She laughed. “If you were stripped of them, I’d still feel the same. Your magic doesn’t change who you are, in here.” She planted her palm against his heart, which only sent it strumming.
“I don’t feel immortal. Or powerful. I’m in hiding, because I’m unstable, and being hunted. I didn’t get to finish my training with Jasper. I might not even be killable. And I might be dangerous, even to you.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. There are still unanswered questions, yes. And staying in hiding is definitely the wiser choice, so we don’t risk things we don’t need to. You need calm surroundings. A simple life. Free from sudden distractions that might make you lose control.”
“Does that include you?”
Her cheeks went rosy against her silver hair.
“I am selfish when it comes to you,” Colin admitted sheepishly. “I don’t want anyone else to have you. Or want you. Or need you. Even your family. I want you all to myself. But that isn’t right. It’s how I feel, but it’s not fair of me.”
“I don’t think love is fair, Colin. But I feel the same. If I was told I could go home right now, I’d struggle with that choice.”
“Why? You miss your family. You haven’t seen them in such a long time.”
“Because I have the same fear you do. They might take me away from you, and not just because you’re a Projector.”
Because they were so young, he guessed.
“Funny,” he whispered. “I feel like I’ve been alive a really long time. I forget I’m just sixteen, and sometimes I feel a hundred.”
“I’d wager you’ve lived more in the last few years than most people three times your age. But my parents would not be so understanding, and I… I don’t want to be away from you either. Whatever that takes.”
“No one will ever keep you away from me.” His tone got serious. “That’s not even a possibility anymore. I don’t care what anyone says. Or thinks. We belong together, and that’s something I’d bet all my magic on.” She smiled and leaned her head against his chest again. His heart strummed evenly against her cheek. “I cannot picture a day in my life that doesn’t come with you in it, Catrina. I, I, um…”
She lifted her head again. “What is it?” she encouraged.
“I worry that my magic, is what makes me so possessive of you. I feel wrong, to think like that about you. Regardless of your family, and what’s going on back on the island, I feel sort of, addicted to you.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure that’s what I’m,” Catrina stopped him.
“You worry if you really love me, or if it’s your magic just making you think you do. Because on some level, it needs me to keep it in check.”
“I guess, yeah.” He cast his gaze to the side, feeling like a jerk for saying this to her. But he’d been wondering, just a little, if it wasn’t only love, but also fear, in some way. That if he was alone, he’d not make it. And that was definitely not fair, to her.
His chin came back to the front, and warm lips found his, instantly quelling that fear. Whatever this feeling was, right here, this was nothing at all to do with fear. Or his magic, needing her to level him in some manner.
Without him realizing, she’d pulled back, and when he finally opened his eyes she was batting hers at him in just about the most adorable manner, possible, that claimed, see?
“Point made,” he caved instantly, his brain stuck in a hormonal fog that was definitely nothing at all to do with magic. Well, maybe magic of a different kind.
“The way I see it, Colin, we lucked out. We love each other, which is a miracle enough in itself. But at the same time, that love also happens to help you stay on level ground.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t,” he admitted. She got shy, and cast her gaze downward. She returned her head to his chest.
“Is that a problem for you?” she whispered. “To feel like that.”
“That’s the thing, it’s not a problem. If anything, it’s sort of, extra leveling. I think because all my thoughts are completely wound around you. Just you, and nothing else. Which is nearly impossible at any other point in time while I am conscious. Or asleep.”
“I see, so kisses are the ultimate weapon against the powerful, Colin Jacoby?”
“Yeah, I guess they are.” In reality, his mind was beginning to race a million miles a minute with new thoughts about them, together. Ones he’d thought of before but never seriously. And it was a near instant panic attack bringing out every doubt he’d ever had about himself, and stripped him down to that helpless boy who always needed help.
Like usual, Catrina seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.
“Hey, we’re not in any hurry. I’m not ready to take this any further either.”
Colin’s mind tried to calm itself, but it was having a hard time. “It’s not because, well I just… it’s not because you’re not pretty, because you are. You’re like, really pretty,” he blurted out awkwardly, and then blew out an exasperated breath. “I had the birds and bees talk with my uncle years ago. And I’ve read a lot of books.” He shut his mouth and rolled his eyes. “I obviously have no idea what I’m doing. Or talking about.” Yup, definitely just a stupid teen, and not a guy who’s lived enough already to be sixty.
Catrina couldn’t help it, and laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny. And yet, it’s completely funny.”
“In books, and movies, this is much easier,” Colin pushed out. “And usually the hero is some strapping big guy who knocks the girl off her feet, and saves the day.”
Catrina cut him off with another kiss. She pulled back and grinned because that shut him up.
“You are my hero. You did save me. But that’s only one little part of why I love you. I can’t explain it, I just know I do. In here.” Her hand went to her heart. “And I have also had that super awkward talk with my parents. Not long before I was taken by Juliska, actually. But more than that, Colin, I just know me. And even though I’d bet my life we are meant to be together, I’m not there yet. Neither are you. And that’s, perfect. Because we’ll figure it out, together. There is no hurry.”
There really wasn’t. They had a lot of years ahead. He hoped, not all of them on the run and in hiding, like this. Because it was already wearing on them both. But the pressure to be more, to be someone Catrina deserved, not something everyone feared, was screaming to get out of this very instinctual side of him. The very human, nothing to do with magic side. Just a guy wanting to be… well… a guy. Who was in love with a girl.
But that’s what it all came down to, is that they were just a guy and a girl. They were just kids really. Okay, not kids, but they weren’t grownups yet either even though he already lived many parts of his life, like one. He had to remind himself of this because he had a lot of moments when he did not feel young. It made it easy for his mind to get carried away.
“Just so we’re clear, though,” Catrina lifted her head again. “You can definitely kiss me, whenever you want to.”
“I will take you up on that, often.” He let out a soft laugh. “I’ve been wanting to talk about us for a while now, I just didn’t have the guts to do it.” Pathetic much? He could take down the Grosvenor, but talk to a girl about serious relationship stuff. Forget about it!
Catrina laughed lightly. “I imagine it’s hard for everyone, at first. I’m sure it gets easier.”
“I really hope so.” The look on his face was a mix of pure relief, torture, and abashment. “It’s a bit like I woke up in a dream walking down the street naked with an audience judging my every move.”
Catrina couldn’t help it, and laughed. He joined in, it was sort of funny.
“I like your laugh,” he told her. “I’d like to hear it more often.”
“It would be nice to have a reason to laugh more often,” she sighed out in a moment of contentment. “But I think when it comes down to it, everyone fears rejection. Even super powerful immortals, like you,” she teased lightly. “Or Song Spinners like me. When you take away all th
e magic stuff, we’re just people.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” Colin let out a weighted breath. And yet they would never be seen like this to others. He kissed Catrina gently. And then not so gently, but deeply. Getting lost in a reel of hormonal images he was trying to get out of his mind, because they’d just had this talk, and decided neither of them was ready to go any further. They might not be ready today, but it was definitely getting harder to force those images away.
They finally broke apart, and Colin cleared his throat while Catrina breathily rested her hazy brained head against his chest again. He needed to get his mind on something else. So far, the Magicante was keeping up with him, but he refused to risk his mind going haywire.
“I um, wish we knew why Juliska wanted you left behind.” He needed a change of subject.
Catrina let out a slow exhale. “Yeah, me too. That’s the one part of it all I don’t know. I’m so sure it was Juliska who was responsible for putting me there, and she knew I was not the Projector. She was fully aware I was a Song Spinner, so there must be something she’s afraid I’ll discover.”
“I wonder what that would be. You’d have to hear music, right? Although, you didn’t when you were listening to those underwater creatures back at the Cobbscott lighthouse.” Before he’d run off to rescue Billie and her ship and left Catrina unprotected. And then Freyne had taken her.
“I’m learning there is music in almost everything really. Like the strum of your heart, beating. When a bird chirps. When waves crash against the shore. When the breeze rustles through the leaves. Or makes a bell ring. When someone hums to themselves. Or plays music around a campfire. Or sings. There’s music in almost everything. Most people just don’t hear it.”
“But you do. Is it all the time?”
“Only if I listen. Some are easier to hear than others. It doesn’t shove its way into my mind, normally at least. I have to be open to it. There’s even music in these curtains,” she tugged at one gently. “They speak to me of the many people who sat here before us, contemplating many things. Just like we are now.”
“So in some ways, you’d almost be able to understand what people are thinking. What secrets even their possessions might hold.”
“Sometimes. I don’t often try that. It seems like such a violation of someone’s personal space.”
“But it could be why certain people didn’t want you around.”
Catrina sat up. “Huh. I never thought of it in such simple terms before. I always imagined it had to be something much bigger. A specific something.”
“Simplest answer is usually the right answer. And it would make sense. Juliska was hiding a lot, she wouldn’t have wanted to chance you finding out.”
“So why does she want me now? She meant to leave me with the Goblins. Why the change of heart?”
Colin almost blurted out an answer but held his tongue because he didn’t like that answer. But gut instinct told him he was right. Juliska had decided she needed Catrina’s gift for herself. And what was it he’d just said, simplest answer was usually the right one. He groaned in acceptance.
“Even your groan is telling,” Catrina shared glumly.
“My guess is she wants your gift, to use for something. Now that she’s been revealed for all she is, she has nothing left to hide.”
“But others do.” Catrina got his meaning. Juliska might hope to use her gift to find out what others around her were up to.
“She’s never going to take you from me. I’ll keep us in hiding for ten lifetimes if I have to.” Catrina noticed Colin’s grip was a little tighter.
“Shh,” she whispered. “We’re fine. We’re safe. Nothing to worry about.”
He relaxed, and reminded himself she was right. They were okay here.
In all the best ways, Catrina was the one thing he could not live without. And in all the worst ways, she was the one thing he could not live without. The mere thought of losing her would send him into a fury, even just by thinking about it too much.
“I like to think fate brought us together, Colin.”
“I’d like to agree. I’m not sure what I think about fate at the moment. After what Meghan discovered about the prophecy not being real and all, kind of makes a person wonder just who is in charge of… everything. Is there some greater power out there that actually controls fate? Or destiny? Maybe we’re all just on a crazy roller coaster ride that never ends, and no one knows the outcome of anything.”
“Jurekai Fazendiin sure seems to know more than most.”
“And that is possibly the most frightening thought ever. But he does. Always ahead of everyone else. Like he’s somehow ten places at once. Or, able to see very detailed futures. Even my sister’s visions are not so clear.”
“I’ve never heard of any seer with such a gift. But he is old. Really old. And powerful. And unfortunately, smart. And apparently ridiculously patient. There’s definitely no rival, his equal. Even the other Grosvenor all together, were no match for him.”
Colin let out a bitter chuckle. “I’m supposed to be his rival. And Meghan. And Colby.”
“Except the prophecy isn’t real, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
He wondered in the end, even with the prophecy not being real, if they’d end up in a forced version of the prophecy anyway. Because the scary truth was, he was powerful enough to take on the Grosvenor, and Juliska. It just might take him down a terrifying path he might lose himself in forever, in the trying of it.
“I wish Jasper was still here. I wish I could have had more time with him. He had so much more to teach me.”
“I won’t let you fail, Colin. All we can do is heed his words, now. We will venture out in small, safe ways. We should stick to finding out who your parents are. And you wanted to get Jasper’s book back from Freyne. He’s dead now, so that should be simpler to manage. And if we can, we’ll assist in taking down Juliska as well.” She yawned out a, “We have to hope the rest will fall into place.” Her eyes closed, tiredness finding her. Colin wrapped his arm around her securely, and pulled a light blanket up around her shoulders.
“I agree. We’ll find Jasper’s book, and focus on finding out who my parents are. In the meantime, maybe we can think up some way to help the Svoda, too. And your family. There must be something we can do. Something, safe, for me to try. Although they might not want help from the Projector who might go mad.”
“I think they’d accept it over dying,” she replied tersely, wondering if he wasn’t right about that fear. “They’d be stupid not to take your help. And I don’t think they’d choose turning away help, over becoming slaves, or living through whatever cruel thing Juliska has planned for them.”
“You’re probably right there.” Still, it irked him a little. Well, a lot really, that he was considering doing things that might make him unstable, to save people who would prefer to see him hunted down, and killed. It made a person a little bitter about the situation. “If we do come up with something, we’ll stay hidden. Like when I saved Billie and her boat crew.”
“A smart idea,” she whispered.
“Except you will be with me, this time,” he insisted adamantly. “I will not be leaving you alone again. Possibly ever.”
“Also a smart idea,” she agreed, a tired smile on her lips.
“I’ll think it all over. You sleep.” An icy mist had started to crystallize on the window. A few white flakes made their way to the ground. First snow of winter had won, pushing autumn out of the way.
Colin stared out that window for a good long while as Catrina slept. Her easy breaths brought a calm focus to his mind. He wasn’t certain how to help the Svoda without making the situation worse, on all sides. However, the one thing he was positive of, is that losing Catrina was one sure way to turn him mad. Losing her was not an option. He’d come to that crystal clear conclusion after Freyne had taken her, and held her prisoner.
And though he wanted to help her family, and his friends, the
situation was getting murkier in his mind. Almost everyone in the magical world thought he was a danger to them. And heck, he might be.
For some reason, words the ghost, Eddy, told him while they were in Grimble, came to mind.
“It’s not really magic that makes you powerful, Colin. It’s what you do with it. How you use it. And how you do not use it.”
So much had changed since then. Somehow, Colin didn’t imagine his ghostly friend from Grimble would say anything different, even now. And for reasons he could not express in words, this offered a strange sort of comfort. Even knowing that whoever this ghost was, which was probably not an uncle, or even a relative, he had still cared about him. That much was honest, and true, even if not his identity.
Something crashed in another room deeper inside the apartment.
Catrina jolted awake and sat upright while Colin lifted to his feet in a flash, shielding Catrina with his body. Was there any chance it was nothing at all? Just something falling for no reason whatsoever?
“We’re still under your magical cloak, Colin. They can’t see us. Or hear us.” With that reminder, Catrina joined him at his side, and they waited, but didn’t hear anything else. He motioned for her to come with him, and they quietly left the bedroom to investigate. The invisible magical force field followed, protecting them as they walked along.
They froze upon the sounds of voices speaking in the kitchen. Colin peeked around a corner. It was a man and a woman, two people Colin did not recognize. He and Catrina stepped around to investigate what they were up to, and find out who they were. At the same time, remaining safely hidden under the magical cloak.
“Is that everything?” the woman asked as the man handed her a thick stack of files.
“That’s it.”
“Last stop then. Time to go home,” she stated decisively.
“Home to what? A war? One Amelia Cobb started. Our leader.”
“She didn’t start it, she definitely added some fuel to the flames,” she conceded. “But Amelia is dead now. Paid for that crime. Although I’m not sure it was a crime worthy of death.”
The Ghost, The Dragon, and The Lost King (Fated Chronicles Book 4) Page 34