Paranoiac

by Attikus Absconder

  I fell to my knees and started crying, “No… Molly I’m so sorry!” My heart was broken and shattered, just like her body. What came over me? Why? Why did I do this?! I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I didn’t want to see her like this, I couldn’t bear to see what I’ve done. Sniffling and shaking I laid her dress onto her body and closed her eyes. Her face was already bruising, swollen, and I could see the bloody clump of hair plopped next to her.

  I couldn’t stop weeping. The love of my life. My reason for living, was dead and it was all my fault. I was the one who did this. Though I was trying to block the violent images from my mind, they had kept slipping through. What scared me the most was that I enjoyed it. And I enjoyed it a lot. I looked down at her ugly corpse and picked up her soiled cheekies. I pressed them to my nose and inhaled deeply.

  “What am I doing?” I whispered in shame, tossing the underwear next to her body. I had to hide her before anyone started looking for her. Davis had to know that she came up here to check up on me. I needed to act quickly.

  I continued pacing around the hallway mumbling, “What do I do? What do I do?” But I was in a panicky quiver and my mind was drawing a blank.

  “The rug!” Said the voice from within as it ruffled its’ feathers in annoyance. “Roll her up into the rug.”

  I looked at the soiled rug that ran the length of the hallway, “The rug!” I exclaimed running over to Molly’s empty vessel. Grabbing her feet, I aligned her body parallel to the end of the rug. I kept pushing down my feelings of disgust and horror.

  “We can’t forget her shoes,” The calm voice said, sounding almost bored. I bolted down the hallway and picked up her shoes. There was laughter and music still coming from somewhere in the house. Lucky for me the party was catching its second wind and someone had turned the stereo back on. I ran back over to Molly’s body and slipped her little, black flats back onto her adorable feet. Her body was still warm. I frowned and flashes of my carnal rage flickered in front of me. Grabbing at my hair, I pounded at my head trying to forget. “You have to get it together!” I sobbed, shivering with fear. Starting to pace again, I tried to psyche myself up.

  I started to roll her body up into my mother’s expensive, old rug. She was much heavier than earlier but after the first few rotations it got easier. “Where am I going to hide you?” I grunted almost halfway done with rolling her up.

  “What the fuck?” Yelled a man’s voice from the top of the stairs. I looked up to see Davis’s face crumpled with a combination of worry and disgust.

  “Oh, hi Davis! I spilled something on the rug and I’m rolling it up so I can get it cleaned tomorrow,” I said lying, horrified and mortified.

  Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he looked distraught. “I saw you rolling her up Isaac! What did you do?” He bellowed out, still standing at the end of the hallway. His fists were clenched and he was glaring at me with so much hate.

  “Kill him! He knows!” Screamed the voice. I felt the thing inside of me uncoil and I charged after Davis. Before he could even comprehend what was happening I slammed my shoulder into his chest, tackling him at full speed. Davis’s mouth jutted open, his eyes went wide and he gasped for air. I saw it all in slow motion. He flipped awkwardly down the stairs and his body slammed down each wooden step. I could hear his bones cracking as he reached the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

  Bit by bit, I walked down the steps, a humming sound buzzing in my ears. When I finally reached the bottom of the stairs I saw Davis’s awful, contorted body. His eyes were wide open and were filled with tears as he tried to breathe. His neck looked all wrong. It was bulging on one side and was twisted and deformed. I stared at him indifferently as he started to fade from existence. After a long moment of misery his eyes went glassy, his body stopped spasming and choking for air like a fish out of water.

  I was at a loss. Two people were dead because of me and I didn’t know how to fix it. I ran a million scenarios through my head as I sat at the end of the stairs, glaring at Davis’s slack-jawed expression. The only thing I could think of was hiding Davis’s body with Molly’s and telling everyone they had gone home. I needed to go downstairs and tell everyone the party was over, tell them it was time to go home. Then I could finish cleaning up this mess and never think about it again. I would erase this memory from my personal history and continue my life in solitude. Then it would just me and the monster scratching behind my eyelids. I heard the velvet laughter within but I pushed it away, ignoring it.

  Journal Entry Thirty

  I grabbed Davis’s heavy corpse and dragged him down the hall. There was no remorse for killing him but I still didn’t want his blood on my hands. And though I didn’t want to be a killer and I already had three under my belt. But I had to kill Davis, it was inescapable and out of survival.

  Finally, out of breath, I brought him into the bathroom. His bones popped and disjointed as I hoisted him into the bath tub. I shuttered and clenched my jaw in disgust. There was insanity around me. This was supposed to be a perfect night and in an instant it had spiraled out of control. I had slid the shower curtain shut and hurried my way to the living room.

  Music was blaring loudly from somewhere inside the house. I ran down the hall and into my lounge hoping that nobody would call the police for a noise complaint. As I rounded the corner and passed the threshold into the kitchen, everything went blurry again. My surroundings streamed out of focus and my queasiness returned.

  When everything came back into focus, I was tripping through a doorway and fell into the living room. Rosanna ran over to me quickly, her flats slapping against the wood floor. “Isaac, are you alright?” She said trying to help me up. I scanned the room dazed, trying to get my bearings. “Looks like you’ve had a little too much to drink,” She teased steadying me.

  I stared at her dumbfounded until I suddenly remembered why I was running here to begin with. “Yeah, I guess so,” I blurted out nervously. Everything depended on me getting everyone out of here. “Hey Rosie… Davis and Molly left early. I think I’m going to wrap this party up a bit too. Can you find Vince and let him know?” She was glaring at me with a puzzled look and her usually dark-skinned complexion went pale. I felt my monster tense up, as if it were going to pounce.

  “I-Isaac, what’s on your shirt? Oh god, it’s all over you!” She grabbed me by the arm and inspected it urgently. “Are you hurt? I don’t see anything.” Rosanna picked up my other arm and continued scanning me for injuries.

  I looked down at my clothes confused, trying to figure out what she was going on about. “Oh no!” I choked in fear. My hands and clothes were smeared with blood and grime. My monster chuckled in excitement. It wanted an excuse to wear my body like a glove. “Uhh…” I fumbled, tongue tied. Rosanna just stared at me scared and befuddled.

  “I don’t see any wounds,” She said putting my arm back down gently. I could see the gears slowly turning in her mind, doing the math, putting it all together. I walked over to the fireplace and turned my back to her. “Isaac, where did you say Molly and Davis went?” Rosanna questioned, catching on slowly.

  “Kill! Kill! Kill!” Screamed the leviathan from within. I pushed it down but it fought back, teeth bared. “They went home,” I said flatly. She had to believe me. For this to work, she had to buy this. I didn’t want to let the beast out but it was nipping at my heels disobediently. “I-Isaac, did they really go home? Just tell me what’s wrong.” She was walking towards me, her feet tapping loudly on the wood flooring. I didn’t know what to do. At this rate she would at the least go tell Vince.

  “Give in…” The beast whispered impatiently. I winced, unable to make a decision. I couldn’t let Rosanna or anyone else find out my dirty little secret. I wouldn’t let them ruin my life!

  “Isaac?” She questioned, reaching out to touch my shoulder. “Did you and Davis get into a fight? Vince said something like this might happen.” Rosanna added trying to sound sincere.

  Desperate to get her and everyone
else to leave I decided to play along. All I needed to do is tell her exactly what she wanted to hear. “Yeah, we got in a huge fight.” She clicked her teeth in disapproval. Rosanna hated violence, especially if it involved women. “We got into a fight over Molly and it got physical,” I said forcing myself to sound doleful. I put my hands on the fireplace’s mantle. Looking into the large mirror, I could see Rosanna glaring at me with her arms crossed. “The fight got pretty bad and after everything was said and done,” Pausing for effect, I looked down at my feet. “I told them to leave, to go home and that I never wanted to see them again.” My voice was quivering as I finished. I was being a bit theatrical but I was really desperate for her to drop her concerns.

  “Wait, hold on Isaac. You said they left but I never saw them leave,” She briskly, walking over to the lobby and looked out the narrow, slit of a window alongside the front door. “Her car is still here,” Rosanna said tapping her finger at the window. “I’ve been in the living room for the past hour or so chatting with Davis. He was concerned about Molly so he went to check on her.” I turned to look at her and saw the scrutinizing look on her face.

  “She’s going to find out! Let me kill her!” Screamed my dark double. I stood frozen scrambling to think of some excuse but I could tell by her face that she wouldn’t buy it. My monster wanted out and it was taking all of my strength to hold it down.

  “I think we should go get Vince,” Rosanna said calmly. I turned my head to the side, avoiding her peering eyes and saw a fire poker staring back at me.

  “Grab it! Grab it! Smash her stupid face in!” Screamed the beast. My hand reached out for the black-iron fire poker but I forced it back down. “She’s going to tell Vince, everyone’s going to see your dirty, little secret!” It taunted, weakening my resolve.

  “I think Vince will be able to help sort all of this drama out. He has a load of experience with this kind of stuff,” Rosanna said as she walked over to me. “I just want to make sure everyone is okay. Including you Isaac,” She said, trying to be sincere.

  Rosanna smiled, squeezed my shoulder and started to walk away. “I’m sorry, Isaac. I know you don’t want to hurt her but if you don’t kill her, everyone will find out,” My monster pleaded. I bowed my head with a deep sense of guilt and let my awful, murderous double off of his leash.

  Journal Entry Thirty One

  I felt myself grow cold and numb as I wrapped my fingers tightly around the fire pokers' grip. Briskly walking up to Rosanna, I let my anger boil to the surface. “You should have minded your own business you nosey bitch!” I yelled out raising the poker over my head. She whipped around just in time for the hook to slam into her skull. The horrific squelching sent frissons up my spine. I wanted to close my eyes, for all this to be over to disappear, but my monster had other plans. He wanted to savor it, to revel in it all.

  Rosanna let out a choking groan and fell heavily to the floor. I stepped on her neck and forcefully jerked the fire-iron out of her skull. Blood began gushing out almost immediately and pooled around her. I watched as her body seized violently. The abhorrent acolyte within chortled happily as her head smacked harshly against the wood floor. It sounded wet and disgusting. A few minutes went by, her body finally became still and she let out a long exhaling moan before giving up the ghost.

  “What the fuck?!” Someone suddenly yelled with a heavy slur. I whipped around and saw Senter, his face twisted with terror. Baring my teeth, I stomped towards him. “Wait! Isaac!” I ignored him and raised the fire poker. “I won’t tell anyone! You can trust me! Just let me go home and you’ll never hear from me again!” He pleaded drunkenly as he staggered off balance.

  “Sorry Senter, but I’m not sorry,” I growled, swinging the heavy poker like a baseball bat. It connected with his cheek, bashing his face in. Grunting he fell backwards and crashed on top of the coffee table. Glass exploded around him and he slumped into the now empty frame.

  “Why?” He moaned out painfully. I walked over and set the poker on to the floor. “Please, I won’t.” Senter mumbled, trying and failing to crawl out of the table.

  I looked down at his crumpled body and studied the broken glass sticking out of his skin. “That looks like it hurts,” I teased him, kicking at his boots. He turned his head and I stumbled a few steps back when I saw that his eye was hanging out of its socket. “Holy shit!” I giggled walking back over to him. “I take back what I said, that must hurt!” Commenting jokingly I pointed at his eye. Senter was too drunk and dazed to understand what was going on. “This isn’t fun.” I was so disappointed by his constant ignorance. He was probably the only person here who deserved this. I needed to put him out of his misery so I could clean up my mess.

  “I’m going to do this the hard way,” I hissed through clenched teeth. Senter squirmed trying to fight me off when I wrapped my hands around his shredded neck. His eyeball was cold and sticky against my hand as I squeezed my hands tighter and tighter. Strangling him was much easier than with Molly. He barely fought back and it was quicker this time. Within a few minutes he was already convulsing and in another handful of minutes he was lying still on the table, blood dripping from his nose and mouth.

  I stumbled backwards and caught glimpses of the corpses in front of me. They used to be friends, acquaintances and now they’re dead and gone. I took away everything they were and would be. I really didn’t want to hurt anyone else. “But you have too!” Demanded the pallid schemer. His voice was so much stronger now. It was impossible to fight him back and part of me didn’t want to anymore.

  What scared me the most was how much I enjoyed feeling this way. I loved how in control and invincible I felt. Kneeling down, I picked up the fire-iron. “That’s it, Isaac. The sooner we take care of this mess, the sooner you can go back to your, miserable, self-loathing life, where you can continue living in ignorance to the world around you. A life held together with brittle lies.” As I made my way to the statue garden, I couldn’t tell the difference between me and the monster. The longer I let him stay in control, the more I couldn’t separate him from who I am.

  Journal Entry Thirty Two

  I walked around to the side of the house on my way to the patio. The music was obnoxiously loud. My heart was pumping faster and faster. The excitement was building and I pushed away the doubt. I shrugged away my fears, my morals, and kept my eyes on the prize. THEY WERE ALL GOING TO DIE. Every single one of them

  I rounded the corner and popped open the wooden fence. Amy and James were in the pool again, playfully splashing water on each other. The music was hurting my ears. It was so loud I couldn’t even hear what was playing. It was just staticky noise. Josie and Hanna were dancing together on the patio. Josie’s dress was twisted around her and she was barefooted. Hanna’s hair was a tangled red mess. I needed to kill them first. Their love was so happy, beautiful and annoying. If I couldn’t have a love like the love they shared, no one could.

  I came up behind Hanna and smashed the fire poker into the back of her leg. She fell to the ground instantly and started screaming but no one could hear her. Josie tackled me into the wall and I instinctively punched her in the throat. She instantly fell to the ground, grabbing her neck, choking and wide-eyed.

  Quickly, I ran over to Hanna who was trying to crawl away from my wrath. Angrily I grabbed her by the leg and dragged her back to the covered patio. With both hands firmly twisted around the fire poker, I swung it laboriously and bludgeoned her face. I brought it down over and over and over again, crushing her visage into an unrecognizable mush. Warm blood was dripping from my hands and face. My monster purred with pleasure, making me feel intoxicated and invincible.

  Josie was back on her feet, face deformed with rage and desperation. She clumsily fumbled at my hands trying to disarm me only to get her nose smashed with my elbow. The moment she hit the ground I compulsively kicked at her ribcage. Her face contorted painfully with each sturdy blow, her mouth fixed into a silent gaping scream.

  Out of breath, I set m
y sights on Hanna. Josie clawed at my legs, fat tears dribbling down her face. She was mouthing the words, “please don’t,” helplessly trying to protect her lover.

  “How cute,” I screamed at her pointlessly. The music drowning everything out to my advantage. Hanna’s face was ground meat and what was left of her gorgeous face was hanging from the hook of my iron poker. She was rocking back and forth, blind and suffering. I cheerfully strutted over to her side and brushed her bloody, tangled hair behind her ear and whispered, “Goodbye,” hoping she could hear me.

  I peered over at Josie’s blubbering face and stomped on Hanna’s neck without breaking eye contact. There was a guttural, crunching snap underneath my foot and she went limp. Josie, beyond terrified, tried to scramble away from me but my weapon of choice had more in store for her. I swiftly crashed it into her shin, breaking her leg. Her mouth shot open with bellowing screams.

  Abruptly and out of nowhere the music ceased and Josie’s screams echoed loudly throughout the garden. I turned around on my heels and in a flash James grasped my shirt and threw me to the ground. The fire poker clanged to the concrete floor and James stared at me with a mix of shock and anger. “I guess I got too careless,” I chuckled looking over to see Amy standing over Hanna, tears pouring down her pixie-like face. Josie crawled urgently over to her and hugged at her legs. She was still sobbing obnoxiously.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you freak!” He screamed, fists clenched. Amy looked green around the gills when she saw the gore around her. She pulled Josie away from James and I, placing her near the sun-room. Amy couldn’t believe her eyes. I bet she was trying to figure out how someone she loved this much could cause so much ugliness and she was definitely about to find out.