by Anna Brooks
Blue sky, an ocean breeze, birds chirping. I think about Mouse playing with the butterflies. Imagine her chasing them around. Water laps against the shoreline made of pink sand, and tires squeal.
The arm wrapped around my waist pulses tight before it evaporates, and I feel myself falling. The sand is pulling me under, and I can’t fight my way out.
“Mellie!” That voice is so far away. “Fuck, Mellie!”
My knees collide with the wooden porch, but then a strong set of arms engulf me and lift me against a familiar chest. “You’re okay. You’re okay.” The timbre of his voice penetrates through the walls I just built, but I still can’t move.
I want to say something. I want to tell him thank you. I want him to never let me go, but I can’t fucking move.
“It’s okay, Mellie. It’s okay. I’m here now.”
The tightness in my bones lessens, and I’m able to grab him. I clench his t-shirt, pulling him closer. I finally open my eyes, and the first thing I see are his full lips pulled down matching his frown. He’s not looking at me but scanning everything around us, wearing a look of anger I’ve never seen on him, even when we argued.
He must sense I’m more alert now, because his eyes briefly flash to mine, softening momentarily before digging in his pocket for something.
Smith unlocks the door and tries to pull me inside, but I might as well be a statue. I cling to him, my fingers throbbing with the force of my hold, but I can barely move my legs, and I’m not sure if they feel like noodles or if they’re filled with concrete. He squeezes the arm he already has around my waist, and I welcome the comfort, knowing he’s holding me, protecting me.
Then he lifts me over the threshold of the house and closes the door. His chilly hands grab my chin, and he looks directly at me, but I can’t seem to focus on his face. Stars dance around his head and everything becomes blurry, darkening until it’s a solid black mass of nothing.
Chapter 8
Smith
I stand in the hospital room watching her. She probably didn’t need to come, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. My arms and ankles crossed, an anger—a rage—I’ve never experienced sits on the edge, just waiting to unearth its wrath.
Not two minutes after she hung up, I realized she didn’t have a key to the new door, so I hopped in my truck to go let her in. But that phone call from Jay, the one where he knew something had happened to her because her predator was missing, scared the absolute hell out of me. And when I pulled up and saw a man with his hands on her... fuck, that did me in.
The door to her room swings open, and Jay doesn’t even acknowledge me as he makes his way to her bed. He got here faster than I thought. Her blonde hair is framing her pale face like an angel, despite the trauma she just endured. She stirs as Jay pulls up a chair, but when she opens her eyes, she looks past him to me. Thank God nothing was wrong with her other than a little shock.
“Fuckin’ A, Mel. I’m so damn sorry.” The torment in Jay’s voice makes her look back at him.
She clears her throat. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is. I’m supposed to keep you safe, and I fucking didn’t. He put his goddamn motherfucking hands on you again. I promised you that would never hap—”
“It’s not your fault.” Mellie’s weak voice cuts him off, and she sits up and leans closer to him. “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.” Her arms wrap around him, and she presses her face into his shoulder.
When he closes his eyes and a tear rolls down his cheek, I silently let myself out of the room. Pacing the hall, I beat myself up for letting her leave without me. Hell, I’m beating myself up for how I’ve handled everything with her. I’m sure she’ll go back with Jay now. Soon, I’ll be nothing but a memory for her.
I slide my ass down the wall and sit on the floor waiting for Jay to come out. After about fifteen minutes, he comes out of the room and quietly closes the door, nodding for me to follow him around the corner.
“I should have fucking known,” he hisses in my general direction. “That sleazy fucker is goddamned obsessed with her. He’ll never leave her alone. Fuck!”
“I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have let her leave, but she was excited to see the house, and she took off before I had a chance to stop her.” Not only wasn’t I there to stop him, but he got away because I stayed with her instead of chasing him.
“Nah.” He shakes his head. “Not your fault. I’m working on this other fuckin’ case, and my undercover agent’s getting antsy. I slacked on my updates with Norman.”
To placate him, I nod. “What do you want me to do?”
“Pack up her stuff. I’ll swing by and get it. I’ll figure out her car later, but I’ve gotta get her back where I can keep an eye on her.” His unspoken words—that I let him down—hang heavy in the air. Even though he says it’s not my fault, we both know it is.
As he pinches the bridge of his nose, Mellie’s scream makes us both run to her room. The door slams against the wall when Jay roughly pushes it open. Her hands are fists, and her head thrashes. The look of terror, even with her eyes closed, is enough to make me want to kill the son of a bitch who put the fear inside her. Jay gets in before me, and when she takes a shaky breath, she calls my name.
“It’s me, Mellicent,” Jay urges, using her full name. “It’s okay.”
“No. No. I want Smith.”
Jay stands and glares at me. I ignore his accusatory look and rush to her side. “Hey, sunshine.”
Her fists lose the death grip she has on the sheets and her lashes flutter. “Smith?”
“Yeah. It’s okay now. You’re okay.”
A groggy and confused, yet mesmerizing, set of green eyes meets mine. The beeping of machines and sounds of medical staff talking in the hallway fade away as a bubble surrounds us. She relaxes, and I hold her hand. “You’re okay, Mellie.” She blinks and a tear slides down her cheek, and without thinking, I wipe it away with my thumb. A sob overtakes her body, and she launches herself at me, burying her face in my neck while she cries it out.
The fact that she’s trusting me to be the one who soothes her and comforts her means the damn world to me. Especially since she wanted me over her brother.
I rub her back and whisper words of encouragement in her ear. She slowly calms down and eventually stops crying. As I try to lay her down, she grabs my shirt. “Stay.”
“I’m not goin’ anywhere.” I manage to lie on my side with her in a ball against me. Even though her knees are digging into my chest, I leave her be. I’d endure a hell of a lot more pain than this for her. Her shaky breath warms the front of my neck, and I have to push some of her hair off my face. Poor thing is so emotionally exhausted.
A throat clears, and I look up to find a very angry Jay staring at me. Shit, I forgot he was even here. He shakes his head and drops his crossed arms then storms out of the room. I get that he’s pissed, but I don’t care. Whatever happened or will happen between Mellie and me is our business. Ours. Us. There is an us. God, the weight pushing on my chest lifts, and I can finally take a full breath after admitting that.
I know he’s waiting for me, so when she falls asleep, I slide out of bed, cover her up, and find him around the corner where we talked before. My mouth opens to speak the second he slams his fist into it.
Dammit, he’s quick. “That’s the only one you get.” I run my finger along the cut and then wipe my hand on my jeans.
“You’re fucking serious, Smith? My sister!”
“Nothing’s happened, man.” Except that I’m falling in love with her, but I can’t tell him that. “Trust me; it’s different. Do you really thing I’d fuck and dump her? Especially after what you told me.”
“Didn’t say that. But it’s not happening. I saw the way you looked at her.”
“Really?” I cross my arms. “And how’s that?”
“The way I used to look at—” He takes a breath and a step closer. “I should kick your goddamned ass, Smith.”
“You could try. But it won’t change anything.”
“Probably not. Doesn’t matter, though, because she’s coming home with me. I’ll deal with the house shit from here on out.”
I hold my hands up, defeated. It’s not worth the fight right now. I’m more concerned about her being comfortable than battling with Jay. “Figured you’d say that.”
“For a smart man, you’re really fucking dumb.” His phone rings, and he holds up a finger. “What’s up, Ty? Yeah, I know. Yes. Soon. I know she is. Soon, I promise. Right. Later.” Before he slides his phone back into his pocket, he lets out a grunt of frustration.
“What’s up?”
“Just this fuckin’ case I need to get back to. While you were in there with her, I got her discharge papers. She’s good to go, just tired. Why don’t you head out and I’ll meet you at your house to get her shit. I need to get back to work.”
He ‘accidentally’ rams his shoulder into me as he passes, not giving me an option either way. I walk by her room one more time and get a glimpse of her before I head downstairs to leave. The drive back to my house is probably the longest one I’ve ever had. I hate walking inside and knowing her little touches won’t be here anymore. The way she always made dinner for me. And how she always refolded the blankets I tossed on the couch. I’d never known that I wanted anyone in my space. She may have been avoiding me because she’s embarrassed about what happened, but there’s no denying whatever there is between us didn’t go away with our childish silence game.
It’s immature, but I will not be the one to pack her stuff, so I grab a beer and sit on the couch. Mouse jumps up, and I scratch her head. How the hell this cat has grown on me, I have no clue. No. That’s a lie. It’s because of Mellie. I’d do anything for her. Just my fuckin’ luck that the one woman I want is the one I can’t have... at least, not yet.
Two car doors slam outside, and I make my way to the front door to let them in. Mellie walks right past Jay and me.
“Mousie.” The normal baby talk she uses with the furball isn’t there. She scoops up the cat and heads upstairs, her feet pounding all the way.
Jay rolls his eyes. “She’s pissed at me.”
I close the door behind him. “Yeah, me too.” But I will not fight him on this right now. The last thing she needs is her brother and me going at it. It’s definitely not over, though. That’s for sure. I have to at least try one more time.
“She’s been through a lot, and I don’t want her hurt.”
Now, that pisses me off. “You think I’d hurt her?”
“I think she needs—”
“Stop telling people what I need!” she screams from the top of the stairs, and then a second later, she storms down them. “I’m an adult, Jay. If I want to stay here, I should be able to.”
“You need to be by me right now. I have resources at home I don’t have here.” Jay tries to convince her almost as much as himself, I think.
“Whatever.” She walks out of the house with a suitcase.
“I do not need this shit right now,” Jay mutters then follows behind her.
I close the front door and lock it, then grab my beer and go to her room. When I open the door, a smile forms on my face, because she left all of Mouse’s stuff. When I open the drawers and the closet, her clothes are still there. She didn’t take anything.
Mellie
Jay taps on the steering wheel as he drives, and I continue to give him the evilest eye I can. “Stop staring at me.”
“You know this is stupid, right?”
“No. This is what’s best for you. I have a security system at home, and when I’m at work, I’ll have eyes on my place.”
“Smith has a security system, too. You’re being selfish. What is this really about?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m not stupid, Jay.”
“Look, you’re tired, traumatized, and confused. Let’s get you home so you can get good sleep.”
I huff. “I’d be asleep if I was at Smith’s.”
“In whose bed?” he snaps.
“Wow. So now I’m a whore. Thanks, brother.”
“No.” He lets out a frustrated breath. “I know you’re not. That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what you said.”
His knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. “You’d feel safer with him instead of me?”
“Jay,” I whine. “Don’t ask me that.”
“I’d never let you be with someone who I don’t trust to protect you, Mellie. It doesn’t matter what I think of his ability, though; you need to be comfortable with him. But from the looks of the... thing that happened in your hospital bed, I’d say you’re pretty cozy.”
“He makes me feel safe.” Even though I’ve been an idiot and avoided him like the plague the past few weeks. When I was having a nightmare at the hospital, all I could think about was Smith. I thought about how he makes me feel—safe, happy, pretty. He makes me feel like I’m a desired woman and not an inexperienced victim, even if I put that label on myself. He gave me a choice, and I know it. But I’ve just been too chicken to act on it. It’s embarrassing to feel so insecure and afraid you’ll be a loser in the love department.
I don’t know much right now. I’m so fucked up in the head from knowing Norman is out there, but one thing I do know is I want to be with Smith... if he’ll have me. I’m sick of living scared, sick of being a victim. But Smith didn’t make me feel any of those things.
I’m not naïve enough to believe Norman won’t get to me again, but when he does, I’d like to have experienced true love before he kills me. Hell, I’ll settle for a strong ‘like.’ And I’m already past that with Smith.
“No.” Jay’s gruff answer stirs me from my thoughts.
“Okay, Jay,” I concede. “You’re right.” I’m too tired to argue with him right now. I’m going to go home and get some rest. I’ll deal with everything else later.
Chapter 9
Mellie
A week and a half later, my ringtone wakes me up. I push the covers off the bed in Jay’s spare bedroom and groggily make my way to the dresser to grab my phone. I don’t even look at who it is and slide my finger across the screen to answer.
“Hello?”
“Mellie.” Smith lets out an audible breath. “Hey.”
I’m suddenly more awake; I didn’t expect him to call. “Hi.” I crawl back into bed and rest on my side, pulling the covers up to my chin to ward off the chill.
“How are you?”
God, I love his voice. I smile. “Good. You?”
“I’m okay.” A few moments of awkward silence fill the line before he speaks again. “So, um, I needed to know the type of tile you wanted for the bathrooms and kitchen. And the wood for the floor. I can send you a picture of the options or something.”
“Oh. Yeah. I guess that would be okay.” Disappointment rises and I try to swallow it down. I was hopeful maybe he wanted to see me.
“You left your stuff here.”
“Did I?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, sunshine.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll have to come and get it.”
“I guess you will.” The sound of glass breaking makes him curse under his breath. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, baby.”
My heart flutters in my chest so rapidly I can’t even respond. This is stupid. I want to be with him. He obviously has feelings for me, too. Right? I mean, he must. He brought up that my stuff was still there and didn’t protest when I said I’d come get it. I’ve been texting with him, finding out about Mouse, and he gives me updates on the progress of the house, but it’s all so superficial. I was afraid to call because I didn’t want to hear him tell me to come get my stuff. But now I know that’s not the case. Ten days is far too long to have not spoken to him, and I feel like a part of me is missing… I hate it. Plus, I miss my damn cat. I left her there on purpose... all part of my plan. I’m just gla
d Jay didn’t realize she wasn’t with us in his car until we were almost back in Chicago.
With a renewed sense of hope, I throw the covers off and get ready. I get my unpacked suitcase—which, yeah, I did that on purpose, too—fill it with more stuff, and then grab my purse before going to the front door.
“Shit,” I say to the empty house. I still have no car. Jay told me last night he would leave early in the morning for work and that we’d figure out how to get my car back later. I look out of the peephole and see a cop car in front of his house. The set alarm flashes in my peripheral vision, and I suddenly feel very claustrophobic. I don’t want to live like this. I can’t live like this.
I drop my suitcase and sit on the couch, bouncing my leg. I’ve gotta figure out how to get out of here. I don’t pray much, but when I open the airline’s web page, I ask God for a flight that leaves today, and I find one. I’m not about to get a ride with someone I don’t know. Thumbing through the few measly contacts on my phone, I stop on the only person I think could help me.
“Hello?” Mary answers. She’s the wife of Jay’s last partner, Brandon. They’re in different departments now but still see each other outside of work. They’re both nice, sweet people.
“Hi, Mary. It’s Mellie.”
“Hi. Is everything okay?”
“Yes. No.” I sigh in annoyance. “I know you probably haven’t heard all the details, and I’ll be glad to fill you in, but I have a favor to ask.”
“Okay, sure.”
Mary is the nicest woman in the world, and whenever she and Brandon had get-togethers, Jay always brought me along. She treated me like a sister, and mothered me at the same time. I got the feeling she had a rough start in life, but I didn’t feel it was my place to pry. Occasionally, we’d go to lunch, but it’s been a while, now that she has more responsibility.