The same wave of terror and hopelessness he went through the last time he watched her die washed over him. He was moments too late. Every time.
He let his forehead rest on hers as the first tear broke free, leaving a wet streak in its wake. After the wall fell, there was no turning back. His gray eyes blurred and his eyelashes clumped together as he wept. Each sob brought him closer to an edge that he knew he wouldn’t be able to come back from. He had held everything in for so long that every tear felt like it ripped a piece of him away with it.
He buried his face in her chest just as the last strangled breath escaped her and her heart shuddered to a stop. The tears ceased flowing, and a scream exploded from him, at the exact moment the house filled with smoke. It swirled around him in thick gray waves until his eyes burned and his throat felt raw. He stood with her limp and lifeless body his arms and made his way to the front door.
Outside the world looked as if it was coming to an end. Houses were set ablaze, the fire rising so high it seemed as if it could touch heaven. Men in fatigues spread out throughout the neighborhood, mowing down anyone in their path. Women. Children. They didn’t hesitate or show any empathy as their fingers held down the triggers.
Jaxton stood on the porch and watched it unfold. A part of him ached to help survivors, to usher them to safety, but his compassion died with Gemi. So instead he remained rooted in place and watched the chaos.
In the distance a familiar figure strode toward the house. Military men and women surrounded him, making sure he was not harmed in the process. A commotion erupted behind him. Jaxton turned and stepped out of the way as his family was marched out of the house and forced to their knees in front of Dagmar.
“Please don't do this,” his mother begged as tears streamed down her face.
Dagmar ignored her, instead he made eye contact with Jaxton. "You could have prevented this." He walked up and pressed the barrel of the gun to his mother's forehead, discharging a bullet into it at point-blank range.
She dropped motionless to the dirt as the rest of the military members unloaded their guns on his father and siblings.
Jaxton squeezed his eyes shut. His head throbbed as if it was about to burst. When he opened them he stood in an empty office building. Gemi had been replaced by a rifle. He went to the window and pulled the drapes back. Outside was a war zone. People fought with each other, using any means necessary to get the upper hand. The streets ran red with blood as explosion after explosion rocked the buildings.
He let the drapes fall back into place, blocking out the mayhem, and walked away from the window to the door, but instead of leading to a hallway he found himself in a crowded cafeteria.
People of all ages dressed in fatigues surrounded him in a sea of movement. Sann waved him over to a table that he sat at by himself in the corner of the room.
“What's your story?” he asked as Jaxton sat down. “You're pretty old to be a new recruit.”
“My family lived on secluded property. I guess I was a late acquisition.”
Sann looked at him skeptically, but brushed it off. “Who was that girl you were brought in with? I saw you punch out that guard when they took her away to isolation. That your sister or something?”
“Something like that.” Jaxton picked at the food that had appeared on the table.
“Too bad you didn't keep your promise, huh?”
“What?” When he looked up Sann was gone. In fact, the entire room was deserted.
“You need to stop this,” a voice called out from behind him.
Jaxton spun around to see Dr. Askel sitting at a desk scrutinizing him.
“You're putting everyone in danger. You need to think about Gemi. Think about the baby. I meant what I said. I have ties to the anti-chippers. You two will be hidden.”
“You know she'd never go for that. She's more determined than anyone I've ever met.”
“Then convince her.”
“Look, Doc, I'll try, but we both know she ain’t going to listen.”
“That baby will die because of your foolishness.”
“What did you say?”
“I said you better hope so.”
Jaxton opened his mouth to reply, but just as his words were forming, hands seized his shoulders and pulled him through a door before shoving him down. He landed chest-first in the dirt, expelling the air from his lungs on impact.
With shaky limbs, he pushed himself to his knees. He hardly had a second to regain his senses before a foot connected with his ribs, sending him sprawling onto his back. When he opened his eyes, Jaxton stared up into the face of his father. He had a bullet hole in the center of his forehead with tacky blood smeared outward from the wound. He was the embodiment of nightmares, with his gray skin and irises so black it sent a chill up his spine.
He was death come to bring Jaxton with him.
“You've always been a disappointment. Do you know that?” His father grabbed him by the hair and dragged him up to his knees. Coarse rope wound around his wrists and his arms were stretched up above his head so tight they felt as though they were going to rip from the sockets.
“You led them right to us. All because of your need for a girl. We spent our whole life in that house, then you came along.” His father pulled a knife from his belt and slid it up the front of Jaxton’s shirt being careless of the blade and his skin.
Jaxton struggled against the restraints, but it only caused his father to dig the blade in harder. By the time his shirt was in tatters on the floor, his chest and stomach were littered with cuts and Jaxton was left gasping for air.
His father laughed, a deep and menacing sound as his forearm lengthened. The skin split and took on a woven pattern, turning black as his hand touched the ground. His fingers spread out, forming into five distinct braided tassels as they thinned and coiled around his body like a snake.
His father grinned at the horror on Jaxton’s face and cracked it on the dirt a few inches from him. “It's like you never learn.” He let the whip wrap around his body as he walked behind him and out of his line of sight.
It was a game he knew well. His father’s tactics always crossed beyond physical abuse to include mental torment. It was what gave him real pleasure. He loved to break people. Inflicting pain was just a bonus.
Jaxton clenched his jaw, tension rising as he braced himself for the first blow.
Nothing could have prepared him.
As soon as the whip bit into his skin with a burning sensation not unlike being lit on fire, his vision flooded with images. He witnessed the love of his life come after him with pure hatred in her eyes. He saw his best friend murder the man who had been a surrogate father to both of them, then laugh about it. They ran through the streets of the city, sometimes Gemi was in his grasp, other times he was empty-handed.
The whip cracked again and the images shifted.
His mother laid wet sheets of fabric across his ragged back. She hummed under her breath a lullaby that she had sung to them as children. His little brother perched on the bed by his head and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
He had saved him from the crack of his father's whip by offering his own skin.
His back was set ablaze again and again. Each time a scene from his life played in his vision like a movie. Except he felt everything. Every tear. Every touch. Every loss as if he was reliving each moment.
He saw the hundred lives they lived. His eyes filled with tears as he watched those he loved succumb to violence and the world collapse. Every opportunity he had to save someone's life he was too late. As the images flashed, he spotted a pattern. He was either killed by Gemi or watched someone kill her. He got to relive her death and betrayal over and over again. Each one made his heart ache, growing in intensity until it was pounding into his rib cage as if it was physically trying to escape the emotional trauma.
His body grew weak, falling limp and supported solely by the ropes. All the strength had escaped h
im yet his father continued his assault. His skin was slick with sweat and blood mixing and coating his entire body. It caused the shivering in his muscles to intensify each time the wind blew. The room tunneled around him. Fading at the edges, creeping in like fog. Their fluid tendrils winding in, reaching out for him like his father’s whip. He bit down on the inside of his cheek seeking to draw his focus somewhere other than his back. He needed to stay with it. Needed to wade through all the crap so he could find his real life and return. But his senses were too overloaded.
Just when he was certain his body was about to give up on him, Gemi walked out of the shadows and dropped to her knees before him. She was more beautiful than he had ever seen her. Her frame was sheathed in a white dress that enveloped her body like a second skin until it reached the ground and spread out behind her. Her blond hair cascaded down her shoulders in soft curls. Blue eyes shone bright as she lifted his face in her hands. Everything about her seemed to be moving and flickering as if she was composed entirely of light.
“Hang in there,” she whispered as another blow from his father's whip lit up his back. Only this time it didn't hurt as bad.
“I need you to come back to me. You need to keep your promise.”
Jaxton screwed his eyes shut as he was assaulted with more memories. Adaline grabbed his hand as they walked through the forest. They told secrets and promised each other the future. He saw himself sneak into her house and pull her from bed to run away with him. Gemi trailed out after them and Adaline begged for her to come along. He agreed out of pure selfishness. But even as he did, he was forming a plan to send her back home the second they settled down.
He had been young and foolish. Swept up in a fantasy. They had truly believed they could get away with it. And they might have if he had met her at her house with all of his stuff instead of going back to his house. They were all rounded up by his father once he stepped foot inside. It didn't matter that the girls were hiding quietly in the forest.
Adaline died because of him and Gemi lost her sister all because he didn't think a situation all the way through.
“It's okay,” Gemi whispered in his ear as if reading his thoughts.
There was hardly a pause between the lashings now, causing each image to run into the other.
He saw their time at the base. How Sann and he had become best friends. How Gemi had latched on to him as a lifeline at first, but soon came to be the stronger of the two. He felt himself fall in love with her all over again.
His whole life rushed in like a tidal wave. Each one an assault not only on his brain, but his body as well. When it was done, and his mind mercifully went blank, he was left gasping for air.
His entire body ached, swelling into one giant sensation that made it hard to decipher what pain was coming from where.
“Open your eyes.”
Jaxton shook his head, fighting with his body, willing it to follow his command. But it was no use. His eyelids felt as though they were glued shut as he tried to open them. Even with the promise of staring into her beautiful blue eyes.
Somewhere in the recesses of his mind he knew if he didn't there was a very real possibility he may never open them again. But there was no strength left in him.
“Come back.”
With a groan, and the last bit of strength he had left, he forced his eyelids open. She let out an audible breath and smiled at him.
The room suddenly erupted in blinding light, flowing out from her body, blowing out her features and blocking her from view. She let go of his face and the world dropped out from beneath him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jaxton scrunched his face to block out the overhead lamp. His body felt as if he had been hit by a freight train. He felt a pounding in his head so severe there was no doubt his brain was trying to escape through his eyes. He made a move to rub his face, but his wrists were fastened to the bar at his sides. He attempted to lift his head, but his muscles refused to cooperate.
“Hello?” he croaked.
Sann popped into view above him. His eyebrows pinched together for a split second and then a grin took over his face, revealing almost every tooth. “Holy shit. Hey, Doc, he's awake!”
Jaxton could hear rustling and footsteps before the doctor hovered above him with Sann.
“Well I'll be,” he whistled. “I can't believe you came out of that.”
“Can someone untie me?”
“Oh, sorry about that. You were experiencing some pretty severe seizures. We were trying to limit the damage done to yourself since none of the medicine was working to alleviate it.”
The pressure on his wrists released, and although they barely cooperated with him, he managed to lift them to his face and press the heels of his palms into his eyes. It reduced the pain somewhat.
“Do we have painkillers?”
“What hurts?” Dr. Jefferies asked, panic leaking into his voice.
“Everything.”
Sann laughed and patted him on the leg. “Do you remember anything?”
“Painkillers first.”
“Got it here.” Dr. Jefferies said as he inserted a needle into the line.
Jaxton felt the sting of the medicine enter his veins through the IV that was still attached to him. It burned its way up his arm to his chest. In one beat of his heart it exploded through his body melting the pain away with it. After a few moments the top of the bed elevated, forcing him into a seated position so he was staring directly at them instead of up.
“You had us scared,” Dr. Jefferies said.
“Do you have the full picture now? Do you remember your life?” Sann asked, perching on the edge of the stretcher.
Jaxton smiled at his friend. He had grown to be like a brother to him. Sann was the person he went to when things were hard. Especially when they were hard with Gemi. Somehow, he always knew how to pull him out of his funk. He injected his life with sarcasm and humor. It was the most amazing feeling to look at someone and know all of that. To recall the journey to where they were.
“I remember everything.”
“That is unbelievable. So it was the chip jamming up something in our brain.”
“It seems like it,” Dr. Jefferies said. “I've made quite a bit of headway while you were out.”
“How long was I under?”
Sann and the doctor glanced at each other.
Dr. Jefferies squared his shoulders and took a step back. “Three days,”
“What?” Jaxton shot up in the bed. He started to throw his legs over the edge, but Sann's hand on his chest stopped him.
“She's okay,” he said, applying firm pressure to ease him back.
“Where is she?”
“Sedated in the barracks. She went ballistic again when she woke up. Good thing she was tied up.”
“I have a theory about what is going on,” the doctor told him. “The chip is definitely the universal one that all citizens have. However, it's been programmed to no longer suppress emotions, but to amplify them. Essentially doing the opposite of what it was created for. It’s as if someone is using the pathway that was in place during your testing and is inputting memories and ideas in your head. With the amplification it's causing you to go crazy with an extreme tendency for violence.”
“What does that mean for Gemi?”
“Well, I think I found a way to adjust the signal. It won't restore her memories and, after witnessing what you endured, I'm not even sure it's worth it. But it will stop whatever reaction she’s experiencing.”
Sann relaxed once he was sure Jaxton wouldn’t try to bolt again. “Also, he’s convinced that's what is going on with everyone, not just us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I tried to reset the chips when they first glitched out,” the doctor replied. “But it didn't work. It would make sense if someone is forcing them to act how they are.”
“Dagmar,” Jaxton murmured.
Sann and the doctor nodded their heads in unison.
�
�When can we test it?”
Dr. Jefferies broke eye contact with him and dropped his gaze to the ground. “Well...I kind of already did.”
“What!” Jaxton pushed through them and leaped off the bed, ignoring the frantic hands that tried to force him back onto the mattress and the spinning of the room once he was upright.
“She’ll be out for a little longer. You need to lay down!”
His limbs trembled from fatigue and the mounting panic inside him. She was tied to a bed in the dark. She had no idea where she was or perhaps what had happened. He needed to be there when she woke up. To assure her that everything would be okay, but actually mean it this time.
The needle in his arm tugged at the skin as he tried once again to shove past them. His body was weak, his thought process still hazy. Deep inside, knew he should listen to them, but the gnawing in his gut was difficult to ignore.
“I'll go sit with her,” Sann offered.
Jaxton relented with a bow of his head and allowed them to push him down onto the mattress. “Leave both doors open because I'm coming in there the second she wakes up whether either of you like it or not.”
Sann gave him a smile and nod before turning away and jogging out the door, leaving it wide as he had asked.
Dr. Jefferies watched him go, then shifted back to Jaxton.
“How are you feeling, really?”
“Ever been hit by a bus?”
“I’m honestly surprised you made it. I've never seen someone so on the verge of death. Your heart stopped twice.”
Jaxton looked up at him, his mouth falling open even with the absence of words. It had been rough, there was no denying it. Thinking back on all the times he had been at the receiving end of his father’s whip, they dulled in comparison. But he hadn't realized just how near to death he had come. Even when he thought he couldn't bear any more. Even when the bite of the whip was the only thing he could focus on. He knew he had to pull through, if not for everyone else, for Gemi.
Paroxysm (Book 2): Paroxysm Aftermath Page 13