by Jim Ladd
With special thanks to Paul Harrison
To John Joe – the first pirate to join the crew
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
CRASH LANDING
SOS!
PIRATE PORT
FACE-OFF
STOWAWAY
CABIN BOY
CAPTURED!
MAP ATTACK!
JUNGRUM
RESCUE MISSION
STRANDED!
TO PLANET X!
About the Author
Copyright
Samson Starbuck peered through the telescope into outer space, watching spaceship rocket boosters flicker across the night like fireflies.
“How many planets are there in the Fudo system?” asked Professor Argon, his holographic teacher.
Sam set the telescope to zoom in on the distant constellation, but as he did, a spaceship entered his planet’s atmosphere. Checking that Professor Argon wasn’t watching, Sam swung his telescope to follow it. His parents were meant to have been back ages ago, but this spaceship wasn’t his family’s sleek silver cruiser. It was a huge black galleon with billowing sails and golden portholes, out of which jutted enormous cannons. At the back of the ship, looming out over open space, was a long silver plank. Sam grinned as he saw the white skull-and-rockets flag flying from the topmost mast. Space pirates!
“Samson?” Professor Argon asked again. “How many planets?”
“Errr, three?” he guessed.
“Very good,” Argon said, pointing a transparent arm up at the distant worlds. Mum had changed the holo-teacher’s settings back to “humanoid” again, so he had two arms and two legs like Sam, but his programming was universal so that he could resemble any of the species that he taught. Sam liked it best when Professor Argon was a three-headed Fishoid, but Mum said his holographic drool was too distracting.
“Glooton 5 is famous for its jelly mines. Half of all the jelly eaten in the universe comes from that one wobbly planet. The more you study,” said Argon, adjusting the glasses perched on his computer-generated nose, “the more you realise that the sky is filled with incredible worlds.”
“Yeah,” sighed Sam, “but this planet isn’t one of them. P-Sezov 8 is just a lump of rock.”
He wasn’t even exaggerating. The entire planet was covered with a thick blue stone that nothing could grow on. There were no plants or animals, and there were only two places on the entire planet where people lived, and one of them was his parents’ lab.
His holo-teacher flickered as his program selected the right file. “Actually, P-Sezov 8 does have one special function – it is ideally placed for exploring all the amazing worlds around it.”
Sam rolled his eyes and nodded. That was why his parents, Castor and Stella Starbuck, had based their lab here – so that they could travel all round the cosmos collecting samples of plant life and still be home in time for tea. Sam usually got to travel with them, but sometimes, like today, his parents insisted that he stay at the lab and catch up on his schoolwork.
Sam had begged them to take him with them – they were off to find the rare biting moss of Pretoid Alpha and he’d always wanted a pet – but instead they’d programmed the professor, and told him they’d be back before his lessons were over.
“And of course,” Argon continued, “P-Sezov 8 is also a known port for space pirates, who use its convenient position to launch attacks, raids and treasure hunts across the galaxy.”
The space-pirate ship was now close enough for Sam to hear it flying low over the lab. Sam watched through the window as it travelled over to the other side of the planet, where laser beams were criss-crossing in the sky. Fireworks flared here and there, and if Sam concentrated hard enough he could just about hear the noise of fighting and the raucous singing of popular space shanties. The ship was heading for Pirate Port.
Sam had always wanted to go there and see a real space pirate up close, but his parents had banned him from setting foot on that side of the planet.
“Space pirates are dangerous,” Mum had insisted. “It’s not all space shanties, swashbuckling and bowling, you know. There’s squabbling, stealing and duels to the death.”
So Sam was stuck on the most boring planet this side of the Milky Way and he wasn’t even allowed to go to the only interesting place on it.
Sighing, Sam watched the pirate ship disappear from sight. He was about to turn away from the window when something else caught his eye. Amongst all the flashes and streaks in the sky over Pirate Port, there was one speck of light that seemed brighter than the others. The longer he stared at it, the bigger it seemed to get. Sam grabbed the telescope again and focused the lens. It was still there and getting bigger by the second. What was it? It looked too small for a ship and it was moving too quickly.
Then he realised – it wasn’t getting bigger, it was getting closer – and it was heading straight for the lab!
“Samson, are you listen— Eek!” Argon’s voice turned into a high-pitched squeak as Sam dived right through his body and flung himself under a desk, curled himself into a ball and waited for the impact. The only sound he could hear was the rapid beating of his heart as it hammered away inside his chest. Then there was a bright flash and a piercing howl as the object streaked past the window, followed almost immediately by an enormous explosion. The force of the strike shook the lab.
Sam waited until the ringing in his ears had stopped, then he crawled out from under the desk and had a quick check that he was OK. His legs seemed to work and he still had ten fingers to waggle, so everything seemed in order. He raced downstairs to see what had happened, and looked out on to what used to be his garden.
Where there had been a stretch of rock and a large telescope, now there was a huge crater with thin wisps of smoke curling over the rim and a few shards of stone stuck into the side of the laboratory. In the middle of the wreckage was a satellite dish, knocked off by whatever had crash-landed. Oh great, thought Sam. That’s killed the holovision. Although that does mean no more boring Professor Argon!
Sam peered over the edge of the crater. There, glowing at the very bottom of the hole, was a small, shiny metal sphere. He scrambled down inside the crater and picked it up.
He’d seen something like this before… but where? It looked a bit like the homing beacon on his parents’ spaceship. In fact, it looked a lot like the homing beacon on his parents’ spaceship.
With a sinking feeling, Sam realised that it was the homing beacon from his parents’ ship! But where was the rest of the ship? And where were his parents?
Sam stared at the small ball that had crash-landed in his garden. Ignoring the fluttering feeling in his stomach, he pressed the beacon’s emergency release button. With a ftzzt the two sides fell apart and a strip of silvery cloth fell out. The way the light danced and reflected on the cloth meant it could only be one thing – spacesuit material. And there was writing on it.
Stella Starbuck’s handwriting was impossibly neat and tiny, which was handy as she had written quite a lot on a small scrap of cloth. Sam’s hand was shaking as he tried to read what the note said.
Sam turned the cloth over. On the other side was a sketchy drawing of various planets and stars.
A map showing the way to Planet X! But that’s impossible!
Everyone had heard of Planet X – it was said to be a whole world made of solid gold. For hundreds of years, space pirates across the galaxy had searched for the planet – each hoping to make their fortune – but none had ever found it.
“Computer on!” yelled Sam as he tore back into the lab. His parents had always drummed into him what to do in an emergency. He rushed over to the main computer console. “Computer, activate the interstellar SOS message.” He scanned the map his mother had dra
wn, and added it to the message.
“Send,” he commanded with relief. Now every rescue team on every planet in the solar system would be rushing to find his parents. Just knowing that there was a plan of action made Sam feel better.
“ERROR,” came the computer’s mechanical voice. “NO SIGNAL. MESSAGE COULD NOT BE DELIVERED.”
No signal? thought Sam, confused. But how…?
Then he remembered the wrecked satellite dish. He looked around for Professor Argon, but he had already deactivated. Suddenly Sam felt horribly alone. He never thought he’d miss his holo-teacher. Without a satellite signal he couldn’t contact anyone, not even to tell the authorities about the crash. His grandparents were only on the next moon – but suddenly that felt like a galaxy away.
There was no rescue team based on P-Sezov 8. There was only one spaceship and his parents had it. Sam could feel his mouth going dry and his hands getting sweaty.
He leaned against the window sill and rested his forehead on the cool glass. The fireworks were still flickering over Pirate Port. The only other people on the planet… were the space pirates.
Maybe the pirates could take me to the next planet so I can contact Interstellar Rescue? Even as he thought it, Sam realised it wouldn’t work. Space pirates spent all their time avoiding the authorities, not looking for them. That’s why they stayed on P-Sezov 8, away from everything and everyone.
But Mum and Dad aren’t just stranded anywhere – they’re on Planet X, a planet made of gold… An idea formed in Sam’s head as he looked at the scrap of cloth in his hand. Space pirates would do anything to find Planet X… and I’ve got a map showing the way!
Sam had stuffed some clothes into a bag and jumped on his hoverbike before he had really thought through what he was about to do. So when he arrived on the outskirts of Pirate Port he suddenly felt bottom-wobblingly nervous. He started to wonder whether this was such a good idea after all… But his parents needed him and this was his only way of helping them. Sam’s boots clanked as he stepped determinedly on to the metal walkways of the port, and into what felt like a different world.
The first thing he noticed was the smell – a combination of rocket fuel, spices, dirt, and the sickly scent of grum, the space pirates’ favourite drink. Then the noise hit him. The dock was teeming with people and creatures. Sam could see aliens from all around the galaxy, some species he’d only read about and some he didn’t recognise at all!
A spider-bodied Arachnoman clattered by on eight peg legs. A fat Chubbertron from the planet Largus waddled past, blinking its twenty eyes. A huge, hairy, one-horned Minocerous carried a massive wooden trunk casually on one shoulder. Minoceri were famously bad-tempered, so Sam made sure he didn’t get in its way. Unfortunately, as he was watching out for the Minocerous, he walked straight into the back of a gigantic, semi-transparent blue Squart. With a sloppy squelch he pulled himself off the Squart’s sticky skin.
“Sorry, sir,” stammered Sam as the slug-like alien turned and swayed above him menacingly.
“How dare you!” came a high-pitched voice in reply. “First you grab my bottom and then you think I’m a man. I’ve never been more insulted!”
The Squart lady slid off, leaving Sam sticky and a little bit confused. He tried to brush the blue goo off his coat as he walked forward. But as Sam turned the corner he stopped in amazement, sludge dripping messily off his fingers, and gazed up at the ships docked in front of him.
There was every size of spaceship imaginable, from small moon schooners to massive interstellar galleons, all held in place by their gravity anchors. The biggest ships towered high above the dock, their masts stretching for the stars, some with sails already unfurled to catch the solar winds.
Sam stared from one ship to another. He’d never dreamed he’d be able to see real space-pirate ships up close! The Spacehorse was sharp, pointy and fast-looking – and its fearsome number of laser cannons suggested that you didn’t want to mess with it. The Galaxy Maiden was a sturdier affair: at first glance Sam thought it was a cargo ship – until he spotted the holes in the side which hid the weapons and the skull-and-rockets flag flapping lazily from the top of the mast. The elegant Siren of the Stars came next, its chrome surfaces glinting in the light and everything stored neatly on deck.
Then came the Jolly Apollo. Sam never thought he’d find a space-pirate ship disappointing but even he had to admit that the Jolly Apollo was a sorry-looking vessel. It squatted by the dock like an exhausted Phyraxian toad, battered, dirty, and covered in patches of rust and space algae. It looked unlikely to make it to the end of the port, never mind sail the solar seas. It was the exact opposite of the final ship, Gravity’s Revenge, which sat menacingly at one end of the walkway completely dominating the dock. Sam recognised it as the one that he’d seen go past earlier. It was a huge space galleon, painted deep black and bristling with golden laser cannons. No ships were moored anywhere near it, and Sam could see why. It was completely terrifying… and the coolest thing Sam had ever seen in his life!
Looking at ships wasn’t going to help his parents though. Sam needed to find a captain to ask for a lift to Planet X. He leaned on a large barrel of grum and looked around the dock. If I were a space-pirate captain, he thought, where would I be…?
The sound of singing drifted across the dock. Opposite Sam was a building with the words YO HO BOWL picked out in neon lights. He wandered over and peered through the grimy window. Inside, pirates were singing space shanties and knocking back foaming tankards of grum. And all of them – even the ones with peg legs – were wearing bowling shoes. The clatter of falling bowling pins rattled behind them.
“Strike!” someone yelled.
“I’ll strike you!” another voice replied. There was the sound of laser cutlasses being fired up.
Sam gulped. He stood as tall as he could and tried to look as confident as possible. He marched to the door and was just about to go in when a yell echoed around the dock. “FIGHT!”
Before Sam could move out of the way, the doors to the bowling alley burst open and everyone ran out. If there was one thing pirates loved more than bowling it was a good fight. Sam was carried along by a rush of bodies, all eager to get a view of the action. Eventually he got to the edge of the crowd surrounding the battling pirates. In front of him arms and legs were whirling and fists and tentacles were flying – much to the entertainment of the crowd, who shouted encouragement.
“Hit him, you useless swab!” someone yelled as a giant three-legged monster chased a group of smaller shipmates. Another was clinging on to a crab-clawed buccaneer and slapping him with a bowling shoe. They were the dirtiest fighters Sam had ever seen. One pirate was even bashing another one over the head with a small accordion, which made screechy “whee-whaa” noises with every blow.
KABOOOM!
The loud retort of a laser musket echoed around the dock. Instantly the fighting stopped and the crowd fell silent. The knot of onlookers parted as a huge pirate strode into the centre of the circle. He was tall – at least two and a half metres high – and as broad as a barrel of grum. A thick beard as black as the night sky itself spilled halfway down his chest, tangled and twisted like a living thing. The ends were plaited and held in place with thick red knots that looked suspiciously like they’d been dipped in blood. A long scar stretched across one cheek and the one eye not hidden behind a patch burned with an evil glare. In one hand he held a laser musket. On his shoulder sat a small, mean-looking bird with a curvy beak.
A deep hush settled on the dock. All Sam could hear was the faint “whee-whaas” coming from the accordion as one end bounced up and down like a tired yo-yo. All the pirates who had been fighting stood still as statues, frozen in the positions they were in when the musket went off. A Kraken – a many-tentacled alien a bit like a giant squid – held a couple of pirates at arm’s length as if he wasn’t sure whether to drop them or not, and a Minocerous held a two-headed opponent in a double headlock. All eyes were turned towards the menaci
ng pirate that stood in the middle of the circle.
“Shiver me space boots,” whispered an elderly pirate next to Sam. “It’s Black-Hole Beard!”
“What’s this, me hearties?” roared Black-Hole Beard to the group of pirates. “A little bit of sport before we sail? Who’s that you’re scrappin’ with? Is that the crew of the Jolly Apollo? Blisterin’ barnacles, don’t waste time fightin’ that sorry sack-load o’ starfish!”
There were sniggers and snorts of laughter from the watching crowd. The odd creature on Black-Hole Beard’s shoulder shook its feathers and started to sing:
“There once was a pirate ship
That looked like a right old tip
You should never follow
The Jolly Apollo
Cos the captain’s a proper big drip. Squawk!”
“Arr, that’s right, Baggot, me beauty,” smiled Black-Hole Beard. He looked at the Minocerous. “Yarr, put him down. You might catch something.”
“Arr!” the Minocerous replied, dropping the two-headed alien on the metal walkway with a clank. It jumped up and scuttled over to join the rest of its crew. One of its heads was smiling while the other looked furious.
“Why, thank you,” said the happy head.
“I’m warning ya, horn face,” said the angry one. “If you’ve scuffed my bowling shoes I’m going to stick that horn of yours right up ya—”
“Do not fear, my boys – your captain has arrived!” A voice was heard from the back of the crowd as a tall, thin figure started to squeeze his way through. “Excuse me… excuse me… yes… could I just… oh, pardon me, madam… excuse me, coming through there…”
Eventually he reached the front, where he paused to brush down his clothes and reposition his hat.