Things Forbidden

by Maryam Diaab

  “You know, my mother always had the best intentions, but somewhere along the way you and I took on her wishes and dreams as our own.”

  “But—”

  “When I was finishing up high school, I wanted to go to art school. Got accepted and everything. My plan was to become a famous artist, travel the world, maybe even open up an art gallery somewhere, but that dream died when Carrie found out that the school was in San Francisco. She put a guilt trip on me that kept me in Detroit. I enrolled in a community college and…”

  “And got pregnant, had me, got strung out and left,” I finished her story with the version my grandmother had preached to me my entire life.

  “Close. I went to college, met your father and fell in love. We wanted to get married, or so he said. But after I told him I was pregnant, he left me faster than I could blink. Just up and disappeared one day. After I had you, that’s when I got strung out.”

  I knew my father had died about ten years ago, but I never knew all this. “Strung out over someone who wasn’t even man enough to take care of you and his child?”

  “I was running, Yvette. I wasn’t rich, didn’t have anywhere to go, so that drug, that pipe, was my escape. It made me forget that I hadn’t followed my dream. My man left me, I had a baby that I had no idea how to take care of and an overbearing mother who wouldn’t allow me to breathe. Losing love and not living for yourself will make you do some crazy things.”

  “But I’m not on drugs, Mama.”

  “No, you’re not, but you are doing a different kind of escaping. You ran to Nashville because Terrence cheated on you, then you ran back to Detroit because you fell in love with another man, a much younger man, and lost then your job because of it. Now you’re here, running from it all.”

  I took a deep breath and concentrated on the television screen. “I’m just not ready to go back yet.”

  “Well, when will you be? Are you planning on waiting until all your money runs out?”

  “I’ll leave when I figure out what I want to do. Are you trying to kick me out? Do you want me to leave?” I asked defensively.

  “No, Yvette, I don’t want you to leave; I want you to stop running. I want my child to do what it took me thirty years and a lot of rehabilitation to learn. There comes a time when you have to stand up and face the music, however difficult it may be.”

  Wendy

  35

  The banging on the door wouldn’t stop. I’d parted the heavy brown curtains at my living-room window and looked outside the minute it began. I did not recognize the drunken, unkempt man standing on my doorstep, but when he began screaming “Wendy!” in a slurred, angry voice, I knew Terrence was my unwanted visitor.

  “I know you’re in there!” he called, banging on my door. “Stop being a coward and let me in! I need to talk to you, and I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say.”

  I peeked out the window again and his tired, bloodshot eyes met mine. I jumped back as if I’d been burned, and it honestly felt as if his eyes, as devastated, angry and bitter as they appeared, were burning a hole into my soul.

  “If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to call the police!”

  “Fuck you!” he screamed hysterically just as Randy, my neighbor and all-around nosey ass across the street, opened his front door and stuck his head out. I watched as Randy squinted his blue eyes and then began dialing his cordless phone furiously.

  “Let me in!” Terrence demanded again.

  “Wendy, is everything okay?” Randy called, quickly walking across the street towards my little situation. While I didn’t want Terrence inside my home, I didn’t want my business all in the street either, and that’s what Randy was known for.

  “Terrence, I’m going to let you in because if I don’t, all our shit will end up on the seven o’clock news.” I turned the deadbolt and slowly opened the door, stepping aside to let him in.

  “Have you talked to Yvette?” he asked immediately. Terrence smelled worse than the bum that slept outside the news station and looked just as bad.

  “When was the last time you took a shower?” I wondered, then noticed that he was still wearing the tuxedo shirt and pants he’d worn the day of the wedding—two weeks ago. The bow tie hung loosely around his neck and he had grown a dirty, rough, and matted beard.

  “That’s none of your business,” Terrence responded indignantly, turning to the oval-shaped mirror on the wall and straightening his tie. It was a pretty sad display.

  “You’re a complete mess.”

  “I didn’t come over here to talk about health and hygiene, Wendy. Now I asked you a question…”

  “I haven’t seen or spoken with Yvette. I’ve called her cell and her mother’s house, but I haven’t gotten a response from her and her mother hasn’t spoken to her. It’s like she’s fallen off the face of the Earth,” I told him, sitting down in an armchair.

  “You’re lying! It’s not like Yvette to run off and not tell you where she is. I know why you don’t want to tell me. You want to keep me all to yourself.”

  I snorted loudly. He was completely off his rocker. “It’s official, Terrence…you’ve lost your mind.”

  “Let’s get something straight right here and now, Wendy. I don’t love you and I never will. The worst thing I could have done is sleep with you, and the fact that you’re pregnant is sickening.”

  “The fact that you’re standing in my living room smelling like a fifth of scotch and open ass is pretty sickening, too.” I stood up and folded my arms across my chest. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

  “Are you still going to have this baby?” he asked, completely ignoring my request to leave.

  “I most certainly am, but I thought we already had this discussion.”

  “I can’t believe you’re still going to go through with this after all the trouble it’s caused.”

  “What trouble?” I demanded.

  “Because of you and this pregnancy crap, Yvette has gone to God only knows where. Because of you, I’ve probably lost her forever.”

  “No! Let’s get something straight right here, right now. I am not the reason you lost Yvette. Yvette is the reason you lost Yvette. She never trusted you after your little infidelity episode, and meeting that boy didn’t help things, either,” I reminded him. “You need to get yourself together, Terrence, take a shower and head back to work. You’ll need to keep your job with the child-support suit I’m going to put on your ass.”

  “I’m going to get her back, you know,” Terrence slurred, staggering slightly.

  “Sure you are,” I responded, my voice thick with skepticism.

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “I’m not stupid, Terrence. The only reason Yvette would ever come back here is to pack up the rest of her stuff and hightail it back to Nashville. I mean, she hasn’t even contacted me, and we’ve been friends forever.”

  “Why would she call you after you admitted to seducing me and then purposely getting pregnant?”

  “I already told you that I didn’t tell her anything about us! If she knows, it’s because Ajani told her!” I felt a sharp pain surge through my lower abdomen. “Terrence, can you just get the hell out of here?” Another pain, this one stronger than the first, caused me to sway, falling onto the coffee table before hitting the carpeted floor. “I should have never started this mess,” I said weakly, the pain now nearly blinding me. “I should have let Yvette have you.”

  “Get up off the damn floor, Wendy. I know this is just another one of your theatrical stunts.” Terrence rolled his eyes but came closer to me, the doctor in him both curious and responsible.

  “Terrence,” I panted, “my stomach…the baby…” The pain was unbearable.

  “Don’t play with me, Wendy,” Terrence warned, kneeling down, the stench of his unwashed body causing me to gag involuntarily.

  “I’m not playing, Terrence,” I cried, tears falling hard and fast down my cheeks. “Please call someone…I think I�
�m losing the baby!”

  Yvette

  36

  I hurried down the sterile hallway of Detroit’s Riverview Hospital, my heels clicking loudly. The air smelled of cleaning solution and sick people, reminding me of the last time I had seen my grandmother, hanging onto life in this very same hospital.

  Wendy’s scared and desperate voice kept replaying in my head as I walked. I tried to ignore it, not wanting to return to my past, but I couldn’t. No matter what damage I had done to my life, Wendy was still my best friend. When she needed me, I had to be there.

  A few hours before, I was sitting outside the airport in Phoenix debating whether or not to get on the plane. “You’re ready,” my mother had insisted. “You have to stop running, Yvette. Face your life head on. Break the cycle, create your own destiny.” She sounded like one of those annoying motivational speakers, but I knew she was right. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life acting as if the past six months hadn’t happened.

  The numbers on the hospital room doors got smaller and smaller as I neared Wendy’s private room. I felt my cellphone vibrate inside my purse, and I decided that it was time to stop running. I answered without checking the caller id.

  “Hello?” I said, willing my voice to sound steady and confident.

  “Wow!” Ajani’s deep voice came on the line. “Wow, Yvette. I really didn’t expect you to answer.”

  I couldn’t speak. There were so many things that I wanted, needed to say, but at the same time, my mind was blank.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine, Ajani. How are you?” I managed to choke out. At the sound of his voice, tears began to sting my eyes.

  “Better now that I know you’re okay.”

  There was a pause. Ajani felt both familiar and like a complete stranger. I knew I still loved him, probably always would, but I wasn’t sure that we were right for each other anymore. So many things had changed; I was different and I didn’t know if Ajani could handle it. But then again, maybe we were never right for each other.

  “Where are you?”

  “In Detroit. Something happened to Wendy; she called and said she needed me.”

  “Wendy, huh? Have you been speaking with her this entire time?”

  “No, I haven’t spoken with anyone. Wendy left me a voicemail. I didn’t want to come back, but it’s time I stop running away from my problems,” I said, stopping three doors down from Wendy’s room.

  “So you’re going to see Terrence?” Ajani sounded strange, almost as if seeing Terrence was exactly what he wanted me to do.

  “Yeah, I guess I will.”

  “Then I don’t need to be the one to tell you anything. Sounds like you’ll find out for yourself.”

  “Find out what?” I pressed, suddenly nervous.

  “I don’t want to be the one to tell you, Yvette.”

  I decided to let whatever he was talking about drop for now.

  “You know, we have some unfinished business of our own,” Ajani reminded me.

  “I know.”

  “So do I get to see you?”

  “Ajani I—”

  “I just want to talk to you,” he said, cutting me off.

  “We can just talk on the phone. I think that if we see each other…”

  “You won’t really hear what I have to say over the phone, Yvette.”

  I weakened, knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I’m different, Ajani; so much has changed.”

  “I’m different, too, Yvette.”

  I leaned against the cream-colored wall and shut my eyes. “Can you come here?” I asked quickly before I could change my mind. “I’m moving into my grandmother’s house until I decide what’s next.”

  “I’ll be wherever you want me. I can be in Detroit by tomorrow morning.”

  “I’ll see you then,” I responded, closing my phone and smiling in spite of myself.

  I continued down the hall, this time slowly and quietly; I needed the few extra seconds before facing Wendy. Also, I wanted to think about Ajani and our meeting tomorrow.

  “Wendy, I’m sorry…”

  I heard the voice faintly at first, coming from a room two doors down from where I was standing. Then louder, more insistent, the speaker choking out the words almost in a sob, reminding me of the way Terrence had apologized after he’d been caught cheating.

  “I was angry in the beginning, but after all this…” the vaguely familiar voice whimpered. I stopped just before I reached Wendy’s room door.

  “Don’t try to act as if everything is okay, Terrence.” Wendy’s voice could be heard loud and clear in the hall. “You’re the reason that I’m in here.”

  Confusion settled over me. Why was Terrence in Wendy’s hospital room? Why was he apologizing?

  “I know that I haven’t been perfect, but this has all been a huge change for me. First, Yvette leaves, then you and I get together and then you tell me that you’re pregnant and I’m the father! How did you expect me to feel?”

  Gasping, I slid down the wall and onto the ice-cold linoleum.

  “I expected you to at least take care of your responsibilities and not treat me as if I were some street whore,” my best friend responded bitterly.

  “I thought that if I accepted the fact that you were going to have my baby, then Yvette would never come back,” he whined.

  “She’s never coming back,” Wendy said, her voice softening noticeably.

  “I know that now, Wendy, and I’m ready for us to be a family.”

  I sat on the floor, my back resting against the hard wall. It all made sense now—the way Wendy always took Terrence’s side, the day she told me that she’d seen him having lunch with another woman. It was obviously all in her plans: She had always wanted him, and when I left for Nashville my best friend decided to move in for the kill.

  “I don’t want to be your second choice. I don’t want you to be here for me and this baby because you don’t want to be alone.”

  “That’s not what this is about,” Terrence insisted.

  “Then explain to me, Terrence, what is it about?”

  I stood on wobbly legs and looked around, having no idea what my next move would be. There was no doubt in my mind that a confrontation was necessary, but as the bile rose up bitterly in my throat, I wondered if I would be able to…

  “I want to be with you,” Terrence said. I forced myself forward and peeked into the room. Wendy sat resting comfortably in the bed, a manicured hand on her belly. Terrence leaned over her, wearing an expression that I had never seen grace his features—genuine remorse.

  Without knowing what was pushing me forward, I stepped into the room, startling them both. They exchanged surprised glances, probably wondering how much of their intimate conversation I’d been privy to.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked Wendy, not bothering to look Terrence’s way.

  “I can’t believe that you’re here. When I called I never really thought that you’d come.”

  “Obviously,” I responded, unable to hide the contempt in my voice. “I hope that the baby is okay.”

  “Yes, the baby’s fine. I had a really stressful morning and felt some sharp pains in my stomach. My doctor wants me to stay away from upsetting situations for a while,” Wendy explained. Terrence remained silent.

  “Then maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

  “No,” Terrence said, rising from his seat slowly. “Maybe I’m the one who needs to leave.”

  “Oh, come on now, Terrence, why should you be the one to leave? After all, this is your baby we’re talking about, right? I’m sure that you want to be with Wendy right now.”

  The room grew eerily quiet. Although I was angrier than I had been in a long time, a sickly sweet smile never left my face. I refused to embarrass myself.

  “Yvette, I’m so sorry…” Terrence began, but I lifted my hand to silence him.

  “I expected this from you, Terrence. Infidelity is just in your nature, but not from Wendy
. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

  “We didn’t plan it,” Wendy said.

  “I think you did. Everyone in this room knows that you’ve always wanted Terrence; hell, you’ve always wanted everything I have.” My voice exuded calmness and confidence, but inside a roaring fire raged.

  “Don’t go putting this on me, Yvette,” Wendy retorted. “You were the one who decided to move away. You’re the one who decided to have an affair with a college student. Whatever Terrence and I did was a direct result of the choices you made.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked. Her audacity was stunning. “Wendy, we were best friends. You betrayed me; you slept with my fiancé.”

  “Yes, I did. I slept with your fiancé and you slept with Ajani.”

  “And the entire time you made me feel guilty about what was going on…‘Terrence is a good man, you’re making a mistake,’ ” I mocked. “Now you’re pregnant with his baby…”

  I looked from Terrence to Wendy and back again. “I feel so stupid.”

  Both stared at me silently, something passing for guilt on their faces. “I hope that the two—I’m sorry, the three of you—are very happy together,” I said and turned to leave.

  “Why can’t we just talk about this?” Terrence asked, finally finding his voice.

  I whirled around, ready to strike. “What is there to talk about, Terrence? You and Wendy have made it perfectly clear that my opinion isn’t necessary in this little drama!” My voice was becoming louder, more shrill, so much so a nurse paused outside Wendy’s room before moving on down the hall.

  “And what if I had decided to marry Terrence? Would the two of you have kept sleeping together, raising your little illegitimate family on the side?”

  “No!” they both exclaimed in unison.

  “This is too much,” I said, feeling sick to my stomach. “This is like some disgusting nightmare. The past month has been like something I can’t wake up from, and the two of you,” I said, pointing a trembling finger from Terrence to Wendy, “deserve each other.”

  Yvette