“I thought we decided that we were going to strictly focus on recovery. We weren’t going to talk about what ifs.” She stared at him, her face drained.
“And after today, we won’t okay? But we’re going to get something straight. We’re in this together right?”
“Of course.” She nodded.
“Then let’s make a pact right now that we’re going to live each day of this battle like it’s our last. Because if tomorrow never comes I want to die remembering the Cara, who was so full of life, so exuberant.” He felt the tears fall from his eyes, but he forced a smile at her. He took her hands and placed them over his heart, over the tattoo of her, sacred territory. “The girl on my chest, isn’t who I’m looking at right now.”
Her eyes looked over the tattoo, and then back up at him. “Are we being honest?”
“Yes.” He said softly.
“I’m afraid to go to sleep. I’m afraid to miss one single moment with you.” A sob escaped her lips and she tried to swallow the others that threatened to follow. “I regret that I kept all my feelings bottled up for so long, and never told you how I felt the moment I knew. If you leave this world, this life of ours, it’ll be my only regret. That I let all that time we could’ve been together slip away from us.”
He nodded, understanding, because he had the same regret. “There’s nothing we could do about that, but we could make every day count now.”
“Okay.” She said and sniffled. “We’ll live every day to the fullest.” She traced her fingertips down his cheek. “I love you, so much.”
“I love you too.” He smiled and crooked his finger and gave her the best come hither look he could manage. She leaned into him and he cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs tracing her thumbs. “My beautiful,” he whispered much like he did that night they sang karaoke. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead sweetly.
“I guess I should take a shower.” She whispered and that earned her a chuckle from him.
“Thatta girl.” She smiled and wiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hands.
He winked at her and slapped her ass, forcing her to jump off the bed.
“Alright, I’m going! No need to get testy.” She said, laughter, finding her voice.
“Cara?” He said as his eyes found her ass, she peered over her shoulder at him.
“Yes?”
“Shake your ass when you walk.” His eyes met hers and he shot her a devilish grin. She laughed and sashayed her hips as she walked into the bathroom. “Thank you.” He called out before she shut the door behind her.
He heard the shower water running, and he leaned against the pillows, just as a knock sounded on the door. “Come in.” He called and propped himself up. Sam stuck her head in the door and smiled widely at her brother.
“I was just going to text you.” Jake said as he pushed the blanket off his legs, and sat up.
“Is it all clear?” She asked. He nodded and only then did she let herself in.
“She’s in the shower.” He stood up, gripping the night stand to get his balance. When Sam quickly advanced to him, he shot her a look. “I’ve got it.”
“Okay.” She said, sighing and leaned against the wall and watched him rise to his full height. He took a few steps, letting his body acclimate his weight. When he didn’t feel like his legs would defy him, he looked at her smugly and her smile widened. He walked over to her and tugged her ponytail. “Don’t underestimate me, kid.”
“Never.” She smiled, her eyes twinkling with pride. “So what’s the plan, big brother?”
“The plan is for you to get her out of the house and smiling.” He grabbed his jeans and pulled out his credit card and handed it over to her. “Take her for a manicure, get her hair done. I don’t know whatever girly shit it that you guys do.”
Sam took the card and tucked it safely into her jeans. “Want me to get her drunk, so you can have your way with her?”
Jake looked at her. “Well that would be short of a miracle.” He was lucky he legs allowed him to stand, anything else standing to attention would definitely be questionable. He pondered, and decided he was willing to give it a shot.
“Don’t sell yourself short. You never know what you’re capable of unless you try.”
“I love you, Sam but I am not having this conversation with you. It’s just all sorts of weird. As far as getting her drunk, go for it.” He raised one eye warningly. “Do not let her pay for one single thing, everything goes on my card. Go bananas.”
“Your wish is my command.” She said as she bowed to him.
“Thanks.” He said and hugged her tightly. “I owe you one.”
“You owe me nothing. We’re family, it’s what we do.” She kissed his cheek affectionately as Cara walked out of the bathroom.
“I thought I heard you.” She smiled at her. “Delivering smoothies or is it juice today?”
Sam and Jake pulled out of their embrace and both turned to her smiling.
“What? Do I have something on my face or something?” She said wiping at her face with the towel she was using to dry her hair. She already was beginning to look more like herself. She was dressed in black capri cargo pants, which dipped low at her waist. She had paired it with a plain white tank top. Her hair was wet and curly.
Sam looked at Jake for approval, and he nodded his head, smiling at Cara as he did so. “I have a different job today.” She walked over to Cara and slid her arm into hers. “I’ve come to kidnap you.”
Cara looked up at Jake, eyes wide. He shrugged his shoulders, playing it off. “What are you two up to?”
Jake balked at her innocently as Sam bent down and picked up a pair of flip flops and shoved them into Cara’s hands. “Okay, we’re on a tight schedule missy. You can ask questions later.”
“But…” Cara stared at Jake.
“Have fun.” He grinned and pressed his lips to her cheek, he needed to get into that bathroom and brush his teeth so when she got back he could kiss her properly.
“Oh we will!” Sam said, winking at her brother as she pulled open the door and collided into what she was sure was a brick wall, but to her dismay when she looked up it was Nick and the brick wall she thought she hit was none other than his broad chest. “Well thank god, we were just leaving.”
He smiled at her amused. “What a shame.” He said and cocked his head as his eyes bore into hers. She rolled her eyes and pushed at him, to move him, but he was solid and held his stance.
“Jake, can you tell him to move?” Sam said, pleading with her brother, holding up Cara’s hand as to emphasize.
“Boy did you ask the wrong one.” Cara said, reminding her that Jake got his kicks off of this.
Nick sighed and stepped to the side, reveling in the fact that Sam brushed against him as she dragged Cara out the door, huffing as she did. Jake watched Nick watch as they left, his stare lingering for a moment before he shut the door.
“Man, you lose your touch or something? By now I thought you would’ve sealed the deal with my sister.” He said as he took a seat on the foot of his bed.
Nick sighed and leaned against the door. “She won’t give me the time of day.”
“She’ll break eventually.” He sounded sure, and he was. He just would like to be around to see the day it actually happened. He cringed, and forced himself to block out the thoughts.
“How you feeling?” Nick asked, catching the cringe from Jake.
“Like I was hit by a bulldozer.” Jake shrugged. “I’m still looking at your ugly face, so that’s a good sign.” Nick laughed and threw something on his bed. Jake glanced down and picked up the book, flipping through the blank pages. He glanced up at him. “What’s this?”
Nick stepped toward him, and sat beside him on the bed. He nodded towards the empty journal. “A little birdie told me you were getting bored.”
“Well that’s true.” Jake said fingering the leather bound book.
“When I first got to Seattle, I threw myself a bit of a
pity party.” He sighed and rubbed the stubble on his face with the back of his hand. “I was alone, and missing you guys. Missing my life and the guy I used to be.”
Jake looked at him, surprised. Since Nick had been back, he hadn’t spoken much of what his life was like when he left Riverdale. Hell, no one really even talked about why he left. To this day it was a mystery to Jake.
Nick glanced down at the book. “I began to write. I wrote letters to each of you guys, when I was too much of a pussy to pick up the phone and call you. I just found it as a way to get in touch with who I was and the people I missed.” He paused. “When I felt lonely or sorry for myself, I’d write. It was the perfect release for me, and got me through.” His eyes met Jake’s. “Thought maybe when you were alone and needed to vent, you could use it.”
“Thank you.” Jake said as he looked down at the book. “It’s crazy. I have a parade of people coming through that door every day and sometimes I feel completely alone. I think it’s more that I feel more alone in my feelings than physically alone.”
Nick nodded, but didn’t pretend to know how he felt. “But you do know you’re not alone right?”
“Of course I know.” He looked at Nick, and the question slipped before he could stop it. “Why’d you leave Riverdale?”
Nick turned and met his gaze. He studied Jake for a moment and then smiled half-heartedly. “It doesn’t matter. It may not have been something I planned, but it’s something I’ll never regret.”
Jake stared at him confused. “But you were miserable.”
“But it allowed me to do a favor for someone I’ll always admire.” He let out a breath. “Let’s just leave it at that.”
Jake contemplated pressing him, but decided against it. Nick wasn’t a man who hid much from people. He was an honest guy, an open book. So whatever his reasons for leaving, were honorable, Jake was sure. He just wished he would’ve had those six years with him. “Nick?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for being a great friend. I’ll never forget what you did for me when I got into trouble with Cara’s father.” He didn’t remember ever properly thanking Nick, for taking his place that night.
Nick stared straight ahead into space, and then looked down at his hands. “I wish I could take your place now, like I did then.” His voice was broken, and when he looked up at Jake. He swung his arm over his shoulders. “You’re just as much my little brother as you are Luke’s. Blood don’t mean shit to me.” He tugged him towards him, as a big brother would.
Jake patted his back. “You are family, Nick. And I hope one day you really are my brother.” He meant it, with every fiber of his being. There was no one he would be happier to see with his sister.
Nick laughed. “Not unless I tie her up and throw in the car and drive her to Vegas, at gunpoint.”
Jake grinned. “If you need help putting that plan in motion let me know.” Jake slapped his hands against his thighs and began to push himself off the bed. “I asked Sam to take Cara out for the day. She’s been so wrapped up in taking care of me, that she hasn’t left this house since we came home from the hospital.”
Nick knew better than to help him stand, Jake was a bull and wore his pride on his sleeve, like one of his tattoos. “Don’t feel guilty Jake. She’s doing exactly what she wants to do. She wants to be there for you.”
“She’s amazing.” Adoration and love filled his voice. “Be right back, I have a horrible taste in my mouth and need desperately to brush my teeth.”
Nick nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll be here.” He watched as Jake disappeared into the bathroom. He looked around the room and smiled nostalgically. At one point or another, they had all crashed in this basement, each calling it their own. The walls were adorned with pictures of the five of them through the years.
The more things seemed to change, the more they stayed the same Nick thought as he gazed along the wall of pictures. The same smiles, the same family, different were the struggles.
He still remembered a time, when the most challenging crisis was how to change Ava’s diaper. Now they all were challenged on how they dealt with Jake’s disease. Nick’s train of thought was disrupted by Jake’s anguished cry.
Nick hurried to the bathroom, pushing the door open, fear running through his whole body, as to what he would find. There Jake stood staring at his reflection in the mirror. Horror streaked his face as he ran his fingers through his hair. When he pulled his hand out, he looked down at them, and stared at the clumps of hair that he held in his palms. He stared at the hair as if he was staring at the blood of another man on his hands.
Chapter Twenty
Cara leaned back in the pedicure chair, forcing herself to relax as she wiggled her toes in the tub of water. Sam had found a little day spa in the neighboring town, and signed them up for the complete package. They had just had facials and were now sipping mimosas as they each got a pedicure.
“What do you think of this color?” Sam asked as she passed the plum bottle of nail polish to Cara.
“I like it. I think the dark colors make a pedicure look fresh longer.” She said eyeing the color Sam chose.
“Or this one?” Sam said, eyeing a deep red and then frowned. “I pity the man that marries me. I hope he’s handy because I’ll have him painting the rooms of our house every month, considering I suck at making permanent decisions.”
Cara laughed. “You do realize this is nail polish, and it comes off right?”
Sam handed her both colors. “Pick one for me.” Begrudgingly she closed her eyes and Cara slipped the color she chose into her palm, laughing at her as she did. Sam peeked at the color and grinned. “I was hoping you went with the plum.”
Cara smiled genuinely at Sam, and finished off her mimosa. “Speaking of the man you marry being handy, I heard Nick’s great with a set of tools.”
Sam signaled for a refill on her mimosa and turned back to Cara. “Really, you’ve jumped on the bandwagon too?”
“Well I was never too far off of it.” She said in her defense, and then shrugged. “Instead of skirting around what’s obvious, why don’t you tell me what’s holding you back?”
Sam hesitated for a moment. “Nick is not a sure bet.” Satisfied with her answer she leaned back and played with the massage controls on the chair.
“Bullshit.” Cara said, her smile widened when Sam looked at her shocked. “Come on Sam, it’s obvious you two have feelings for one another, and I’ll let you in on some inside info.” She said, leaning closer to her.
Sam couldn’t help but indulge, and leaned in closer. “Spill it.”
“Jake told me that Nick and Luke had the conversation, a couple of months ago.” She said very matter-of-factly, and let decided to Sam digest her little scoop.
“The conversation?” Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at Cara questioningly.
“Yes, you know the one where Nick confesses to your brothers that he’s been secretly pining away for you all these years, and hasn’t done jack shit about it because of some nonsense on brotherly code.” Cara shook her hand as if to dismiss the nonsense part of what she told Sam.
Sam’s eyes widened and then she leaned back in the chair, pondering what Cara said. “Pining?”
“Pining.” Cara affirmed.
Sam shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Nick is just looking to scratch an itch probably and I’m not going to be another notch in his belt.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“Listen, so it might be a really long time since I got any, but I’m sure the next man I take to bed is not going to be Nick.” The two women working on their pedicures chuckled but didn’t lift their heads. Sam’s cheeks grew red and Cara burst out laughing.
“I meant, I don’t think you’d be just another notch in his belt.”
Sam decided to ignore Cara at that moment. “What was Luke’s reaction to all this?”
“According to Jake, he gave his blessing.”
“Well that explains all the
groping he’s been doing around everyone.” Sam said more to herself than to Cara. “Before he left, he would barely look at me, without being nervous Luke would find out.”
“You can tell me to shut up, but I’m going to say it anyway.” Cara turned sideways in her chair and held Sam’s gaze. “If you have feelings for Nick, like real deal feelings, pursue them. You never know where life is going to take you, you don’t want to look back and have regrets.”
Sam looked at Cara, her heart breaking for her friend. Yes, she was Jake’s best friend for all these years, but somewhere along the way she became her friend too. “Do you feel that way Cara?”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what lies ahead but I’m so scared to leave Jake’s side right now, fearing I’ll miss a second. I’m really glad we’re here today, and I’m having a great time, but in the back of my head, I’m counting the minutes until I get back to him, worrying if he needs my help.” She cocked her head to the side and stared at Sam. “I just don’t want you to regret wasting time, because if it’s one thing no one is sure of, it’s how long they have with the people they love.”
Sam reached out for her hand and squeezed it, her eyes full of unshed tears. “My brother is lucky to have you.”
Cara shook her head, and smiled through her emotions. “I’m the lucky one.”
Nick stood frozen in the doorway, unsure how to proceed. He watched Jake as he spread his fingers and let the hair slip through them, onto the counter of the bathroom vanity. He ran his fingers through his hair continuously, more hair falling with each comb of his fingers. He looked at Nick through the mirror.
“I knew I would lose my hair. I told myself I was going to.” He paused shaking his head, his eyes back to focusing on his own reflection. “I didn’t prepare myself for how I’d feel when it happened.” His voice was strangled and bowed his head, his hands bracing the edge of the counter for strength. He glanced back up and forced himself to look at his reflection and cringed. Nick took a step closer. “Well, how do you feel?” He asked, and decided that as Jake began to lose control, he would be the one who remained in control. He stood beside him facing the mirror.
Pieces (Riverdale #1) Page 20