Breathe

  After a silent spell of me staring at him, I throw my arms around myself and hold tight. He lifts his head again and his eyes meet mine for the first time in minutes. He takes a step forward. “Breathe, Grace,” he whispers to me.

  I turn my head away from him and direct my line of sight towards the fireplace.

  “Say something.”

  “What do you want me to say?” My voice cracks. I rub the charm and I feel a bit calmer.

  “I don’t care. Yell at me, hit me, tell me I'm a piece of shit. Anything. Just give me something.”

  I take a few steps forward and close the gap between us, never taking my eyes from his. I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my hands on his lower back. He reaches his arms around my shoulders and squeezes. “Am I forgiven?” He says as he kisses my hair and lays his cheek on the top of my head.

  “No and at this moment you’re a piece of shit.” I respond in a whisper. “Patrick is off limits from now on. You did what you wanted to do to him, so leave him alone.”

  “Grace, I can’t promise that if he comes near you again.”

  “Well, you need to.” I gently push away from him. “He was one of the most important people in my life for a long time. I can’t just forget that in a matter of a week. I’m sure he can’t either.”

  “He cheated on you! How can anyone do that to you? You're...” He paces while thinking of what to say. “How can you still feel something for somebody that did that to you?” he asks in frustration.

  “I haven’t forgiven him. I may not ever forgive him. We were together for seven years. He was almost my husband for Christ’s sake. I need to give him something. That's just who I am. If I don't it will be harder for me to...” I don't know how to put this. “To be completely over him.”

  “You're not over him,” Linc states weakly. “Do you still love him?”

  “I don't think I’ve been in love with him for a while now. But I can't just forget about him,” I say as matter of fact as I can.

  “Maybe you can forgive or forget, but I don’t have to. And I won't when it comes to anyone hurting you. There are things in the world that I have learned to tolerate. Hurting the people I love is not one of those things.” He runs both hands through his hair again and then rubs them down his face.

  Holy Shit.

  What did he just say? Did he...

  “We should go to bed. It’s been a long day.” He grabs my hand and leads me to the bedroom.

  When we reach the doorway, he literally sweeps me off of my feet into his arms, walks over to the bed and smoothly lays me in it. He crawls in over me to the other side and pulls the down comforter over the both of us. Sliding one arm behind my neck, the other lays across my stomach. Opposite of last night, he nuzzles into my neck and kisses the soft spot under my ear. Duritz jumps up and lays himself behind Linc's bent knees.

  I still can't get myself to let him make love to me. He wants to. I want to. But I'm holding myself back. Patrick has screwed with my mind so much that it's taken over that part of me. The part that has the glass house surrounding my heart. I haven't let it completely shatter for Linc. I'm afraid to. What if I can't fulfill his expectation? What if I can't love him, love him how he wants me to? How he needs me to.

  He lets out a long stream of air through his nose to relax and closes his eyes. “Mmmm.” He lightly rains small kisses on my neck and collarbone. “La mia ragazza bella.” (My beautiful girl.)

  When he talks like that to me, even though I don't know what he's saying, I will forgive him every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

  I adjust myself to fit with him.

  This is all moving so fast. But I don't want it to stop. I feel as though I need him to be in my life. To watch over me. To be with me. To love me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I make it through the rest of that week into the weekend by laying low and mostly working from home, going into the office only twice for important meetings. Whenever I left the apartment Thomas escorted me, since I forced Linc out to do his own work. I went for drinks a few evenings or afternoons with Rafe and Briar. I went to a party with Rory and watched Olive's band play a couple of shows at two newer clubs. Linc and I would go out occasionally. Things were moving along at a steady pace.

  A few pictures showed up in a magazine and on a website, but they were nothing big or scandalous since I have managed to keep a pretty low profile. They were mostly of me walking around or eating. Linc showed up in a few photos seeing as we have been spending a lot of time together.

  The following four weeks went pretty much the same. Linc stayed at the apartment most nights. The few nights he wasn’t here, he would call before he knew I would go to bed to make sure I had tucked myself in safe and sound. He also made sure Asher was getting to school and his practices on time, all while tending to his own businesses and each of our families.

  I’m assuming everyone is thinking we’re dating now. We haven't officially made any kind of declaration, but I’m kind of assuming that, too. I just don't want to admit it. At least not out loud. We still haven't consummated our relationship (so to speak). I just can't seem to get past Patrick and how I should feel about moving on from him. I haven't seen him since he showed up in my office but that hasn't seemed to change the feelings inside me.

  It’s Friday and per our usual “I wish it was Friday everyday” tradition, Rafe, Briar and I have lunch at the café near the Stratton Building. They both work in the building in different branches of Daddy’s company. Rafe as a stylist for all medias and Briar in the communications department for radio and TV. Daddy made sure that everyone I care about most is taken care of, and that includes Rafe and Briar, who he includes as family. Olive used to work as a model until her music career started taking off locally. It even includes Patrick, who works for the modeling agency; at least he used to.

  Our fun, light conversation is interrupted, as always, by the chiming of my cell phone.

  “Hello...Amy what’s wrong? Is it Asher...Omigod...nonononono...I’ll be home as soon as I can.” I hang up quickly as Briar gets a text.

  “Fuck. Red. Red. Red.” She looks stunned, staring at the screen of her phone; as I’m sure I do as well. “We need to go.”

  Both Briar and Rafe stare at me for different reasons; Briar for knowing and Rafe for wanting to know. I’m scared as hell. This can’t be happening.

  “What's going on?” Rafe asks.

  “I’ll tell you in the car. We need to get to the apartment.” Rafe lifts me to my feet as Briar digs in her purse for her keys.

  We park under my building and take the elevator to the fourteenth floor. Anxiety builds in my stomach and I think I might throw up. The elevator comes to a smooth halt and the doors open. Rafe grabs my hand and holds it tight as Briar grabs the other. As we approach the door, I can hear Miles' stern voice.

  As I cautiously swing the door open, Miles’ voice becomes clearer. I stop in the foyer trying to collect myself before going fully into the apartment.

  “Just stay calm. You’re a lucky bastard that I’m even letting you see her right now. Especially when you look like this.” Miles is speaking calmly, which I was not expecting.

  “I need to see her. I need to tell her...I need to tell her.” The other voice is slurred and almost unrecognizable...almost.

  Just breathe.

  “Patrick?” My breath escapes my body with the force of his name. I stop just past the entryway.

  “Bunny!” He tries to get up from the couch, but Miles puts his hand on his shoulder from behind and shoves him back down.

  “Stay here. Don’t go any closer to her,” he says keeping his hand where it is. I’m so proud of him for keeping his cool, so far.

  I make eye contact with my brother. “Where's Asher?”

  “Amy took him out. I’ll let her know when it’s okay to come back,” he responds.

  My attention turns back to Patrick. He looks disheveled and drunk. Much different from the last time I saw him in my offi
ce that painful morning over a month ago. I've never seen him like this.

  Before I can say anything, brother number three comes bursting through the front door and stands next to Briar. He looks straight at Patrick. “Did he touch her?” he shouts.

  “Nah, man. She just got here. He says he just wants to talk,” Miles responds.

  “What the fuck are you doing here Patrick?” Rafe yells from beside me.

  “I don't have to answer to you, Rafe,” he says with distain. My best friend is fuming and looks as though he could pounce on him at any moment. I squeeze his hand harder.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask repeat in a calm voice.

  “I came to see you. We need to talk.” He's trying to not slur his words.

  “We have nothing to talk about. Go home.”

  “I can’t. You need to hear me out. I need to tell you some things.”

  “You don’t need to tell me anything. You’re drunk and you have to leave.”

  “I’m not leaving!” He growls with his head hung low.

  Rafe drops my hand and makes quick steps towards Patrick. Miles jumps over the couch and puts a hand to his chest to stop him. I can see Miles’ jaw tense as he stares down at the pathetic looking man on my couch. I look at my brother to let him know that it’s okay. He nods, I let go of Briar's hand and take small, slow steps towards my ex-fiancé.

  “Patrick, you need to calm down.”

  “I need to talk to you,” he manages to get out between deep breathes.

  “If I talk to you, will you calm down?” He nods and I move to sit in the chair near the couch.

  “We’ll go in the kitchen so you can have a little privacy,” Briar comments and motions for Rafe, Landon and her boyfriend to follow her. Rafe and Briar move first followed by Landon. Miles looks at me, then to Patrick, then back to me. I nod. He leans in, kisses my nose and heads to the kitchen to join the rest of the cavalry.

  “What do you want to talk about, Patrick?”

  “I need...I just...I want...” He takes in a deep breath and blows it out his mouth making his cheeks swell. “Why him?”

  “Why who? What are you asking me?”

  “Why Lincoln Prescott?” I hate the way he says his name. He's never said it before. I never want him to say it again.

  “I don’t see how Linc is any of your business or your concern.” I’m irritated that this is what he’s upset about. I’ve barely thought of him over the last month. An overwhelming feeling to scream at him enters my body. But I don’t and I won’t, for now.

  “He’s my business when he’s the company you’re keeping these days.” Patrick seems to be becoming a bit more lucid with this conversation. “I know what he does, Bunny. I know he’s not just an entrepreneur. Did you know I found out first hand?” I turn my head and look at Miles. He huffs and I return my focus to Patrick.

  “I know what he does. And, yes, I know parts of how you found out. I asked them both to lay off you.” I remain calm, quickly recounting that night in my head.

  “You don't need protection from me, Bunny.”

  “Listen to me.” I’m trying my hardest to grab a hold of my composure. “You broke my heart into a million pieces the night you ended us. That was your choice, not mine. I’ve been getting over it the best I can. I’m moving on. You need to keep moving on with Amelia, too.”

  “I can see you’re moving on. You two are all the buzz in our circles. You and him.” He gestures by throwing his right arm in the air as if at an invisible Linc.

  “That’s not fair.” Now he’s really pissed me off. I stand, he follows and I put my face in front of his. “You broke up with me for another woman. You went out all over the City with her on your arm, even before we were over. You did those things.” I poke his chest with my index finger. “You have no claim on me.”

  He grabs my hand to get me to stop poking him. Miles takes notice and stomps into the room, Rafe close behind. I hold my free hand up to them. I need to hear more from Patrick. Miles obeys, but stays in the room. He’s just itching for him to screw up somehow so he can beat the shit out of him again. Rafe backs up and re-enters the kitchen.

  “I know what I did, Bunny. And I regret all of it. Every part.” He pauses and locks his eyes onto mine. I will myself to look away but I can’t. And here we are again just as we were well over a month ago, blue eyes to blue eyes. Blonde hair to blond hair. So much has changed since then. I don't feel the same. Not even close.

  “What if I said I wanted you back and that I would do anything to do just that?”

  “Patrick, I...” Ugh. Why does he do this to me? “You have Amelia. And I have Linc. I want to be with him. I choose him.”

  The front door bursts open and heavy, loud footsteps enter the living room.

  Oh Hell.

  This could get ugly.

  “What the hell is going on here?”

  I turn around. Patrick’s hand is still clamped on mine. Miles is standing sideways next to Linc, Rafe on the other side. I can see Linc's breathing is labored and his hands are formed into hard fists at his sides. He looks directly at me and I at him.

  “Ah. The hero has arrived,” Patrick says as he throws his free hand in the air and laughs.

  “Fuck you!” Linc shouts.

  “Linc, it's okay,” I say to trying to seem as though I have a handle on this. “Patrick just wanted to talk some things out, that’s all. Go into the kitchen and let me finish this.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Grace.” His voice is lower but tense.

  “It’ll be fine.” I stay calm on the outside even though I’m in complete panic on the inside. “Go with Miles and Rafe into the kitchen, please.” My eyes beg for him to trust me. “Please.”

  He nods and loosens his fists. He bends his head so his mouth aligns with my ear. “Just breathe, Grace.” He follows my brother and Rafe into the kitchen, but not before filling my eyes with a concerned, yet caring gaze. I give him a smile and turn back to Patrick.

  “Sit.” I wiggle my hand to get out of his grasp. He reluctantly let’s go and sits. I follow him down to the couch but keep my distance. “You can’t do this. You can’t have me back.”

  “Why not? You know we’re good together.”

  “First of all,” I hold up my pointer finger to visually count, “I would like to remind you that you ended our seven years together so you could go screw an Australian model.” I add my middle finger to my first. “Second, you blamed Daddy and my brothers.” I add my ring finger. “And third, you showed up at my office and attacked me about going on one date when you had no right to do so. And now you have complete disrespect for Linc without even really knowing him.” I gesture towards the kitchen. “And last of all, I'm with him now and you can’t do anything about it. So, why would I ever consider taking you back?”

  “Bunny,” he reaches for my hand, but I pull away.

  Linc yells from the kitchen, “Quit calling her Bunny. She fucking hates it.”

  I smile.

  Patrick ignores him. “I said those things because I was caught up in the moment. I didn’t mean any of it.” He glances up to Miles. “Well, maybe the part about your brothers.”

  Miles perks up and leans over the bar counter.

  “What’s that asshole?” Landon questions.

  “You have something to say to me?” Miles growls, trying hard to keep it together.

  “Nope. Nothing buddy,” Patrick replies in a louder voice as he keeps his eyes on me.

  “That’s what I thought.” Miles laughs, as does the rest of the small crowd inhabiting the kitchen.

  “I didn't think I could or ever would, but I’ve let you go Patrick. I've moved on.” I stand and he follows.

  “You can’t. I need you and you need me.” He reaches for my hand but I pull back from him keeping out of his reach. “We’re good together.”

  “We’re not.”

  “This is bullshit,” Linc's distant voice adds in.

  “Yo
u didn’t want me until I started moving on. You didn't need me until you saw the pictures of me with someone else. You have Amelia. You chose her. Go be with her.”

  “I was stupid, I get that. I don't need Amelia. I can be rid of her by the end of the day. And you don't need that guy.” He points to Linc, who doesn't react. “You need me. Let me prove to you that we can get back what we had. I'll let Amelia go. I chose you...I'm choosing you.”

  That is the most annoying thing he has said yet. “I'm not on the menu, Patrick. You can't choose me. What we had was not real. It was an illusion of what we thought we should have. Of what we thought we should be.”

  “And you think what you have with him is real?”

  Linc stands taller. His long legs take him out of the kitchen and close to me. Putting his arms around my waist from behind, he pulls me into him. “What she has is a man who knows how to take care of her,” he kisses the top of my head, “the right way.”

  Patrick avoids Linc and looks straight at me. “I see,” he concedes with a nod. I have a feeling it's not the end for him.

  “Good, because from now on the title of boyfriend is mine. You got that? You had your chance and you fucked up. I can't say I'm not glad you screwed that other chick.”

  Way harsh!

  Patrick flinches but doesn't say anything. He just stares at me, silently pleading for me to say something to him.

  I laser straight into those baby blues that used to be so irresistible to me. “It’s time for you to go now Patrick.” I spin in Linc's arms and wrap my own around his waist.

  “Fine. I’ll go.” Defeated he starts to make a path towards the front door. Stopping in the doorway he turns. “But I’m not ending this.” He looks to Linc. “Not without one hell of a fight.”

  I was right. It isn’t over for him.

  “If you want a fight, I'll give you a fight. I’ll do anything for her. There’s no limit to what I would do for her. No one touches what's mine,” Linc threatens over his shoulder. “Especially you.”