“Abbie, beautiful.”
I drank in his voice, it had been so long since I’d heard him say my name. My heart always skipped when he said it. But I had to stay strong.
He shut the door behind him. The two of us were alone in the room.
“Jay.” I cleared my voice to say it again, at an audible level. “Jay.”
He sat in the chair closest to me, each of us on either side of a corner.
“There’s no way you’ll ever forgive me?”
I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Hear me out.”
I kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to talk but wanting to hear his words. Stop it. I have to stay firm. I shook my head no, to discourage him.
“You promised me you would never forget how much I love you.”
“Jay… James, I’m not sure you can love me when you lied to me the way you did.”
“Matt is gone from my life. Gone from your life. As far as I’m concerned, he’s dead to me and has been for years. It’s not my fault he’s my half-brother.”
I hadn’t come prepared for an argument to get back together. I’d come to end the marriage so I could move on with my life and never so much as talk to a man again.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Beautiful, you love me. I know you do.”
I blinked back tears, determined not to cry but helpless to stop at the truthfulness of his words. I cleared my throat.
“That was before I knew what a liar you were. Are.” Through my now-unstoppable tears, Jay looked sadder than I’d ever seen him look before. He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“I didn’t know how to get you to go out with me if you’d known Matt was my half-brother.” The tone of his voice changed, became resigned. “Matt and I are nothing alike. The only reason I moved my company to Chicago from Lexington was to try to help Matt sort out his life.”
He rested his hands on mine. As much as I wanted to pull them away, I couldn’t. His touch grounded me. Electrified me. Calmed me. Set me on fire. I would hold firm. But I didn’t need to make it any more difficult on myself than it had to be.
“And then he told me about you. Showed me photos. Videos. I couldn’t help but want you. I threatened him to stop treating you the way he was, but he didn’t stop. Then I found out he’d been taking your money. That’s when I fired him and had you headhunted.”
My heart melted at his words. At the sadness in his eyes. Everything he’d said was so heartfelt.
I pulled my hands out from under his and buried my face in them. I couldn’t. I had to stop myself.
“Did you lie about your mother making you watch old romance movies too? Had Matt told you I liked them? Was that just something you’d made up to trick me into a relationship?”
“Absolutely not. I never lied about anything that mattered. Anything that was real between us. You have to understand that.”
There was no doubt in my mind he was being totally honest. I was sure his lies were finished. I wanted to fall into his arms. To bury myself against his chest. But I couldn’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t be a sucker anymore.
“Beautiful, I don’t want to let you go.”
I couldn’t look at him, I would crumble.
Chapter 33
“You want our marriage to end? That’s what you want?”
Was that what I want? My brain said yes. I nodded.
“In that case, I’ve had my lawyers prepare the document. We’ll have to go through the six-month waiting period, but it’s all very straightforward.” He opened the folder. “Sign and date where the blue plastic arrows are and initial beside the yellow ones.”
He laid the folder out in front of me and held out a pen for me to take. My leg jiggled under the table. But I had to go through with this. I had to. I didn’t want to be the world’s biggest sucker. An object of ridicule. I’d go home and watch movies. That was all I needed.
I flicked the folder up and rested it on the edge of the table as I read it. I had no idea what to expect. I’d never seen divorce papers before.
“This is my final offer.”
The start was practical issues, our names, addresses. I got down to the details.
“What?” I said, confused.
Jay remained quiet and I read the words over and over.
ARTICLE III
3.2 Personal Property: Abigail McAllister is to be the sole beneficiary of the estate, including but not limited to clothing, fixtures, cars, watercraft, aircraft, deposit accounts, bonds, shares, corporations and those items in each party’s possession shall be deemed their sole property.
3.3 James McAllister will sign a quit claim deed to Abigail McAllister for one hundred percent of his existing interest in his residence and Force McAllister within 30 days of judgement being entered.
“What’s this supposed to mean?” My voice was a mix of wonder and doubt.
“There’s only one thing in life I want. And if I can’t have her, then I at least want her to have the best life possible. Don’t worry, I’ll stay on as chairman and CEO so there’s no disruption to the business. You won’t have to worry. I can even train you to take over from me. You’re more than capable. You have one of the best business brains I know.”
Too bad I didn’t have the same brains when it comes to relationships.
“Why are you doing this?”
“You deserve it after what Matt and I did. It’s my final offer of settlement. You can take me to court if you want, but think how a judge would react to your demand for less than I’m offering.”
Through his sorrow, I got a small glimpse of his normal self-confidence, the confidence I first fell in love with. Was still in love with. He was right. There was no way in hell I ever would have gone on a date with him if I’d known who he was.
“You can’t do this.”
Jay pursed his lips and nodded, his eyes not reaching mine.
How could I sign this? I wasn’t about to take away everything he’d worked so hard for. I couldn’t hurt him that much.
“Why not?”
“Because. You’d be giving up everything you’ve worked so hard for.”
“I wouldn’t be giving it up. I’d be giving control of it to you. There’s a big difference. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do with it all. Alone, it means nothing to me and would only highlight your absence. I couldn’t bear it. If you weren’t in my life, at least if you owned the company I’d have motivation to keep running it.”
I closed my eyes.
Jay looked broken. Even his voice had lost its power. How could I hurt him? I loved him too much. My head a mess, I leaned back in my chair, my arms flopping to my sides.
“Tell me about your mother.” My heart pounded but I had to ask, it was something I’d been wondering about. How did one mother produce such different men? One was a cheat, was the other? Or was he what he seemed, a loving, generous man with a big heart? I opened my eyes to watch him.
“My father died after falling off a horse when I was a baby.” He cleared his throat, and then cleared it again. “My mother remarried not too long after when I was still young to Matt’s father, Johnny. After Matt was born, I was nothing to them. Especially to Johnny. I didn’t understand why when I was a kid. I tried everything to make them like me, to approve of me or praise me. When I was a teenager, I found out he wasn’t my real father.”
This time it was me putting my hands on Jay’s. Clasping them. Trying to heal him.
He took a deep breath and carried on, “Johnny turned out to be a racetrack grifter. He taught Matt the ropes, to scam and cheat people for a living. It’s a good thing he didn’t treat me like his son, because I would’ve ended up the same way. Instead I vowed to make something of myself and get my mother out of the marriage.”
“Did you? Get her out?” My heart had broken for him. I wanted to embrace him, to take away his pain.
“No. She was blind to it. Instead I had a PI follow Johnny and gathered e
vidence against him. I turned the file over to the police. He’s in prison now.”
“Did she divorce him after that?”
“No.” Jay shook his head.
“Why?”
“According to her, Johnny’s the best thing that ever happened to her. The fact that he used up all my real father’s money on bad bets wasn’t an issue.”
“I can’t understand it.”
“Love makes people do stupid things.” Jay hung his head.
I squeezed his hands, heat coursing from them straight to my heart. And my mind.
“I thought you supported her?”
“I do. I send her ten grand every month.”
“Do you have a good relationship with her now?”
Jay sat back in his chair, his breathing heavy. He leaned forward again, his hands restless on the table.
“I swore I’d answer everything you asked today and not hold anything back. It’s, you know, something I’ve never talked about to anyone.”
This was what my mind needed to hear in its battle with my heart. I leaned forward and took hold of his hands, stilling them. I waited for him to continue.
“She only speaks to me when she wants more money to buy a new car or take an expensive vacation. She resents me for pressuring her to divorce Johnny. But the real reason she doesn’t like me is that I’ve tried so many times to convince her to help me turn Matt around and get him to live an honest life. She hates me for criticizing her baby. Matt can do no wrong.” He swallowed.
“And you can do no right?”
“Pretty much. My only use to her is as an ATM.”
“So stop giving her money.”
Jay looked up and met my eyes for the first time since he’d started talking about his mother.
“I can’t. She’s my mom.”
Matt used and hurt Jay even more than he’d used and hurt me. I couldn’t bear to hear the way his mother treated him. How could she not see what a horrible man Matt was? And what a kind, loving soul Jay had?
The genuineness of Jay’s words was too obvious to ignore. He wasn’t a liar or a cheat. Not by a long shot. Jay and Matt couldn’t be more different. They were nothing alike.
Jay sat before me, fully exposed. Why he kept himself hidden from me before was understandable. Maybe not ideal, but understandable. I would’ve run a mile in the other direction if I’d known who he was. Or rather, who he was related to.
My instinct was to shower him with my love. In all the time I’d known him, I don’t think I’d ever loved him more than I did at this moment. But.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m too gullible.” How could I forgive myself for my willingness to believe his lies, and Matt’s lies? To have to look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but a sucker.
“You’re not gullible, just a hopeless romantic.”
“Why did I ever think real life could be like the movies?”
“It doesn’t matter now. The past is the past. We have to live in the present.”
We sat in silence, each lost in our own thoughts, my hands still resting on his.
The past was the past, but I could learn from it. Learn not to make the same mistake again. Except what if my mistake was in judging Jay by his relationship to Matt? Guilt by association.
I may have been stupid to believe all Jay’s lies, but I was seeing through them to his core, and at heart he wasn’t a liar, he was trying to protect me. He loved me and now he was doing whatever he needed to keep from losing me. The biggest mistake I could ever make would be in walking away from him now. He needed me. I needed him.
I became aware of the stuffiness of the little room. Of the uncomfortably high temperature the heat between us had created.
I had to say it, I owed it to myself, and to him. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and broke the silence.
“Do you, um, want to get a coffee? It’s stuffy in here.” For the first time that week, my heart felt settled. My head was no longer fighting what it needed.
“You’re sure?” Jay asked, his voice vibrant.
Jay stood, taking my hand. I led him out of the room. Led him out of the building to the coffee shop on the corner. A new coffee shop, one neither of us had been in before.
Chapter 34
I breathed in the scent of leather as we sat on the floor of Jay’s horse trophy room, our shoulders almost touching. A stack of photo albums was in front of us. Coffee had been great. Better even — amazing. He hadn’t pressured me for anything. Instead we’d talked, our words charging the air with electricity and heat. The attraction between us, the love between us, was no longer possible for me to ignore.
“This is the only one of me and my father.”
Jay passed me a framed snapshot, the paper now yellowed with age. Jay was a tiny baby and held aloft by his father in front of a horse in the winner’s circle.
“Is that Bourbon Chaser?”
“Yep.”
We looked through a few more photo albums. Of Jay as a kid, a teenager. Often with Matt. Not often with his mother or step-father. Jay lifted one of Matt, his mother and him on a fishing boat close to his face, examining it. Presumably it was taken by his step-father.
“They’re the only family I had. Matt is my little brother. I tried so many times to get him to change his life around.” Anger and frustration filled his voice.
“You couldn’t do any more.”
Jay shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. He’s nothing to me now. I will never forgive him for what he did to you. Any of it. He can sit with Johnny and Calvin in prison over the kidnapping.”
“Don’t forget the embezzlement and blackmail.”
Jay looked hurt at the freshness of the memory all over again. He sighed and said, “You know what? It doesn’t matter now. You don’t have any family either. But if we have each other, that’s enough.”
I turned my head to find him looking at me. Jay’s face had lit up with his dazzling smile. His deep brown eyes penetrated my own. I couldn’t look away from him, ever. We were connected.
Jay leaned over and kissed me. The tender press of his lips against mine made my insides burst wide open. All the emotions and feelings for him that I’d tried to suppress were now racing through every iota of me, both my body and mind.
I kissed him back, unable to contain the explosion of love going on within me. I leaned into him, longing for more. He responded to my need, his tongue sliding against mine until it found its way into my mouth. Something happened deep within me, a new feeling.
Before I could figure out what it was, he cupped the back of my head and laid me down alongside the photo albums. Intense emotions filled my body and threatened to burst open my chest. Love, longing, want grew and grew each second. Each time his skin came into contact with mine, another feeling appeared, until there were no words for what was happening inside me.
“We haven’t done this room yet, have we?” I asked, giggling. After the initial surprise at my remark, he stood and took my hand.
“You know what? This room is the past, we don’t need it.”
I followed him out of the room, my hand safely gripped in his as we walked down the hallway. Jay carried on to the staircase, but I stopped and pulled him back to me.
“Let’s take the elevator.”
A devilish grin appeared across his face as he pushed the button. The doors opened and he stepped in, hustling me with him.
He’d already had me pinned against the back wall as the doors slid shut. Our mouths and hands were frantic, taking back what we’d almost lost.
The elevator doors opened on the second floor and he herded me into his bedroom, our bedroom.
Jay didn’t rip off the buttons of my blouse. Instead he undid them carefully, deliberately, each button revealing more of my skin underneath. I’d worn a black silk Agent Provocateur bra underneath. I’d put it on that morning to give me confidence at the divorce meeting. Now Jay moaned in approval of it.
I pulled my arms out of the s
leeves of my blouse, aching to feel his body against mine. My fingers found the buttons of his shirt, and he did nothing to stop me undoing them. Did nothing to stop me when I got to his belt. And the buttons on his pants. Or when I slipped my hand under the waistband of his boxers. I wrapped my fingers around his erect cock and stroked, my pussy getting wetter as he got harder.
He kissed over the silk of my bra. I flared my chest, wanting as much skin to skin contact with him as possible. I wanted nothing to be between us ever again.
“Would you just rip the damn bra off?”
I released my grip on his cock and reached behind my back to undo my bra. Jay pulled it off and dropped it on the floor. He shed his clothes and stood fully exposed before me.
He trailed kisses down my neck to my breasts, treating me as if I were made of porcelain. Each contact of his lips with mine shattered the remaining barriers between us.
I moaned in approval when his lips reached my nipple. His tongue flicked it and his head moved back up to mine. As he moved, I popped the button on my skirt and pushed it and my panties down around my knees. I kicked my leg, getting rid of them altogether.
“Beautiful. You are so beautiful,” Jay said, stepping back and surveying me.
All I could do was moan in approval. I was his, completely. And it felt good. Right.
Jay lifted me and laid me on the bed. He slid up my body, pressing his over mine. The tip of his hard cock pressed against me, my heart thumping with anticipation. I ran my hands over his powerful shoulder muscles. I’d forgotten how perfect they were.
“You’re never leaving my bed,” he said, his voice low and forceful.
I shivered at its intensity. The confidence and the power. My Jay was back.
We kissed, less delicate than before. Hungrier. All apprehension between us gone.
Jay grinded against me, stoking the flames within me. The fire traveled in a direct line between my pussy, heart and mind, a heat I could barely contain. It came out a high-pitched moan, a release of love and lust into the air.
Desire Page 79