by Maryam Diaab
“Can I help the next person in line, please?” the ticket agent said, looking at me. Her pretty chocolate face looked tired, but a slight smile graced her lips when I shot her a look of appreciation.
“Busy day?” I asked with a halfhearted chuckle.
“The busiest it’s been in a while, and I still have three hours to go.”
I watched as her fingers flew over the keyboard. Then she looked back up at me. “What can I help you with today?”
“I’ve been trying to figure that out since I got to the airport,” I said, surprising the ticket clerk. “I need something that’s leaving in the next thirty minutes.”
Rhea, as her nametag read, looked at me and then at the long line behind me. She began typing furiously on the keyboard. A NWA supervisor passed by her workstation, a look of satisfaction on his pale baby face. He looked about the same age as Ajani. “The only thing leaving within the hour that’s not completely booked is a nonstop flight to Phoenix. If you want, I can print your ticket out now and you should still have plenty of time to make it through security.”
My heart began beating fast as I looked into Rhea’s expectant and impatient face. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Of all the places Northwest Airlines flew, the only available flight was one to Phoenix, absolutely the last place I wanted to go with all this drama surrounding me.
“Ma’am, there is a line behind you…”
Rhea’s boss was making his way back to her line. His very recent look of satisfaction had disappeared, replaced by irritation directed at the agent and me.
“Okay,” I finally said, thinking of my mother and the beautiful home I’d purchased for her in Glendale, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix. There were so many things that could go wrong if I showed up unannounced on my mother’s doorstep. Other than the mortgage checks I sent once a month and an occasional holiday card, there had been virtually no communication between us for the past two years. Visiting her was not really on my list of things to do, but what choice did I have? The City of Sun was my only immediate refuge. “I guess I’ll take it,” I informed Rhea. The alternative to Phoenix was so much scarier.
Ajani
32
I don’t know what made me suspend all reasonable thought and show up unannounced at Yvette’s wedding, clutching the engagement ring I had for her and fighting back the tears burning the corners of my eyes.
After that horrendous, Terrence-inspired scene in Nashville mere weeks ago, I should have known better. A woman who would marry a featherweight like Terrence was clearly not a woman I should be hankering after.
But no matter how hard I tried or how many willing women crossed my path in the four weeks since the nightmare in Nashville, I still could not stop thinking about Yvette. She had become a permanent fixture in my heart, and I desperately wanted her.
So I put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, put my suit into a garment bag, got on a plane to Detroit, and barged into her bridal suite. I practically begged her to come back with me, and naively thought that if I kissed her, she would respond, would remember what we once shared. Well, she responded, but still said no.
Since meeting Yvette, I seemed to have developed a taste for punishment. Why else do I keep coming back for more? Why else did I come to Detroit? But I needed her and knew deep down in my heart that she needed me, too.
I sat in the back of the ballroom waiting for the ceremony to get underway. After leaving Yvette’s room, I tried to leave the hotel but felt compelled to stay. Even though I told her I wanted to watch her ruin her life by marrying Terrence, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I needed to get away from the situation, but instead I sat in the back of the elegantly decorated ballroom. I was there for nearly an hour and then Wendy, Yvette’s best friend, stood at the microphone and informed the two hundred plus guests that the wedding would not be take place. After she stepped from the mike and left the room, nearly every guest turned and looked toward the back of the room where Terrence stood. He was within steps of me.
Our eyes met and his pitiful demeanor turned vicious in a flash.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked loudly, moving closer to where I sat.
“I was here to witness Yvette make the biggest mistake of her life,” I said, laughing in his face. “But it seems she has finally come to her senses.”
“Have you talked to her? Do you know where she is?” Terrence demanded.
“If I knew where she was do you think I would be sitting here shooting the shit with you?”
“Gentlemen, gentlemen,” Wendy whispered, coming up behind me and placing a calming hand on my shoulder. “I don’t really think this is the time or the place to have this discussion.”
“Wendy, would you shut the hell up and mind your own business,” Terrence said, his aggravation boiling over.
“Look,” she hissed, matching Terrence’s attitude with one her own, “I’m trying to save you the embarrassment of getting your ass beat in front of two hundred of you and Yvette’s closest friends.”
I laughed loudly, enjoying Wendy’s display of spunk and the spark of fear in Terrence’s eyes. “You better listen to your girl.”
“There’s a room next door. Why don’t the two of you go and deal with this problem there.”
“I don’t have shit to say to him,” I said, feeling like a middle-school student being forced into peer mediation.
“You saw Yvette before she disappeared. Did she tell you where she was going?” Wendy asked, looking directly at me.
“I knew you had something to do with this!” Terrence screamed hysterically, causing many of the guests to stop and stare, mouths agape.
Wendy quickly took Terrence and me by our hands and led us into a small conference room next door to the ballroom. “Now you have your privacy.”
“You really don’t want to be alone with me, do you, Terrence? Scared I’ll pick up where I left off in Nashville?” I asked, deliberately provoking him.
“I know this is entirely your fault,” Terrence sputtered, ignoring my challenge. “You came here, got inside her head and now she’s gone. Is Yvette somewhere waiting to meet up with you for your happily ever after?” Terrence hollered, apparently not caring how irrational he sounded.
“She’s not waiting for me. I went up to her room before the ceremony that wasn’t and she told me that although she did love me, I lack the resources to take care of her the way you can. Sounds to me like she was going to marry you only for your money. But when she thought about it, really thought about what her life would be like with you, even the big bucks you rake in as a doctor couldn’t keep her from bolting.”
“I cannot believe this is happening,” Terence wailed, hanging his head. “So if you’re not the one who caused her to run out of here, then it must have been you,” he said, turning his wrath on Wendy. “You must have told her about us.”
I looked from Terrence to Wendy and back again. I was shocked, even though I had warned Yvette that her best friend might have a hidden agenda. I was right.
“Don’t blame this on me,” Wendy yelled at Terrence, who was now feverishly pacing across the carpeted floor. “I told you I wouldn’t say anything to Yvette, and I haven’t. She probably just decided that she couldn’t go through with the wedding because she doesn’t love you anymore.”
Her words seemed to further enrage Terrence. “You told her because you want me all for yourself,” he shouted at her, spittle flying from his mouth, his face contorted with anger. “You have this deranged fantasy that you, me and this baby will get together and become some kind of family.”
I sat down in a cushy burgundy armchair and listened to their heated argument, completely stunned, my mouth hanging half open in surprise. They had obviously forgotten I was still in the room as they kept bickering about their love affair gone terribly wrong.
“I cannot believe you are still talking about this baby as if it isn’t yours. You are not the man I thought you were, Terrence.”
“So let
me get this straight,” I interrupted. “You and you,” I said, pointing to each of them, “have been sleeping together the entire time Yvette was in Nashville.” Laughing, I rubbed my hands together, not bothering to hide my glee. This news was too good to be true. “And now you’re pregnant.”
They looked at me, startled. My voice had reminded them that I was still in the room and that I heard every private word they had uttered.
Yvette
33
I pulled the red Ford Focus rental in front of my mother’s off-white stucco ranch. With rust-colored rocks instead of a lush green lawn and a seven-foot cactus, the home I’d been funding for the past two years looked pretty much as I’d imagined.
After folding the map of the Phoenix metro area and returning it to the glove compartment, I sat in the car for nearly thirty minutes after finding the house. I was trying to decide whether I really wanted to go knock on my mother’s door. While contemplating my options, I dredged up the courage to check my voicemail.
Messages from an angry and confused Terrence filled my ears and shattered my newfound peace. Wendy called begging me to contact her. “You need to get back here to fix this!” she pleaded at the end of her message.
The last voicemail was from Ajani. His voice was low, sexy and deeply concerned. “Yvette, I’m worried about you. Everyone here is going crazy, and I found out something that I’ve got to tell you. Please call me as soon as you’re ready.”
Not unexpectedly, Ajani was the only person who left a message showing any concern for me. He was the only one to actually worry about me.
Finally I snapped my cellphone shut, took a deep breath and stepped out into the Arizona sizzle, which greeted me with full force. The sun was so hot that, in the seconds it took me to walk from the car to the front door, I thought my skin was going to burn off my body.
I rang the doorbell twice before the door was opened. “Are my eyes deceiving me?” my mother, Nina Dupree, wondered.
“No, Mama it’s really me,” I answered nervously. She looked so much better than she had two years ago, just before she begged me to sponsor her last stint in rehab. Back then, her cheeks were sunken, dark circles shadowed her eyes and her hair was matted and smelled as if it hadn’t been washed in months. Clothes that used to fit snugly hung loosely on her sickly frame. “You look wonderful,” I told her honestly.
“Your old lady cleans up pretty nice, doesn’t she,” my mother laughed, spinning around like a schoolgirl. Although she wanted to make light of her physical change, she did look beautiful. Her face was full, her cheeks pink and the large green eyes that were identical to mine emitted a spark of happiness and contentment I had never seen. She reminded me of the Nina Dupree I had seen only in pictures taken back in the 70s with a dark, curly afro, miniskirt and bright smile.
“Now are you going to stand on the doorstep all afternoon, or are you going to come in, have a glass of Sun Tea and tell me what in the world you’re doing here?”
I entered and paused in the small foyer. I was a stranger in my own mother’s home. Even though I paid most of the bills, I had never set foot in her house. Until just a few hours ago, there was no need to, but now I needed her to finally be the mother she should have been a long time ago.
“Give me a hug, Yvette, you’re standing there like you don’t know me.” My mother pulled me into a tight hug. The warmth of her arms caused the dam of tears I’d been holding back to burst free and flow down my cheeks.
“I knew something was wrong, Yvette,” my mother said, holding me at arm’s length. “Why else would you show up on my doorstep out of the clear blue with absolutely no luggage?”
“I’m fine, Mama, just stressed. Tired from the plane ride,” I lied, as she led me into a simply decorated living room. We sat on the couch, and she took my hand in hers.
“You know, Yvette, I may have been MIA while you were growing up, and we haven’t had much of a relationship now that you’re grown, but you are still my child. I know when you’re upset about something.”
I looked at my mother and laughed slightly. “Everything that’s wrong with my life is something that I brought on myself.”
“Are you and that doctor on the outs? He told me that you two were getting married this month. Do you have cold feet?”
“Cold feet? I wish it were that simple.” I wanted to change the subject, needed to. “Can you take me on a tour of your place?” I asked, standing up and heading down a long hallway.
She guided me with the flourish of a model showing off a new car. The kitchen was first, small but well equipped and so clean it could easily pass a white-glove test. The back yard contained more cacti and a large, covered patio with chairs and a table. A small pool stood in the center of the yard, its bright blue water gleaming in the sun. Back inside, one bedroom was painted aqua and contained a bed, dresser and a mirror; the other was painted stark white with the words of Maya Angelou’s poem “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” on the walls stenciled in black cursive letters.
“This one is my art studio,” she said, smiling widely.
“I didn’t know you liked to paint,” I said, admiring a woman rising from the ashes like the phoenix. Done in yellow, brown, red and orange, the painting was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. “Is this you?”
“It’s my rebirth. From the depths of hell to paradise.”
I looked at the painting again. “You’re doing great out here, Mama. I’m so proud of you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you. I’ll never be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me. I owe you everything.”
“You don’t owe me anything. I’m your child and you’re my mother; it’s my responsibility to take care of you.”
“Yvette, you’ve always thought like that, and for a long time our situations were reversed. I was like a child and you were so responsible and mature, too mature and responsible sometimes. So I think you have that backwards. I’m supposed to take care of you and now that I’m able, why don’t you tell me what’s really going on. Why are you really out here?”
“I just needed some time away. I couldn’t think in Detroit. I needed a refuge, somewhere no one would think to look.”
“Well, you sure picked the right place,” she laughed. “No one even knows I’m out here, right?”
“Not a soul.”
“Good, don’t need to share my paradise with anyone.”
“Well, Mama, I hope you can spare just a little bit for me. I need it to heal my heart.”
“Only you can do that, Yvette. After all, it’s your heart to heal and only you know what medicine you need.”
Yvette
34
Nearly two weeks had passed since I’d arrived in Phoenix. My cellphone rang constantly, although fewer and fewer messages were left. Terrence called almost every day begging me to come home, telling me that we could work out anything. I believed him, but I really didn’t want anything to work out. I was unwilling to sacrifice myself any longer trying to make what Terrence and I had work. Being with him was old and familiar, but being with him was also filled with drama and stress—two things that I’d gotten used to doing without.
Wendy had also been calling my cellphone, but somehow she had gotten my mother’s phone number and called Phoenix twice. My mother told her both times that she hadn’t talked to me in over a year.
Calls from Ajani were the only ones I had difficulty not returning. He called twice since I’d been in Phoenix, and both messages he left showed nothing but concern for my well-being. “Just call me and let me know that you’re okay,” his message from last night urged. “I won’t ask you any questions about where you are and why you’re there.”
I replayed the message at least six times before deleting it. I missed him terribly, but I wasn’t ready to go back; actually, I didn’t know if I would ever be ready to go back.
On my fourth night at my mother’s, I finally began sharing bits and pieces of my life. Prom, college, gradua
tion, planning my wedding, the moment I found out that Terrence was cheating on me and finally the day I moved to Nashville.
“Why did you stop there?” she asked, handing me a bowl of freshly popped popcorn.
“Because moving there is why I’m here.”
“What’s so special about Nashville?”
“I met a man in Nashville.”
“So you cheated on Terrence?” she asked, a knowing smile on her face.
“Cheated, fell in love and lost my job,” I confirmed.
“All in six months? Weren’t you a busy bee?”
“I didn’t go down there looking to meet a man,” I said, “especially one as young as Ajani.”
“How young is he?”
“Twenty-one. He was supposed to be observing me for a college course, but things got way out of control.”
“Is he the reason you’re unemployed?”
“Pretty much,” I said, thinking back to my last day at Nashville Prep. Lisa had sat outside the school in her car, smiling as I drove away, the contents of my desk in a box in the backseat.
“So,” my mother said, dropping down on the couch and picking up the remote, “you fell in love with a twenty-one year old, got fired and left your fiancé to come stay with a mother you haven’t seen or talked to in years.” Mother stuffed a hand full of popcorn into her mouth. “Yvette, you may not believe this, but we are more alike than you think.”
Aside from physical features, I couldn’t imagine in what ways she considered us similar. “How are we alike, Mother?”
“We both let Carrie guilt us into doing things we really didn’t want to do. And we both run when life gets tough.”
“I don’t think I let Grandma run my life. I mean she’s been dead for a while now, and I made the mess that I’m in all by myself.”
“Yes, you did, but why were you with Terrence in the first place? Why did you continue your relationship with him after he cheated on you?”
I sat quietly, knowing that the only reason I stayed was because I knew it was what my grandmother would have wanted.