I shrugged, waving her away as if it was nothing special, but I was glad she liked the idea. I’d thought it would be really romantic.
The staff helped us get onto the ship and we sat outside, as Kathleen wanted. She took my hand soon after the ship left the dock and rested her head on my shoulder, letting out a long sigh of contentment.
“Thank you for this wonderful day, Colin. I loved every minute of it.”
I squeezed her hand and kissed the top of her head, resting my chin on it.
“There’s still one last thing on our schedule but we can skip it and go home if you’re too tired,” I said, and she looked up at me narrowing her eyes.
“We’re not going on the Ghost Tour, are we?”
I chuckled and shook my head. That would be a little too touristy, even for me.
“I thought we could have dinner somewhere in Temple Bar, in one of the pubs where they play live music.”
“And will you start singing Whiskey in the Jar while draining pint after pint of Guinness? Because if that’s the case, I think I’ll pass.”
“Low blow, Icy. I’m a great singer, especially after a couple of pints,” I said, feigning offense.
She gave me a worried sort of look and I grinned, reassuringly. “I won’t be drinking, babe, don’t worry. First of all, I’m too old to get wasted like a teenager and, secondly, I’ll be driving, and your brother would rip my head off if you so much as scratched your finger.”
She laughed at my comment, knowing I was right, and relaxed against me, letting the soft rocking of the boat lull us. It had been a long day and I’d been up since six, because I couldn’t sleep thinking I’d be seeing her—but I wasn’t tired at all. It was as if she’d brought a boost of energy with her, as if she was the vitamin I needed after two interminable months feeling a real wretch. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, inhaling the familiar smell of her fruity shampoo. My heart filled with emotions I’d always thought I’d never be able to feel. I knew right then and there she was the love of my life, without any doubt.
“Can we go for a stroll in St. Stephen’s Green?” Kathleen asked after we disembarked the boat. “It’s been ages since I’ve been there.”
I nodded and we went back toward Grafton Street, crossed the road, and entered the park. There were lots of people lying on the meadows, enjoying the lovely summer weather and making the most of it while it lasted. Kids were running around, chasing each other; lovers were holding hands and kissing; teenagers were laughing loudly, drinking coffee and teasing one another.
I’d come here many times in the past when I was still a student. I loved the relaxed atmosphere, and looking at swans moving across the water. Besides, it was a good place to think, where I could lose myself in reveries and memories of the past.
I used to sit on a bench and watch people pass by, wondering what their stories were and if they’d ever suffered anything close to what I had. I used to watch mothers strolling around the park with their children and I’d wonder if they loved them just as much as my mother had loved me. I used to watch couples holding hands and hugging and wondered if I’d ever get to experience that kind of happiness with anyone, knowing I probably never would. And here I was now, with the person I considered the love of my life, strolling down the same paths I had only a few years ago.
I knew I wasn’t the man I used to be. She’d changed me; in little more than five months she had turned my life upside-down, opening old wounds and partially healing them. She could never bring back my parents or erase my guilt but she’d showed me I could love and be loved in return, and this in itself was a kind of miracle.
“Are you getting bored?” she asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at her. She frowned in concern, and I immediately shook my head and smiled.
“Not at all. I was just…reminiscing,” I said, bending down to kiss her lips.
“About all the girls you used to bring here?”
I laughed, shaking my head again. I took her hands and crouched down, bringing them to my mouth. I kissed her palms then placed them on my cheeks and closed my eyes, enjoying the softness and warmth of her touch.
“You’re the first one I’ve ever been here with. This was my thinking place, so I always came here on my own.”
She seemed okay with the explanation and I was glad she didn’t ask what I came here to think about because I really didn’t feel like going there right now. I needed to keep those feelings locked away in the recesses of my mind where they belonged. When I was with Kathleen I wanted to be happy and in love, not gloomy and miserable.
We strolled around the park for a little while longer, neither of us feeling the need to say anything. She was enjoying taking it all in and I was enjoying simply knowing she was here with me. I didn’t need anything else.
Chapter Thirty-five
Kathleen
June 23, 2012
It had been a wonderful day, from the Viking Splash Tour to the stroll in St. Stephen’s Green. I’d loved every fun, relaxing, romantic minute of it, even hearing Colin sing traditional Irish songs after dinner with the strongest American accent he’d ever used. I’d laughed so hard, I had to hold my stomach to stifle the cramps.
When he decided his performance had lasted long enough, we went back toward the parking lot. As Colin wheeled me down the narrow alleys, I looked around at the vibrant atmosphere in Temple Bar, a mixture of tourists, young people and street artists, and I remembered the days when Declan and our college friends had walked down those same narrow paved streets, enjoying Dublin’s nightlife. It was all gone now, all lost.
I closed my eyes as I thought of Declan. I was sure he and Colin would have been great friends since they were very similar in many ways. After his behavior earlier today I wasn’t too sure David liked Colin, but I really wanted him to.
I was sure now more than ever that I didn’t want to let go of Colin. Today he’d proven once again that my life didn’t have to be different from everyone else’s just because I was in a wheelchair, and that I could still have fun and spend time with him despite my condition. He was still serious about us, and so was I; but I lived on the opposite coast of the country, and I didn’t really want him to have to drive all the way to Galway every weekend, nor could I ask David to drive me to Dublin all the time, and using public transport was out of the question.
I contemplated asking Annie if she’d consider taking me back in the one-story cottage I used to share with her. It was close to Colin’s neighborhood and, although she lived there with her boyfriend now, it had two bedrooms and two bathrooms and I’d learned to be independent. Living away from my family didn’t scare me anymore, and it would be fun to spend some time with Annie again. As a bonus, Colin would be only ten minutes away and I could spend time with him whenever he wasn’t at the hospital. I could have a real future instead of brooding over my life, waiting for the day I’d die. I made a mental note to send a text to Annie tomorrow and call her once I was home in Galway.
“Babe?” Colin interrupted my musing. I looked up at him, noticing we’d reached the car and he was ready to help me get inside. “Are you okay? You’ve gone all quiet…”
I smiled and nodded, then held out my arms to show him I was ready for him to scoop me up; it was the only thing I loved about not being able to walk.
We didn’t talk during the short drive to his apartment. I stared out the car window at the city lights and went over all the events of the day, looking forward to my move to Dublin.
Once we were back I used the bathroom and, when I came out, Colin was in the kitchen making us tea so I looked around the living room, taking in all the small things that would tell me more about him. It was quite neat and tidy for a bachelor’s apartment and the simple, minimalistic style of everything mirrored his personality. Again I was reminded of my brother, who’d always been the tidiest of us kids. There was a plasma screen with a DVD player on a low cupboard, a blue two-seater couch with a couple of bei
ge scatter pillows, a coffee table beside it and a cherry wood bookcase next to the window, filled to the top with books and CDs. I noticed something familiar on the shelf and I wheeled myself toward it to take a better look. I smiled when I saw it was the picture of us on the ferry to Liberty Island, displayed in a beautiful silver frame with shamrocks all around it.
“Inspecting my house for proof of other women, are you?”
I gave a start as I heard Colin’s voice right behind me, and I turned to find him looking at me with a smirk. When he saw I was holding the silver frame his smile turned softer and he crouched down next to me, handing me a mug.
“I have the same picture on my computer desktop,” I said, smiling, and he kissed the tip of my nose, taking a sip of tea afterward.
“I decided to put pictures of you everywhere so I’d see your face all the time, no matter where I was.” He shrugged, trying to downplay it, but I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. I proved it to him by kissing him softly before running my tongue along his bottom lip and making him groan. He put the mug on the floor and deepened the kiss, causing my stomach to do somersaults.
“Drink your tea,” he said seriously, “so we can go to bed, and carry on this very interesting conversation.”
I giggled and put the frame back on the shelf, gulping down my tea, which was luckily cold enough to prevent any major scalds.
Colin waited outside the room while I put on my pajamas and, when I told him I was decent, he walked in with a raised eyebrow and a naughty grin which made his lovely dimples stand out even more.
“I was hoping I’d find you in a sexy silk nightgown, not a Goofy suit,” he said, coming toward me in only a t-shirt and a pair of black boxers.
Mouthwatering.
That was the first word that came to my mind, and my cheeks flushed red-hot. He noticed my expression and smirked.
“Sorry, I don’t own pajamas,” he said waggling his eyebrows, “and I thought sleeping in my birthday suit with you in my bed wouldn’t be a smart idea at all.”
If possible, my cheeks turned even redder and he laughed, plopping down next to me and pulling me close.
“Just kidding, babe,” he said sweetly, before brushing my lips with his. “And just for your info: I think you’re sexy, even in your pajamas.”
I leaned against him, resting my head on his chest, and his strong arms encircled me. I inhaled the smell of cologne mixed with washing powder and his own masculine scent, and I felt my throat constrict at the thought of having to leave him tomorrow. We remained like that, hugging each other in silence for a few minutes, until he eventually pulled back and brushed my cheek.
“I can’t believe you’re here, sitting on my bed. It feels too good to be true,” he said, removing the band from my hair and releasing it from the ponytail. He gently stroked my hair, as if he was afraid to hurt me. “I’ve missed you so damn much, Icy,” he said, staring straight into my eyes and I nodded.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I whispered. I’d always tried to hide my real feelings over the past few months; I’d been lying to him and I’d been lying to myself, but I was done with it now. Heartbreak or not, I was going to enjoy whatever I could get, be it a week, a month or forever with him. Live for the moment would be my motto from now on.
“Come here, Icy,” he said, sliding on the bed until he was leaning against the headboard, and he pulled me toward him. Then he wrapped his arm around me and I snuggled in closer, wishing I could stop time and just stay like that forever.
Chapter Thirty-six
Colin
June 23, 2012
Sitting on my bed with my arm wrapped around Kathleen’s shoulder felt like the most natural thing in the world. I’d never sat on my bed chatting to a girl before, but with Kathleen it felt just right. I didn’t really mind that we couldn’t do what I usually did on my bed with a girl. I loved feeling her warm body next to mine, her head and hand on my chest, my chin resting on the top of her head—it felt natural, cozy, familiar and the thought that in twenty-four hours she’d be on her way back to Galway made me feel like screaming. I wanted to treasure every single minute of our time together, and if she wanted to do it talking all night through, I’d sit here and just listen to her. I loved her back when she hid herself behind the Ice Queen mask and I had to pull words out of her mouth; I loved her even more now she’d opened up and was almost a chatterbox at times. I simply loved having her here with me: in my apartment, in my bed, in my arms.
I couldn’t tell how long she’d been talking without me saying anything more than an assertive ‘Hmm’ to let her know that I was still awake, but I’d totally lost myself in her voice, in her scent, in her warmth and I’d missed half of the things she’d said.
“Colin?” she asked, and I stared down at her, snapping out of my musings. “Did you even listen to a word I just said?”
She stared at me, her big blue eyes searching mine for a clue, and I knew I’d been busted. I felt like I was back in high school when the teacher had asked me to repeat what he’d just said after Chris and I had been caught exchanging crumpled paper notes to keep from falling asleep during class.
“Sorry, babe; your voice is kinda mesmerizing, so I guess I drifted off for a moment,” I said in all honesty, and I saw a hint of hurt and disappointment in her eyes.
“Do you mean I’m making you drowsy?” she asked with a pout, and I shook my head. I kissed her brow, moved down to the tip of her nose and lingered on her lips for a while, reassuring her.
“No, I mean you’re casting a spell on me,” I whispered, resting my forehead on hers and closing my eyes so I wouldn’t be tempted to kiss those gorgeous lips again. “You’re like a siren, clouding my mind with your lilting voice; when I’m with you I suddenly lose all of my willpower, and I become a puppet in your hands. You can do whatever you want with me.”
She gave a hearty laugh and wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me closer and resting her head on my chest again. God, I loved feeling her so close!
“I don’t want your mind to be clouded; I want you to be fully aware of what I just said,” she said, her breath seeping through my cotton t-shirt and heating my skin, causing my whole body to quiver. My hormones rushed around in a frenzy.
Keep focusing on her words, Colin. Just keep focusing.
“You have my full attention,” I said, hoping she would stop speaking against my chest so I could hear at least one word she was saying. She looked up at me with a smile.
“I said, I’ve been thinking maybe I could move back to Dublin, you know, into my old house in Raheny,” she whispered, and my heart did a triple somersault in my chest. “I’d have to ask my friend if she’d take me back, since she’s living with her boyfriend now, but I wanted to make sure it’d be okay with you, too.”
Was she kidding? Was she really asking if I wanted her to move back to Dublin? And to Raheny, on top of it all? That was only three miles from my apartment. It would mean I could see her everyday after work. Maybe we could have dinner together and I could pick her up and take her to my place and…
“Colin?” She interrupted my reverie, and I smiled down at her. “Where did you go again? I’m not going to repeat it a third time!”
I grinned. “Don’t worry, I heard you this time,” I said and her shoulders relaxed, although I could still see the hint of a frown as she waited for my answer. “I’m not sure the other girls would be happy to share me with you during the week, but I guess I can sort that out somehow.”
She rolled her eyes and snorted, punching my chest lightly and I laughed, encircling her in my arms and pulling her up so she was sitting on my lap. I couldn’t think of a better way to end this amazing day than knowing she’d be five minutes away from me in the future. I wasn’t even tired anymore; this girl was like a drug to my system, like pure caffeine.
“Kathleen,” I said, turning serious and looking her straight in the eye, “this is the best idea you’ve come up with since I met you. The commute to Galwa
y just to kiss you goodnight would have killed me.”
I grinned and tilted my head to the side, getting closer to her mouth. She stopped me just a second before we touched, putting a finger to my lips.
“So you mean you’d be coming to kiss me goodnight if I moved back?” she asked, with a naughty look in her eyes, and I nodded. “Every single night?”
“Well, if it’s not too late when the other girls leave, I will.”
She glowered at me and I grinned, before kissing the tip of her nose. “Every single night of my life. I promise, babe.”
She smiled. “Well, then I guess we have a deal, New Yorker,” she said, extending her hand for me to take. We shook, like two people who’d just finalized a six-figure deal.
When I let go of her hand I moved closer to her face again, wanting to steal that kiss she’d just stopped me from claiming. She didn’t object this time.
Every single day of my life.
The words rang in my ears like a sweet melody; funny how the word forever didn’t scare me anymore.
“Colin?” she asked when she pulled back, almost breathless from our kiss. “Can I ask you something?” I nodded, brushing my lips against hers again, my teeth pulling on her bottom lip. “Do you have any chocolate chip cookies?”
My eyes fluttered open and I stared at her quizzically, although I couldn’t prevent my lips from curving up in a smirk.
“Chocolate chip cookies?” I asked, and she nodded, looking guilty. “Why, are you having pregnancy cravings or something? Because if you are, then I can definitely say I’m not the father!”
I laughed when her cheeks turned bright red and she smacked my shoulder, but she didn’t hurt me in the least.
I loved the way she looked so delicate and fragile, because it made me want to take care of her, to make sure she wouldn’t get hurt. When she tried to show me she was strong by smacking me as hard as she could and obtaining no results, it made me love her even more. She was such a cute little thing, and strength definitely wasn’t something that came with the package, no matter how many exercises I’d made her do to strengthen her arms and build up some muscles.
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