by Nelson Lynch
takes a dim view of any thing funny in his class.”
“Janet might like a bit of levity, especially with a slight bit of sexual overtones. She may even let you call her JJ.”
Jerome shrugged his shoulders. “I doubt it. I’m satisfied to be able to call her Janet.” He scanned a few more pages. “Have you ever heard of any other creation theories?”
Bill typed ‘creation’ into the Google slot. “That was fast. Google says there are 111,000,000 articles on creation.” He ran the cursor down the first page. “Nine of these have to do with Evangelical creation. The tenth site compares Evangelical creation with evolution.” He clicked to the second page. “Do you think Irving meant biblical creation as one of the creation theories to study?”
Jerome typed in ‘creation’ in the Yahoo search engine. “Yahoo says there are 113,000,000 articles on creation. Here a site that says everything about creation is explained in Genesis.” He leaned back and studied the page for a few seconds. “I really don’t think that Mr. Irving meant creation with Adam and Eve.”
“We can’t be sure of that. I know he goes to church every Sunday.” Bill leaned back also. “I remember once he said he taught Sunday school at the Baptist Church on Vine Street. You can brush up on the bible. Throw out a few tidbits like curing the lepers and making wine for the multitudes. All that was done on the fifth day of creation.”
Jerome was shaking his head before Bill had finished. “What church did you go to? All of that is in the New Testament. It has nothing to so with creation or Genesis.”
“You are really up on this bible stuff. Just think, Janet might like the creation theory according to the bible. You’d be able to call her JJ, hold her hand, drink some kosher wine and take advantage of her.”
Jerome kept his eyes on the screen. “You think so.” He used his cursor and brought up the tenth page. “Oh, oh, the 98th site is about creation myths.” He gave it a double click. “Listen to this, all these people had a creation myth. Tahitian, Hopi, Navajo, Aztec, Inuit and a slew more. Do you think Irving would count any of these as theories?”
Bill thought for a moment and then shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ll bet every ethnic group has its own creation myth. And to be politically correct, they are not myths, not theories, but the truth.”
Jerome brought up Microsoft Word and began taking notes. “No more wasting time. I have other classes beside this dumb astronomy class. I’m going to study the big bang theory. Make a list of the main ideas. Then I’m going to brush up on the biblical theory of creation just to be on the safe side.” He glanced across the desk at Bill. “What are you going to do?”
Bill typed in big bang in the Google slot. “I’m going to study the big bang theory. We know for sure he’s going to ask questions about that. Then I’ll make notes on these creation myths of various ethnic groups. We want to be covered whatever he asks.”
Bill placed his hand on Jerome’s writing pad. “Look, there’s Irving coming in and Janet is right beside him.”
Jerome stole a quick glance. “So what. It’s ten minutes until his class starts. They are just having a cup of coffee together.”
Bill was nodding his head and grinning. “You are dumb. How did you ever get to be a Junior? You should have flunked out first semester of your Freshman year. I’ll bet a dollar to a donut she either knows what he’s going to ask or he’s going to ask her a simple question.”
“No, Janet wouldn’t do anything like that. I’ll bet she just met him coming in here.” He looked down at his notes. “I’m ready for the big bang and the biblical creation. Are you ready?”
Bill nodded his head. “I don’t have anything written down. But I have the big bang theory down pat. The ethnic creation myths are a different story. I just hope he doesn’t call on me.” He glanced at the wall clock. “Let’s mosey to the classroom.”
All thirty students were in their seats when Mr. Irving walked in. He opened his briefcase as the bell rang for the class to begin. Taking a stick of chalk, he wrote ‘BIG BANG’ in bold letters. He gave a brief nod to the class. “I know we are all prepared for the big bang theory of creation. Before we start, people with computers please turn it off or close the lid.” He looked around the room again. “Now, who is ready to start us off on the big bang?”
Jerome scrunched down in his seat. He moved only his eyes to see people on the left and right. Janet was slowly raising her hand. He turned slightly to see Bill in the back row. Bill was nearly invisible behind the person in front of him.
Mr. Irving smiled widely. “Alright Miss James, what do you have?”
Janet began talking and talked for twenty minutes. Mr. Irving smiled the whole time. Afterwards he clapped his hands twice and said, “Beautiful work.” He then began calling on students for their work on the big bang theory. Toward the end of the class, he called on Bill.
“The big bang started with the Cosmic Egg. It exploded and the universe began.”
“You don’t say.” Mr. Irving stroked his chin.
Jerome shut his eyes knowing that Mr. Irving was going to slam Bill.
“How long was this Cosmic Egg there?”
Jerome turned in time to see Bill grin.
“No time. There was no time before the beginning of the universe.”
Mr. Irving smiled briefly and looked at his watch. “Very good. Who has material on another theory?”
Jerome gave a sign of relief when he saw Janet raise her hand. He hoped she would take up the rest of the period.
“Ah, Miss James, you have more on a different theory of creation.
Janet nodded. “I searched the internet and found the String theory.” She talked for two minutes.
Mr. Irving glance at his watch again. “That’s enough on the String theory for the time being. Who else has anything?” He moved to be able to see Jerome better. “Jerome, what do you have? Do you have a different theory for the class.”
Jerome glanced at the clock and saw that there were only two minutes left in the class. He decided to beat around the bush and waste time until the bell rang. “I did a lot of work on the big bang theory.” He opened his notebook to a page of notes. “I liked the Cosmic Egg--.”
“Enough of the big bang and the Cosmic Egg. Did you find a different theory?”
Jerome slowly turned to a different page in his notebook while looking at the clock. “There was a lot of material on the Genesis version of creation. Many people believe that the universe started when God created Heaven, earth, and the Garden of Eden. Then I suppose time started when God created Adam and Eve.”
Mr. Irving’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Jerome and then the rest of the class. “You suppose, do you?” He walked a few steps closer to Jerome. “How long ago was that? I mean the actual beginning of time.”
Jerome tried to wait out the bell but finally had to answer. “I imagine a long time ago. Probably 13.7 billion years ago like the scientists say. One biblical scholar figured it out to be a little over six thousand years.” A sickly grin formed as the bell rang.
Mr. Irving held out his hand keeping the students in their seats. “This is a scientific astronomy class, not Sunday School. Please be ready at out next class with another theory of creation. I’ll call on you first. Class dismissed.”
Bill set his coffee on a table in the food area. “Man, you’re lucky the bell rang. Irving was getting ready to tear you a new one. Why didn’t you say something about the Cosmic Egg? I think he liked that.”
Jerome sipped on his coffee. “You said he was a regular church goer and taught Sunday school. Chances were good that he would like the biblical approach.” He thought for a few seconds. “But I was wrong.”
Bill stared around the area for a moment. “I got to thinking while walking here. It was Mr. Ervin that I was thinking about. I got their names mixed up. He’s the one who goes to church and teaches Sunday school.” He thought a few more seconds. “Sorry about that.”
Jerome cradled his head with both elbows
on the table. “With friends like you, who needs enemies? I need to find another creation theory.”
Bill closed his astronomy textbook. “I wish I had my computer. We could do a Google on creation. How about using one of the Western Indians’ theory of creation. Time started when their ancestors fell out of the big dipper and landed in present day four-corners area.”
Jerome shook his head. “I don’t believe it and don’t even want to hear it. I want a guaranteed scientific theory.”
Bill leaned over the table toward Jerome. “Don’t look now, but I think Janet is heading to our table. What did we do to deserve her presence?”
Janet dropped her book bag gently on the floor, pulled out a chair and sat. She looked at Jerome. “I liked your inclusion of the biblical creation in with scientific creation. I think Mr. Irving was wrong to insinuate otherwise.”
Jerome smiled from ear to ear. “Now all I need is another creation theory for our next class. Irving is going to jump on me with both feet unless I have something good.”
Janet got a sheet of scratch paper and wrote a few words. “Here is another theory. The Membrane or Branes theory. It’s fairly new but you guys should be able to find it.” She picked up her book bag and stood. “I’ve another class to go to.” She smiled at Bill. “The Cosmic Egg was good.” She turned and walked away.
“Well I’ll be doggoned. She likes us both.” Bill watched her until she disappeared around