“She doesn’t look half bad up there,” said Chris, cocking his head to the side. “But why the heck would she want us to come see this?”
“Oh my God, she must be drunk. Something bad must have happened with Todd!” I stood up to go yank her off the stage, but Chris pulled me back down.
“You can’t just climb up there! They’ll throw you out of here.”
“Well I can’t let her take her clothes off!” Why was he so calm? I was in a panic - waving my arms back and forth trying to get her attention and hissing her name.
“Kendra!” Nothing.
“Kendra!” Louder. Finally she came close enough to make eye contact.
“What the hell are you doing?” I shouted up to her. She did a seductive little wiggle down to the floor so that she was now on her knees in front of Chris, who had an obnoxiously goofy grin on his face. Was I seriously dating this guy?
“Hey,” I snapped my fingers. “Over here, look at me.” I was less comfortable with Chris looking at Kendra in her underwear than I was with him looking at the last disaster. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I do my little turn on the catwalk! Yeah on the catwalk yeah!” She shouted the words into my face and let out the weirdest laugh I’ve ever heard. Here I was trying to have a serious conversation and she was singing me a goddamned Right Said Fred song. True to the lyrics she did a little turn at the end of the stage, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and took a couple of graceful spins around the stripper pole. What the hell happened to the MTV-imitating klutz I once knew?
“You think she could teach you this stuff?” asked Chris.
I shot him a dirty look just as the genius in charge of Jiggly Kitty lighting operations decided to turn on the strobes, so that when Kendra unhooked her bra it seemed to be happening in slow motion. I watched in horror as she shrugged off each strap, one frame at a time, and the red lace came sailing through the air, twisting and turning, until coming to rest smack dab on my boyfriend's forehead. I snatched it off of his head and was about to get up on stage whether he liked it or not, when a sight from across the room made me freeze, and then sink slowly back into my seat.
A group of three women and five men, all dressed in business attire, had entered the club and were making their way towards us. The leader of the pack motioned to the walls and the tables, seeming to give some kind of guided tour, though by the body language of two of the women they were not particularly enjoying themselves.
They stepped gingerly and whispered to each other, reeling back at the sight of scantily clad waitresses as if they had walked in on the scene of a bloody massacre. The third woman though, she was in her mid-seventies, wearing a cardigan sweater and a pearl necklace. And she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. She removed the hostess’s kitten ears and tried them on her head - two triangles poked up from between puffs of vibrant orange hair.
I watched this group through the dim lights of the club, unable to make out faces and unable to place the feeling of dread that was quickly growing in the pit of my stomach. They gathered around the opposite side of the stage where I could read their pink V.I.P. badges. They were now close enough for me to see Rob Dorfman's rosy cheeked face harden into a look of shock and anger as it focused squarely on a very topless Kendra. His icy blue eyes met mine as he peeled them off my boss and noticed me there on the opposite side of the stage, looking every bit the idiot assistant. For all he knew, Kendra and I had planned this night together and I was planning to get up there next.
Oh my God oh my God oh my God!
My jaw dropped as the rest of the group fell into place - there was Jasper Quick to his right, the elderly Beatrice Miller in her cardigan and kitty ears to his left, and the rest of the entire Riverlin Zoning Commission lined up behind him, all peering inquisitively up at the stage. They looked up at Kendra who was still oblivious to the fact that the end of the world was happening. She moved to the edge of the stage, bent forward directly in front of Rob, and whipped her hair around in wide circles. I couldn’t watch for a second longer.
I hoisted myself up onto the stage and grabbed Kendra around the shoulders. Chris did not try to stop me. He had entered his own state of shock when he realized what was going on and had slid down about twelve inches in his chair. I tried to drag Kendra back toward the curtain, or at least face her away from the crowd, but she seemed to think I had gone up there to dance.
“Whoooo!” she yelled. “Yeah, Tessa! Take it off!” She pulled the left side of my shirt down my shoulder, nearly ripping it. I jerked my arm away.
“No, you idiot!” I screamed into her ear. “Rob is here!” But she wasn’t listening. “Rob Dorfman is here!” I spun her around to face him, pointed, then spun her quickly around again. Recognition finally registered on her face and she clapped one hand over her mouth and the other across her chest. By this point the house lights had come up and security was swarming the stage.
“Ma'am, we need you to step away from the dancer,” said a security guard walking towards me slowly as if I were holding Kendra hostage. God he was huge. Another guard snuck up from behind and grabbed me around the neck.
“Hey!” shouted Chris, jumping onto the stage like Batman. “Get your hands off of her!” The first security guard pulled his gun from his holster and aimed it straight at Chris.
Well, this is it Tessa. You finally meet a nice guy and he’s about to be shot dead at a Vegas strip club. Mom and Dad will be so proud.
“Sir, you need to step down from the stage immediately!” shouted the guard.
“Whoa!” Chris threw his hands up into the air and looked at me.
“It’s okay, just go! I’ll be right behind you,” I said from the depths of the security guard’s armpit. His uniform reeked of perfume and cigarettes, though his armpit smelled surprisingly pleasant. Old Spice. If my neck were to suddenly snap, at least the last thing I smelled wouldn't be body odor. Not that I thought he was going to snap my neck on purpose or anything, but he definitely could have by accident because he was so big and my neck was suddenly feeling like a cheap Jiggly Kitty swizzle stick.
Chris retreated back down the steps followed by the guard with the gun. The guard, being three times Chris’s size, merely grabbed him by the wrist and removed him from the club like a child dragging a teddy bear. I followed behind, bent forward and still in a headlock, as if my skull was about to be used as a battering ram. I wasn't sure what happened to Kendra.
“Aren’t you going to do anything?” yelled Chris as we passed by Rob. “You’re the owner of this damn place! Tell them who we are!”
Rob did not reply. He just watched both of us pass and then thanked the guards for their assistance. The last thing I heard before being shoved out the door was Rob reassuring the Zoning Commission that this type of thing was not typical. I glanced back to see six heads shaking in disapproval. Jasper Quick just smiled.
***
Chris and I were literally thrown out the back door by the dumpsters, just like in the movies.
“I can’t believe he let them do this to us!” I said as the door slammed behind me. The muffled sounds of techno music resumed almost immediately.
“I can’t believe Kendra just stripped naked in front of one of our biggest clients,” said Chris. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. You’re the one who just had a gun pulled on them! Holy shit.” I was half laughing, half in shock, as I straightened out my clothes. It was slowly starting to sink in that this was probably one of those nights you remember forever.
“Let’s get the hell out of here,” said Chris.
“No, we can’t! What about Kendra? Did you see where she went?” I couldn’t just leave her there, especially if she was as drunk as I knew she was.
“She ran backstage while Goliath was getting you into that headlock,” said Chris, massaging my neck. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Fine, I swear." I ran my hand nervously through my hair and looked toward the street, as if I expected
to see Kendra drive by topless and blasting I’m Too Sexy from the car stereo. I shook the image from my head. “I hope she didn’t try to drive.” I tried her cell phone, but there was no answer. “Come on, let’s go see if her car’s still here.”
Chris and I had almost rounded the corner of the building when the back door to the club swung open again and out stepped Rob Dorfman. I wanted to keep going. I wanted to just get in the car and get the hell out of there as Chris had originally suggested, but this time it was Chris who stopped us in our tracks. He turned and dragged me by the hand back towards Rob, as Rob walked slowly towards us. Any second now Rob would pull a six shooter from his hip and shoot us both dead. I could see it quite clearly, Chris and I being murdered and thrown into a dumpster. I would not have put it past him. But, scared and angry as I was, I knew that Kendra would need me to do damage control. At least as much damage control as was possible under such circumstances.
“Rob, Mr. Dorfman,” I said. “what you just saw in there, Kendra’s not being herself tonight. She’s going through a really tough time, and she, we, are horribly, terribly, embarrassed. Please understand.”
I still had hope that he would take pity on us. He had known Kendra for years, he would realize that there was obviously something wrong with her, beyond what he normally thought was wrong with her, I mean. And me, the hapless assistant, he would realize that I had been summoned here, unaware, and had tried to stop this. Yes, Rob Dorfman was a human being after all, and he would see everything for what it was.
Boy was I delusional.
The muscles in Rob's jaw tightened as he looked from me to Chris and back again. I could almost hear his teeth grinding.
“I pay you people,” said Rob, “to make my club look good. To make it look respectable in a business that is not respectable in the least.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one up, pacing. “I spend thousands of dollars trying to convince assholes like the ones inside that The Jiggly Kitty is the kind of place that they should want to have in their town, that we’re different.” He came around from behind and stood between us, breathing down our necks. “I thought I could at least count on my engineering team to have a little bit of class.”
“Mr. Dorfman I’m -” I tried to speak.
“Do you know why I came here tonight?” interrupted Rob, blowing smoke into my face.
“Not really, since you own the place,” said Chris. “But I’m a little curious as to why Beatrice Miller came here tonight.” He took a step to his left and repositioned himself to face Rob. He yanked me by the hand and I joined him.
“I’ll tell you why,” said Rob. “Despite the fine work your trashy little boss did with Jasper Quick the other night, he was still unable to sway the rest of the Commission.”
“Don’t you talk about her like that!” I said. “Who’s sick idea was that in the first place?” God I hated him.
He ignored me and continued. “My application was going to get denied, and that, that is unacceptable.” He ground his cigarette out under his foot. I watched, feeling sick, as if he were grinding Chris and I into the dirt as well. “So I was forced to make a small contribution to the City of Riverlin, in order to help things along.”
“So you bribed the entire Zoning Commission?” asked Chris.
“I said I made a contribution,” said Rob“like I’ve done a thousand times before. Only that idiot Beatrice Miller got it into her head that she needed to see the place in person before giving her final vote. Then of course they all had to come.” He shook his head in disgust.
I nearly laughed out loud when I pictured Beatrice Miller convincing the Zoning Commission that they needed to take a little field trip. That is, until I remembered that if she hadn’t insisted on the tour, none of us would be in this mess. I joined Rob in shaking my head in disgust - maybe there was some camaraderie forming here. Maybe Rob would forgive Kendra and instead focusing on hating Beatrice Miller! Hey, it could happen.
“I would have had them. I had them,” continued Rob, jabbing his index finger in our faces. “Until they spotted that slut up there making her damn stripping debut! What the hell was she doing?”
“I don’t know!” I kept repeating. Apparently our alliance against Beatrice Miller wasn't going to work out after all. Then a genius thought dawned on me. “Hey, maybe they didn’t even recognize her!” I said.
“You think Jasper Quick didn’t recognize her? Give me a break! Not only is Jasper inside right now telling everybody exactly who she is, but word is going to spread like wildfire to every other city in Nevada. How many prudish old bats are going to be jumping to approve my applications once they find out what a whore I have representing me?”
I don’t know if he had been preparing for a while, or if it was a spur of the moment decision, but the next thing I knew the blur of Chris’s right arm came sailing past my left cheek as he punched Rob directly in the nose. Rob went down to the pavement like a ton of bricks, blood everywhere.
“You know,” said Chris, for once looking down on the mighty Rob Dorfman, “for the owner of this place, you sure judge the people who choose to work here.”
I thought for sure there would be an all out death match as soon as Rob stood up. I imagined myself kneeling over Chris’s lifeless body as he lay bleeding in the alley, rain suddenly pouring from the desert sky, the sound of sirens wailing in the distance. But he didn’t lunge for Chris or make any attempt to fight back at all. He merely stood up, rather shakily to tell you the truth, and walked backwards to the door of the club, wiping the blood from his face with one hand, and pointing his finger at us with the other.
“Tell your little boss that I’m pulling all my business from your firm, and I mean from all branches. We’re done.” He wrenched open the door and slammed it shut behind him.
- 26 -
Chris and I stood in silence for a few seconds.
“Oh my God,” I said. “That was so great!” I threw my arms around his neck. “Too bad Kendra didn’t get to see that!” What a chivalrous guy he was turning out to be. Despite the fact that I had just witnessed Flamhauser-Geist lose one of its biggest clients, I could barely control my glee. None of that mattered at the moment. Chris had just punched the biggest asshole I’ve ever known square in the face, and it will forever be the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen.
The sound of rustling from the far side of one of the dumpsters startled me and brought me back to my senses. I grabbed Chris’s arm as I expected to see a rabid raccoon or maybe a hobo lumber out from the trash bags. Instead, Kendra’s blonde head peeked around the corner, black mascara running down her cheeks. She was wrapped in a huge flannel shirt with a mysterious oatmeal colored stain down the front.
“There you are!” I ran over and gingerly sat down on the pavement next to her. “You’ve been back here this whole time?” I asked.
She nodded. “I ran out to go to my car, but I had to puke.” She pointed to a spot about three inches away from where I had sat down - oatmeal colored. “Then I heard you guys come out so I just stayed here. I couldn’t face Rob again.” She rested her head on her knees. “What have I done?” The nights events seemed to have quickly sobered her up.
“It’s okay,” I said, putting my arm around her. Chris came over to try to comfort her as well, but she burst into fresh tears at the sight of him.
“If you hadn’t just seen me naked, I would give you a big hug right now,” said Kendra. “I didn’t deserve you defending my honor like that. But, thank you.”
“It was nothing,” said Chris. “And, as far as the whole nudity thing, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
I rolled my eyes at him and he quickly retreated to the other side of the dumpster.
“Ken,” I said. “Why, why, did you do this? What the heck is going on with you?”
“Todd,” she said quietly.
“Ah, I figured.”
“I ran into the both of them today. Him and Carlotta. At Wal-Mart.”
“You went into a Wal-Mart?”
“I know right, what are the odds? But I was there, and so were they.” She wiped her nose on her sleeve. “And Carlotta is about sixteen years old, I swear, with boobs out to here.” She held her arms out about two feet from her body.
“They’re probably fake,” I said.
“I don’t think so,” said Kendra. “You know why?” I shook my head. “Because she’s seven months pregnant.”
My jaw dropped. “Oh Ken, I’m so sorry!”
“I’ve been ready to have kids for years now!” she said. “But not Todd. No, he was too focused on his career. His career! I’m the one running the whole branch! If I didn’t think having a baby would ruin my career, then he would’ve been just fine in his cushy little job that my dad set up for him. Director of Business Development. Please! All the stupid ass did was go out drinking and hand out a few business cards. But I went along with what he wanted. Now I’m old, dried up -” she ticked the items off on her fingers, “- I probably killed off any remaining eggs that I had with all the vodka I’ve been drinking, and it turns out that Todd just didn’t want to have kids with me.”
“Oh please,” I said. “I’m sure he didn’t plan it! He’s probably devastated, I mean his fun-time girlfriend just became more serious than his wife ever was, right?”
“Thanks for trying, Tessa,” said Kendra. “But I saw them, and they were having a grand old time. They were in the baby aisle picking out strollers.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Fucking strollers.”
“So what happened, did they see you?” I asked, trying to move on from the subject of strollers.
“Oh they saw me. I kind of snapped and made a huge scene in the middle of Wal-Mart. I’m surprised Jerry Springer didn’t swoop in and sign me up for the show. Oh gross!” She finally noticed the puke stain on her shirt and started trying to clean it with her sleeve.
What Stays in Vegas Page 17