by Dee C. May
“What’s here?” I slipped my hand into my pocket and fingered the rough edges of the coin.
“I lived here a long time ago,” I offered. Despite our deep friendship, there were some things I rarely discussed. Even Quinn lacked the details of my childhood before the Forum.
“Under that tree?” Her hand motioned to a big oak older than both of us. I smiled at her attempt to lighten the mood.
“No. Beyond that hill was our house.”
She nodded.
“It burned to the ground when I was twelve. Did you know that?” I pulled the coin out and flicked it through my fingers. Fiona was quick and had it before I could blink.
“What’s this?” She shuffled it smoothly from hand to hand. I shook my head in admiration. Fiona was as smooth as ice. We all had varying talents, and this was one of hers. Her sleight of hand made her excellent at cheating and pick pocketing—useful when obtaining important documents or anything else from oblivious individuals.
“My mother’s. Told me her father had given it to her. She gave it to me before I left for … school that fall.”
Fiona just stared at me, waiting.
“Who knew the house would burn down?”
She held the coin up, examining it even closer. It glinted in the moonlight. “It’s not even English,” she mused.
I shrugged.
“Carrying it after all those years. Love’s a powerful thing, isn’t it?” She turned to look at me, holding the coin flat in her palm.
I took it and pocketed it. An image of Wynter crossed my mind. I had avoided calling her since we left, worried about being overheard but, despite my intentions to stay focused, she was always in my mind. As we trekked around the darkened countryside and through ramshackle buildings questioning sources, I found myself wondering how she was and what she was doing. I thought about emailing her, but I couldn’t figure out what the hell to write. Fiona’s eyes searched my face.
“Are you all right? Is it just Michael and Audra, or is something else going on? You seem awfully distracted.”
I moved toward the Rover, checking my phone one last time. “We should head back. If the others had found something, we would have heard by now. I need to get home.”
I stared back one more time at the open field before slamming the car door shut. My parents were gone and had been for a long time. Wallowing in the past wasn’t going to alter anything.
I called Wynter when we landed in the States, but all I got was her voicemail. After four unreturned messages, I knew it was time to give up.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Wynter—Tied Up
Once again, my voicemail was lit with a message when I got out of class at noon. I pushed the button as I walked back to my dorm, and Beck’s voice filled my ear, wondering how I was and asking me to call. I climbed the steps to my room, deflated. A few weeks earlier, I would have been so psyched to get that message.
I opened my door and plopped on the bed. Life had gotten infinitely more complicated in just a matter of days. I wished I could go back and change things with Beck. If only I’d reacted differently that night, but I’d been so surprised by his force. Worse, I’d been wrong about him brushing me off when he called that next day. But now it felt like it was too late to fix it.
I considered curling under my comforter and escaping into sleep, but I knew that would only make me feel worse. Throwing on my running gear, I grabbed my sneakers and earphones. An hour later, drenched and exhausted, I dragged myself back to my room, but nothing had changed. I showered and dressed then tried to concentrate on homework.
Ignoring texts from Julia and Sophie, I had skipped lunch, opting for soda and pretzels. I’d just finished my history reading when someone knocked. I whipped the door open, expecting Julia on the other side scolding me.
Jason grinned and walked on in.
“You want to go to the mall and get something to eat?” He smiled at me and, in his most persuasive voice, added, “Come on. It’s the mall. I need company picking out my mom’s birthday gift.” He shot me his killer grin. “It could be fun. Like old times. We could go to Pizza Hut.”
I stared at the books open on my desk. Despite blowing the girls off, I really didn’t want to be alone, and I was hungry. Besides, I needed a few things. “Sure.” I grabbed my jacket and followed him out.
***
When we got back, Jason parked outside his dorm. He had a basement room with its own entrance. I moved my feet together, my shopping bags tucked between my legs crinkling when I did. Jason looked at me and smiled as he turned the car off—a nice easy smile like the old days, when we were just friends. Tonight had been like that the entire time.
“Well, that was fun, though we probably didn’t need the pitcher of beer at Pizza Hut.”
“I know. My head’s a little foggy. And I bought way too much stuff.” I motioned to the bags at my feet. We had been at the mall for hours—shopping and eating and drinking.
There was a pregnant silence. “Well…” I began, slipping my hands through the handles and opening the car door.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to my room. I’m way too buzzed,” I answered.
“Come on. We’re not going to leave it at that. Come inside,” he urged, smiling.
“You know I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Is this because of the English guy?”
I didn’t answer, opening my door and climbing out. As I did so, I knocked my purse, spilling its contents all over the parking lot. I dropped my shopping bags and bent down to retrieve my wallet and keys. I couldn’t find my favorite lip-gloss, and I sat back on my heels contemplating where it could have rolled.
“What’s up?” I felt Jason just behind me.
“I can’t find my lip gloss.”
“So?”
“So, I don’t want to have to buy another.” I started to feel around again when I realized Jason had picked up my shopping bags. I stood up, brushing off my hands on my jeans. Jason grinned at me, backing up slowly.
“Give me my bags.” I had bought underwear and bras at Victoria’s Secret when he was off in some sports shop, and the last thing I wanted was Jason pawing through it.
He shook his head. “No.”
“Jason. Come on.”
“Come and get them.” He turned and made a beeline for his dorm room. I left my lipstick for fate and ran after him.
“Jason. Give it.” He hurtled through the door and onto his bed, laughing as he did so.
“What’s wrong? What’s in here that you’re worried I’ll see? Sexy lingerie for the English guy?”
I thought of Beck regretfully, but he didn’t need to know.
“English dude is not here. Just give it to me.” I reached for it, but he was quicker and stronger, and my reflexes were off from the beer.
He stuck his hand into a bag, pulling out a lacy thong and bra. “Nice.”
I gave up and hopped off the bed, disgusted. I could hear him rifling through my other bags now.
“There’s no way this stuff is for English guy.”
I remembered Beck lifting me off my feet and against the wall. There wasn’t anything prudish about that, except maybe my reaction. I sat down on the desk chair and waited for Jason to be done, ignoring his stupid comments and smirks.
Then he opened the box holding the ties for my dad. “What’re these?”
“Birthday presents for my dad.”
“Are you sure?” He jumped down, twirling them in his hands. “You know, these really are the perfect ties.”
“Yes. I know that’s what they are.”
“No. I mean ties … for tying you up.” He stood over me, gloating. “All you need is the right headboard.” I felt a lump in my throat.
“What?” My voice squeaked.
“Come on. Don’t tell me dirty little you never had anyone tie her up. Hell, even Abby let me tie her up, and she was hardly adventurous.”
I cringed at that mental
picture. I wondered if that was how she had kept him interested for so long.
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you’re the prude, not the English dude. Is that why he’s gone? You didn’t give it up quick enough?”
“No,” I answered defensively. I squirmed in the chair, trying to stand up, but Jason had tucked his feet around the chair legs. He reached over and turned off the overhead light then switched on his desk lamp, instantly bathing the room in shadows.
“Maybe you need some practice. Come on. You know you want it.” He bent down, the ties loosely draped though his fingers.
“I bet if I went to all the right places, you’d be good to go right now. Your body just craves what I have to offer, even though you’re sitting here pretending to be all innocent, pretending not to want it.” He placed his hand on my thigh, running his fingers lightly upward. My heart beat so hard I wondered if he could hear it.
“Jason, stop—”
“Scared?” I hated admitting anything to him. He picked up the chair in one fell swoop, with me in it. I shrieked, grabbing the arms as he carried it precariously over to the bed, tipping it over in the process and groping me as soon as I hit the bed, his fingers tickling me under my neck. I writhed in agony, giggling.
“Stop. Stop,” I panted, crawling away from the chair.
He gave me a breather, regarding me silently as I gasped for breath. “Come on, Wynter.” He flung the chair toward the end of the bed. Quickly and expertly, he wrapped one tie around my wrist.
“Jason, I don’t want this…”
He kneeled over me, “What? You want to say no? Are you sure?” He bent and kissed me. I felt my resolve weaken.
“You know how you make me feel, Wynter,” he whispered in my ear. I had barely sat up when he climbed back on top of me.
“Jason...” He kissed me again, stretching my arms up over my head.
“Don’t you trust me?” Excellent question. Perhaps if I hadn’t consumed half a pitcher of beer, I could have formed a coherent answer.
“I just think—”
“Think what?” He didn’t bother to wait for an answer, covering my neck with kisses. I felt him tying my wrists to the headboard. I couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t know if it was because of him or what he wanted me to do.
“If you loved me, you would do this. You would try this.”
My mind felt foggy, slow, like running in a dream when, no matter how hard I tried, I never got very far.
“Listen, just look at me and don’t worry about it. You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is. I promise we’re not going to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Jason...” He bent down and kissed me gently, almost teasingly, slowly undoing the buttons on my shirt, his fingers easily popping open the front closure of my bra as soon as it was exposed. I closed my eyes and prayed he would keep his promise.
***
In the thick silence that pervaded the room, I reached for the other half of my bra, somewhere dangling behind me. I fitted the two pieces of the clasp together and pulled the cups into place over my breasts. My fingers felt awkward and slow as I did up the buttons on my shirt. I wondered where all the easy banter from earlier at the mall had gone. I could barely think, much less talk.
Jason poured himself some kind of mixed drink. I scanned the room for my pants but couldn’t find them anywhere. “Have you seen my jeans?”
Jason cracked open a Coke and added part of it to his glass. “I threw them on the desk.”
I grabbed them, slipping them on self-consciously. Jason watched me, taking a sip. I spotted the open bottle of Captain Morgan and felt sick.
“So, what’s the deal with English dude?” I ignored him, trying to gather my purchases back into their bags instead. “Wynter, really, what’s the deal?”
“It’s … over with Beck.” I knew it was useless to lie. I was never good at mind games anyway.
“Seriously?” He sounded surprised.
“Yeah. It just didn’t work out.”
He took another sip, and I watched in horror as his face twisted into a disgusting grin. “Don’t come back, Wynter.”
“What?” It seemed impossible that, after the last few hours, his desire could hinge so entirely on my availability. He’d just done things to me I’d never allow another human being to do. I stared at my wrists, picturing where the ties had been.
“I’m involved with someone else, so I think you need to realize that we’re over.”
My brain barely registered his words. “But … you came to my room.”
“Maybe, and maybe not. But does it really matter? Who would believe you anyway—if I did. It’s over. I don’t know why you have trouble with that. Just leave and don’t call me anymore. I don’t want to do this again. No matter how much you want it.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Really? It didn’t sound like faking.”
Hatred coursed through me then—for him and the power he had over me and for my body betraying me. “What the hell? You’re the one who arranged this.”
“I don’t think so. I think you wanted it. And that’s fine, but I have a very good girlfriend, and I don’t want to lose her over screwing you.”
“Girlfriend? Now she’s your girlfriend?”
“Yes. She has been for two months. And she’s sweet and nice, not like you.”
“If she’s so wonderful, where is she now?”
“Probably home asleep. She trusts me, unlike you. You never could trust me, always watching me like a hawk every party we were at. You ruined it for me.”
“Are you talking about eye contact? You’re the one who’s always staring at me at parties. You always said you liked it.” I was babbling, but I couldn’t stop.
“I don’t think so. I was just staring back at you trying to get you to stop. Eye contact’s seductive, but not when you’re like a ball and chain staring at me, at everyone I talk to. She doesn’t do that. She trusts me.”
His answers were crazy, and I knew it, but still I couldn’t stop. “Trusts you? And what was the last few hours?”
He took a drink and shook his head. “What would your friends think if they knew what you just did? What do you think Abby would think?”
My stomach flipped over violently, and I grabbed my jacket, ducking out the door as fast as I could before I puked all over his floor. I heard the lock click just as I heaved in the bushes behind his room. I followed the path around the back of the dorms, cringing as I replayed each image of the night. I had a vision of Jason entertaining a locker room full of guys.
I’m not sure when I started crying, but now the tears ran down my face faster than I could brush them away. I veered off the path when I heard laughter. Some group out and about. I wished futilely I’d never gone with Jason. I would never be able to explain to the girls what I’d just done—what he had done to me. I could only imagine their disgusted faces when the truth came out.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Beck—The Woods
Drew called at eleven.
“You free to meet? Something we need to discuss.”
“Sure.” My whole night stretched ahead of me.
“New Haven? Usual?” He was very cryptic. More so than normal.
Quinn came with me. The diner at the wharf was packed even at this late hour. The waitress took our orders, and then I waited. It was his meet. He slid a manila folder across the table.
“A few weeks ago my guys picked up a call, from overseas to a mercenary we know lives up in this area. Nothing unusual. He’s for hire. One of my guys saw these pics and brought it to my attention.” I pulled them out. Black and whites of Audra and Michael. Dead. Matt Finolli, one of my guys. Killed on our mission into Colombia. Me in the airport in Boston. Wynter in her room. My stomach did a dive. Fuck.
“She an asset?” Drew looked at me as he lifted his drink to his lips.
“No.” I stared at the pic. Damn it. How could I do this to her?
“A mark?”
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“No.” I could hear my heart pounding. I put my fork down. I didn’t need to bend it like a toothpick in front of Drew. He wasn’t aware of our powers. He just thought we were good soldiers with excellent records of success, excepting Colombia, of course. He waited, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“She’s just a university girl.” I explained, concentrating on the edge of the picture until I felt my heart rate slow down.
“Well … Beck, I appreciate your … interest there but take some precautions.” He slid another packet across the table. “Also, I’ve been hired for Colombia.” Quinn grabbed the folder, flipping through it at a furious pace.
“When are you going?” I asked. I could still see the drop in my mind, every move made as we trekked across the mountain toward the compound. Right up until my capture.
“I’m heading down there to try to negotiate first. If that doesn’t work, we’ll snatch, grab and waste’em, but, unless something changes, we’re a few months out from that. How’s the rehab going? You want in?”
Quinn closed the folder and handed it to me. “Absolutely.”
“Beck?” I could see El Teniente’s pudgy face. It woke me up a lot of nights. Screw Baxter and whatever he was hiding. We didn’t owe them anything. They had discharged us. And screw El Teniente. He was just a fucking lieutenant anyway.
“I’m back to running five miles a day. And yes, I want in.” I grabbed the two folders and stood up.
Drew took another bite of sandwich. “Just so you know, I did have one of my guys sweep your area, but he found nothing. I’ll keep you posted on Colombia.”
“Thanks.” We shook hands and left.
***
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Quinn asked as we got off the exit for the school.
“Yeah.” I raked my fingers through my hair. The picture from Drew had put a lot of stuff in perspective. It didn’t matter now what I had done to her that night or that she was avoiding me. I had to make sure she was okay.