“No,” I mumbled. I hadn’t wanted to mention this to him. I didn’t want him to think that I wanted to leave or give up the baby for adoption.
“Then honey, you need to tell him. Otherwise it’s going to eat you up and I assure you when he finds out, it’s not gonna be pretty. For either of you.”
“…But what if we can’t work through it?”
Sarah just shook her head at me. “Well that’s the risk you signed up for. You can’t keep secrets from him. He’s the father of your babies and if you want him in your life, you have to let him know about this. Besides, he already knows about the first one, so how much harder will it be to tell him about the second?”
I sighed at that, flopping against the couch and groaning into my hands. Why was a couple’s life so complicated? Why did it have to be two babies instead of one? I so did not sign up for this, and I vaguely wondered if the pressure was the reason Melanie screwed it up with Evan. I thought about Evan and Stephanie, and found myself wondering yet again if they were part of the life I wanted, and if these babies were part of the life I wanted.
“I’m scared,” I mumbled.
“You’ll be alright. It’s better to get it all out there before it eats you up.”
I looked at her in resignation before nodding. Might as well get this over with. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to talk things out with Evan. If all went well, we could work it out and forget my doubts ever existed. If not, well, I didn’t want to think about that part.
Chapter 15
Regan
Sarah drove me to the house, calming me down for the duration of the journey. With every block that we got closer, I would start to tremble and panic, but she would reassure me and sing along with the songs I liked. She knew how to calm me down more than I did, and I was so lucky to have her as a friend. I wondered why it couldn’t be as easy to talk to Evan as it was with her. Then again, having a friend is easy. Making a life with someone was a little harder to deal with. Communication was a must, but fear came along with it. Maybe that was why a lot of marriages didn’t work.
“You want me to go in with you?” Sarah asked, once she parked in the driveway.
“If it’s not too much to ask,” I sighed. “At least to make sure Stephanie stays in her room.”
Sarah nodded immediately, then turned to me again. “You sure you want to talk to him now?”
“Yes, might as well get it over with.” I signed in resignation, wishing briefly for the time when things weren’t so damn complicated. It seemed like it was just one thing after another. When would it stop?
“Yeah, you’re right,” Sarah agreed, pulling me back from thoughts and to the task ahead of me.
I looked at her and sighed one last time. “Here we go.”
So we both got out of the car and headed inside. We went into the kitchen to find Evan making dinner, smiling when he looked at us.
“Hey guys,” he called.
“Hi,” Sarah answered, and I only raised my hand in greeting.
“Sarah, I didn’t know you were coming. You staying for dinner?”
“Actually,” I said, looking at her, “I wanted Sarah to keep an eye on Stephanie for a bit.”
Evan looked surprised at this, and looked from one of us to the other.
“I’m just gonna go and do that,” Sarah said, quickly darting toward Stephanie’s room before she got caught up in the mess.
“What’s going on?” Evan asked. He seemed a little worried. I couldn’t blame him; after all, I was pretty sure my face didn’t exactly scream tranquility. I think it showed a more blatant hesitation. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to. He was currently begging me with his eyes for me to speak up. So, in the end I gestured to him to sit down, and he did so warily, still not taking his eyes off of me.
“I went to get my ultrasound,” I said, pulling out the envelope the doctor had handed to me.
“Oh, really? That’s great,” he replied, still not sure as to why I was like this. I showed him the photos that the doctor had taken with a small smile.
“It’s two babies,” I explained, and he looked at me with wide eyes. “They’re twins.”
He stood up, running his hands through his hair. He huffed out some air, rubbing his face.
“Two?” he asked, to which I nodded. He looked a little torn at what to say or how to even react. He seemed to think it over for a little while longer and then he laughed; I couldn’t tell if they were nervous or happy laughs. “Two?!”
“I know, it’s a lot to deal with,” I muttered.
“Well, I think it’s great!” Evan said, shocking the hell out of me with his easy decision.
I visibly stiffened at that. He was on board with this. That just made it harder for me to voice my doubts.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah, no big deal. We were already planning on adding to the family, and now it will be an extra baby to love. I’m sure Stephanie will love this, too. And who knows: might be a boy and girl at the same time.”
He walked over to kiss me and he was about to go to Stephanie’s room too, but I lost it. I just couldn’t handle it anymore.
“I’m having doubts,” I called out him, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to me in surprise and I couldn’t help but groan at the whole situation. “I’m having doubts about the babies, about us. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
He looked at me, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. If I can somehow manage to have this life. You, you’re already a father, and I know Stephanie likes me, but I don’t know if that’s going to be enough. I don’t even know if we’re going to stay together or I we’re going to drift apart. It’s just too much for me. I don’t know if I want to have these kids anymore. I’m just so confused right now.”
I stood there, knowing there were now tears in my eyes, and I only looked at him. My eyes pleading to him, begging him to help me.
“I’m scared, Evan,” I continued. “I’m scared that I won’t be good enough.”
Evan didn’t say anything; he simply walked toward me and placed a hand on my cheek, rubbing at it. I leaned into the touch; it was so warm and comforting. I just didn’t want to let it go. I wanted him to hold me forever without any other worries. But I knew that couldn’t happen: his touch would be brief and he would let me go.
But then something happened that I hadn’t expected. He kept his hand on my cheek and placed his other hand on the opposite cheek; he kept rubbing at them softly. Then his face came closer to mine and he closed his eyes as I followed suit. His breath hovered over my lips as our foreheads touched, and it felt soft and gentle. Suddenly I felt him moving, and his lips were firmly planted on mine. I didn’t respond at first, but as soon as he started moving his mouth, I moved mine as well. Both our mouths were moving in sync with each other; his were rough but soothing to touch. He wrapped his arms around me and brought me closer, mindful of my belly, and one of them ran down my back while the other wrapped around my head. His arms warmed me in such a caring way that it felt like I was floating, and his lips were the only thing that grounded me. I felt so calm; all tension had broken away, all doubts were cleared or at least subsided. I knew I didn’t want to be without him and I wanted this. I wanted us. I wanted a family.
At last we broke away, panting. I was still crying, but they were no longer tears of pain and fear: they were simply tears of joy. He lifted his hand to my face, taking my braids behind my ears and then he held my chin in his fingers.
“Do you still feel doubt?” he asked. “Because I still feel it sometimes, but I remember you. I remember what it feels like to kiss you and to be with you. I remember looking at your eyes and thinking about how beautiful they are. I remember your pretty little cheeks and how I just want to bite them.” I smiled as he grasped them, pinching them a little. “I remember those lovely braids of yours, and think about how I really want our kids to have your hair structure because it would be fun to learn ho
w to make them.”
That got a laugh out of me and made me touch my hair.
“Then I stop to think about Stephanie’s red hair, and wonder about whether or not one of them is going to be blonde. That way we can have a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette in the family. All three hair colors.”
I laughed again and he took my face in his hands again. “Wouldn’t it be amazing? To at least see if we can braid our children’s hair?”
It was such a simple reason for wanting a kid, but then again, when I thought about it, it really wasn’t. Everything about having children was about the little things. Dressing them up in cute clothes, taking them outside, watching them walk or speak for the first time. It was all about the little things. Evan was right: it was definitely worth it.
But still I bit my lip, hesitant. “What if I have these feelings again? About not wanting this?”
“Then just remember how this kiss felt. Remember that I’m always here for you, and will always be here for you. Just talk, too. And most important, remember how our goal is for our kids to have the different hair colors.”
I laughed again, while he brushed the tears out of my eyes with a smile.
“Oh, and another thing,” he said, pulling something out of his pocket. “I want you to remember that I got you the best gift ever.”
I was confused, but then my heart sped up when he showed me a diamond ring in his hand. It sped up even faster when he got down on one knee and held it out to me.
“Regan O’Donnell,” he said slowly, softly, and he looked at me like he always did; like I held all the stars within me. “Will you marry me?”
I breathed heavily for a moment as his words washed over me. Fresh tears were moving their way through my eyes and my smile grew as wide as it would go. I was at loss of what to say, but I knew what I wanted to say. No, I simply knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted a life with him forever and ever. I wanted us to be together, and I as I stood there, looking at him with all the love that I felt in my heart, I was no longer afraid.
“Regan, please hurry, you’re scaring me and my knee is cramping,” he said, a slight twitch in his voice, and I couldn’t help but laugh. The sound was wet with my tears, but also full of joy, and hope for the future.
“Yes!” I shouted excitedly as he grasped my hand, putting the ring on my finger. He sighed in relief and stood up, hugging me and kissing me once more. Yes, I knew this is what I wanted, and I wouldn’t be so stupid as to let it go. I wouldn’t doubt. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
We stood there for a while before he ran his hand over my belly again.
“Twins,” he said, still not able to believe it. “We’re going to need another crib.”
“You got a crib?” I asked, looking up at him in surprise.
“Well not, exactly. It was Stephanie’s,” he admitted, making me laugh.
“Come on, let’s have dinner. I’m starving,” I said, to which he went over to serve the plates.
Evan looked at me, his eyes still full of love and joy and disbelief. “Well, you are eating for three now.” We both chuckled softly as Evan went to the stove to start cooking. Every now and then, he would look over at me in wonder and awe and it filled me with warmth every time.
“Oh, get Sarah down here and tell her the good news.
The rest of that evening was spent with Sarah yelling excitedly and us shushing her, since Stephanie was asleep. She also started making plans for the wedding and we couldn’t help but laugh at every single plan she had for it. It was like she thought about this way before either of us knew it would even happen.
It felt nice. Evan and I getting married, with Stephanie and two other babies coming along. It was everything I had dreamed of. Not exactly in the way I had imagined, but somehow so much better. It just felt…right. It was all that I wanted. No amount of doubts would change that. I knew what I wanted and whatever problems we would have, we would face them together as a family. That’s what we were now: a family.
Several months later:
I was so going to kill Evan. How dare that bastard do this to me? It was his fault, despite the fact that I hadn’t taken my birth control. It was his fault for being so damn gorgeous and sexy and making me fall for him. Now he was going to pay for this. If he knew what was good for him, he would run after I was done.
“AAHH!” I yelled in pain as another contraction hit me hard, pushing with all my might.
“It’s alright, just push!” I heard a woman yell and I did what she asked. I needed to push my babies out. I kept going as the woman urged me to do so again and again. I was tired, but there was no way I was stopping now. It had been nine longs months, and I was ready to stop feeling like a planet. And I was more than ready to meet my new babies, both of them.
“It’s okay, honey, I’m here,” Evan kept saying beside me, grasping my hand tightly. Though I think it was me, grasping his hand and squeezing with all my might.
“Shut up! I hate you!” I whined, before yelling and pushing again, but I never let go of his and he never let go of mine. We clung together as sweat dripped from my forehead.
“Yeah, I know,” he groaned, I was probably hurting his hand, but who cared? I was giving birth for crying out loud! And not just once, but twice!
“You’re almost there! Just keep pushing,” the doctor said and I did so, trying to listen to her voice and ignore the wrenching pain only because I wanted to get this over with and kill Evan. I felt a certain relief when I heard a cry: it wasn’t mine. It sounded small and tiny and healthy and it surprised me. Then I looked up and there was my baby: it was a girl with skin as dark as mine. I smiled, wanting nothing more than to hold her, but the contractions pulled at my attention. She would have to wait, because her brother was on the way, and he was as impatient to be born as I was.
“We’re almost done,” the doctor said. “I see the other one: now I need you to push on three. One. Two. Three!”
I pushed with all my strength, yelling all the way until finally it was over and I heard a second cry. I lay there panting, as the doctors helped get me cleaned up. I felt Evan leave me for a bit, as he was going over to the babies.
“How are they?” I called tiredly, feeling completely worn out. Who wouldn’t be tired? I just gave birth to twins!
“Regan,” Evan came back, looking very excited. “We got all three hair colors.”
I looked at him confused by the statement, but when I saw his goofy smile I remembered: I recalled that conversation we had all those months ago. I laughed tiredly, wincing in pain every now and then. The dumbass still remembered that: what a dork! Though I can’t say I wasn’t proud of that as well. It just felt really cool, having three kids with all three different hair colors.
Once the doctors finished with me, they brought in the babies, all cleaned up and wrapped in little blankets. They had stopped crying and were now asleep, making gurgling noises every now and then. The doctor handed one to me and the other to Evan. Now I finally saw the boy: he had a lighter skin tone than mine and cute blonde hair. All the hair colors were accounted for; we just had to bring them all together now.
“Call Sarah,” I said to Evan, still a little tired, but I wanted Stephanie to be here with us.
A while later, Sarah came in with Stephanie in her arms. The little girl looked at us before looking curiously at the bundles in our arms.
“Look, Steph. This is you brother and sister,” Evan said, as Sarah carried her closer to get a good look at them.
“They look so tiny,” Stephanie said, smiling at them. “And squishy!”
We all laughed at that.
“What do you think, baby?” Evan asked.
Stephanie contemplated them for a while before lifting her chin, crossing her arms, and nodding in approval.
“They’ll make a good Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.”
We all laughed again, Evan reaching out to kiss her forehead while she reached out to run her hand through the baby girl’s head in his
arms.
“What should we name them?” he asked me.
“I’m not sure,” I answered, looking at them curiously.
“Luke and Leah?” Sarah asked.
“Ew, no,” I said quickly. “Those two kissed. I’m not naming my kids after them.”
“Hey, they didn’t know,” Evan argued.
“We’re still not calling them that.”
“Why, because you said so?”
“Yes. The woman who just pushed them out of my vagina says so.”
“I’ll shut up.”
“How about one of you names each one?” Sarah suggested. We looked to each other then back at the babies and shrugged.
“I think I’ll call her…” Evan furrowed his brow in thought, “Britney. I like that name.”
“Sounds better,” I commented, looking at the boy this time. “I’ll call him…Christopher.”
“You just want to call him that because his hair reminds you of the Chris,” Sarah joked, to which I shrugged.
“Stephanie, what do you think?” I asked.
“Can I still call them Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver?”
I shrugged at her with a smile. “Sure.”
“Then they’re okay.”
We all laughed at her.
My little babies were her, with their big sister. Their father and I, we were about to get married in a month. If I had any regrets before, they were certainly stomped down. Until now, I hadn’t felt any regret whatsoever, and I wouldn’t start now. My life was here, and I wouldn’t throw it away for anything.
The End
Thank you for reading!
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