by Penny Wylder
I lick my lips and nod.
“Fuck, you feel so good. I’m trying not to come. I don’t want this to be over,” he says.
He spreads my pussy lips with one hand and shoves fingers into my pussy with the other. I cry out as I’m suddenly stretched further. He manages to rub my clit as well. I could explode right now into a million different pieces. There’s pain and pleasure. Nirvana, euphoria. I’m on a different planet, never having experienced pleasure even close to this in my entire life. I never want it to end.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he growls. “Oh fuck.”
He starts to move his fingers around inside of me and it’s over. He hits just the right spot and my body erupts.
“Oh, God,” he says, his voice urgent. “Holy shit!” His words are followed by a long groan of pure bliss.
My own juices spill out of my pussy around his fingers at the same time his spills out of my ass. He pulls out and it’s a torrent of wetness. I have a feeling his pillows will be ruined after this.
He lays next to me, breathless and spent. “Jesus, you’re a freak of nature,” he says with a chuckle. “No one should feel that good. I think you’ve ruined me.”
I laugh because I know exactly how he feels.
We spoon for quite some time, not speaking, just living in this moment, letting our bodies come down from the high they were on moments before. At some point we both doze off. It’s almost two in the morning when my eyes open and I realize I’m still naked on his floor.
“Shit,” I say.
The sound of my voice wakes him up. He looks at the clock. “I didn’t even realize we fell asleep, but after what we just did, I’m not surprised.” He kisses me, not seeming as concerned as I am even though we both have to be up for early classes.
He insists on walking me back to my dorm since it’s so late. Campus security is basically just one officer patrolling an entire campus at this time of morning and Leo wants to make sure I get back to my room safely, all the way to my dorm room door.
We sneak through the halls. The high heels I wore for our date clap against the tiled floors of the dormitory and are about as subtle as thunder in the quiet corridors, so I take them off and walk barefoot. I open the door to my room, thinking Brenna will be asleep. To my shock and horror, she’s wide awake, sitting at her desk. She looks over at us and her eyebrows go up when she sees Leo with me.
I can sense his body grow tense, but his expression doesn’t change. “Good morning, Brenna,” he says.
My heart is racing. He tells me goodbye, but I hardly hear him over my heart pounding in my ears. We don’t kiss like I want to before he leaves.
Brenna gets a nefarious smile on her face. “Well isn’t this interesting?” she says. “I guess you’re not the prude that I thought you were. An affair with a teacher is sexy-scandalous.” She laughs when seeing the horror on my face. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m just impressed, is all.”
“Thank you,” I say and crawl into bed. I don’t know if Brenna can be trusted. I don’t know her enough to say for sure. People say things all the time. Even though she says she won’t tell anyone, that doesn’t make me feel any better.
3
Being with Leo isn’t a distraction—well, it can be at times, but for the most part we’re able to maintain our relationship and our responsibilities. My grades haven’t faltered at all and I’m carrying the same workload I would have if I were single. If anything, having a professor as a boyfriend is a plus. If I have any questions, there’s someone there to help me with the answers. I’m glad I never have to ask him questions, though. I’ve been studying law long before I ever got into law school. In high school I would borrow books from the library about penal codes and court jargon. I would read procedurals. I know my father and brother’s cases like the back of my hand. Hell, before I even left community college I could have probably argued their case successfully. I can do all of this on my own. Having Leo by my side is just the icing on the cake.
He and I have coffee together every morning before class. Since he has to be to class before me, that time between gives me time to study. I spend time with him between classes and I go to his house most days and we spend that time having dinner together as well as the most mind-blowing sex anyone can possibly imagine.
I love our routine, but as the semester comes to an end and finals start, I’m not able to spend as much time with him as I like. I have a million things to do and so does he. It’s nice, though, having a professor as a study partner. Most people would think having a smarty-pants boyfriend is dull or boring, but for us, we love the challenge of expanding our minds. We turn studying into games that make it easy to learn. We have debates and arguments (not the bad kind, but the kind one would have in court) that can last for hours. Sometimes they get so heated that we find ourselves stripping off our clothes and going at it like rabbits before we’re even done talking. In a way it’s like pillow talk. It sounds strange, but it works for us.
So when I take my finals, it’s no wonder I ace them. Even before I get the results, I already knew that. There’s not a single question on the tests that gives me pause.
While Leo is wrapping up the semester looking over his students’ papers, I rush back to my dorm to change before our big date tonight. We’re going out for seafood to celebrate the end of the semester as well as my perfect scores.
“You look happy,” Brenna says as soon as I walk through the door. She seems the opposite. The dark makeup around her eyes is smeared as though at some point in the day she’d been crying, and there is a big bag of Oreos with only a few cookies left in the sleeve. There’s also a huge bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos on her lap. When she goes to swipe the hair out of her eyes, I notice the tips of her fingers are stained orange.
“I am,” I say, trying not to sound too cheerful seeing her mood. “What’s wrong?”
She shrugs and shoves a cookie in her mouth, talking with her mouth full. “Bombed my finals.”
That doesn’t surprise me one bit. Instead of studying, she has nightly orgies that last until the wee hours of the morning, which is another reason I spend the night at Leo’s most nights. Whenever I see her, she’s telling me stories about forgetting which class is which and falling asleep on her desk. She tells me all of this with a smile, like it’s a joke, or like she thinks being rebellious makes her cool—which it doesn’t, not even a little bit. I know how hard people work to get into this school. It has a low acceptance rate, and even the most excellent and hardworking students can be wait listed. And receiving scholarships like Brenna and I do? The competition for that is fierce. I should know. I worked my ass off to earn it. It surprises me that Brenna would be so careless after obviously working hard to secure her spot here. Her nonchalance is not amusing to me in any way.
It wouldn’t surprise me if she got kicked out. While Brenna and I aren’t exactly besties, I still don’t want to see her ruin her future. This is a tough school to get into and there are no second chances. I just want to shake her and make her see what an amazing opportunity she has in front of her. If she fucks it up, she’ll regret it later—especially when she’s thirty-years-old and stuck working at a Hot Topic in the mall.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say.
She shrugs. “Some friends of mine are taking me out to the bar to make me feel better tonight. You should come with us. I think one of my friends has a class with you in the morning.” She winks. “In Professor Whitford’s class.”
I feel my cheeks flush. This sounds like a terrible idea. I don’t want to go to the bar, but I also don’t want to brush her off when she’s feeling so terrible.
“I don’t know too many people in my class. Who is it?”
“His name is Jaime.”
Oh, him. The boy who sits next to me and stares at me obsessively. He seems nice enough, but Leo hates him because of the way he looks at me. I’m just glad Leo is a fair teacher and doesn’t take out his frustration on Jaime.
Despite his lack of attention in class, Jaime gets good grades.
“I have plans tonight, but I can stop by for a drink beforehand.”
Brenna claps her hands and it seems to cheer her up a bit. I’m happy to help her, and I start to feel better about the situation. What harm can one quick drink do?
It’s early when we leave for the bar. She’s wearing a black mini dress so short her ass cheeks hang out. I’m wearing jeans and a sweater. We look ridiculous together when we walk into the bar; we couldn’t possibly be more opposite.
It’s a little dive bar called Tucana’s, with a Hawaiian theme. People sing karaoke in one corner and play pool in the other. Brenna lifts her arms and a group of people stuffed into the corner of the room cheer.
They are a strange mix of people. Some have the same kind of punk and goth look like Brenna, while others are more strait-laced like me, and then there are others who look like the stereotypical jock type. If this were high school, it would be the most confusing thing ever, but here everyone is working toward the same goal, so it makes more sense.
Jaime stands up, seeming surprised to see me. He smiles and scoots over to give me the chair beside his. I reluctantly sit next to him while Brenna sits across from us.
Drinks are ordered. While everyone has shots, I have a vodka Collins. I’m not trying to get drunk before my date with Leo.
Brenna lifts her shot glass. “Fuck finals,” she says as her toast and they all repeat her words.
“Did everyone do terrible on their finals?” I ask when it seems like everyone agrees with her. Some look more somber than others, but it seems like no one is really here to celebrate.
They do a round-robin, talking about scores. Most are passing but the theme seems to be that they didn’t do as well as they thought. Even Jaime’s scores were low.
“What about you?” Jaime asks. “How did you do?”
I don’t want to brag, but I’m proud of myself and I’m not going to downgrade my success just because things didn’t go as well for them.
I sit up, feeling myself smile inside but try to tamp it down on the outside. “I aced mine.”
They congratulate me and seem sincere about it. That is until I look at Brenna. The sneer on her face makes me wish I hadn’t opened my mouth.
“That doesn’t surprise me one bit considering she’s sleeping with the professor,” Brenna says.
My blood runs cold. When all eyes fall to me, I want to climb under the table and hide.
“Which professor?” someone asks. Everyone is very excited by this bit of gossip. And even a few people snicker and say, “Why didn’t I think of that?” They talk about old and fat teachers who they would be grossed out by, but would fuck them anyway for an A.
But when Brenna says, “Leo Whitford”, the crowd is hushed. Jaime looks at me like I broke his heart. Then his sad look morphs into something angry. Then one of the girls in the group says, “I would definitely fuck Leo for an A.” One of the guys agrees and there is enough laughter to take the attention off of me. It becomes a game of which teacher you would have sex with, and I’m hoping my personal story will soon be forgotten.
But Jaime and Brenna aren’t playing along. If Jaime is mad enough to get Leo in trouble, Leo’s career could be on the line. He loves his teaching job. I can’t have that ruined because of me.
I get up and leave while everyone is distracted. Brenna tries to get me to stay, though I don’t know why since she was just throwing daggers at me with her pointed gaze.
“Kimmy, wait,” she says. She tries to apologize, but I don’t want to hear it. I just need to get out of here.
“Save it, Brenna. I know you’ve had a shit day, but you had no right to do that to me. I told you I’d come by for a drink, I had my drink, with a side of humiliation thanks to you, and now I’m done. Done with this bar. Done with you.” I turn around and leave her there before she has a second to react.
I go back to my dorm room to pack my bags. I throw my duffels on the bed and grab everything of mine I can find, haphazardly throwing my things inside. Books with shoes with cosmetics. I move quickly, so eager to leave this room and leave Brenna behind. I have no intentions of coming back to this room or ever talking to Brenna again.
When I don’t show up for our date, Leo starts to text me.
I don’t have the guts to tell him what happened tonight and that his career might be compromised because of me. I don’t want him to be side-swiped by the information, though. I can only imagine how devastating it would be to be blindsided. I have to at least warn him. It would be horrible of me not to, so I send him a quick text message letting him know that Brenna told people about us. Then I shove my phone in my purse because I’m afraid of his response. As immature as it is, I’m not prepared to handle the devastating outcome of all of this.
I should never have allowed this affair to happen. There was too much at risk. I’m so stupid.
I haul my bags down stairs and pile them into my little Toyota SUV.
I had been so excited to spend my end of semester break with Leo, but now the idea of going back and dealing with everything, it’s all too stressful. I just want to go home and hide. Figure out my next move without having to see Brenna or any other students’ suspicious eyes on me on campus.
As I drive, Leo continues to blow up my phone with texts and then calls. I turn off my phone and toss it into the backseat for the duration of the drive to my mom’s house. It’s a two-hour drive. I stop for gas and snacks. I’m going to eat my feelings with Cheetos and Sour Patch Kids just as Brenna did.
By the time I get home, it’s late. My mom turns on the porch light when she hears my car pull into the driveway. She comes out in her robe and slippers to greet me. Her hair is still neat and her makeup is still on, so I know she hasn’t been sleeping. She’s hardly slept through the night since my brother and father went to jail.
I get out of the car and instantly feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. “What’s wrong, Kimmy? I thought you were spending your break on campus.”
We sit on the patio swing and I start to cry. I tell her everything. I spill my guts about Leo and how I think I might be in love with him even though I know what we’re doing is wrong and could get both of us into a lot of trouble. I tell her how I feel like I’ve let her down, let dad and my brother down too. There is no end to my self pity and remorse.
“Can I get a word in here, Kimmy?” she says, cutting me off. “I may not be the aspiring lawyer, but I do know a thing or two. You’ve made some mistakes, that’s for sure, but what you’re doing with Leo isn’t wrong. You’re both adults.” She shrugs and says, “Look, I’m not saying it’s exactly smart, but it’s definitely not wrong.”
I laugh because I know she’s just trying to cheer me up. And she’s right. We are both adults and have the right to be together, but there are rules and we are breaking them. I hate that those rules are in place, and I get why they are, but I know Leo would never play favorites. If I wasn’t doing well in his class, he wouldn’t give me a good grade. He’s not like that. If he was, he would’ve failed Jaime.
“If you love him and you want to be with him, there are other schools you can attend. With your academic record, any one of them would be happy to have you.”
My stomach sinks. “But I’ve worked so hard to get into this school. This was the dream.” Long before I ever attended the university, I was watching their footballs games on TV even though I hate sports, and I was wearing their sweatshirts and had their school flags pinned up on my wall. This was the dream—the only dream—the school I always wanted to go to, so when I got in, there was never any other option for me.
My mom sighs. “Honey, in this life, we can’t have it all. After seeing what happened to your father and your brother, you should know life isn’t always fair.”
“I know.” Hearing her talk about my dad and brother, and the sadness in her tone, I know what I need to do. “I’m going to break up with Leo. I have to focus on sch
ool and being a great lawyer. I have people counting on me. I can’t lose it all because of selfish decisions.”
“Whatever you do I know it’s going to be the right thing. You’re a smart girl.” She kisses my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep.”
We go into the house. I don’t bother to unpack my bags. I’m too exhausted and sad to think straight. I just need some sleep.
Instead of sleep, I spend the night crying. I’m tempted to turn my phone back on, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to see what Leo has to say. I know if I read his texts I’ll end up caving and replying back to him. I need to stay focused. I want to stay at the university. I want to graduate. I want to be a lawyer. I can’t have those things and Leo too.
The next day I leave my phone on the kitchen counter and go shopping with my mom. We spend the day together. It’s like old times. Making shopping lists for dinner, visiting the grocery store. But then we do something that’s not very typical, at least not typical for most families, but unfortunately for ours it is. We go see my dad and brother in jail.
Sitting in the sad looking visitors’ room never gets easier. Watching them walk out to us in their bright orange jumpsuits never feels normal. They seem in good spirits, despite the circumstances, but they are eager to get out. When they ask about school, Mom and I don’t mention my dilemma. The rule since they’ve been in jail is not to burden them with any of our problems from the outside world. They have enough on their minds. Wrapping up the visit, giving them the insanely short hugs we’re allowed, two seconds maximum, it’s enough to give me the push I need. I can’t make any more mistakes. My relationship with Leo has to be over no matter how much it breaks my heart.
It’s getting late, the sun is starting to set. When my phone buzzes, letting me know there’s a new text, I assume it’s Leo. Glancing at my phone, my stomach does a little cartwheel, but not in a good way. More like the kind of cartwheel one would do when they’re sloppy drunk and falling down a flight of stairs. It’s from Brenna.