She poked him, “Hey,” she joked. “As an adult and future survivor, I take offense!” He reached to poke her back, knowing it would tickle her. “No,” she said, trying to block his hand. They play wrestled for a second and then Mike suddenly was seized by a paroxysm of coughing. As she’d done a hundred times already, Fi slid out of his bed and grabbed his water and brought it to him. His slight frame was doubled over with wracking coughs and Fi’s heart pounded. Despite her fear, she stepped closer and rubbed his back.
“It’s ok Papa, breathe slowly. It’s going to be ok.” He started drawing breath more slowly and the coughing stopped. He sat up and lay back on his pillow, reaching a thin hand for the cup of water beside him.
“I’m sorry Fi,” he apologized. “I didn’t want to frighten you.”
“Shhhhhhh,” she responded. “Don’t worry. Why don’t we take a break and then get started talking about next steps for me?” Fi left briefly to get a bottle of water from the vending machine and use the bathroom. When she returned, her father looked calm.
He smiled as she entered. “So let’s get to the next step, since your debut into the world of hunting is going so well,” he said. “It’s time to focus on gathering.”
“More sources of Truefood,” she grinned. Curled up on her cot next to her father’s bed, Fi paged through the pile of Field Guides in her backpack. “So I have to use these paper ones because my tablet may no longer be available?” Mike nodded in confirmation.
“That’s why I want you to have my paper journal too. I know your tablet is easier, but if electricity is interrupted then your mobile devices may no longer work. Even the internet may no longer be available.”
Fi sucked in thinking about that. She couldn’t imagine it. The Internet had been there her whole life, a never-ending source of information and answers. Her father had told her about his childhood, how when he was young, so was the Internet. Even he didn’t really know how to function without it.
Her father reached for the book about edible mushrooms and Fi handed it to him. That one was already a bit worn because Mike, as an official ‘foodie’ had decided one summer to tromp through the woods looking for mushrooms. Some that he found were good and some, not so much, she remembered, chuckling. Fi smiled at the memory.
“I had no idea so many weird things were out there that you could eat,” Fi said to her father, flipping to the page on mosses. “Like this,” she said, turning the book to face him briefly, tapping the picture and then turning it back again, “Reindeer Moss,” she read, shaking her head. “It’s what reindeer eat, but people can eat it too, apparently.”
“I assume that practicing gathering will be pretty easy for you,” her father said. “Like fishing.”
“I assume so as well,” Fi agreed. “I’m going to make sure I actually go out and practice it though, because I’ve never really done it. It’s never a bad idea to practice.”
As she thought about it, Fi realized that she was much more excited about going out to practice using her new gun than she was to gather moss. The feeling shocked her, but she shook her head. It’s winter, she thought. Who would be excited about gathering in the winter? It’s a tough time to gather anything. Secretly though, deep inside where she couldn’t admit it even to herself, she knew she had liked the feeling of firing that gun.
You Have to Fight
----------- Fi -----------
In mid-January, just one week before Fi’s birthday, Mike Kelly slipped into a coma. It was a natural progression. His windows of consciousness had grown less frequent with each passing day. Despite Fi’s foreknowledge that this was coming, it still weighed on her as surely as his looming death.
She was on her own now. There was no one to share stories, to ask questions, to share the burden. Thank goodness he had told her everything that he had to offer before he had succumbed. Having watched Luke’s progression, Fi knew that this coma was one from which her father would not return. Every moment she spent by his bedside, listening to his breath fight through the beeping of the machines, her resolve grew stronger.
Today she would begin the most demanding part of her preparation, fighting. As she bounced along on the city bus, she felt trepidation. Salty roads crunched under the bus tires as it squeaked to a stop at her location. The plaza was up ahead on the right and she shifted her pack, walking toward it quickly. As she approached, she could make out the blue and red sign that read, ‘Empire Taekwando’. Taking a deep breath, she walked through the door.
Not knowing what to expect, Fi was surprised to see a room that was just like a dance studio. Not that Fi was a dancer, but it seemed all little girls’ right of passage to dance when they are small. She remembered the mirrored walls and wooden floors from her few short years as a ballerina. Of course, a dance studio has a barre at the mirror and no mats on the floor. She turned and saw a small workout area to the side. And most also do not have a full size punching bag, she chuckled. A white bench seat was built against the back wall beneath an array of tournament posters.
“Hello?” Fi called as she walked into the middle of the room. “Sensei Bob?”
“Hello!” a friendly voice called from the back. “Just a second.” She heard running water and then a door. A second later a smiling, thickset Korean man strode through the doorway. He was wiping his hands on his pants as he walked toward her.
“Sensei Bob,” he reached out his hand to shake. “How can I help you miss?”
“Umm,” Fi shook his hand nervously. “I’m Fi Kelly, my father Michael Kelly asked me to come see you.”
“Fi Kelly?” he exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say so?” He swept her up in a huge bear hug, her arms pinned to her side. She grunted as she felt her feet lift off the floor for a second. Gently, he placed her back down on her toes.
“Sorry,” he apologized with a laugh at her surprise. “But I have listened to stories about you since you were just a baby,” he exclaimed. “How old are you now sweetheart?”
“I’m just fourteen sir,” she replied quietly.
“Well, you’re all grown up then,” he chuckled. “Though your father is right, you’re a little thing still.” Suddenly he stopped and his face filled with concern. “How is Mike doing?”
“Well, to be honest, uh, Sensei Bob,” Fi took a deep breath. Just say it out loud Fi, she told herself. “The truth sir is that my father is dying.” She could feel the ache in her chest rising and she took another breath. Push it down, she told herself. Push it way, way down.
“Oh darling,” Bob cooed. “I’m so, so, sorry.” He gestured to the bench against the back wall of the room. “Come, please. Sit down with me. Let’s talk.”
Fi followed him and took a seat, setting her pack on the floor. “To be honest, I don’t really want to talk about that. It’s too hard. Anyway, it’s not why I’m here, not exactly anyway.” Her nerves fluttered as she tugged at her ponytail, pulling it out and then re-securing it as she spoke.
“Alright then. Why did you come to see old Sensei Bob?” His smile was so kind that Fi had to bite her lip to fight off tears. It would have been nice to just let this kind man hold her while she cried…but she didn’t have that luxury.
“Well my father had some um, information that he…” she paused again, thinking. “Some information that he shared with me,” she finished. She was stumbling through the words, searching for a way to ask for his help without telling the whole story. “Basically it’s part of his dying wish that I train with you. Very seriously. ‘As hard as I think I can handle,’ is what he said actually.” Sensei Bob eyed her with a curious expression.
Fi continued. “He asked that you teach me hand-to-hand combat and self-defense as well as any use of weaponry that you think would suit me. He told me to train with you every day for as long as I could before…” she stopped. How to explain? Her eyes lifted as she considered what to say.
“Before?” Bob’s brow was knitted in question. Fi’s heart pounded as she wracked her brain for the right way to put what she ha
d to say. At least I don’t have to tell him the whole truth, she comforted herself. If I did, he probably would just think that I’m crazy.
She took a deep breath. “Ok, well without all the details, my Papa feels that something very bad is coming…something that will threaten me and my family…and he won’t be there to help us.” Ugh, that was lame, she thought. Would that be enough?
“Oh, and one more thing.” She shook her head. “He didn’t really give me any info on how I was supposed to pay you for all this crazy training. I mean, I have some money, but probably not to cover what I’m asking.” She met his confused gaze. “I know, it sounds crazy. I have been feeling that way a lot lately.” At least that was true, she thought. She shook her head and rubbed her right temple, tempted to retie her hair again. That one hair was just pulling at her and she hated that. “I don’t even really know what I’m doing here,” she said with a sigh as she dropped her hands into her lap. “I’m sorry.”
Bob’s face was grave. “I do,” he nodded. Fi was startled. Before she was sure that he was confused, or suspicious of her story.
Now she was the one who was confused. “You do?” He nodded, his face still and serious. “So what am I doing here?” she challenged him.
“You’re answering the dying wish of the smartest man I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” he said. “I don’t know if he ever explained how we know each other, but I met your father ages ago, in college, and we’ve been buddies ever since. Even though life kept us from connecting as often as we would’ve liked, I trust your father one hundred percent, and I guess he trusts me pretty well too,” he mused, his eyes growing distant at the memory.
Turning his gaze back to Fi, he continued. “He’s talked to me a bit about his musings before…not in detail of course. There was a time this summer when he asked me to train him, but his health was already becoming a burden.” Fi nodded, that made sense. “When he hinted at his concerns, it seemed like he wasn’t so worried for a big, scary dude like me, so he never told me everything. Annnnd I’m not really into science, so I think he spared me some boredom.”
He smiled at Fi and she smiled back. Yes, her father’s conversation would not be for everyone, she thought. For Fi, it was a luxury to have a father who wanted to talk science all the time. Of course, he was really all about physics and astronomy more than he was about biology, which was Fi’s favorite. But he could talk intelligently about anything in science, and he always talked to Fi like she was a grown up, like her thoughts and questions were actually interesting and exciting to him. Bob coughed and Fi snapped out of her reverie. She met his eyes and his face was serious again.
“Here’s the thing Fi,” he said. “If Mike Kelly thinks a terrible event is coming, then I’m sad to say he’s probably right.” He clapped his hands on his thighs with emphasis. “Well then…the time is here.” He raised an eyebrow at Fi. “The question is, are you ready young lady?” Fi startled, suddenly unready to do what it was she’d come to do. Her eyes flitted around the room and she felt her heart pick up as she pictured herself punching and kicking.
“I’m not sure,” she stammered. “It’s not like combat was ever something I was seeking to learn myself, I could be terrible at it. I mean look at me, I’m barely five foot!” Her voice rose with her nerves. “And there is still the fact that I don’t know how I’ll pay you.” Her words came in a tumble again. She felt nervous and excited and sad all at once. Sensei Bob believed her father. That meant that she finally had to admit that she did too.
He chuckled, “Ok, no problem. Here’s what we’ll do.” He got up and walked over to a desk in the corner and picked up a clipboard and came back. He unclipped his pen from the board and took it out.
“I assume your father didn’t want you skipping school every day or drawing attention to yourself,” he began.
“That’s true,” Fi agreed. She’d been trying to force herself to stay through most school days now. It wasn’t easy.
“Ok then, when does school let out? What’s your schedule like now?”
Fi began explaining her schedule and Sensei Bob took notes, nodding and asking more questions. They discussed for about twenty minutes until he scratched his pen ceremoniously on the page.
“There. Now that is a plan!” he declared. They decided to block out four hours of training every night after dinner when Fi could slip out while Maggie thought she was upstairs doing homework. She would also make up a fake school activity for Saturdays and spend the entire day with Sensei Bob, getting as much work done as possible.
“And on Sunday?” she asked.
“On Sunday you rest,” he smiled. “You’re going to be pushing your body mega-hard and you’re going to need to give your muscles time to repair and grow stronger.” He squeezed her upper arm. “Yup, you definitely need some muscle,” he joked.
“But will that be enough training time?” she asked him. “I’m not sure how fast I’ll learn or how much time we have.”
“It will be enough,” he assured her. “I’ll be giving you my extra special crash course in fighting for survival. You will definitely be a different young lady when I’m done with you. But don’t worry,” he chuckled at her worried expression. “I’m a very good teacher and I know that you will excel. As for payment, this will be free of charge. If your father is right then everything will change soon anyway,” he shrugged, his palms facing upward. “I don’t know if money will even mean anything anymore.” Fi’s eyebrows shot up. She was alarmed at how much Bob seemed to understand. It was scary. She’d just had the same thought herself.
Noting her expression, his mouth twisted into a wry smile. “Maybe I paid more attention to what your father talked about than I realized,” he admitted. “So, are you ready to start tomorrow? I will have your dobok, which is your practice gear, ready for you. Just bring light active underthings to wear like a tank top and bike shorts. You can change when you get here. That way you don’t have to keep your gear at home where your mother may find it.”
Fi nodded and drew a long, deep breath. “Sensei Bob, I don’t know how to thank you. If nothing else, we are fulfilling a wish for my father and,” she hiccupped. “That is good enough for me.”
“For me as well Fi, for me as well.” He patted her hand. Gathering her things, she got ready to leave. Sensei Bob ripped the page from the clipboard and folded and handed it to her. “I will see you tomorrow afternoon then?” She nodded and headed toward the door. “Oh, and Fi?” he called. She turned and he gave her an unexpected wink. “Even though you’ve never considered combat training before, you never know. You may surprise yourself.” She grunted. Yeah right, she thought as she headed back out into the cold.
Five weeks later, Fi found that her training sessions with Sensei Bob were her greatest release. With her father truly gone, the burden on her was almost unbearable. But when she trained, she could quiet her mind and just work. She found that she looked forward to the sessions with the same sort of desperation that an addict does their next hit.
Today’s session was no different, she thought as her heart picked up when the bus slowed to a stop. Pink and excited, Fi tumbled off the bus and ran toward the ‘dojang’. She smiled. As a self-declared ‘word nerd’, there was nothing she loved more than new terms. With her muscles raring to go, she strode up to the door and threw it open.
“I’m here Sensei!” she yelled. “I’ll grab my stuff and get geared up.” She heard him call up to acknowledge that he’d heard her. Fi grabbed her dobok and hurried to the bathroom to change. When she came out, Sensei was waiting for her in the middle of the training room and she bounced up to him, ready to start. After training six days a week for over a month, she no longer ached in every inch of her body, though she did tend to have at least three bruises at all times. The one on her upper arm was already in the yellow stage. She examined it when she’d changed. It was nearly gone.
One of the reasons Fi was especially excited today was that Sensei was going to start teachin
g her techniques to disarm others. When they discussed the current tools she would be using, Sensei Bob became convinced that Fi did not need weapons training. Fi had not shared with Bob that she had a gun, so she was relieved at his decision. Whether he knew it or not, she was already armed. She just needed to learn how to defend against armed attackers. That was the focus of the day.
First, they had their opening ritual. Fi plopped to the ground and crossed her legs. Sensei Bob sank lightly and kneeled with his legs folded beneath him, his weight resting on his heels. At first Fi had tried to sit in the same fashion, but no matter how she tried to relax, she just never felt comfortable. My bony knees, she thought with chagrin. But Sensei had told her that it was important that she be able to be comfortable and encouraged her to sit cross-legged if that was best for her.
As was his practice, he had turned that into a teachable moment. “Fi,” he’d said, “Sometimes a person like you…a person who strives for excellence I mean,” he clarified and she’d blushed. “A person like you sometimes tries too hard to be perfect, and forgets to trust yourself, to trust your instincts.” He had paused to let her absorb that idea. “In this case we are planning to relax, to do a meditation, and you’re trying to imitate me rather than letting yourself sit in a relaxed position.” She had nodded, understanding his point.
“The same will be true with your fighting,” he’d added so she would really understand the point of the lesson. “There will be times when you will have to make choices based on what you feel comfortable doing, and not necessarily because we practiced something a specific way. I want you to start thinking about that as we train,” he’d urged, and indeed, she had. Now, when they trained, he would often stop to ask her what strategic decisions she would make.
Today, Fi and Sensei Bob began with the meditation. At first Fi had been more intimidated by the idea of the meditation than by the training. But by now she craved the opportunity to still her mind. She had found herself doing it even when she was not training with Bob. When the meditation was complete, her training would begin. Fi had come to love every aspect of the training. Sensei Bob had been training her in both Taekwando and Karate. The first week had been grueling as Bob tested her strength, flexibility, and endurance in every way.
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