I’ve never doubted that. Until maybe now. Now, I wonder if anything between us had been real. Or if it had all been a game to him.
“Did he ever tell ye about our mom?” Owen asks, leaning against the wall, and shoving his hands in his pockets.
He looks so much like Cillian, and it hurts to look at him.
“Not much. I know she left when you were both young.”
He nods. “Cillian was twelve when she took off. Met some guy down at the pub. An Englishman.” His lip rolls up in a sneer at the word. “Our dad knew about it, but he was too much of a coward to fight for her. So, he let her go off and do what she wanted.” He rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “One day, she didn’t come home. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that we found out she’d moved to England. Started a new family there.”
“I’m sorry.” I am. But I also don’t know why he’s telling me all this.
“Cillian took it the hardest. I wonder sometimes if he doesn’t blame himself for her leaving.”
“He was just a kid.”
“A bad one.” Owen’s lips twitch, and a small hint of humor reaches his eyes. “We both were. We were always getting into trouble.”
“It doesn’t matter how bad you were. It’s no reason for a mom to abandon her children.”
“Maybe not. But ye don’t know the trouble we got into.” He chuckles. “The week before she left, we got caught gluing the pages of the church’s hymn books together. Cillian took the blame for it. Said it’d been his idea and I was only there to stop him. Our mom gave him a good beating for that one. But it was nothing compared to the time he filled Mrs. O’Brien’s gas tank with mud. Or when he dumped a box of instant rice and boiling water down Mr. Murphy’s sink. Busted the pipes and flooded his whole kitchen.”
“Oh my God.”
“Like I said, we weren’t saints.”
We stand in silence for a few moments, and I can feel Owen studying me.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want ye to understand. After our mom left, Cillian pulled into himself. Pushed people away. He still does. Even with me. Trust me when I tell ye that my brother cares a great deal about ye.”
God, I want to believe him.
“Even if you’re right, and he does…care about me, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” Fresh tears sting my eyes, and I blink them away. “I deserve better than that. No matter how much I want to be with him.”
With a heavy sigh, Owen removes the distance between us and wraps his large arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “Cillian’s going to wake up one day and realize what an idiot he’s been. I just hope it’s not too late when he does.”
Chapter 28
Cillian
The women here are like bleedin’ leaches. They can’t keep their damn hands off me, and it’s driving me insane.
This used to be my life. And I loved it. Now all I can think about is Delaney.
I cringe when a blonde runs her claw-like nails across the back of my neck, whispering dirty little promises in my ear.
In a way, I wish I could take her up on her offer, and maybe I’d finally get Delaney out of my head. But I know it won’t do any good.
Shrugging the woman off, I grab a can of beer and head out the door, past the security guards to the nearest exit.
I need to clear my head. Figure out what the hell I’m going to do. Because one thing’s for certain, I’m not leaving this city until I see Delaney.
She’s probably moved on. For all I know, she could be with someone else by now. And it would be my own damn fault.
But I need to see her.
I press down on the lever to open the glass door, and freeze when I get a glimpse of what, or rather who, is on the other side.
Delaney.
My chest constricts, and for a moment, it’s all I can do to remember to breathe. Until it smacks me straight in the chest who she’s with.
Owen has his arms wrapped around her. It looks innocent enough, but rage boils inside me all the same. Red and hot, burning a path up my throat with the venomous words I want to spew at them both.
The deepest sense of betrayal racks through me, far worse than what I’d felt when I’d found Owen with Molly. The rational part of my brain screams that there must be an explanation, but all my insecurities rise to the surface until I’m being choked by them.
I stand there frozen until my brother glances towards me. I can’t hear him, but I can read his lips – Fuck.
I’m not sure if it’s a growl or a muttered curse, but the word is enough to have Delaney pulling back, and glancing over her shoulder.
If my heart hadn’t felt trampled on by a thousand horses before, it does when her gaze meets mine.
Her eyes widen. And I can see every fucking emotion that races through them.
Shock.
Confusion. What the hell does she have to be confused about? She’s the one wrapped up in my brother’s arms.
She can’t hear the growl that rumbles from my chest, but the way her expression changes again, hurt, I know she sees it in my face.
Rejection. That one nearly guts me, before it turns to resignation.
Every cell in my body is screaming to fight. To push through the doors and have my brother against the wall, my fist pounding the look of warning off his face.
His hands drop to his sides, blue eyes wary as he watches me, waiting for what I’m going to do next.
Screw them both.
I slam my fist into the glass door, pain shooting through my wrist and forearm, before turning and storming away.
Maybe I expect them to chase after me. Maybe I want them to.
I don’t know.
All I know is that the further away I get, the emptier I feel. And the more I realize that I just made the same fucking mistake I’d made in Ireland.
Chapter 29
Delaney
“Let him go,” I say, when Owen starts to go after Cillian. “We both know there’s no reasoning with him when he’s like that.”
“Ye’re right.” He roughs his palms over his face and curses.
The look in Cillian’s eyes when he saw me nearly shattered me. For a moment, his guard had come down. A flare of emotions sparked. Emotions he’d been quick to guard even when we were in Ireland burned in his gaze.
I want you.
I need you.
I miss you.
I’d seen all the unsaid words in that one look. And for that second, my heart felt whole again.
But just as quickly, he’d shut down. Mistrust and rejection pointed like daggers in my direction. And I was the enemy.
“I should go.” My tone is detached, because the second I allow myself to feel, I know the pain will be too much.
“I’m sorry,” Owen says.
“It’s not your fault.”
He exhales heavily. “Ye should go and say hello to the guys before ye leave.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I can’t take the chance that Cillian will come back. I want to be gone before he does.
“At least go see Emer.”
“She’s here?”
“Ye don’t think she’d allow Aiden to be gone for six months without coming along? Especially not in her condition.” When I frown in confusion, he adds, “She’s expecting.”
“A baby?”
He chuckles and nods.
“Wow. That’s huge.”
“Go see her. Ye’d hurt her feelings if ye left without at least saying hello.”
He’s right. And I need to find Kiersten, to let her know I’m leaving. She’ll kill me if I go home without telling her.
There’s a group of people filing out of the backstage room when I go back into the building.
Straightening my shoulders, I show my pass to the guard at the door, and say a silent prayer that Cillian isn’t in there.
I’ll say a quick hello to Emer, tell Kiersten I’m leaving, then get out as quickly as possible.
/> The room is crowded, but it’s not hard to find Kiersten because she’s draped shamelessly over Shane, and it’s obvious that she’s been taking advantage of the free drinks.
I shake my head because I know I shouldn’t leave her here alone. But I can’t stay. With the volatile way Cillian looked at me, I don’t know what he’d do if he came back and found me here. And I’m not willing to find out.
“Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph, if it isn’t Cillian’s American,” Shane yells out when he sees me.
All heads turn in my direction.
So much for keeping a low profile.
“Delaney.” Emer moves across the room, arms outstretched when she sees me.
Even Aiden pulls me into a hug. “It’s good to see ye. Cillian finally grew the balls to find ye, did he?”
I tug my bottom lip between my teeth and grimace. “Owen invited me.”
“Does Cillian know ye’re here?” Emer’s brows turn down.
“Yeah.” I laugh humorously. “It didn’t go too well.” Aiden and Emer keep watching me, expecting more, so I blurt out quickly, “He wasn’t exactly happy when he saw me, but that probably had something to do with the fact he found me with Owen.”
The two of them exchange a look, one that I can’t quite read. But I see the Oh shit! in both of their expressions.
“Go,” Emer says to Aiden.
Aiden gives a small nod, then disappears out the door.
“Are ye okay?” She takes my hand and pulls me to the far side of the room.
“Yeah. I just need to leave. I came here with a friend.” I nod at Kiersten, who’s now got her tongue halfway down Shane’s ear. I wince. “But I think she’s going to want to stay.”
Emer takes my hand and gives me a small smile. “Aiden will talk to Cillian. It’ll be fine.”
I shrug, knowing she’s wrong, then give her a forced smile of my own, “Owen told me your news. Congratulations.”
Her face brightens and her hands go to her still flat stomach. “It’s crazy. I don’t know if I should be excited or terrified, or both. We weren’t trying. It just kind of happened. But I think it’s good.”
I squeeze her hands. “I’m really happy for you.”
“Thank ye.” She hugs me again, and this time I hold her a little tighter, because I know this is probably the last time I’ll see her.
“Ye won’t stay?” she asks when I start to pull away.
I shake my head, not trusting my voice when the emotions I’ve been trying to contain bubble up.
She nods in understanding. “I’ll let yer friend know ye needed to leave.”
“Thanks.” I don’t wait for her reply. I turn and bolt out of the room, and down the hall towards the nearest exit. I don’t stop, or look back, I just keep running.
Chapter 30
Cillian
“There ye are.” Aiden storms towards me. The set of his jaw tells me he’s pissed.
If it’s a fight he’s looking for, he’s not going to get it. Not from me. Not tonight. There’s no fight left in me. All I feel is empty. I just want to get the hell out of here, go back to the hotel and drink myself into a dreamless oblivion.
“Ye’re dead set on breaking that girl’s heart,” Aiden growls out. “Aren’t ye?”
“I don’t need ye to lecture me.” I rough my fingers through my hair, and shove past him.
“Someone needs to get through that thick skull of yers. She’s the best thing that ever happened to ye. I saw ye when ye were with her. For once in yer miserable life, ye were happy.”
I turn on him, and yell, “Ye think I don’t fucking know that?”
His face goes sober, eyes full of pity. When he speaks again, his voice is calm. “Then go get her.”
“It’s not that simple.” I lean against the wall and bury my face in my hands. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah, ye did. So go fix it.”
“She won’t forgive me. Not this time.”
“Ye haven’t even given her a chance.” He moves beside me, leaning against the wall. “Do ye know how many times I’ve had to go after Emer? How many times I messed up. The woman is too damn good for me, but I fought for her like my life depended on it. Because I learned a long time ago that it does.”
“What ye have with Emer is easy–”
“Easy?” He laughs. “Have ye met the woman? She’s stubborn and demanding, and insanely jealous. And if ye ever tell her I said that I’ll have to kill ye. But I’ll fight for her every day of my life, because no matter how much she pisses me off sometimes, I know my life is better with her in it.”
“When did ye become a fucking philosophist?”
A deep chuckle vibrates from his throat, and he smacks me on the shoulder. “Go get yer girl. Ye know ye’ll never be happy until ye do. Why prolong both of yer suffering?”
I know he’s right.
If I let her walk away again, I’ll never forgive myself.
Chapter 31
Delaney
I glance at my bedroom clock when I hear the rattling of keys, and Kiersten’s high-pitched laugh.
It’s past midnight, and from the way she’s carrying on, I can tell she’s not alone.
Stumbling footsteps are followed by muttered curses, but they’re not Kiersten’s.
“Where’s yer bedroom?” The deep Irish brogue is familiar, but I don’t want to believe that it’s him.
“First door…” Kiersten slurs, followed by a loud noise like she knocked something over, and the jiggling of her door handle.
“Are ye okay?”
I go cold, because there’s no doubt in my mind whose voice that belongs to.
Cillian.
He’s here. In my apartment. Hooking up with my roommate.
Coldness settles in the pit of my stomach.
I doubt he knows Kiersten is my roommate. But if he does…if he does, then he’s crueler than I ever imagined him to be.
Kiersten’s moan trickles under my door and I lose all rational thought.
Anger burns through my initial shock.
I open the door and storm down the hall towards Kiersten’s bedroom. Her door is open, and when I walk in Cillian freezes when he sees me, but he doesn’t look shocked, which only confirms my fear that he knew I’d be here.
Hate floods through me.
His arm is wrapped around Kiersten’s waist, hers is draped over his shoulder.
“Leave.” My voice is low, my anger contained, but the warning is there.
He sets her on the bed and she flops backwards and groans.
“Why won’t the room stop spinning?” Kiersten’s words are slurred. She’s completely wasted.
I narrow my eyes at him, curling my lip back in disgust. “This is low, even for you.”
His brows furrow, then he looks down at Kiersten. When his gaze comes back to mine, I see the twitch of his eye, and the flare of his nostrils. “Ye think I came here to fuck her? Ye really think that little of me? Jaysus, Delaney.”
What else am I supposed to think?
“Like you always say, I believe my own eyes.” I glance at Kiersten. She’s already passed out. “Get out.”
“Listen to me.” His voice is low and full of warning.
“Get out,” I repeat, still managing to keep control of the rage that has my body trembling, my fingers numb, and my eyes burning with unshed tears. “Now.”
He takes a step towards me, and I back away.
With a heavy sigh, he combs his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t come here to fight with ye.”
“I know why you came.” This time my voice is louder, dripping with disgust.
“Ye don’t.” He grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room, shutting Kiersten’s door behind us. “Ye’re going to listen to me.”
“No. You’re going to listen to me.” I shrug out of his grip, then push on his chest with all my strength, but he doesn’t even budge. “I can’t believe I wasted even a minute missing you, wishing you’d call or write. But I get it.
It was just sex. I knew the rules when we started, and I can’t be angry at you for not wanting more.”
When I push on his chest again, he captures my wrists. I hate that even now, his touch affects me. The way my body betrays me, the heat of desire mixing with the flames of rage.
“But I do get to be angry for how you treated me. For acting like I’m your enemy. Like we didn’t have one amazing month together. For believing Matt over me.” I’m crying now, tears streaming down my cheeks, but I can’t hold them back. “And you also don’t get to sleep with my roommate.”
His nostrils flare. “I didn’t come here to–”
“I hate you.” He’s still holding my wrists, so I fist my fingers and pound them against his chest. “I hate you so much.”
He sucks in a harsh breath, but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, he tugs me closer, and presses his forehead against mine. “Are ye done?”
I gulp in air, fighting the sob that’s caught in my throat.
“Yes. I’m done.”
“I know I don’t deserve for ye to hear me out, but I’m asking for five minutes.” He releases my wrists, but before I have the chance to step away, his hands cup the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair, forcing me to meet his intense gaze.
I hold on to my anger, knowing it’s the only thing separating me from melting into his touch.
When I don’t say anything, he sighs. “I knew Kiersten was yer roommate when I came here tonight.”
My chest constricts. “You knew? So you were trying to hurt me?”
“No. God, no. She was drunk and making a fool of herself. Emer told me she was yer roommate, so I offered to bring her home.”
I narrow my eyes at him, not sure what to believe. “Why?”
Forehead pressed against mine, he strokes his thumb across my cheek. “I’m sorry, Delaney.”
“For what?”
“Everything. For pushing ye away. For not calling. I don’t want ye to hate me, but I understand why ye do.”
Silence stretches between us.
I want to hate him. I need to hate him. And part of me does for breaking my heart. But there’s such a fine line between hate and love.
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