When things first fell apart, all anybody could focus on was getting everyone healthy. It was a precarious situation that needed to be dealt with carefully. After the dust settled, literally, she figured they would move on to deciding what to do next. That hadn’t been the case. Everyone seemed content to live out their days locked in the compound, ignoring the mounting risks outside. Everyone except her.
“Well, hello there, fearless leader.” Sann sauntered into the room and took one of the freeze-dried meals out of the cupboard.
She groaned internally.
They hadn’t quite been on amicable terms since, well, the moment he tried to kill her. Even though she understood it wasn’t him, she never moved past it and he seemed hell-bent on not allowing her to.
At first they attempted to be civil, but found the constant bickering distracting. It seemed hard to believe they were friends in any life. They buckled down and worked together when required, but it was always at an arm’s length and as a last resort. It was rare to have a one-on-one conversation.
“How are you doing today?” Gemi asked after a pause that was just a few beats too long. Even as she said it, she had to fight the urge to add an insult to the end.
“I’ve been several days seizure free, so I count that as a win.”
“Are you remembering things during them?”
Out of the four of them left, he talked about his memories the least. A passive comment here, a joke there, and that was it. She asked him often enough, hoping for him to share any valuable information he might have gathered, but he would always brush it off with a sarcastic remark. It didn’t stop her from trying.
“Sometimes.” He glanced up at her, his face pulled tight as their eyes met, and then in a blink it vanished leaving behind the same old Sann.
Gemi felt an immediate twinge of discomfort. It was such a quick exchange, but heavy with hidden meaning. Gemi took a half step back, feeling as if a bucket of frigid water had been poured on her head. It never occurred to her until that moment that he was being evasive to hide things from her. Things he recalled that she hadn’t yet been able to.
The door swung open and one of the younger members stepped inside, drawing both Gemi’s and Sann’s attention. At barely fourteen, the girl had seen more than most people did in a lifetime. Despite that, she was the picture of military perfection. A prime example of Dagmar’s deep need to control every aspect of everyone around him. She had barely flinched after watching friends die around her.
Hovering half in the entrance, one hand still pressed to the door, her eyes darted from Sann to Gemi reading the tension in the room. After a subdued clearing of her throat, she stepped inside and dropped her gaze to the floor.
The microwave erupted in a relentless tone of beeping behind Gemi, making her flinch and then struggle to regain her composure. She cursed under her breath as she ripped open the door.
“Hey, Asta,” Gemi called over her shoulder as she removed her meal.
“Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to grab a quick snack.”
Sann leaned back on the counter with his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers squeezing the muscles on his biceps. He was scrutinizing Asta, his eyebrows pulled so tightly together it deformed the ridge of his brows. With the way the shadows danced across his face, it made him look demonic.
“No worries,” Gemi said as she sat down on at the table with her back to Sann, nearly loosing her grip on her food from the slight tremor still rolling through her body from the earlier scare. “Come join me.”
Asta scanned the room once more. “No…that’s okay.” She grabbed something out of the fridge without looking and rushed to the exit.
Gemi grimaced at the thought of being alone with Sann again, but he didn’t talk to her as she finished her meal. She felt his eyes boring holes into the back of her head though. Whatever he remembered, she didn’t want to know. She was certain it wasn’t good and her brain was already too full of things to stress about.
She walked to the sink, aware of his eyes following her every move, and rinsed her cutlery without making eye contact. “Still no word on Kai?” she asked in an attempted to fill the silence and hopefully distract him.
“Not since Callum passed. She just disappeared. Lucky bitch got out right before this.” He waved to their surroundings then leaned on the counter with his elbow.
That’s what worried Gemi. Kai wouldn’t go silently. Ever.
“Hey.” He caught her hand as she was turning off the faucet and dragged her to face him. The intensity in his chocolate eyes dried out her mouth and made her swallow hard.
His body seemed wrong next to hers. Like similar poles of a magnet, trying their hardest to push apart. It was always a struggle to be close to him. Something deep inside her screamed for distance.
“I have rounds to do,” she said trying to remove her hand from his, but he held it securely in his grasp.
Without another word his lips pressed into hers, soft but commanding. Her pulse raced as she struggled to make sense of what was going on. His hand was on her cheek, in her hair, on the small of her back. His muscles flexed as he pulled her closer to him. Her free arm was pinned between their bodies, fingers splayed on his firm chest, his heart thundering behind it.
For one fleeting moment, an exchange of breath, she felt herself give in, allowing his tongue to twist in her mouth and breathing in his scent. He made a deep rumbling sound in the back of his throat as his hand let go of hers and slid just south of her waist, grabbing a sizeable amount of her butt on the way. And then her brain caught up. She shoved at him, but he wouldn’t let her go, his arms hugging her flush against his body.
Her mind buzzed, drawn back to the day in the van. His mouth on hers, the malice in his eyes, the way his fingers tightened around her throat…She reached for her pistol and pressed it to his temple. Instantly he let go and threw his hands in the air, taking a startled step backward.
“Whoa. Hey, calm down there. Jesus.”
“What the fuck is your problem?” She stepped back out of his reach and leveled the gun at his heart.
“Put the damn gun down,” he snapped.
“I’m assuming you don’t recall the last time we were in this situation.”
“I had no intentions of hurting you. So could you not point that at me?”
“Explain.” Gemi took another step backward to make sure she had a clear path to the exit if needed.
“Look, I just needed to see if it was like how I remembered. Evoke something in you.”
“You’re sick. Let me clear it up for you. I would have to be bound and gagged to be like last time.”
“No, not like that. Christ. It was some other time. We were at the base and from what I remember you weren’t exactly fighting me off.”
“That’s impossible. Jaxton and I were together most of the time here. Your brain is confusing memories from the tests.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not how I remember it. Seriously, please put that damn thing down now.”
Movement at the entrance pulled their attention away from their face-off. Jaxton stepped through the doorway and froze, glancing between them and then resting his gaze on Gemi and her outstretched hands still gripping her gun, trembling despite her attempts to steady them. “What they hell is going on?”
Gemi switched the safety on and holstered it. Sann let out a heavy breath as he relaxed and leaned against the counter. If she wasn’t mistaken he was smirking. He probably did it on purpose. Looks fantastic to have the leader running around pointing guns at people.
“Nothing.” Gemi brushed past him and into the hallway.
Jaxton shot Sann one more look then followed her out. She clutched at her side and forced slow, even breaths into her lungs as she raced to her room. All she could think was how thankful she was that he couldn’t see her face any longer. She wasn’t even sure what he would see there.
“Wait up,” he called as he jogged to catch up. “You going to explain why you had a
gun aimed at him and why you seemed so frightened?”
“I wasn’t scared,” she yelled a little louder than she intended.
“Okay, you weren’t scared. You still had a gun pointed at Sann. Sann, our friend.”
“Some friend,” she grumbled under her breath. He was now officially on her shit list.
“Would you just talk to me!” He grabbed at her sleeve and hauled her to a stop. “Why is it like pulling teeth with you?”
“I need to go do rounds.” She tried to pull free, but he held her in place.
“It can wait.”
Gemi stared at the floor. She might as well have been staring at him. It wasn’t as if he could have seen it. But something in her felt embarrassed, ashamed. It didn’t help that the chain around her neck, the one that held two silver bands, felt like they were burning a hole through her chest. Making her betrayal stay in the front of her mind.
“Can you let me go?”
“Will you tell me what happened? Or I could just go ask him.”
“We had a difference in opinion,” she muttered. The last thing she wanted was some overblown version coming from Sann.
Jaxton released her shirt giving her room to step back. “We’re pulling guns on each other now when we disagree?”
“It’s Sann. Everyone has wanted to pull a gun on him at one point.”
That earned a laugh from Jaxton. The sound lifted her spirit somewhat. It had been a while since anybody laughed and actually meant it. His hand shifted to her face and cupped her cheek.
“I had a dream about you.”
“Yeah? Tell me about it,” she demanded more than asked. Anything to keep him distracted from what he saw. Anything to keep her distracted from what she did.
“How did you do it?” he asked, as he moved closer, so close she felt the heat radiating off of him.
“Do what?” Her heart pounded against her ribs.
He still had that effect on her now and then. It was as if a spark ignited deep within her cells. A flame that would slowly spread through her body, leaving her helpless and desperate for his touch. It was an embarrassing, residual reaction she had well under control most days.
“Decipher real from fake.”
“Hmm…” She hadn’t thought about that in a while. Or really at all. When things came to her, she just knew. “When I first remembered all the test lives, they sort of hit me at once. They had this dark quality about them, as if they were black around the edges.” She shrugged her shoulders even though he wouldn’t see it.
He closed the distance between their bodies, enveloping her in his unique Jaxton scent. He always seemed to smell like the woods, even after being locked up in a building.
“This is the longest conversation we have had in a while,” he said, his breath hot on her neck. It was distracting.
“I have to go work.”
“Work can wait.” He pressed her body to the wall with his.
She knew him. From the way his hips tilted toward hers, the hand on her thigh that worked its way up to the top edge of her pants, to the faint thrill of his lips gliding over hers, seeking permission. She knew what was coming and had to escape it without hurting his feelings too bad. Or before she gave in completely.
“Aren’t you due for combat training?” Her voice came out in an unsteady sigh, lacking any degree of conviction. “I’m sure the others are anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
“I’m sure.”
His lips pressed into the curve below her ear. It sent a ripple of shivers down her body ending in tingles at the tip of her toes. He may have forgotten a lot of things, but he sure as hell seemed to remember how to manipulate her body. And how to test her will.
“You’re persistent.”
“Yeah, seems to be a dominant characteristic of mine. No mind-fucking can erase that.” As he was speaking, he leaned his forehead into hers. “Can we have dinner together later?”
“Maybe.” Gemi shook out of his embrace and the daze he had her in and backed a few paces away, ensuring she stayed that way. “I have meetings. I also have to go—”
“Do rounds…right.” The hurt in his voice was unmistakable. “Shutting people out doesn’t make you a strong leader.”
“Listen, I—”
“Whatever, I have a class waiting.”
He stomped off without another word, leaving the air somehow colder around her. It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to mend things between them. She was sure if they had a talk, hashed things out, everything would be fine. But how could she be okay with being happy if things weren’t right for the rest of the world? People were dying. She couldn’t just leave it that way.
It was the same stubbornness that got them in trouble the first time. Too bad that annoying trait couldn’t be brainwashed out of her. It might have been nice to live in blissful ignorance for a change.
Gemi wandered the halls and found herself in the main kitchen. It had recently been converted to a washroom. Without electricity throughout the whole camp, things had to be washed by hand in the old dishwashing station and either dried outside or, on a day with bad weather, dried over chairs in the cafeteria. They ran out of soap several months prior. Water could do some things, but there was a lingering stale sweat smell that covered a majority of the clothes and left the fabric stiff. All things considered, it was the most trivial of their concerns.
Eight faces, the unlucky ones of the day, turned to face her when she entered the back room. The resentment was palpable. No one liked the job, in fact she of all people hated it, but still she powered through it complaint free when her turn was up. Things still needed to get done despite the situation they were in. Even the leader wasn’t exempt from chores.
“How are things going down here?” she asked when not one of them offered a greeting.
“We’re fine,” a girl on the end said after a long enough pause to make anyone uncomfortable. She twisted around toward Gemi and in the low light of the lantern, with her petite build and piglike features, she recognized her as Asta, the girl who had come into the kitchen earlier.
It was Gemi’s turn to feel uncomfortable. She had an I-know-what-you-were-up-to look about her. Gemi thought she had left before Sann had gotten touchy-feely with her, but the expression on the girl’s face as her nose scrunched up further said otherwise. Judgment was a fairly easy emotion to read in people.
“Okay, I just wanted to do my rounds. See how everybody is getting along.”
“We’re good, thank you,” she retorted, this time keeping her eyes on her work and her judgments to herself where they belonged.
“Speak for yourself,” one of the boys, a lanky kid with shaggy hair moaned, “my hands are chapped and bleeding over here.”
“Oh you poor thing,” the girl next to Asta snapped. “This is your first time down here seeing as your arm recently healed. I don’t want to hear it.”
Gemi retreated out of the room as they all bickered back and forth. She didn’t have the patience for complaining after everything that had already occurred during the day. Teenagers or not, there was no room to be babied. Everyone had to do their share to keep things running. Some jobs were less favorable than others, but nerveless needed to be done.
On her walk back up, Gemi stopped by gym. They were able to filter power to the room after they condensed the kitchenettes. Nonetheless the workout equipment that ran on electricity was shifted to the back of the room leaving space for the free weights and the combat class that was conducted daily.
Gemi told herself she was there as part of the rounds, but as she watched Jaxton lead the class through the grimy window and experienced the familiar pull, she knew full well she was lying to herself.
He regularly got out of doing the other work around the base, instead switching off with Sann to train the other members in the art of hand-to-hand and occasionally weapons’ combat. After all, they were the best out of the group that was left. Gemi would have been next in line, but after everything that happened a
nd one unfortunate panic attack while practicing fending off attackers from behind, she stepped to the side and let them take over fully.
Gemi leaned her forehead against the doorframe and watched him guide the class. His movements were strong and elegant, utterly sure of himself as he demonstrated maneuvers to block blows to the body. Everyone watched transfixed as he called one of them up to attack him and had the kid flat on his back in a matter of seconds. He was in his element.
He laughed, his whole body shaking with it, as he strolled through the group while they attempted to mimic the gestures he had shown them. A couple of them succeeded, which was rewarded with cheers from the rest and one ridiculous chest bump. It was a side of him she seldom got to see.
The survivors of the testing were usually about business. How to run the base? Who was having what symptoms? How much longer could they survive with the supplies they had left? They stressed each other out with every little detail so that the rest of the group, the eighty-four lives that depended on them, didn’t have to carry that burden. It seemed like a good plan until she was met with the type of moment that showed her how much they were giving up in their struggle to keep everything together. And exactly what she was missing in the bubble she created for herself.
It was the burden she accepted when she took over, but the others were casualties of her selfishness. She knew she would fail without them so she took them down with her. It was the ugly side she hated admitting to. She was nothing without them and deep down she knew they knew it, which was why she kept everybody at an arm’s length.
It was simpler than acknowledging that the trajectory they were on would leave them crashing and burning long before anything else took them out. Their whole way of living, surviving, was ripping at the seams. Once they found out about Allon, it would be the end of everything.
Paroxysm (Book 2): Paroxysm Aftermath Page 2