I knew it was stupid, as I’d already met them all when she was still my patient, but that was the problem: she had been my patient back then, and I’d crossed the line. I’d fallen for her. I’d kissed her while she was still in my care. Would her family hate me for that? Would her parents think I’d taken advantage of their daughter while she was in a fragile state of mind, that I’d played with her heart? Would her father be nice to me because I was making his daughter happy, or would he start questioning me, polygraph-style, waiting for me to give the wrong answer and show his daughter I wasn’t worthy? Would he threaten to disown her if she didn’t break up with me? I didn’t want Kathleen to have to choose between her family and our relationship, because I knew how important her family was to her. But what would she do if faced with the choice?
I flinched when Gran’s hand wrapped around mine, and I turned to look at her.
“You’re going to crush the steering wheel, son,” she said with a soft smile, and only then did I notice my hands were clutching it so tightly my knuckles had turned white and my fingers felt sore. “Relax; it’s only lunch. You’re not going to get sentenced to life today.”
I laughed and released my grip on the wheel, shaking my head. Now I understood why Kathleen had been so nervous about meeting Gran. I felt stupid for making fun of her at the time.
I parked just outside Kathleen’s lawn, and I barely had time to kill the engine before the door to her house burst open and she came running toward us, squealing like a child. As soon as I got out of the car her arms were around my neck, her lips on mine, her legs wrapped around my waist while I supported her with my hands on her cute, soft butt. After she’d spent over a month in Rosses Point while Gran was recovering, she’d stopped worrying about Gran seeing us kiss or blushing at her remarks—they’d bonded so strongly that she’d started calling her Gran, too.
Her lips. Her soft lips. We’d only been apart four days but I’d dreamed of them every single night. I’d never get enough of kissing her.
Ever.
“When you’re finished there, would you mind helping an old lady out of this devilish car?”
Kathleen pulled back when she heard Gran’s shouts and rounded the car to the passenger side, giggling all the way.
“Sorry, Gran. We went a little overboard there.” She grinned, holding out her hands to help Gran out of my car.
“Yes, just as usual, dear.”
Kathleen laughed, and I found myself staring like an idiot at the two most important women in my life. I didn’t care about the cold, I didn’t care it had started drizzling, I was entranced in a vision of us visiting Gran with our children, Kathleen laughing with Gran while a couple of toddlers ran around the house, chasing after Shaggy and giggling like their mother.
I suddenly couldn’t wait for that day. I wanted the vision to be real, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Kathleen and have children with her. The sooner, the better.
“Why don’t you take the pie out of the car instead of gawking at us?” Gran’s voice and Kathleen’s giggle shook me out of my daydream and I nodded, rushing toward the back of the car and handing the tray with Gran’s pies to Kathleen while I took the wine and the flowers.
“Nice,” Kathleen said, raising an eyebrow with a smug grin. “Are you trying to win my mother’s heart with a bunch of flowers? You don’t have to worry about that, Colin: she loved you back when you were just Dr. Byrne, so she’ll love you now you’re a part of the family.”
“I wasn’t sleeping with her daughter back then,” I said matter-of-factly and she laughed, shaking her head. Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed my lips softly.
“Don’t worry about that; I haven’t told her we sleep together. She might still think I’m a virgin, for all I know.”
I gave her a sideways glance, raising an eyebrow doubtingly, but she just shrugged and walked back toward the house.
Here we go: the moment of truth.
As we were sitting around the table, enjoying the huge Christmas lunch Mrs. O’Hagan—or rather Elizabeth, as she had asked me to call her—had prepared, I felt a strange bond with these people I’d only just started to get to know.
It felt familiar. For the first time in fourteen years, Christmas wasn’t a gloomy day filled with memories of past Christmases. For the first time in fourteen years I’d been able to laugh and enjoy Christmas lunch with people I liked, and for the first time in fourteen years I felt at home. I’d spent lots of my childhood Christmases in Rosses Point with my parents and my father’s family but, ever since my parents died, Christmas at Gran’s had never been the same. I’d always been gloomy and uncomfortable around my aunts who’d never really forgiven my father for leaving Ireland or for dying in a plane crash, leaving his son in the care of their old mother.
Funny how only a couple of hours before I’d dreaded the thought of spending the day with Kathleen’s family and now I was joking with David and Maggie as if they were my siblings. I’d even spent half an hour talking with Mr. O’Hagan, well, Ronan, about a new treatment in physiotherapy he’d heard about on TV; he’d asked for my opinion and listened as if he genuinely wanted to know more.
It was surreal being there, in the house where Kathleen had grown up, talking to her father as if he didn’t know I was sleeping with his daughter. Not that I was going to tell him about it. I’d already made up my mind that if he asked I would deny any sexual involvement, but I knew he was very well aware of what was going on between his daughter and me—especially when she’d walked into the living room and I’d felt her hug me from behind. I’d almost dropped the glass I was holding and she’d laughed, apologizing for scaring me.
When lunch was over and everyone had complimented Gran on her delicious apple pie, David and Maggie went out to meet their friends, Kathleen’s father excused himself and went to the living room and Elizabeth became engrossed in a culinary conversation with Gran. That left Kathleen and me out of their conversation so, after helping her load the dishwasher, Kathleen asked if I’d like to go for a walk around town, and I eagerly accepted. This was definitely becoming too familiar, and I was afraid the memories of my parents would start creeping back and spoil my mood.
We walked for a while, all wrapped up in our coats, scarves and woolen hats, talking about her family. She was sure everyone loved me already, and I decided to believe her. So far, her father had been nice to me and hadn’t shown any signs of wanting to kill me, or anything like that, so I hoped the first impression had been good.
When we walked by the graveyard, I felt Kathleen stiffen in my arms. She hadn’t been to her brother’s grave ever since the funeral. It was something she just couldn’t bring herself to do because she knew he wasn’t there, but I’d read between the lines and I knew she wasn’t ready to face it.
I was sure this would be the right time to face her fears as I’d be there with her to support her, both morally and physically. I rubbed her upper arm with my hand and she looked up at me with big doe eyes, which had already started veiling with tears.
“Wanna go in?” I asked, squeezing her a bit tighter and putting on an encouraging smile.
She frowned and bit on her bottom lip, so I took advantage of her hesitation and led her toward the gates. She let out a foggy breath and we walked in silence until we reached her brother’s grave. It was covered in snow, apart from a bunch of holly branches in a vase. It felt weird to be there, almost unreal. I’d never met her brother but I’d seen pictures of him around the house, and Kathleen had shown me the photos of her trip to New York she kept in her laptop. To me he’d always been just a presence in Kathleen’s life, a ghost I’d never seen, but it had always felt as if he’d never really existed. Reading the inscription on his grave now and knowing his body was there made me feel sad but I knew I had to be Kathleen’s rock, so I tried to look away and concentrate on her.
It was only when I felt her body sag against mine that I realized this hadn’t been my smartest idea.
“Can w
e leave now, please?” she whispered, and I nodded, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and leading her outside. Thinking this would be easy for her since she knew her brother was still alive had been really stupid, so I made a mental note to never again push her into anything she didn’t feel like doing.
Chapter Fifty-one
Kathleen
December 25, 2012
I’d never been to the graveyard after the funeral; I didn’t want to see Declan’s grave again, not after all the emotions I’d felt on that cold January day when his coffin had been lowered into the pit. I knew at some point I’d have to face it and I knew I wouldn’t want my mom or any of my family members to see me breaking up.
Memories started creeping in as soon as we’d walked through the gates and down the gravel path toward Declan’s grave. It was covered with snow, and my mom had put a vase with holly branches beside it, the only thing that would stand the cold December weather. I brushed away some snow from the stone and stared motionlessly at the simple words engraved on it.
Declan Patrick O’Hagan, beloved son and brother 1984–2012
It felt more real now than it ever had. Declan had died almost a year ago. He hadn’t celebrated his twenty-eighth birthday and he’d never gone back to New York with me. Until now, I’d struggled to understand it had really happened. He’d been around for so long, he’d been coming to my rescue every time I’d needed his help, and it had always felt as if he’d gone somewhere far away but I could count on him. I could always get in touch with him.
Standing by his grave and staring at the words on that cold, gray stone reminded me of the day he’d been buried, of how I’d felt when earth covered the walnut coffin. I remembered being hollow, sad, lonely and feeling as if somebody had ripped my heart out and tossed it inside that pit together with him. I remembered people around us, hugging my siblings and my parents. I’d been left by his grave, forgotten by everyone else, holding a white rose in my hand, the dried white rose that was now sitting on a shelf of my bookcase.
It became too much; emotions overwhelmed me, squeezing my heart and leaving me short of air. My legs buckled and I crumpled, like a deadweight. If Colin’s arm hadn’t been around me I would’ve fallen face down into the snow, but as soon as my body deflated his grip tightened and he instinctively moved as if to scoop me up in his arms. I shook my head and simply asked to get out. I needed to be far away from the spot that held the worst memories of my life; away from the stone that reminded me that my brother was only twenty-seven years old when that drunken driver had killed him; away from the holly that proved my mom had been there the day before, and I knew she’d been there every single day for the past eleven months.
My brother was alive; I’d seen him, he’d talked to me. I knew he was around. I didn’t need to come visit his grave, because he wasn’t there anymore. My brother was with me every single day of my life, and that was all I needed to know.
We left the graveyard and walked in silence for a while. I knew Colin was giving me time to process my feelings and I was grateful for that.
I was so lost in thought that I almost screamed when a familiar voice called my name. I saw David waving at me from outside a pub and relief washed over me as I smiled, walking toward him. Spending time with David and forgetting about Declan’s grave was what I really needed now.
We spent almost two hours laughing and playing pool with David’s friends and his girlfriend, whom he officially introduced to us for the first time. I hadn’t even realized he was dating, but apparently it was a serious relationship and I was happy David had found the right girl for him. He’d never been the committing type, but Michelle had turned my brother from a reckless boy into a man, something no one before had managed to achieve.
Michelle looked like a good girl. She was smart and funny and I suddenly understood the way David had felt the first time he’d met Colin, and why he’d threatened to break his legs. I was very close to telling her that if she hurt David she’d have to mess with me, but I reckoned it would sound a little silly; besides, she looked totally head over heels in love with my brother and he had eyes only for her, so I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need to put up a fight any time soon.
When Colin and I finally went home my mom and Gran were drinking tea and laughing like old friends, so I led Colin to my bedroom. I wanted to give him my present and I couldn’t wait to see his reaction.
“Are you sure your parents will be okay with me being in your room?” he asked, raising an eyebrow with a naughty grin. I giggled and nodded.
“We can always leave the door open, if it’ll ease your mind,” I said, making way for him to walk in but I closed the door behind me and grinned. “Or are you scared I’d take advantage of the situation and rip off your clothes while nobody’s looking?”
He laughed and sat down on my bed, looking a little uncomfortable as he scanned the room. I took out the envelope I’d hidden in the drawer of my nightstand and handed it to him with a smile. He took off his coat and looked for something inside the inner pocket, handing me an envelope a moment later.
He opened his envelope first and gaped at the sheets of paper he was holding, giving me the confirmation he loved it.
“A kinesiology course? Wow! How on earth did you find this?”
I grinned, suddenly feeling very proud of myself for coming up with such a smart idea. In our recent conversations he’d talked about wanting to go back to school and specialize in something other than physiotherapy as he dreamed of opening a private practice one day, and the more things he could offer the more chances he’d have to succeed. Kinesiology was one of the branches he’d mentioned recently, but he’d never been able to look for serious information and courses.
I’d spent the last month browsing the internet and checking places out until I’d found this school that organized weekend seminars for people who wanted to learn it from scratch. It was in Dublin, so he wouldn’t have to travel across the country, and it would only be four weekends.
Seeing the look on his face made me realize I’d found the perfect gift for him, and I was ecstatic.
“Come here, you deserve a kiss,” he said, grabbing my hands and pulling me down onto his lap. “You’re the best girlfriend a guy could ever wish for. And that’s why I ain’t gonna let any other guy remotely close to you. You’re mine.”
He gave me a wicked grin before claiming my mouth in a breathtaking kiss that left me feeling dizzy when he pulled back. I’d almost been tempted to push him back down onto the mattress and show him just how his I was, but I knew it wouldn’t be wise. Although I was pretty sure he wouldn’t have objected to that.
“Now, open yours,” he said, pointing at the envelope I was still holding in my hand. I was so glad he hadn’t come up with expensive jewelry or, worst of all, an engagement ring. Not that I hadn’t been thinking about spending the rest of my life with him or wishing he’d ask me to marry him, but getting an engagement ring for Christmas wasn’t really my idea of romantic. I knew it was silly, but if Colin ever asked me to marry him, I’d want him to do it in a special way, to surprise me when I was least expecting it. Christmas, Valentine’s Day and my birthday were three days I’d never be able to consider right for an unexpected, romantic engagement.
I couldn’t help letting out a shriek when I opened the envelope and saw the contents: a ticket to New York, on March 16th, just in time for St. Patrick’s and…
“I thought it would be nice to celebrate our anniversary where it all started, on the day we first kissed and I opened my heart to you,” he said, knowing it was exactly what I was thinking.
I nodded with a big smile on my face. It was the most romantic thing he could’ve come up with, and that was just another reason why I loved him so much.
“What if we break up in the meantime?” I asked, arching an eyebrow with a naughty look.
He shrugged. “Well, then I’d be going to New York with my new girlfriend and you could either come with us, or trash the ticket.”
“Your new girlfriend, huh? What about my new boyfriend, then? He’d want to go with me I guess,” I said, with my fists on my hips.
“Then it’s all sorted, you see. You’ll go with your boyfriend, I’ll go with my girlfriend and we’ll have lots of fun together. Problem solved.”
He looked at me, and when our eyes met I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore and I giggled.
“You’re going with me, or you won’t be going at all, New Yorker! Do you hear me?” I said, with the most threatening expression I could put on. He grinned, and with a swift movement he rolled me onto my back, pinning me down on the mattress with his hands gripping my wrists.
“I’ve no intention of going anywhere without you, Icy,” he whispered before bending down to kiss me. I didn’t care that my parents were in the room down the corridor, or that anyone could come in and see us. I’d missed his kisses and his cuddles.
“Yuck, guys, get a room!”
Colin sat up straight as Maggie walked in, although he didn’t seem fazed by being caught making out on my childhood bed. Instead, he grinned and stood up, tucking his hands in the pockets of his trousers.
“We already did; it’s you who walked in unannounced.”
Maggie giggled and slumped down on her bed, reminding us that this was her room too—it was actually more hers than mine right now.
The moment of intimacy was lost and I knew Colin and Gran would have to leave soon, so we decided to go back to the kitchen. Maggie giggled again, apologizing for interrupting our activities, and I glared at her, stomping out of the room without turning back. Even at twenty she was still as annoying as she had been when she was a child. Still, things had started to get better between us in the last few months. For the first time in years I knew this wasn’t a real fight, but friendly banter between siblings, and I guessed that, somehow, Declan was behind this.
Hugged By An Angel Page 27