer? What if Trent’s only here for convenient, high-quality sex?
“Can I go with you?” Her body flashed ice cold, as it had when they’d said goodbye at the airport in Las Vegas. She’d listened, but not heard.
“Why would you want to?” Trent’s bafflement was etched over his sharp features.
“I’ve never met a porn star. I’m curious.” It was true, although she wasn’t interested in Penny. It was Trent’s behavior she wanted to observe.
“I’d rather you didn’t.” Trent paused at the door to the shower, his eyes sliding past hers. Today, she wouldn’t be joining him.
“Please? I really want to meet her. You’ve met my family, and I want to meet yours.” Janelle peeled off her sticky shirt and tossed it into the overflowing laundry bin.
“Penny’s not really family.” He rubbed his bristly jaw, usually a good sign he was about to give in.
“She’s almost family. You said so yourself.” Janelle hated herself for pushing, but something was off. She needed to know the truth if there were still feelings between Penny and Trent. It could explain the moments when they were together, yet she felt alone.
No more professions of love. That word wasn’t crossing her lips again unless she heard it from him first. The burn of embarrassment licked through her.
“I guess. I know you won’t laugh or anything.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t, Trent. I’d be thrilled to meet someone who was part of your life.”
But she wasn’t, not entirely. Not in the moment and not on Saturday when they climbed into Trent’s car and headed out of town on a bright late-May morning.
“Do you think you’ll take the California gig?” Trent asked. On Friday afternoon, a sizable opportunity with an energy company in Sacramento had come in. Janelle had until Monday to accept. Sunday afternoon, Trent was taking the train to New York for two days to work on the new client.
“No. It’s worth five million, but there’s four companies involved and if it all blows up, I’m the one who’ll take the reputational hit. The risk is too high, even for a one-percent commission upfront. I’d rather play it safe and stick with smaller jobs for now.” Janelle tried to focus her attention on the work, but all she could think about was the barrier between her and Trent.
The landscape gave way to country, then to bare fields of freshly planted green shoots. They turned down a gravel road, the tires kicking up a plume of dust and rocks behind them. Low, modest houses on neatly maintained green yards passed the window. Janelle’s hair felt tight on her scalp, tingling with anxiety. The past week had torn Janelle between optimism and the unshakable sense something was terribly wrong, and that it was her fault.
“This is it.” Trent parked and cut the engine. A shadow appeared in the door.
Janelle unbuckled her seat belt. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
16
A dog barked as a form obscured by the screen door struggled to open it. Janelle’s heart rate skipped, then settled as a blonde woman pushed it open. Her fine hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. She wore a zebra print blouse with jeans and matching zebra slippers. “Who’s this?”
“Penny. This is Janie. Remember I told you she was coming with me?”
“Did you?” Penny’s features mostly rel
axed, except for her full lips, which twisted up at one side. A touch of saliva had puddled there, and she wiped it away with a tissue from her pocket.
“Come in.” Penny limped to a walker. She leaned on it while ushering them into a modest but clean and well-appointed kitchen. Her movements were slow and poorly coordinated. Though she still had curves, Penny’s form had become rounder and softer.
A large, bearded man stood in the kitchen. He nodded to Trent, then brought them soft drinks.
“This is Bob,” Penny waved a hand and lit a cigarette. “He takes care of me.”
“Shouldn’t be smoking, Pen,” the man growled.
“See?” Penny blew a kiss behind her, then her attention seemed to fade. “Remind me your name?”
“Janelle. Janie for short. I work with Trent.”
“Not like I used to work with him.” Penny’s leer brought out all the humor that had made her so appealing in the video. Janelle laughed, but Trent’s mouth twisted with irritation so she bit the insides of her cheeks to make herself stop.
Encouraged, Penny leaned over and cupped her hand to whisper, “He’d never work with me. Trent was always too good. But now, I have Bob. He puts even Mace’s package to shame.”
Penny winked. Her hand came away damp from the paralyzed side of her mouth. “Oh, damn, I hate when that happens.”
“How long have you and Bob been together?” Janelle asked. Spotting a box of tissues, she passed it silently across the table. Trent gave her the side-eye, but Janelle ignored it.
“Couple years. Time gets away from me.” Penny blew a puff of smoke. Trent waved it away.
“Pen, let’s sit outside.”
“Oh, Trent. Army beat it out of you, didn’t they?” Penny lurched awkwardly out of her seat.
“I watched you hooked up on a ventilator once. Bob’s right. You shouldn’t smoke.” Trent took her elbow, much the way he’d done that first day, steadying Janelle outside the casino hotel.