Slowly I push back down to the base of his cock, and then I slide my hand back up to the tip. I watch as his eyes roll up and under his eyelids. His head falls back to the sand and he moans again. I'm really beginning to enjoy the sounds he makes.
"So by hurting me, you're concerned about this big boy making its way deep inside me?" As I say this, I continue stroking him. He's huge and thick.
"Cami, I'm hung like a horse. We're on a beach, in public, which seriously hinders me from taking the time I need with you. This is hardly the right place for our first time." He is watching my hand stroke his cock through his pants.
"Your room or mine?"
He smiles but says nothing.
My self-consciousness floods back, threatening to completely destroy this entire moment. I slowly pull my hand away and maneuver myself off of him. I turn a hundred and eighty degrees and sit in the sand, knees pulled up to my chest, head resting against them, looking away from Tristan. The abrupt lack of contact has me feeling cold. I shiver.
"Cami?"
I don't answer. How can I explain this to him without sounding like an idiot? Frankly I'm already beginning to feel stupid for climbing off of him.
He sits up and slides closer to me. "Cami?" He takes a deep breath. "Cami, what did I do?"
"Nothing."
"Don't you dare pull that bullshit with me." I can tell he's trying to get my attention. Then I feel the tug on my left wrist, trying to pull my arm away from my shins.
"I'm sorry," I say, still looking away.
"Why are you sorry? Please, Cami, I'm in the dark here."
"I know, I'm sorry." I pull in a ragged breath and turn my head toward him. He tugs at my arm again, and this time I let him pull it away from my shins. He takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. Our hands fit perfectly. I feel my heartbeat increase. They fit so perfectly, like they were made for each other to hold. This isn't the first time we've held hands, but it's the first time I notice them like this.
"Tristan, this is going to sound so stupid. It's embarrassing on many levels."
"Try me."
"I..." I hesitate. "I've never been rejected before. I didn't know what—"
He cuts me off. "Cami, I'm not rejecting you. You saw it, and you felt it. I want you more than anything right now. I'm still rock hard and not walking away. So please believe me."
"It's hard for me to believe, Tristan. I ask you whose room and you don't reply. I'm not sure what to think..."
"Cami, I didn't reply because, believe it or not, I have some self-control." I try to interrupt him, but he cuts me off. "The only reason I'm using any self-control is because I have so much respect for you. And most of all...most of all," he repeats and pauses. I look at him, willing him to continue what he was trying to say. He sits silent for a minute.
Shame washes over me, sudden and so strong I want to get up and walk back to the hotel. Shame because he's just barely broken up with his girlfriend of five years, who disrespected him in the worst possible way, and here I am practically forcing myself on him.
He looks at me, and I know he can see the sadness in my eyes. He seems to be wrestling with his own shame.
"Cami, you deserve so much better than me, than being bedded by me so quickly. I don't want to ruin whatever chance I may have with you, so I need to do this right."
The words are sweet and my heart swells, but also the statement confuses me. "What exactly are you trying to say, Tristan?
He looks out at the water. "What I'm trying to say..." He pauses. "I mean..."
After what seems like an eternity I ask, "Tristan?"
"I'm trying to say that I am scared to sleep with you because I don't want you to feel like a rebound from Layla. I don't want to think of it like that and I'm concerned that if we sleep together too soon, it will become just sex. A weekend fling, a..." He pauses again. "I'm trying to tell you that I really like you, Cami. More than I should, given that I hardly know you." He smiles at me, a tentative smile. "I really want to get to know you, for you and not just for your body."
I'm completely taken aback. I suck air into my lungs so fast that I might pass out. After a couple of deep breaths I say to him, "I really want to get to know you, too." How can I say this? "Tristan, the only way I know how to be close to anyone is through sex." It's true. "I've never been in a relationship outside of the bedroom. The only way I know is my body. I'm sorry I pulled away from you. I don't know how to handle rejection. I really do want to get to know you, for you."
"I hope so, because I feel like we really need to do this right. I'm not sure how or why, but I've felt this way since I saw you in the airport in Los Angeles on Wednesday. I saw you again in Honolulu, and again shopping in the mall on Friday, and then finally in the bar Friday night."
"What do you mean L.A., Honolulu, shopping? Why didn't you say anything before?" I'm out of breath, shocked.
He's smiling again, but he looks down as though embarrassed. "Yeah, I saw you in the first class lounge Wednesday. Well, actually, I really only saw your wings." He pauses. "When I saw them, I saw them as a sign from my mother, a sign that things were going to...work out. I saw you again on the plane to Honolulu. You were so wrapped up in some book. You had your ear buds in." How in the hell did I not notice this? "Then, when we landed in Honolulu, I tried to follow you, but I was swarmed by a bunch of teenage girls."
"That was you?" I gasp. I saw the commotion, but at the time, I didn't think anything of it.
"You noticed that?" he asks. I nod. "Yeah, that was me. By the time I became untangled from them, you were gone. Tyson was dragging me off to my connecting flight to Bora Bora."
"I got on the Tahiti flight," I whisper.
"That would explain how you ended up here. I got into Bora Bora on Wednesday and was able to get here Wednesday night."
"Yup, you stole my penthouse." I try to laugh, but I'm so completely taken aback by the fact that Tristan saw me first, not just in the bar, but in L.A.
"It wasn't reserved when I got here," he says with a light teasing note in his voice.
"Yeah, I know. I never got around to making a reservation. Didn't think I would need to." I playfully push at his thigh. He laughs.
Our fingers are still intertwined. His thumb slowly starts to stroke the back of my hand.
"Then, Friday, I saw you shopping. I was following you, sort of, until you went into Versace. I didn't realize that it was you until you took off your hoodie and I saw your shoulder." He leans over and lightly kisses my left shoulder. "And then you showed up in the bar Friday night. I seized my opportunity." He places another warm kiss on my shoulder. "Yeah, I admit I was a bit of a peeping Tom at the mall."
"I can't believe you were watching me shop." I blush.
"Don't you dare be embarrassed, Cami. I enjoyed watching you shop. You looked so happy and carefree. Then when I saw you in the bar wearing the Versace outfit from the window, I realized that you were someone I had to talk to. And not just because of the price tag on that outfit." He laughs.
"So from the moment I walked into the bar Friday night you were watching me?"
He doesn't reply, just nods. He slowly brings my left hand up to his lips and gently kisses each one of my knuckles in turn. He lets out a sigh when he's done.
"A penny for your thoughts?" I whisper.
He smiles as I turn his line around on him, but he doesn't answer. Just keeps looking out toward the water. His brow is furrowed in deep concentration. My brain is going about a mile a minute sorting through all the possibilities of what could be on his mind.
"Tristan, please, what's bothering you?"
PART TWENTY-THREE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So much has changed in the last few days. I feel like I've barely begun to grasp it. I said I wanted to wait, I want to prove to her (and maybe to myself) that she's not just a rebound. But right now, in this moment, watching her out of the corner of my eye, I begin to realize that Cami could never be just a r
ebound. She is more wonderful than anything I could have ever imagined.
Suddenly I can see it, the vision that's haunted me for years: a beautiful blushing bride; a woman's belly swollen with our child; the same woman playing with our child, smiling and happy. I've had this vision before, but this time, instead of a nameless, faceless woman, it's Cami I see.
Now, if only I can figure out what all of this means.
"Tristan, please?" Cami whispers. Her voice is strained. The desperation in her tone makes my heart stutter as if it wants to stop. I look over at her, and those gorgeous blue eyes are looking intently at me, betraying the same emotion as her voice. How can I explain to her what I don't yet understand?
"I'm not sure what to say. There are so many things going through my mind that I don't know where to start," I say, my voice husky. I reach up and move a lock of hair that's fallen onto her face back behind her ear. Cocking my head to the side slightly, hoping that she sees the gesture as comforting, I cup her face, and her hand reaches up to cover mine, holding it there.
After a beat or two she releases my hand, and I slowly pull back and run my fingers along her shoulder, down her side until my fingertips trace the lace across the top of her thigh highs, find the garter strap, and follow her upper thigh toward the hem of her skirt.
She lets out a soft moan. My erection throbs, threatening to explode against my pants. I groan.
"Cami?"
"Tristan?" She looks straight into my eyes, like she's trying to read what I'm thinking. She could not be more wrong. "We don't have to do anything you don't want." She lowers her voice. "I respect your choice to wait. I'm just not sure I have such self-control."
"Would you think of me as anything less than a gentleman if I carried you to my room?" I half growl at her.
Her cheeks heat. Her eyelids lower slightly, hooding her eyes as a look of sheer seduction crosses her face. I'm going to explode any minute and I need to do it in her, with her. I can't take this anymore. I'm past the point of no return, and my ability to be a gentleman is flying out the window at the speed of light.
"No."
No. She said no. Wait... "Do you mean no you won’t come to my room, or no you won’t think me less of a gentleman?"
She laughs. "I would never think you less than a gentleman, and I thought you'd never ask."
That's it. That is all I need to hear. After the conversation we just had, I was afraid that I might've scared her away from me. I do really want to wait, but I'm thinking that I'm trying to wait for all the wrong reasons.
I stand up, bringing her with me, pulling her to her feet. I bend down, grab her around her thighs and hoist her over my shoulder. She squeals and protests my movements by squirming. I realize she's in a position that's far from ladylike, and I can't resist the urge to bring my free hand up to her butt in a quick slap. She lets out a soft hiss and a moan, a sound so seductive that for a second I think I might just come in my pants.
"You keep that up and I will take you right here, right now on the beach, and I don't care who watches."
She giggles again, and then I feel her shoulders shift, and her hand comes down hard, square on my ass. I hiss and spank her again. But before this can become an all-out spank war I shift her in my arms, without breaking my stride, bringing her to the front of my body. She sticks out her lower lip in a cute pout but wraps her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.
Lucky for me, little brain has shifted to the right and is no longer pressed between us. I'm not sure that I would make it back to the hotel, let alone up to the room, otherwise.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk while staring at you?" I chuckle and tighten my arms under her butt. It takes me all of half a second to notice that her bare ass cheek is cradled nicely in my left hand. I began to caress her skin. She smiles and lets out a rushed breath.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to be carried, out of control, and more than willing to try and tackle you to the ground, right here and now? Keep caressing my ass and it just might happen." She lowers her lids at me again. Her stare screams lust.
"Oh, believe me, if it weren't for the fact that there's a group of people walking out of the hotel and in our direction, I would have taken you back there about a hundred yards. You can be a good girl and wait until we get to my suite."
"Yes, sir."
Oh, wonderful. She has a damn sense of humor, doesn't she. Just for that, I pinch her ass cheek. Lightly, but firmly enough to make her yelp. She's glowing and smiling at me. A look that says, 'Okay, you get that one, but I will do better to earn the next one.' My hand stills, and she squirms in my arms.
"What's the matter, Cami? Did you want me to go back to what I was doing?"
"Yyyessss," she breathes, and I smile.
But at this point we're nearly to the deck at the back of the bar. As much as I don't want to let her go, I put her down so she can walk into the hotel on her own two legs. I'm more than a little satisfied to see how shaky those legs are. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
We cross the lobby to the elevators. I reach out and push the call button. She groans.
"The elevator." Looking up at me she continues, "You know what they say about elevators?" I grin wickedly at her. Her eyes widen and she says, "I have a feeling I am getting myself into trouble already."
"Yes, I think you are, considering this elevator opens right up into my suite. If we are alone in there, there will be absolutely nothing stopping me from tearing off your clothes."
She moans quietly at me again. Apparently that idea really appeals to her.
I finally let myself imagine what it'll be like to be inside of her, to feel her bare skin against mine, to have her surrounding me.
And then I remember the other reason I wanted to wait. Dammit.
"Cami?"
"Hmm?" she says lazily, no doubt thinking about the same thing I was.
"There was another reason I wanted to wait." I watch as a look of disappointment colors her face at my words, but I try hard to ignore it. Leaning into her ear I whisper, "It’s because I don't have any condoms."
She stiffens slightly. "I use birth control and I know that I'm clean. I don't usually have sex without a condom. It's my number one rule." Her voice gets quiet at the end. Contemplative.
"It's my number one rule, too. However, I can tell you that I too am clean. But..." God it's hard for me to say this; I want her so bad right now. But I'd hate myself later if I didn't give her the option. "Cami, we don't have to do anything tonight."
"I trust you," she whispers and looks deep into my eyes, into my soul. Her expression reiterates the words she's just spoken.
Stepping into the elevator, I wonder if there is any way to keep it empty all the way up.
PART TWENTY-FOUR
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The elevator arrives and we step in. We're alone. He swipes his room key and punches number eight.
Looking into his eyes, I see fear, although that’s not the dominant emotion. He's hungry for me, wants me and only me. I have no doubt that my face and eyes are showing that same emotion because it is all I can think about.
My feelings for him have grown so quickly, and I know that if we sleep together now, that feeling will only intensify. And frankly, it scares the hell out of me.
"I don't know if I am ready for this, Tristan," I whisper. I can see in his eyes that he's not going to disagree with me.
He says, "Would it be okay if we just spent the night together? No expectations?" There is slight disappointment in his voice, but the smile on his face tells me another story.
Each night, being taken to my room and left alone has been painful. I hate to be away from him, and now he is giving me the chance to stay with him.
Smiling back at him, I tell him, "I can live with that."
His lips meet mine. The kiss is strong and passionate but extremely gentle. Loving, really. He pulls back a little and then kisses me along my jaw to my ear where
he kisses that tender spot just below my lobe. Then he licks my earlobe, pulling it toward his mouth.
"I've had a marvelous time tonight," he whispers softly. His hot breath caresses my skin and sends shivers down my spine.
In the short time I've known him, he has managed to incite feelings I never knew I was capable of, and I would do anything to keep feeling this way.
"Tristan, today and tonight have been amazing. Thank you," I whisper as I reach up and cup his face. With a little bit of pressure against his cheek I coerce his mouth toward mine and kiss him.
I faintly hear the ding of the elevator over the sound of the blood rushing and pulsing through my ears. I realize I'm not breathing. His hand on my jaw exerts gentle pressure to lead me forward. Not until the elevator closes mere inches behind me do I realize that we've entered the foyer of his suite.
I reach up and grip his hair, pulling his mouth to mine in an aggressive kiss. I feel his hands on my back, seeking a zipper. In contrast to mine, his motions are slow and calculated. Like he is trying to make sure that this is what I really want. “Want” is no longer a word in my vocabulary. I need him.
I pull away from the kiss and bring my hands slowly down his neck to the top button of his shirt. Slowly, one by one, I start to undo his shirt.
As I slowly undo each button, little visual pleasures come into view. His chest is cut to perfection. His abs are chiseled. As I unhook the last button, his shirt starts to fall away from his shoulders. A good portion of the dragon on his chest comes into view and I take a moment to breathe in his scent His scent is like heaven, and my body heats. He is gorgeous.
Opening his shirt brings out the sexy, well-defined V that accents his hips. My breathing spikes and my mouth goes dry. His pants are hung low on his hips in such a way that I would be surprised if he was wearing anything underneath.
Reaching up, I push his shirt off, drinking in his nakedness. I'd seen him shirtless before, but not like this. Not with the eyes of knowing that tonight everything changes between us. Once we start, it is going to be impossible to stop going forward.
Finding Love's Wings Page 19