by Mia Archer
“You know he’s right,” I said. “Why should we sneak around? There doesn’t seem to be any point to it, right?”
Lisa looked at me with a look that clearly said this was a conversation we should have somewhere else when there wasn’t an audience. Which was fine with me. I could understand her wanting to keep this private.
“You’re right,” I said. “We’ll talk about all this later.”
“Talk about what?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Damn it. And here I’d hoped we might have an evening free of Dave and his shenanigans. I should’ve known better.
I opened my eyes. Dave stood at the door smiling at all of us. At least I could take comfort in the knowledge that he probably hadn’t heard what we were talking about, otherwise his reaction probably wouldn’t be as muted as standing there with a smile on his face as though he hadn’t been a complete ass at our last session.
Once again he was either being willfully ignorant of the fact that no one wanted him around or he really was just that socially inept. My money was on the second one.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
He shrugged. “This is game night, right? Arnold told me last week was canceled so I didn’t bother to show, but I haven’t missed a game night in years. I wouldn’t start now just because you were all being jerks last time.”
For a surprise Lisa was the one who reacted before I could. I saw her hand clench into a fist and she took a step forward. “Why you little…”
I swooped in before she could do any damage. I thought about how she’d shoved him into the pool the night before, but the pool was a good ten feet away and on the other side of the pool house walls. She looked like she was about to punch him or something, and I didn’t want to start the evening with an assault. Dad would get pissed off if he had to bring work home.
Especially considering the quickest way from here to the pool was through the big windows running along the side of the pool house showing off the view.
I put a hand on Lisa’s shoulder and she jumped. Wheeled around as though she was expecting an attack from my end, but then she blushed and looked away when she realized it was just me. It was a little surprising seeing that much fire from the bubbly sexy cheerleader, but I kind of liked it.
“Why don’t we let Dave play tonight?”
Lisa looked shocked. “What?”
“Are you serious?” Travis said.
“Of course she’s serious,” Dave said, sauntering over to my game table as though he owned the place. “It wouldn’t be game night without me!”
“I think Dave might like the surprise I’ve been planning,” I said.
Lisa looked confused for a moment but then she shrugged. “Fine, if you say so then I trust you.”
Okay then. That was a little colder than I’d expected, but better than I thought it would go. A voice whispered that I should just go with my instincts and kick Dave out, only I had a sneaking suspicion he might just refuse to leave which would eventually involving dad’s coworkers and that was a big headache I didn’t want to mess with.
I’d make it clear to him at the end of the night that he wasn’t welcome back next week, and in the meantime my surprise would be more fun if he was there to see it play out.
I looked down at my watch and then over to the door. “Where the hell is Arnold?”
Travis shrugged as he took a seat at the table in between Dave’s seat and mine. Smart guy. “Fashionably late as always.”
As though summoned by our words Arnold walked through the door. He wasn’t too fashionably late, but we did end up getting started about fifteen minutes later than I would’ve hoped by the time everyone got settled around the table.
“Fine,” I said. “So after the last session’s adventures you’re all gathered in a tavern to get more information and maybe find a new recruit for your party,” I said.
“I believe this is where I come in,” Dave said. “A handsome fighter who is as muscled as he is bearded walks through the front door and immediately all the women in the room swoon as I step up to the bar.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay,” I said. “So what do the rest of you do?”
“I’m going to ignore the asshole who just walked up to the bar,” Travis said. “He looks like nothing but trouble.”
“I agree,” Arnold said. “Is it possible for me to shoot that guy in the back?”
I shot him a warning glance. “You could do that, but you’re in a tavern in a city and the local city guards wouldn’t take too kindly to that.”
Lisa tapped her fingers against her character sheet as though she was thinking of something. From the evil smile on her face it wasn’t anything good, either. “Would it be possible to hit him with a fireball and burn him to a crisp? No evidence means the city guard wouldn’t be able to hold us on any charges, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. But I’m sure all the witnesses in the tavern would be more than happy to say something.”
“What if we did and intimidate on the witnesses?” Travis asked.
I couldn’t help but smile. I was so proud of this little group. It seemed that all it took was one jerk trying to ruin the game and suddenly the entire group had turned to chaotic evil. It would almost be enough to warm my heart if it wasn’t frustrating me as a dungeon master.
“Let me make this clear,” I said, breaking the first rule of DMing and handing down a pronouncement from on high. “If you attack him then you’re going to get your characters in trouble. End of discussion.”
“Like our characters are going to die trouble, or we’re going to have an adventure trying to make our way out of a dungeon or something?” Travis asked, looking like he was seriously considering it.
I rolled my eyes. “Want to try me?”
“Wait, so you guys aren’t going to approach me to fill your little opening?” Dave asked.
He actually sounded surprised that they wouldn’t immediately run to him. Yeah, definitely socially oblivious in the worst way. If he had some disability or something that made him act this way I could almost feel sorry for him, but time and again over the years he’d proved that he was just an asshole through and through and his cousin Jeff had enabled him and then put him in charge which completely ruined him and the group dynamic of a game that had been running for decades.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Travis said. “As far as I’m concerned our group isn’t recruiting.”
“Yeah,” Arnold said. “How would your character even know whether or not we’re looking for someone? It’s not like we said we were recruiting or anything. There aren’t any signs up around the city telling you to meet us here.”
“I just had a feeling you could use a new party member,” Arnold said.
I wasn’t sure if the conversation they were having was in character or out of character at this point. There was a note of pleading in Dave’s voice, though. As though he was starting to realize that maybe the session two weeks back had finally been the tipping point that at long last made him unwelcome at the gaming table.
I decided it was time for me to drop the big surprise I’d been hinting at for the past couple of weeks with Lisa. I held my hand up and the arguing around the table came to a halt. All eyes turned to look at me. I held my hand there for a moment with a smile playing across my face. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to giggle, I was so excited about this.
Also? A little worried. This was walking right up to the line of letting everyone know what was going on with me and Lisa. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I wasn’t sure how she’d take me letting cats out of bags.
At the same time I couldn’t not do it. The opportunity was too much fun even if it was a risk.
“The door to the tavern slams open and a mysterious female figure dressed in elaborate armor steps through the door. She has a massive sword slung across her back and her eyes move across the room taking everything in as though she wants to kill anyone and everything th
at she sees. She seems to emanate danger.”
“What the hell are you doing?” Dave asked. “That’s ridiculous! Who even role-plays like that?”
“I don’t care, I want her in our a party!” Arnold said.
Dave looked over to him and rolled his eyes. “Oh sure. Now you’re recruiting? What, you’re too good for me?”
“Pretty much,” Travis said.
“I’m surprised you have a problem with that intro,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Dave asked.
“I just copied the intro you used for Glorkok the barbarian and gave the sentence a sex change. Remember him? That time you said you could totally play a character and be the dungeon master at the same time?”
“Old glory cock!” Travis hooted. He slapped his hands against the table a couple of times as his body shook with laughter. “I forgot all about him!”
“She just rules lawyered you!” Arnold said, pointing a finger at Dave. “Can’t complain about her playing a character if you did it, right?”
“Well it’s technically against the spirit of the game,” Dave said. “But since there is a precedent for it at this table…”
“You’re damn right there’s a precedent for it at this table,” I said. “Because it’s my table, and what I says goes.”
Lisa cocked an eyebrow and joined the game again. “I decide to get up and move across the room to talk to this new warrior who has appeared in the tavern,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
I looked at her and she had a mischievous smile. I wondered what she was up to, and I suddenly felt a little nervous about having any sort of role-playing interplay with her in front of the group. I wondered if she was going to give something away and cause another explosion.
She certainly didn’t seem mad.
Besides, wasn’t I the one who said we needed to be out in the open? Maybe the explosion was going to come eventually no matter what. Maybe it would be better to stop delaying the inevitable.
Besides, why should I give a fuck or live my life because I was worried about what Dave thought? If anything a blow-up from him would give me an excuse to finally kick him out for good.
Yeah, maybe this could be fun in more ways than one. I grinned and winked at her. She could ring it. “Well okay then. So what are you going to say to this mighty warrioress standing before you Lisa?”
Lisa smiled and looked at everyone around the table. My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for her response. This was going to be good.
18: Real Talk
Lisa:
I felt a rush as I stared across the gaming table at Kylie. I’d shot her a warning glanced earlier when she brought up telling everybody what was going on between the two of us, but there was something about the way Dave was acting that pissed me off. More than usual. And that made me want to poke the bear.
Well, not exactly a bear. More like a skinny pasty white guy who had an asshole streak a mile wide.
The point is I suddenly had a very strong urge to show him he wasn’t the most important thing at this gaming table. Not by far. And looking at Kylie she suddenly seemed nervous the way she was blushing. It was actually kind of cute seeing the hardass goth girl I’d always sort of looked up to for not giving a shit getting embarrassed and worried about something.
“So I walk over to this new mysterious stranger and introduce myself,” I said.
“Fine,” Kylie said. Then she continued in a slightly deeper voice that I assumed was meant to be her character. “What do you want?”
I closed my eyes and in my imagination I could feel my surroundings. I could see the wood paneling on the tavern, a vision that was influenced more than a little by several sword and sorcery movies I’d watched over the years thanks to my dad having an obsession with them. I could smell the smells. I could almost taste the booze.
I realized I could really go for a drink right about now.
It was so different from the world I’d grown up in. Sleepovers and cheerleading and the smell of coconut oil because everybody had gone to the tanning bed before they came to practice which always annoyed the coaches because it always meant everybody was a little slippery no matter how much they tried to get the tanning oil off. This was something very different, but it was a good different.
“I just saw you come in,” I said in a breathless voice that wasn’t much different from my own. Okay, so I wasn’t going to win any awards for my acting ability or anything. Kylie was the real champ there. “And I was wondering if you were maybe looking for a party to join?”
“The armored woman pauses for a moment and looks you up and down. Then she stops and looks you up and down again, appreciating every curve of your body,” Kylie said.
That was in her own voice, but there was still a husky quality to it that hadn’t been there before. Meanwhile Travis and Arnold were laughing and clapping over at their end of the table. Dave didn’t seem happy at all about this new development. Not that I expected him to be. His arms were cross and his expression grew darker with every new word out of Kylie’s mouth.
“What the hell was that?” Dave asked, his eyes darting between the two of us.
“I’m just getting into character,” Kylie said. “And my character likes what she sees.”
“You’re role-playing a lesbian?” Dave asked.
Kylie’s eyes darted over to him and flashed with anger. “You got a problem with that? I’ll remind you this wouldn’t be the first time a dungeon master has role-played a lesbian before.”
Travis rolled his eyes, but this time it was Arnold who filled in the blanks. There was so much history at this gaming table that I wasn’t privy to. So many stories that I wanted to hear.
“Please,” Arnold said, laughing to the point that he had to pause to wipe a tear from his eyes. “That had to be some of the worst lesbian erotica I’ve ever seen acted out,” he said.
“Do you see a lot of lesbian erotica being acted out?” I asked.
“Only on his computer monitor,” Travis said, giving Arnold a friendly nudge. Then he launched into a dramatic soliloquy that made my ears hurt.
“My magic moved down between her quivering loins and found found places the half orc barbarian never knew existed before she met Fialuxa the lesbian mage!” Travis shouted out in a singsong voice.
He and Travis erupted into laughter again, and meanwhile Dave crossed his arms with a glower on his face. He apparently didn’t like to be reminded of a time when he’d played a girl character and acted out what sounded like a very interesting role-playing session with himself. I was actually kind of glad I hadn’t been at the table for that one. It sounded awful.
“You guys shut up,” Dave said. “Besides. It’s not like Lisa is going to go along with this bullshit.”
There was something about the tone in his voice that filled in the rest of the statement. In his mind I wasn’t going to go along with Kylie’s girl on girl inclination when there was a real man at the table I could enjoy. At least that was the unspoken implication that I read into what he said as he sat there with that scowl.
“Whatever,” Kylie said. “Can we please get on with the game and let Lisa decide what she does or doesn’t want to do with her character?”
“That sounds like a good idea,” I said, then I switched to the breathless adventurer who was a little attracted and a little intimidated by the sexy adventurer standing before me.
“Well it seems our party is in need of a new adventurer to join us,” I said. Again, it wasn’t the best dialogue in the world, but I was new to this.
“The woman looks you up and down again. She smiles a hungry smile as she locks eyes with you. ‘And what reason could you possibly give me for wanting to travel out into the wilderness with a party of four adventurers looking to make a name for themselves? I have my own life to live. My own motives for being out here.’”
“I don’t know,” I said. I tried to make myself sound even more breathless. Sure I was using the same vocal cu
e every time I talked, but it’s not like I had much experience with this sort of thing. I tried it to sound every inch the helpless and naïve adventurer who was out for the first time and running into feelings she didn’t quite understand.
Hell, it’s not like it was much of a stretch of the imagination to talk about feelings that I was having trouble understanding. I wasn’t doing a hell of a lot of method acting in that moment considering my feelings for Kylie and how I was still sorting through them.
It was time to go for the gold, though. Time to really sell this scene. Apparently this wasn’t the first time the gaming table had seen a lesbian scene acted out, but I wanted to make sure this one blew the other one out of the water. Not that it sounded like there was a very high bar to clear on that score.
I bit my lip. “Maybe you could think of something I could offer you that would make it worth your while to join our party?”
God I felt like such a goober even saying that. This whole thing was so silly and over the top. It had me feeling as hot as I did back when we actually still played spin the bottle in somebody’s basement. It was a confusing mix of feelings, and I loved it.
More than anything, I think I was enjoying this precisely because it was so crazy.
Everyone else at the table had quieted down. Travis and Arnold leaned forward, listening intently. Dave looked between the two of us, the scowl getting even deeper and darker. I could tell he was close to blowing up, but I was finally in a place where I didn’t care.
Let him think what he wanted to think. I didn’t give a fuck about his opinion. Let him blow up and throw a temper tantrum if he wanted to. It didn’t matter, because he could fuck off if he thought he was going to influence me by throwing a tantrum.
“The woman looks you up and down and licks her lips. She takes a step forward, moving into your personal space in a big way,” Kylie said, and then her voice moved to a deeper voice that represented the warrior.
“I can think of something I want to take right now,” Kylie said.