She could feel the terrible next word hanging in the air over the table. She said it for him, in the hopes that it might hurt less coming from her own lips. “But?”
He nodded. “But I’m so confused right now. I mean, a few weeks ago I thought we were going to be together forever. I had not one single doubt about us, even though I could tell you weren’t sure all the time. I just figured I’d been waiting for us to happen for eight years now. I could wait for you to catch up. Stupid, right?”
She shook her head but he went on. “Of course, during those eight years I knew you were seeing people, just like I was. It’s just, whenever I was with some other girl, even for a few months, I guess in my mind I was always comparing her to you. Maybe that’s why I could never give my whole heart, even though I didn’t understand it at the time. That’s why I never really gave anyone a chance, even though I kind of thought I did. Is this making sense?”
She nodded, numb.
“I knew you were dating while you lived in Texas and California and all those places. I remember hearing about some of the guys, and I’d get jealous but I’d tell myself that they couldn’t be that serious. Anyway, we were just friends. When I went to get you in Austin, I knew it was about more than just losing a job. I knew there had to be something more, but I just told myself if it was a big deal, you’d tell me about it. I didn’t want to think about it, honestly. See? I’ve hidden from myself as much as you hid from me. So when that guy showed up on my doorstep, and I saw the way you looked at each other…”
“Jake—”
“No, please don’t. I know you never wanted to hurt me, but I saw what I saw. There was so much between you; it was all over your faces. So much passion, and your anger. I’ve never seen you that angry and I knew there was so much more to that story. I knew then that I was just the rebound guy.”
“You’re not.” Marci choked. Again, the tears. She wished she could control her crying, to keep from seeming weak and helpless at the moments she needed most to be strong and convincing.
“And when I figured out he was married,” Jake started, and then the waiter arrived with the food.
Marci pretended to look for her dropped napkin on the floor to hide her face. Her worst fears were confirmed. Jake was not just hurt by her feelings for Doug and the fact that she’d hidden the relationship. He was disappointed in her for doing the wrong thing. That hurt more than anything. She’d known her relationship with Doug was wrong all along, but it had never occurred to her that it would cost her the one person she loved and admired most.
She composed herself and tried to focus on appraising her veggie lasagna. When the waiter left, she said quickly, “Please, don’t say anything else. I can’t do this right now.”
He looked mildly surprised, but nodded gravely. They ate in silence and skipped dessert.
In the car on the way back to her apartment, she broke down. “Jake, I know I can’t explain it away, what I did. I understand if you don’t see a future for us. That’s hard for me to hear, but I don’t blame you. Not at all.” Her voice quavered, but she plowed on, knowing she needed to finish this or she might never have another chance. “But please don’t, don’t be ashamed of me. I’m ashamed of myself enough already and I just couldn’t stand it if you felt that way, too. It’s hard to explain and I know there’s no excuse.”
“Ashamed of you?”
“I did know he was married when we got involved, and I hated it every minute, but I don’t know. I was so weak, and he was so unhappy in his marriage. He did leave his wife, in the end, or at least he said he did, not that I care now.”
“Why would you think I was ashamed of you?”
“You said—”
“Marci,” he said, pulling the car over. “I know you, and you’re not the kind of person who sleeps with a married man. When I found out, I knew how deeply involved you must’ve been and why you kept it a secret. It made me so jealous. It still does, right now, just knowing how intense it was.” He reached over and brushed a frizzy curl out of her face. “God, sweetheart. I’m the last person who would judge you.”
Relief washed over her and she fell into him. The rain pounded against the windows and the dark deepened outside. When she pulled away from him, he looked sad. “I better get you home,” he said, with a glance at the night outside.
He kissed her on the cheek in front of the apartment and she ran upstairs without looking back into the downpour. Suzanne was hovering just beyond the living room, waiting to see whether Marci was alone before emerging. They collapsed on the couch and Marci sobbed out the details of the whole evening.
“So I guess it really is over,” she summarized when she had hit the highlights.
“Did he ask you for the ring back?”
“No, but he wouldn’t. He’s not like that. I’ll get it to him, I guess.”
“You’re right, he’s not like that, but that is a family heirloom. Maybe he hasn’t made up his mind yet.”
“I don’t know; he sounded pretty sure.”
“In any case, I have a bottle of Shiraz already open and Ben & Jerry’s that’s been melting the perfect amount of time. I’ll be right back.”
“You’re the best,” Marci said, squeezing Suzanne’s hand gratefully.
Outside, there was a loud screech of tires and the distinctive crunch of metal. It sounded as though it came from the entrance to the complex. They glanced at each other and Suzanne went to the window to investigate.
“Please tell me it’s not Jake,” Marci said. Then, as an afterthought, “And that everyone is okay.”
“Well, it’s not Jake,” Suzanne said. “Because he’s still right in front of our apartment, pacing back and forth in the rain like an idiot.”
“What?” Marci was halfway across the room before her feet hit the floor.
“And I think I can see the accident, too. It’s hard to tell but I think everyone is okay. I mean, since you’re so concerned and all,” she added as Marci shoved her out of the way.
“What is he doing down there?”
“Getting soaked. And wearing a groove in our front sidewalk.”
“Should I go down?”
Suzanne appraised Marci critically and smiled. “Is there anything I could say to stop you?”
Marci raced down the stairs, oblivious of the danger of slipping on the concrete steps. She emerged into the rain, which fell in sheets under the yellow halos of the street lamps. She had not thought to bring her coat or an umbrella. By the time she thought of going back upstairs for one or the other, Jake had spotted her.
“Hey,” he said, reddening.
“Hey,” she called. “You’re soaked.”
He walked toward her. “So are you, now.” He glanced reflexively at her chest where the rain had saturated her white blouse, revealing a clear view of her bra and cleavage. She made a feeble attempt to cover herself and then gave up.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked.
“I wish I knew. I couldn’t make myself leave, Marci. But I couldn’t come upstairs either. I have all these feelings and I don’t trust any of them.”
“Oh.” What else could she say?
“Tell me one thing,” he said, pulling her under the half-shelter beneath the eaves, two stories up. “Do you, I mean, could you ever, could you love me the way you loved him?”
“What?”
“I mean, with that kind of fury?” He bent his head, as though it embarrassed him deeply to say this aloud. “The look I saw on your face when he came to the door. I’ve loved you for years, Marci. I’d give anything to make you look at me that way. I just need to know it’s possible.”
“Oh, Jake.” She looked up at him. Her heart was a puddle between their feet. “It’s more than possible. I love you that way already.”
He looked up at her, and rain dripped from his messy hair over his eyelids and down his face. His face was searching hers, longing for confirmation that what she was saying might be true. He was irresistible in
this state. Marci put both hands on his face and pulled him toward her.
They had kissed many times before this. The drunken kiss all those years ago in a college bar. Quick, affectionate pecks on the cheeks or lips when one or both of them had been dating someone else. The mysterious New Year’s Eve, and the exploratory kiss at Nicole’s bachelorette party. Most recently, the careful, gentle kisses they had shared in recent months as an engaged couple. There had been a kind of domestic sweetness about the way he kissed her as her fiancé.
But tonight, in the rain outside Suzanne’s apartment, something ignited between them that Marci had never experienced before. Of course things had been passionate with Doug; their limited time together and the constant fear of being caught heightened every sensation when they were together. But this was different.
Jake’s mouth responded to her own with a warmth and forcefulness she had never experienced from him. It was like water had slowly been brought to a boil around her while she wasn’t paying attention. All at once there was freedom and terror, desire and tranquility, hope and relief. Everything she wanted was here, and nothing could threaten it. Except maybe catching pneumonia.
He pressed her against the wall and they kissed to block out the world and the rainy night around them. They shivered and laughed like teenagers. By the time they dredged upstairs, dripping from every stitch of clothing and inch of skin, Suzanne had gone to bed. She’d left half the bottle of Shiraz on the counter with two glasses and a candle burning for them. Jake poured the wine while Marci pulled every clean towel in the apartment out of the linen closet.
She made a pallet on her bedroom floor for them and they went together to the bathroom to remove one another’s dripping clothes. They laughed at their ridiculousness, and then tried to stifle the giggles to keep from waking Suzanne, which only made them laugh more. They ran naked from the hallway bath to her room like streakers.
Marci couldn’t remember being happier at any other point in her life. She could scarcely believe that just a couple of hours earlier, she had been afraid of losing Jake forever. Now he was lying naked in front of her on a beach towel on her bedroom floor, tracing the line from her neck down her shoulders to her fingertips and back. Electrified at his touch, she shivered and looked into his eyes, where the laughter had faded completely.
Everything that had had happened in the last several weeks—Doug, the hotel, the rings, Jake’s dad, the hospital, Rebecca—seemed to intensify the energy between them. As Jake reached to pull her close to him, Marci knew that things had changed forever.
Chapter 26
She awoke to the usual sound of her alarm, but from far away. Between the tangle of towels entwined with all her limbs and Jake’s arms locked tightly around her, it took her a couple of minutes to get to the buzzer. By the time she did, Suzanne was calling at the door. “Wake up, lovebirds! Time to get ready for work!”
Jake groaned on the floor and rolled over, grabbing Marci’s ankle and pulling her down as she tried to pass him. “Don’t go,” he begged. “Call in sick. Let’s stay here all day and make love. I think I can promise you at least two more times before lunch.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said, and kissed him dismissively before wrestling free. “I think five times in twelve hours is more than either of us can handle. Besides, I can’t miss work until after this project gets evaluated.”
He let go, reluctantly. “Well, at least promise me I can take you to dinner tonight.”
“Done,” she acceded, and tiptoed into the hallway toward the shower, wrapped in a loud pink beach towel covered in orange flowers. She threw Jake’s still-damp clothes from the night before at him, and he muttered something about hoping he still had some dry boxers in a drawer around here somewhere, assuming Marci hadn’t gotten so pissed that she’d thrown them out. When she came back from her shower, he was gone.
She looked for her engagement ring as she got ready for work, thinking it was safe to put it back on after last night, and found that was missing, too. A slight panic set in, even though she felt fairly positive that the ring had been there the day before. She’d looked at it obsessively nearly every day for weeks.
Surely Jake had picked it up, maybe to give it to her again tonight? She thought about the alternatives, that she had somehow misplaced it without realizing, or that someone had broken into the apartment without leaving any evidence and taken nothing but that single piece of jewelry. This latter seemed particularly unlikely given the extensive and pricey collection Suzanne kept in the next room.
By the time she got to work, the stress of the final preparations for the project had sucked her in completely. She had no time to leave the office for lunch or even return phone calls, much less to ponder the mystery of her missing ring. In any case, her mood was too deliciously good to let worry of any sort bring her down. She was particularly gracious and encouraging with her team, and approved everyone’s creative suggestions, even the ones that would have made her nervous the day before. This seemed to make the team happy, if a bit confused.
So even though the pressure was on and the pace hectic, everyone’s spirits were elevated and cheerful all day. It was as though the whole team had enjoyed a long night of great sex, not just Marci alone. The other teams, feeling the pressure and experiencing lots of infighting and struggling for power, sent resentful glares their way whenever the members met in the art department or the copy room. This only bolstered their mood and solidified their team identity.
By the end of the day, she was exhausted and starving but deliriously happy. She grabbed a granola bar and banana while she changed clothes and waited for Jake. He picked her up at 7:00, kissing her affectionately and being very secretive about his plans. He wore a blazer and tie, though, which made her glad she’d opted for a cocktail dress and put her mind at ease about the missing ring, particularly because she thought she saw him wink at Suzanne on their way out the door. A single red rose waited on the passenger seat for her when she got in the car. At some point in her life, she would’ve thought this gesture was trite and unnecessary, but tonight it felt sweet and special and wonderful.
They ate at an upscale steakhouse on the edge of Buckhead. Dinner was delicious by candlelight, and Marci found herself struggling to make normal conversation as she waited for something to happen any moment. Jake was wonderful and sweet and the whole evening was romantic, perfect for a real proposal. Looking back, she realized that their first engagement had been based on an evolving, awkward agreement, rather than a question publicly asked and answered. She had never known that she wanted a traditional proposal—that she needed it, in fact—until tonight. Now that it was here, or at least, she felt pretty sure this was it, it felt more than right.
As they finished dinner, she inhaled deeply whenever the waitress came to the table, expecting a champagne glass or piece of cake with a ring inside, or maybe a cue for the solo violinist wandering the restaurant to appear to set the scene. Periodically she checked her makeup in a tiny mirror, thinking that all eyes in the restaurant would soon be on her and wanting to look perfect for her moment in the spotlight. But the proposal never came.
Jake paid the check, held the door for her, and kept his arm around her while the valet retrieved his truck. The cool evening was warmed by his touch, and it felt wonderful to be close to him, but she couldn’t help but feel disappointed that he hadn’t asked. Had she misunderstood entirely? Obviously she couldn’t ask him about it, but the anticipation and concern were eating her alive. He seemed not to notice, and remained smiling and calm. “Dessert?” he asked, lifting her into the truck. She nodded and he grinned in response.
Wherever they were going, it was somewhere off the beaten track. Jake had exited the interstate in a familiar spot but soon veered into seemingly endless, winding residential roads. Marci didn’t mind. He had his hand on her knee and there was good music on the radio, so she didn’t care where they were heading.
It was a complete surprise when Jake pull
ed the car into a very familiar driveway. Marci had not been at the Stillwells’ house in weeks. She looked at Jake for an explanation but he just smiled and stared straight ahead.
When they stepped out of the car, she saw that there were luminarias flickering along the front sidewalk, lighting their way. Jake took her hand and led her up the path to the front door. Inside were more candles and soft music playing in the great room down the hall. As they entered, she saw Robert, sitting up respectably well in a wheelchair and wearing a suit just a bit too big with the weight he’d lost since the stroke. Kitty was equally well-dressed, standing with her hand on her husband’s shoulder, and the color had returned to her features.
When Marci’s eyes swept the rest of the large room she gasped. Both her parents, Leah and Dave, Suzanne, and Beth were all there. Her mother held up a cell phone that Marci would soon learn had Nicole and Ravi on the other end. Everyone was smiling. She turned to look at Jake in astonishment, and he sank to one knee as she did. Little murmurs and sighs emanated from the room around them.
“Marcella Beatrice Thompson,” Jake said, his voice confident. Marci began to tremble with nerves and excitement. “The first time I asked you this question, I didn’t go about it very well. We kind of bucked tradition, didn’t we? Well, maybe we learned that there are times when tradition matters. So tonight I’m here with a ring, on one knee, to tell you that I love you, and to ask you in front of our friends and family if you will do me the honor of becoming my wife. Marci, will you marry me?”
For a minute the words wouldn’t come. All she could do was nod and cover her mouth with her hands. Eventually she squeaked, “Yes,” and the room erupted in applause. Jake stood and took her hands, putting his grandmother’s ring back on her finger where it belonged. She could see had been freshly polished and sparkled in the candlelight. Soon they were surrounded by hugs and tears and laughing, and everything finally felt right.
Epilogue – Six Months Later
The Marriage Pact Page 27