by KD Robichaux
“No, ma’am. It’s against policy. Just the doctor and a nurse can be in the room when placing the epidural,” he explains.
“Don’t worry, honey. It only takes a minute and then he can come right back in,” the nurse, apparently named Rebecca, tries to calm me.
Unlike me, Jason keeps a cool head. Knowing they won’t budge on the matter, he takes my face in his hands and tilts my head back to gain my attention. “Babe, it’ll only a minute. I gotta run down to the car and get our bags anyways. And I’ll call Buffy, tell her to call Nay, and then I’ll call my parents. Then it’ll be a party up in this place. Okay?” He looks at me with those perfect chocolaty eyes, and everything seems to come into focus. I can do this. Just one pinch and it’ll be over.
“All right,” I breathe with a nod, and he kisses me gently before heading out the door, which closes on its own.
“Now, honey. You aren’t going to hurt me. You squeeze all you want. I can take it. We’re going to sit you on the edge of the bed here, and you’re gonna drape yourself over my shoulders and hunch over. Did you get an epidural with your other baby?” she asks as I move to sit where she told me.
“Yes, but I was in so much pain from being in labor for so long that I really don’t remember feeling it when they did it,” I explain.
“Well, since you’re not in that much pain this time, you may feel it, but it’ll go numb so fast you won’t even have time to say ‘Ouch.’”
A few minutes later, I’m resting in bed, watching my contractions on the monitor, and Jason comes into the room carrying our bags.
“I called everybody. Buffy and Renee are on their way, and Dad and Mom will be up here with Josalyn in about an hour,” he tells me, and the doctor walks into the room after knocking softly on the door. He’s followed in by Rebecca, who comes to stand beside my upper body, while he stays at the foot of the bed.
“How you feeling, dear?” Dr. Chavez asks, putting on gloves he pulled from his pocket.
“Great,” I reply, feeling Jason push my hair out of my face.
“If I recall what you said before, your doctor broke your water last time too, didn’t they?”
“Yes, sir.”
“All right. So you know it’s a piece of cake. I just use the amnihook to nick a little hole in the sac and the fluid comes right out. You don’t feel a thing.” He gets on a stool and the nurse picks up my dead-weight legs, bending them at the knees and letting them fall all the way open. In PE class, we would’ve called this ‘butterfly position’ only my feet are farther apart so the doc can insert the amnihook. Several absorbent sheets, which look like puppy house-training pads, are placed under me, and before I even know it’s happening, I’m already cleaned up and being tucked back under the blanket.
“That’s it?” Jason asks, a look almost like disappointment on his face.
“Most of the time, it’s not like it happens in movies. No big explosion of water,” Rebecca explains with a smile. “Now y’all just sit back and relax, and let’s see how the little one reacts to her waterbed being gone.”
I lie back and use the remote on the bed to tilt myself farther into a lying down position to get some rest. I’m suddenly very tired after getting up so early, and I figure I can get in a little nap before our families get here.
I come to in a panic, grabbing at my chest, feeling like I’m suffocating. I can’t get in any air. I’m drowning, but I’m not underwater. My lungs refuse to work, and my arms flail in my terror. When I get my eyes open, I see Jason lunge toward me from where he was standing with my sisters-in-law and my niece Brooke. I can’t even speak. My nails tear at my gown, trying to pull it away from my throat. I try to sit up, but I can’t move anything but my head and arms.
Before Jason can even fully get the word, “Help,” out, Rebecca is there on my other side and takes hold of my right hand, wrapping her other arm around my back, and pulls me up into a sitting position. She tells Jason to hold me there, and with his arms around me, I watch as she uses the remote to sit the bed up, each second ticking by feeling like an hour without being able to breathe. My eyes are watering, and my lungs burn for oxygen.
Rebecca takes my face in her palms and forces me to meet her stern gaze. “You can breathe. You may not be able to feel it right now, but you are inhaling and exhaling perfectly fine.” She lets go with one hand to point to something on the monitor. “You see that? That is your oxygen level. You are okay. The epidural just went too high up your spine with you lying down, and any minute, it’s going to shimmy back on down, and you’ll feel right as rain. Okay? You’re breathing, hun.”
I close my eyes and try to feel my lungs unfreeze as I consciously pull in air through my nose. I can feel the coolness enter through my nostrils and down my throat, but not fill my chest. But I know the air couldn’t have gone anywhere else but into my lungs, so it calms the panic enough for the minute it takes the numbness to go away, and I relax back against the bed.
“Well, that was exciting. You okay, kid?” Buffy asks, coming over to hug my neck as Rebecca leaves the room.
I swallow thickly and nod. “Yeah. That was fucking scary as hell.”
“I think I gotta go clean out my drawers,” Jason says quietly, and Buffy lets out her loud, boisterous laugh.
“Did you shit yourself there, Jason?” she asks, cackling, which makes me smile.
“Holy fuck.” He presses one of his hands to his heart and bends over, bracing himself with his other hand against his knee, locking out his tattooed arm. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared before.” He stands up and reaches across the bed to fold me into his arms, kissing my neck where he buries his face, and I feel him inhale me.
“You?” I scoff. “I woke up feeling like someone was trying to off me with a pillow over my face!” Renee and Brooke come over to the bed and give me kisses on my cheek. “When did y’all get here?”
“Just before you started flopping around like a fish out of water,” Renee says, and I turn to look at Jason. “Are your parents here with Josalyn yet?”
“Not yet, but they should be here any minute,” he replies, still not letting go of me.
“Well I guess that’s all the nap I’m gonna get. Baby, can you hand me my makeup bag out of there?” I ask, pointing to the big black Playboy bunny duffle bag I had packed all my stuff in.
He finally releases his death grip on me to walk over to the couch to retrieve the small pink bag that holds my makeup, bringing it back over to the bed, where I unzip it and pull out my compact.
“Are we serious right now?” Buffy asks, giving me a crazy look. “Are you really putting on makeup in your hospital bed while you’re in labor, Kayla?”
“Yes. I want pictures, and in all the ones I got while I was having Josalyn, I seriously look like I could’ve walked onto the set of a zombie movie without stopping at the makeup trailer first and fit in just fine with the rest of the undead,” I explain, adding a little blush to my pale cheeks before brushing on a light coat of mascara.
“I think I’ve seen it all now,” she replies, and goes to plop into one of the chairs.
Just then, I notice there’s someone else in the room with us, and as I catch sight of where he is and what he’s about to reach for, the monitor starts beeping like crazy. “Bret! No!” I shout, right before my nephew’s curious and destructive fingers have the chance to grab a hold of the IV attached to the machine behind Jason.
Rebecca comes bursting through the door, apparently alerted by the racket the monitor attached to me is making. She comes over and punches a button on the screen, then asks me if I’m okay before adding, “You’re blood pressure just skyrocketed.” That’s when she spots my rambunctious little nephew making laps around the stand holding the IV bag.
“Can I ask for one of y’all to take him out of here? We can’t have anything or anyone in here that can make her blood pressure rise like this,” she asks the room.
“Brooke, why don’t you go out to the waiting room and
sit with your brother?” Renee prompts, and my niece sighs but takes Bret by his hand and leads him out the door.
Rebecca notices the makeup brush in my hand and looks at me with laughter in her eyes. Before she even has a chance to ask, I explain to her what I told my sisters about my awful pictures from my last labor and delivery. “Fair enough,” she replies, and I barely have my bag zipped when in walks Jason’s mom and dad, Josalyn holding her papa’s hand. I nudge Jason with the bag, silently asking him to put it away before they see it. One, his mom would scold me and tell me how silly I’m being for worrying about the way I look at a time like this, and two, his dad would tease me relentlessly.
“How you doin’, babe?” Dad asks, coming up to the bed to smack a kiss on my forehead.
“She’s six centimeters, so four to go,” Jason cuts in, and I shoot him a look. “She checked you right before Buffy got here. You don’t remember?” At the shake of my head, he adds, “You responded to her asking if she could check you and everything. You must’ve been out of it. Remind me to ask the doc for some of these drugs to take home with us.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I smack him on the chest.
“As if you’d need to use them on me,” I whisper-hiss in his direction, trying not to let his parents hear, but his dad chuckles, so I know he did. Hopefully Mom was too far away though.
“Mommy!” Josalyn chirps and reaches her little arms up. Dad picks her up so she can lean over the bed rail and give me a hug.
“Hi, my baby doll. Guess what?” I prompt.
“What?” she whispers.
“Your baby sister will be here in a little bit. The doctor just has to get her out of my belly.”
Her eyes widen. “How they gon’ do that?”
I look over at Jason, my lips pulled between my teeth, not knowing what to say.
“They’re going to unscrew her belly button. What did you have for breakfast, big girl?” he quickly changes the subject as I snort at his answer.
“Pancakes!” she replies, clapping her hands. “Papa made dem and let me pour da syrup!”
“Oh, my goodness. Were they delicious?” I ask her, smiling at her excited face.
“Supah delicious!”
I can barely handle how adorable she is, with the little gap between her two front teeth and cheeks glowing from how big she’s grinning. Dad sets her back on her feet when she spots Nay and Buffy on the couch beneath the window, and she runs over to them and throws herself into Buffy’s open arms.
“How’s it been? Smooth sailing since you called last, bud?” Mom asks Jason.
“We had a scare with the epidural working a little too well, but the nurse fixed it within seconds. They couldn’t have a more attentive staff. Everyone’s been great. The doc broke her water, and she almost immediately dilated two more centimet—”
“Oh, shit! We need to call my parents!” It dawns on me suddenly, but Buffy puts me at ease.
“I called your mom as soon as I got off the phone telling Renee it was go-time. Your dad said to tell you not to push until midnight so Avary can share a birthday with him.”
“Push what?” Josalyn asks, her sweet face looking at Buffy, waiting for an answer.
“My buttons,” Buffy growls, tickling my two-and-a-half-year-old’s belly, making her squeal with laughter, effectively diverting her attention from the conversation.
“All right, baby. Why don’t you come with Mimi and Papa, and you can play with your cousins in the waiting room?” Dad asks Josalyn, and knowing she’ll get to play with Bret and Brooke, Josalyn runs over to him and grabs a hold of his hand, and they leave the room.
A few hours later, after catching a couple of quick catnaps between dilation checks and goofing around taking pictures with my crazy sisters—my favorite being Renee getting into a football stance at the foot of the bed, pretending like she’s going to catch the baby when she shoots out—Rebecca comes to check my progress once again.
“Wow, you’re at like, nine and a half.” She pulls the rolling stool over with her toes and sits at the foot of the bed. Placing her fingers back inside me, she says, “Give me like, half of a push, hun.”
I hardly bare down at all when Rebecca squawks, “Stop! Stop! Don’t do anything. Don’t push. Don’t sneeze. Don’t even breathe. I gotta get Dr. Chavez now!” If it weren’t for the happy-excited look on her face, that would’ve probably scared me, but as she speeds toward the door, she throws over her shoulder, “This baby’s a’coming fast!”
And just like that, I’m sent into the same panicked feeling I had when the other nurse told me Josalyn was ready to be born and it was time to push. My heart starts pumping, and I get really scared suddenly, but this time…
This time I feel warm, strong finger interlace with mine, and then my hand is lifted to pillow-soft lips. Warm breath blankets my icy knuckles. My hand is uncurled and my palm is pressed to a stubble-covered cheek, and then the most handsome face on the planet is lowered into my line of vision, with eyes the color of Hershey Kisses locking with mine, filled with more love, pride, and excitement than I’ve ever seen before.
“You’ve got this, baby,” he says, just loud enough for me to hear. “You’re so strong, and perfect, and beautiful. Look what a badass you’ve been all day. And I don’t think there’s ever been a more gorgeous woman in labor in the history of ever.” He grins, making his whiskers tickle my palm. When I catch his contagious smile, he leans forward and runs the tip of his nose along mine and I close my eyes. “I won’t look, babe. Don’t worry about that. I promise I won’t, so get that out of your head. And I’m not gonna scream a countdown in your ear.”
My eyes open at this, meeting the mischievous glint in his. I can’t believe he remembers me telling him that story about Aiden, and how I wanted to stab him in the jugular.
“I love you so much. And there’s no one in this world I would rather have as the mother of my baby.” He leans down to kiss me, pulling back to brush my long ponytail back over my shoulder.
The door opens, and even though Dr. Chavez is striding swiftly into the room, Rebecca excitedly hustling in behind him, he still has that same calming bubble around him that sucks you in like a vortex as soon as he nears. With the love of my life by my side, my silly sisters jumping up and down by the windows, my peace-inducing doctor at the foot of the bed, and my badass nurse at the ready next to him, my fear subsides, and determination and anxiety to meet our daughter takes me over.
In a hushed voice so low it makes everyone in the room silence in order to hear the important words coming out of his mouth, Dr. Chavez says, “As soon as the contraction starts, you’ll push as we count to ten. If the contraction is still going when we reach it, you’ll take a deep breath and go again. We’ll break between contractions and start all over again until this princess makes her grand entrance. You ready, Mom? Dad?” He glances between me and Jason, and we both nod. “Okay, good. Dad, will you be cutting the cord?” he asks.
“Yes, but I promised her I wouldn’t look when Avary is coming out,” Jason replies, squeezing my hand.
“Completely understandable, and in many cases, a wise choice. I don’t need anyone fainting in my delivery room.” The doctor smiles, which brightens his darkly tanned face. “So what we’ll do,” he takes the sheet gathered at my waist from where they’d lifted it from my feet so they could check me, “is keep this right here across your knees, and as long as Mr. Robichaux can contain his curiosity as he’s promised to do and not peek over it, he won’t be able to see anything. Stay right up there by her head and pull her knee back, and it’ll make a little tent for me to work under. Who wants to hold your other leg, Mom?”
“Me!” Renee yelps and raises her hand as she hurries around the bed to get to my right side.
“Bitch,” Buffy coughs behind her hand and then smiles. “I’ll be the photographer.” She turns the digital camera on and aims it in our direction.”
Renee sticks her tongue out at her then gets a grip on my leg, mimicking
Jason’s stance. With my thighs being grasped behind my knees and my feet in their opposite palms, it gives me good leverage when it’ll be time to push, which is apparently now.
“Here we go, folks. Ready. Go. One, two, three…” Dr. Chavez continues the countdown in his soft, soothing voice as I bear down with all my might, and instead of joining in with the chant, I hear Jason next to my ear whispering, encouraging me, telling me I’m doing great and how beautiful I am, thanking me for giving him this wonderful gift. And it’s not like in the movies. I don’t want to yell at him or call him hateful names for ‘doing this to me’. No, instead, I want to absorb every word he’s telling me, which I’m hearing not only with my ears, but with my heart and soul.
This baby is being born into a room full of nothing but love and quiet, tranquil welcome. At the end of the first set of ten, with a glance at the monitor, the doctor tells me, “Deep breath,” which I immediate gasp for, “and push. One, two…”
Bearing down once more, I don’t even hear them reach ‘five’ before an overwhelming sense of relief fills me as Avary exits my body, making me feel both empty and full at the same time. Dr. Chavez stands, lifts Avary over the sheet across my knees, and lays her on my stomach, where Rebecca immediately starts rubbing her clean with blankets while somehow simultaneously suctioning her nostrils and mouth. I wrap my arms underneath the squalling baby girl and pull her up higher onto my chest and immediately burst into tears. How could I possibly have thought I wouldn’t love this tiny thing with every fiber of my being? My mom was right. The moment my eyes landed on her miniature, scrunched-up, pissed-as-hell face, my heart grew twice its size.
I’m so enamored with her I miss it when her father cuts her umbilical cord, my focus never waning until I feel Jason kiss my cheek, and I turn my face to capture his lips. “She’s so tiny,” I sob, looking back down at Avary, and my heart clenches when I see his hand reach toward her and his finger run gently down the bridge of her itty-bitty nose.