I marked down the dates for the next two weeks, then created eight columns per day. I’d already started today off, so I would officially start on this tomorrow. Or, whenever I deemed tomorrow to be. Without the guiding light of the sun, it was hard to know for sure, but as long as I was close, I’d be fine. There would be nothing worse than thinking your two weeks was up when you still had a full week to go. I would not let that happen to me. Preparation was the key to success. At the top of each of these I created an activity.
Exercise
Meditate
Draw
Alphabet game
Write
Yoga
Draw
Meditate
My goal was to spend roughly an hour to an hour and a half on each of these a day, and in between I’d eat, drink, shower, rest, and sleep. I would tick off each of these when they were done and move onto the next. Meditation had been a part of my life for the past six months, and during that time I’d gone from being able to meditate for two minutes at a time, to the occasional forty-five minute session. I’d never been able to do an hour, but hoped to do it here. Perhaps I’d stretch it to even longer without knowing the time. It was another game I used to play at home. I’d tell myself I wanted to meditate for thirty-five minutes, then see if I could get to it on the minute. I always got close. Meditation was by far one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but also the best. I had also memorized an hour-long yoga and exercise session which I could easily replicate without a watch. The alphabet game was something I came up with now, but it was something I had done since I was a child. I’d think of a topic and come up with something from every letter of the alphabet for it. Between this, writing, and drawing, my mind would stay active. I checked my list and grinned. I wished I could stick it up somewhere, but I had no means to do so. I placed it on the bedside table, ready to start on it the next day. Then I headed over to the fridge, and got myself a meal. It was lunch time. I was sure of it.
That night, as I lay in bed, an overwhelming sense of emotion gripped hold of me. I had been placed in a pod with Keri and Jon to my left, and Ryan to my right. Even though it made no difference, I was glad Elton wasn’t next to me. The man was awful. I touched the right wall, wondering how Ryan was doing there all alone. He’d seemed so nervous before going in. The two of us had sat there in silence while Larry had shown the couple to their room first. Ryan was one of those people I sometimes wished I could be. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, and it was easy to tell exactly what he was feeling at all times. I liked people like him. I had a tendency to hide myself from people. I moved inward with ease and struggled to show my real self. The less people knew of me, the safer I felt. Ryan was my opposite, and yet in some ways I had a feeling we were very much the same. He’d reached inside his pocket endless times during the short time we were in the waiting room, and had punctuated it with a heavy sigh when his hand came out with nothing. What was he hoping to find in there each time? I pictured him lying in bed, his hair still perfectly in place, his hand on the wall. I tried to get a sense of where his hand was in relation to mine, and then I chuckled at the absurdity of it. I remembered the camera then. I thought I’d be far more aware of the ever-watching eyes on me, but I already paid it little thought. However, I couldn’t help but wonder what moment the camera had caught. It had either captured a beautiful and surprising moment of kinship between two people who didn’t even know each other: I imagined both Ryan and me touching the wall at the same place. It would make for wonderful TV. Or, and this was definitely the more likely version, the image would be of me touching the wall while everyone wondered if I was deranged or just lonely. The thought only made me laugh. I didn’t need solitary confinement, or a TV show, to tell me what I already knew. I was both of those things.
The only thing I hated about the place was the inability to switch off the light. It was a strange light, a little bit yellow so that everything you looked at had a sort of weird mustard-like glow to it. If they were going for something homely, they’d missed the mark completely, although I had a strong suspicion they had chosen this sort of light because of the ugliness it gave the room. The last thing the producers wanted was for people to enjoy themselves in here. My eyes were used to it by now, but a moment of darkness would’ve been welcomed. I wouldn’t let it get to me, though. I was one step ahead of them. I pulled out a long unused sock and fastened it around my head. It fit just perfectly, and the moment I put it around my eyes, the pod went black. The relief was instant, and it didn’t take me long to fall asleep.
Chapter 8
Keri
I stared at the mound in the corner of the room, where I’d pushed all the dust. I was disturbed by how much I’d managed to gather considering we’d only been in the room for what could only be a maximum of three days. At least, Jon thought it was three, but I was almost certain we were still lingering at the end of the second day. It was hard to know for sure, but I got the gnawing sensation that time was going a lot slower than we thought. Jon told me the dirt was mostly due to my hair, and unfortunately, he wasn’t entirely wrong. My hair was hard to miss, and vastly different from the dark blonde of Jon’s, but it wasn’t the only thing I’d swept. I couldn’t figure out where it had all come from. Other than the small vent at the top corner of the room, there wasn’t much that could generate dust.
“Ke, just leave it,” Jon said.
“Leave what?” I asked, surprised to find him awake. I thought he was sleeping.
“The dirt. It’s driving you crazy. I can see it. It’s only going to get worse, you know.”
“But where is it coming from?”
“I don’t know. The air. The room probably wasn’t dust free when we came in. We more than likely brought some in when we arrived. Anyway, who cares?”
“You know what it is? It’s probably our skin. Dead skin.”
“That’s gross.”
“Yeah, that is gross,” I agreed. “Sorry, I’m just bored,” I said. “I thought you were sleeping?”
“Trust me, I tried, but your huffing kept waking me up. You’re like a dragon.”
I turned to him. He was lying without a shirt on, his elbow on his pillow as he propped his head up. He had his one leg up, turned slightly as if he were about to be photographed. He never lay this way at home.
“I wasn’t huffing! And why are you lying that way? It’s weird.”
“You were huffing. It’s what you always do when you’re annoyed at something. You do it at home, too.”
“Then why have you never mentioned it?” I challenged him.
“It sounds louder in here. It’s annoying.”
I huffed, then immediately stopped before he said anything. I didn’t want to look at him, so I turned my head and found myself once again focused on the dirt mound. Annoyed, I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need the toilet, but I found myself going there all the time. Without the cameras, or Jon, it was the one place that made me feel free. The day became littered with these tiny bursts of freedom, and I held onto each moment with a precious ferocity I couldn’t comprehend. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I hadn’t expected it to be quite so hard. A part of me even thought it might be fun, or a chance for us to reconnect again. A little honeymoon of sorts, where I could fall in love with the boyfriend of my past, the one I barely saw these days. Instead, I was getting more and more annoyed with him by the minute, which wasn’t good in a place like this, considering every minute felt like an hour.
Suddenly, the tiny curtain—which I’d named ‘the sanity line’—flew open, and Jon appeared in front of me.
“Jon! What are you doing? I’m on the toilet.”
“So what? I’ve seen you naked, remember?”
“Yeah, but there are cameras. Get out. I’ll be done soon.”
He didn’t leave. Instead, he stepped in, closed the curtain and looked down at me. “Are you even peeing right now?”
I groaned. “Jon, can’t I have
a moment’s peace? I won’t be long.”
“Fine, but hurry up. I need to go, too.”
I wasn’t really using the toilet, so I made my way out, and let him in. The moment I crossed the sanity line, I felt the cameras on me, and my mind fogged over. I felt foolish at the thought of a TV crew on the other side watching our every move. I couldn’t imagine we were coming across as the happiest couple in the world, and I hated the thought of all my friends and family seeing our small, pitiful fights. In the real world it was the one thing I always shielded from people. I was not a fan of public fighting, and our issues were not for anyone to see. If that meant sometimes fake smiling in front of people, then tearing into each other at home, that was fine. It was our life, and not theirs. I hadn’t realised how much of a private person I was until now, and I so desperately wanted to fake some happiness for the viewers to see. Faking anything was hard in here, though. It was as if I’d left the happy part of my personality outside the door, and had brought only the bad parts with me. I tried to imagine what my parents would say if they saw the fights, or even worse, my sister. She wasn’t a big fan of Jon in the first place, and I spent most of my time defending him to her. The look of ‘I told you so’ would be all over her face if she had to see this with me. I forced myself to smile, hoping that a happy exterior would force a happy interior. I love you, Jon, I practiced saying over and over again. I would tell him as soon as he came out. Maybe he wasn’t the problem. Maybe it was me.
“Ooh boy, you do not want to go in there for a while,” he said as he came out. “Let’s just say, it’s a good thing those cameras can’t capture smell.”
I love you. I love you. I… “I’m going to bed.”
Hours passed (minutes?), and I could not sleep. Jon was acting strangely. I lay in bed watching him as he moved around the small room like a caged animal. I had no idea what he was doing, but as he circled the room I felt as if he may have truly lost his mind. Or maybe I was the one going crazy. Jon had always done things a little differently to most. It was why I had fallen for him in the first place.
“Are you doing laps or something?” I said.
He stopped, and it took a while for his eyes to focus back to me. He looked like he was riding high on some horrible acid trip, but then he blinked, laughed and morphed back into his normal self. “I’m exercising.”
I chuckled. Hearing this made me feel better. I couldn’t have Jon go all crazy on me. Not when I was feeling so strange myself. I figured we’d go a little stir crazy in here, but I didn’t think it would happen this soon. If Jon was exercising, it meant that he was the normal one in all this. “Nice,” I said. “Biggest circuit you’ve ever run, huh?”
“Sign me up for a marathon after this,” he said. “Can’t sleep?” he asked as he joined me on the bed.
I sighed. “It’s hard with these lights always on.”
“Just close your eyes. Then the lights are off.”
I laughed. “I wish it was that easy. Anyway, you’re not sleeping either. I’m sure we’ll both feel better once we get some rest. Come on, join me. I need my snuggle bunny.”
He groaned. “I hate that name.” He climbed in next to me regardless and I wrapped my arms around him.
“How about we exercise together tomorrow?” I suggested. Seeing Jon do laps around the small room reminded me that it was the first time he’d done anything physical since being inside. No wonder I thought he was going mad. In the real world Jon never went a day without going to the gym. I thought he’d exercise so much in here that it would annoy me, but it was the other way around.
“You’re going to exercise with me?”
“Of course, I’ll have to clear my schedule first.”
“Of course.”
I chuckled. It was good to feel normal again. I nestled my head into Jon’s back, desperate to block out the light. “Should we try to get some rest? I feel like all I do is lie around but I don’t think I’m actually sleeping.”
“Think it’s night time?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Honestly? I have no idea, but I’ve never been averse to a bit of daytime napping anyway.”
“Time is but an illusion,” he said. “Okay, let’s give this sleep thing a try.”
“Goodnight, bunny.”
“Goodnight, funny.”
The old familiar saying wrapped around me, and I knew sleep was on its way.
Chapter 9
Elton
“G’day Podsters, and welcome to another episode of PodBook. Status update: After a fascinating few hours of staring at the wall, Elton Rigby has warmed up a frozen dinner. He’s still checked into The Void, and he still has no friends to tag. But thanks for asking. So, are you all ready for your joke of the day?” I asked as I waved my joke book in the air. “Tell me when to stop. Now? Okay. Ooh, a classic. A man is speaking to his gym instructor. ‘Can you please teach me how to do the splits?’ the man asks. ‘Sure,’ the instructor says, ‘how flexible are you?’ The man thinks about it, then says, ‘Well, I can’t make Tuesdays.’ Ah, you can’t beat these old jokes. Ya know, this is how I first started out in the business. Before I could even call it such. I was just a lad then, a little ankle biter really, and I found this old joke book in some secondhand shop. Yeah, this very one,” I said and waved the book again. “Hell, that’s probably why I didn’t get many girls back then. All the rest of my friends were sneaking peaks at their dad’s porno magazines, and here I was reading jokes. How do you catch a bra? With a booby trap!” I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. That little joke was one I revealed whenever someone asked me to tell them a joke off the top of my head. People always laughed. Sometimes silly can be effective. “Porn. Joke books. Same-same. You know, next time I go up on stage I’m just going to bring this book and spend an hour running through these jokes. If you’re anything like me, and by that I mean a teenage boy trapped in a forty-year-old’s body, you’ll laugh. What? You want one more. Okay, if I must. Gosh, you’re a good crowd today.” I peered into the camera with raised eyebrows. “And a great-looking bunch, too. I have just the one for you. Picture this, a young me, sitting at home alone with this book and coming across this joke. No wonder I ended up this way. What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees.” I stood up and bowed. “Elton Rigby has signed out of PodBook.”
A comedian god, I thought to myself with a grin. I needed to find a way to get those words into the minds of everyone watching without saying them myself. I was a few days in and already I was sure I was going to nail this. Bored out of my mind, sure, but worth it for the headlines I was going to make when leaving this place.
Chapter 10
Jon
I stared at the wall, wondering, not for the first time, why the producers had chosen to make them cream. Why not white? It bothered me, and I had no idea why. I supposed white would’ve also bothered me. Everything about this place annoyed me. But cream? It was so bland. I’d managed a bit of sleep, but without the sense of time I had no idea if I’d sleep too much or too little. I hoped it was too much. If I could spend most of my time here sleeping, I would definitely do it. Sadly, sleep didn’t come to me as often as I wanted. I was trying to keep things positive, because if I admitted to Keri how strange I felt, it would also mean fully admitting it to myself. I wasn’t ready for that yet, especially when I was the one who had begged her to do this show with me. She’d been sceptical from the start, but I’d assured her that it would be worth it. “We’ll have each other,” I had said to her over and over again until she’d finally given in. Anyway, it was normal to feel strange, wasn’t it? I could hear Keri was still sleeping. She didn’t snore, but she had a way of breathing when she slept that made it seem as if she was in the middle of a crazy dream. She let out small puffs of air, and every so often a little whirring sound would escape. I imagined her trying to propel herself out of the room. I clung onto the sound, wishing I could propel right out of here with her. I was annoyed at myself for struggling so soon. I thought it would be easy. Peop
le always said I was tough, and for the most part I thought I was too, but I felt strange in here. Before coming in I had imagined what it would be like to spend two weeks alone with Keri, with cameras watching our every move, and I had honestly believed it wouldn’t be so bad. I figured we’d sleep a lot, work out a lot, and…well…laugh a lot. I wasn’t sure if I’d really laughed since coming in. What was there to laugh at? Cream walls weren’t funny.
“Is this legal?”
“What?” Keri said and turned to face me in confusion.
I stared at her. “Huh?”
“What did you say?”
Had I spoken out loud? “Uh, is this legal?”
She blinked a few times, waking herself. She looked older this morning (afternoon?), but I supposed the weird yellow light did nothing for our complexions. I just hoped we looked better on camera. Camera! I kept forgetting about it.
“Never mind.”
She leaned over and kissed me. “Manage to get some sleep?”
“A little. How ’bout you?”
“A little.”
“More like a lot. You were snoring like a tractor.”
She punched me. “Liar. So, what were you talking about earlier? Asking about this being legal?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. This whole thing. Being locked up in here. Isn’t it meant to make you go crazy or something?”
“Well, they’re not really locking us in. We can hit the buzzer and leave at any time, remember? And we signed documents agreeing to this. Anyway, I guess the point is to see if we go crazy or not. We won’t though,” she said firmly. “We have each other.” I could swear I saw a flicker of doubt pass over her. I hoped not. She’d always been the strong one in the relationship. I just liked to pretend I was. The thought surprised me. People had told us that before, and I’d always laughed it off.
The Void Page 4