‘We deserve it. Remember when we used to come out here on Sundays in the summer?’
I did. It was one of the things I’d loved most when we were together, jumping on an early train and spending a lazy Sunday wandering along the promenade and eating fish and chips by the pier. Of course Aidan knew exactly what he was doing bringing me here today, but it was such a lovely thought that I didn’t mind.
It was a little overcast and chilly on the beach but that didn’t seem to deter the people walking, playing ball games and running around us as we crunched across the shingle. Aidan kept catching my eye, the deliciousness of our illegal day off making us giggle like naughty children.
‘Whatever would your dad say if he knew where we were?’
‘He’d be royally hacked off,’ Aidan replied, holding up his mobile phone. ‘In fact, I have three missed calls from him already.’
‘Shouldn’t you phone him back?’ I imagined John Matthews storming around his elegant office with every call diverted to Aidan’s voicemail.
‘Nah. Let him stew.’ He bumped the back of his hand against mine. ‘Last one to the sea buys ice cream.’
I laughed as he sped away, running after him and loving the ease of it all. At the water’s edge I knocked into him, sending him a few steps into the sea. Cursing, he grabbed my arm and tried to drag me into the water with him, laughing at my loud protests. After several attempts to soak one another we retreated to the shore and flopped onto the pebbled beach. I felt happy and peaceful as we dropped back into the rhythm of easy banter, the years of uncertainty falling away.
‘Feel better?’ he asked later, as we tucked into enormous sundaes in Vicky’s favourite retro ice cream shop on Gardner Street.
‘Much better. Thanks for this, Aidan.’
He shrugged. ‘I think it’s been good for both of us.’
I was aware of the weight behind his words. ‘Yes, I think it has. Aidan, I’m sorry if I was cold with you when we met after San Francisco. So much had happened before I left and I blamed you for a lot of it. Wrongly.’
‘It’s understandable. Losing your job is a terrible thing to come to terms with.’ He ate a large spoonful of ice cream. ‘And there was the other guy …’ Seeing my expression, he held his hand up. ‘It’s OK, Vicky told me. I take it things didn’t end well?’
His sudden mention of Max unsettled me, as if two pieces of my life were colliding. ‘No, they didn’t. But then nothing was ever going to come of it.’
‘Just a holiday fling?’
‘Yes,’ I replied, as his verdict stung. ‘Just a holiday fling.’
Aidan reached over the table and rested his hand on my arm. ‘I’m sorry you got hurt, Nell. You deserve to be happy.’
I looked away, the closeness between us suddenly uncomfortable. ‘And I will be, when the diner is up and running and we can finally put the lists to bed.’
He took the hint and let go. ‘Amen to that. Now do you think it would be really wrong if I bought us some of those amazing cupcakes for the journey home?’
Aidan’s ability to cheer me out of my disappointment increased as we neared the start of November. He surprised me with dinner, walks along the Thames with takeaway cups of tea and a night at a new West End musical I wanted to see. Even though he must have been as tired as I was, he always made time to help me work through the ever-narrowing demands from his father and became intermediary, champion and chief problem-solver for the diner. I was aware I was leaning on him more and he seemed happy to take the strain.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you – and WOW!
Hi lovely
Forgive the delay in getting back to you – Tyler surprised me with a trip away in LA! His brother has a place out there and we stayed for a week. What it meant though was a stack of emails when I got back.
I just wanted to let you know how thrilled the S-O-S Club kids were with the presents you sent them. Thank you so much for doing that. Eva was beside herself with joy when she saw the postcard and snowglobe. I waited until it was time to go home to give it to her. Shanti sends her thanks, too. Sorry, I promised her I’d tell you – I know you might not want to hear it.
At least you and Aidan sound like you’re getting along. That must be nice, after all the bad feeling that went along with losing your job. It sounds as if he’s keen to make it up to you and I’m glad that you have somebody fighting your corner when his dad is being a right royal pain.
And as for the photos of your diner – wow! It looks amazing, Nell. Can you believe it was only a few months ago that you told me about your dream? And now you’re about to make it happen for real. I’m unbelievably proud of you. The best bit is, I’ll be there for your opening day! I can’t wait to stand with you when you open for business. Getting emotional just thinking about it – but you know me!
Good luck with the final preparations. See you in three weeks!
Lots of love
L xxxx
As autumn gave way to winter the initial pain of compromise began to dwindle and I could see how it would all work towards the greater good of the diner. I spent more time with Aidan, appreciating the peace his presence seemed to bring in any decision. He was becoming a constant in the ever-changing landscape of the diner plans, a consistent encourager who maintained my focus on the goal ahead.
On the first day of November, the countdown to opening day in four weeks’ time began in earnest. In a bid to cut costs further, I had painted all the walls myself and was now doing the final decoration for the seating area, stencilling quotes from famous American movies around the walls. It was good to be contributing something physical to the diner, rather than lists of numbers and cost breakdowns. And touching the walls of what would soon be my workplace brought me back in touch with my ambition. I enjoyed letting myself into the unit while it was still dark outside and working uninterrupted as Acton High Street came to life outside the window. Several people stopped to peer into the former café to see the changes that had taken place, leading to some interesting conversations with locals I hoped would become customers in four weeks’ time. Building links with local people was going to be vital to fuel the success of the diner and I was glad of the opportunity to start early.
Halfway up a paint-splattered stepladder putting the finishing touches to a quote from Raging Bull, I paused with a mug of tea to admire my work. The diner was different from my initial vision, but this aspect was exactly as I had imagined.
Nell’s Place. That was the name that would be across the frontage of the diner when it opened in December. It was simple but it proclaimed to the world that this was Nell Sullivan’s dream, inviting everyone in for awesome food, attentive service and a great cup of coffee.
Feeling a shot of excitement for the first time in weeks, I smiled at the empty shell of the diner. My diner, whatever John Matthews said. Soon it would be my everyday reality and none of the disappointments would matter.
‘I thought you might be in need of these.’
Aidan grinned as I turned from the last section of the movie quote mural to see he was holding a tray with two Starbucks takeaway cups and a bag of doughnuts.
‘Aidan Matthews, I love you.’ I clambered down and claimed my breakfast, realising how hungry I was.
‘If I’d known coffee and a bag of doughnuts was all it took to get you to fall for me I’d have bought them years ago.’
I stuck my tongue out at him, enjoying our cheeky flirtation. ‘A girl can love her cholesterol-heavy treats. You were just the conduit.’
‘Ouch. Never been referred to as a conduit before.’
I gave him a sugary grin. ‘A very attractive conduit.’
‘Thanks. I’ll put that on my Match.com profile.’ He looked up at the almost complete mural. ‘That looks so good, Nell.’
‘I’m pleased with it. Makes everything feel more real.’
‘I should hope so. You’re going to be runnin
g the place in a few weeks. Excited?’
‘I am now. Thanks for putting up with my flip-outs.’
‘It was touch-and-go for a while there.’ Aidan ran a hand through his blond hair. ‘But even with your neurotic meltdowns it’s all been worth it.’
‘That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’
‘Ever?’ He laughed, the sudden, joyous sound of it echoing around the bare diner walls. ‘Blimey, I was a really crap smooth-talker, wasn’t I?’
I winked back. ‘You weren’t bad.’ For the briefest moment, I glimpsed an image of the way we had been together – and was surprised at how warm it felt. ‘So, did you say your dad wants to come down today?’
Aidan leant against the newly sanded counter. ‘He said he might do later. But don’t worry if you have other stuff to do. I’ll stick around here this afternoon. I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on and it’s quieter here than the office is.’ He yawned and stretched his arms up over his head, revealing muscles in his upper arms I didn’t remember being so defined.
For want of something else to look at, I quickly turned my attention to my painting. I was tired and clearly needed to be away from here. ‘OK. I’m going to finish this and then go home for some sleep,’ I said, taking a big bite of jam doughnut and enjoying the sugary rush it injected into my system.
‘Mm, attractive,’ Aidan chuckled.
‘Sorry?’
‘I’d forgotten how messy you get when you’re eating doughnuts,’ he laughed, putting his coffee cup on the counter and walking over to me. ‘You have half of it smeared across your face. Come here.’
I stood obediently while he wiped jam from my cheek with a napkin, cradling my other cheek as he did so. Our smiles began to fade as the closeness hit home. The strokes of his fingers slowed, the pressure lifting to the lightest of touches. I could feel his quickening breath on my face, the rise and fall of my chest meeting the rhythm in response.
‘Nell—’
I closed my eyes as his lips found mine, the taste of sugar claiming my mouth. His kiss was at once familiar and brand new, reawakening the old longings that had brought us back together time after time and confirming the new attraction that had been steadily building between us. Tired of fighting it and energised by the power of his kiss I gave in to the soothing emotion as it wrapped around us, as familiar as a favourite blanket, as fresh as the famous words spilling over the walls of the diner …
Our diner …
Wait – what was I doing?
Stunned, I pulled away, my breathing shallow and fast. He stepped away too, his stare filled with apology.
‘Hell – I don’t know what happened …’
‘Don’t apologise. It was me …’
‘It was both of us.’
‘That shouldn’t have happened.’
‘No.’ He stared at me. ‘But I don’t regret it.’
Silence fell in the diner. I didn’t know how to respond. It had felt right, but was that just because of the pressure we were both under? We had been here before: how could we know whether this was genuine now?
‘I should go.’
‘No, Nell, don’t. Let’s talk about this.’
‘I don’t know what to say, Aidan. I don’t think it’s a good time for …’
‘No, of course. It felt good though, didn’t it?’
I nodded slowly. There was no point denying it – I’d kissed him as much as he’d kissed me.
‘What if,’ he said, moving closer again, ‘this was meant to happen?’
‘Aidan …’
‘Let me say it, Nell. Because the past few weeks I’ve just kept thinking: what if all this moving away and coming back we’ve been doing for so many years means we’re supposed to be together?’
Our eyes met and for a while neither of us spoke. I had to admit what he said wasn’t an awful suggestion. But as we stood in the place that would soon be my business, the question seemed too much to consider.
I touched his arm, my voice hushed and my words tentative. ‘Can we just focus on what we have to do? Maybe when Nell’s Place is running and I’m settled into the routine we could discuss it then?’
He smiled. ‘I think you’re right. Let’s not think about it now. Fancy a hug?’
Accepting, I stepped into his embrace, relieved that the moment had passed.
My journey home was arduously slow. Roadworks at almost every junction made me curse my decision to catch the bus rather than the Overground train. All I wanted was to get back to Mum and Dad’s, have a hot bath and relax. It had been a confusing day so far and I wasn’t sure my addled brain could compute all of it. To pass the time I took my mobile phone from my bag and opened the picture gallery, smiling immediately as a view of the Golden Gate Bridge from Crissy Field appeared. What I wouldn’t give to be there now, enjoying the warm Californian sun and a good book as the great and good of San Francisco walked and jogged past. I could hear the sound of seagulls and lapping waves of the Bay waters, and almost taste the salt in the air. It seemed like a lifetime away and my heart sank when I raised my head to see the disgruntled expressions of my fellow passengers sitting in stoic isolation.
Much later that evening, after a soothing bath and a long sleep that restored some of my sanity at least, I suggested to Mum and Dad that I could take them out for dinner in Richmond. They had been so wonderfully supportive of me during the diner renovations and I wanted to show my appreciation.
‘What a lovely thought,’ Mum said as she collected her coat and scarf. ‘It’s very kind of you, darling.’
The November evening was clear and chilly as we walked along the High Street, considering the food options available to us. After some debate, we decided on a gastro pub near the Odeon cinema, the prospect of which pleased my parents greatly.
Over a hearty meal of pork belly, apple and parsnip mash, rich gravy and peas, I filled my parents in on the latest developments, carefully omitting my kiss with Aidan. Until I could make sense of it and what it meant for the future, I wasn’t ready to try to explain it to anyone else.
‘I’m certain your diner is going to be lovely,’ Mum said, firmly. ‘And after all the shenanigans that John Matthews put you through, you deserve all the success in the world.’
‘Thanks Mum.’
‘Bloody idiot for not trusting our daughter,’ Dad said, and I loved him for his unfettered bias. ‘You’ll show him, Nelliegirl.’
The pub was warm and filled with loud conversation, music and laughter. I revelled in the treat of a meal out, liking the feeling of decadence it gave me.
When we were ready to leave I paid the bill and we walked out into the wintry night. The lights of the riverside bars were reflected in the black waters of the Thames flowing beneath Richmond Bridge, stars overhead emerging from the chill of the night sky. As we walked down towards the bridge, the bright lights of passing traffic turned the billows of our visible breath intermittently white and red.
‘Are the swans out tonight, Doug?’ Mum asked as we began to cross the bridge.
Dad peered over the stone edge. ‘Can’t see any yet. River’s running fast this evening.’
I smiled. Since moving to Richmond my parents had developed a slight obsession with the Thames and it still amused me to hear them earnestly discussing the waterfowl and flow rates of the river.
Moving away from the edge, Dad linked his arm through mine. ‘Now, I suggest home for cocoa and some of your mother’s coconut macaroons. Sounds like a plan?’
‘Sounds wonderful.’
My mobile buzzed in my coat pocket. Nodding at it, Dad let go of my arm.
‘Tell you what, Mum and I will go on ahead and let you answer that. Bound to be something important for your great culinary adventure.’ He kissed my forehead. ‘Don’t be too long, now. If they get annoying, pretend to be an answering machine. I do that quite a lot with some of my customers.’
The thought of my tall, matter-of-fact father pretending to be an inanimate object
was very amusing and I giggled as I inspected the screen. I didn’t recognise the number, but this was nothing new: during the last couple of months I had received more calls from suppliers, workmen and complete strangers than I had from people I knew.
‘Hello, Nell Sullivan speaking.’
‘Hi Nell – it’s Max. Please don’t hang up …’
CHAPTER THIRTY
Hello again, hello …
I couldn’t move.
The cars sped past me across Richmond Bridge, people walked around me to continue their evenings out, but the only thing marking me out from the elegant glass lamps attached to the bridge were the short puffs of breath rising slowly into the night sky.
‘Please say something.’
‘How did you get this number?’
‘Lizzie gave it to me.’
His answer set my nerves tingling. What was Lizzie thinking?
‘Don’t be mad at her. She had good reason.’
‘Why?’
‘I’m here. In London. Eva is with me.’
A stab at my heart caused me to take a deeper breath. ‘And Shanti?’
There was a pause. ‘Shanti’s at home with her mother.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘I have an exhibition – can you believe it? I thought about what you said about the sidewalk paintings and revealed my identity as the artist. The internet’s gone crazy with pictures of my work and it’s led to an invitation to London to speak at a street art conference. We have an exhibition in a hotel near the Millennium Bridge. Say you’ll come?’
‘Max, I can’t.’ Tears were stinging my cold cheeks as they fell.
‘Not for me, then. For Eva. You’re all she’s talked about since we arrived. She wants to see you.’
‘I don’t know …’
‘The exhibition opens Monday. Say you’ll come.’
I closed my eyes.
I didn’t say I definitely would. I had the weekend to decide. Max Rossi was in my city and I needed time to process the fact.
Aidan made no more mention of what had happened at the diner and for that I was immensely grateful. In turn, I didn’t mention Max’s phone call. He didn’t need to know. Besides, I probably wouldn’t go to the exhibition. There was too much to do at Nell’s Place. It could be confusing for Eva. It could be upsetting for me.
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